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What comes around goes around - The Power of Feedback

What comes around goes around - The Power of Feedback

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Xp days germany 2010   feedback Xp days germany 2010 feedback Presentation Transcript

  • The Power of FeedbackWhat comes aroundgoes around –The Power of FeedbackDr. Ralph MiarkaDeborah Hartmann-Preuss For internal use onlyPage 1 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Communication ChainA common (likely apocryphal) story in the UK is of a general whosent the message "Send reinforcements, we are going to advance"back to HQ. After passing through many intermediaries it finallyarrived as "Send three and four-pence, we are going to a dance". For internal use only http://www.reticon.de/db/news/Image/topnews_whispering.jpgPage 2 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Sender – Receiver – Model of Communication Intended Disruptions Perceived Meaning Meaning Verbal Message Non-Verbal Message Shared Space A’s Reality B’s Reality For internal use onlyPage 3 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Four levels of communication by Friedemann Schulz von Thun For internal use onlyPage 4 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Four levels of communication - ExampleA man (first sender of the news) and a woman (firstreceiver of the message) are eating a home-cooked mealtogether.The man says: "There is something green in the soup."Send (man) Received (woman) There is something green. There is something green. I dont know what it is. You do not know what the green item is, and that makes you feel uncomfortable. You should know what it is. You think my cooking is questionable. Tell me what it is! I should only cook what you know in the future!The woman answers: "If you dont like the taste, you can cook it yourself." For internal use only Page 5 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Exercise on four levels of communicationIn pairs,Please pick one of the following sentences,say it and listen,Identify the four levels of communication that are in there.•  The traffic light is green. => Do you want to drive?•  The build is broken. => Why me?•  Let’s pair program. => Figure it out yourself.•  Its 5pm. => Leave me alone. For internal use onlyPage 6 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Tower of BabbleBuild the tallest tower you can using ONLY pipe-cleanersNo other materialsIt must be free-standing on the floor, without other support For internal use onlyPage 7 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • FeedbackI dont know what I said, until I hear the answer to it For internal use only– Paul8 Watzlawick Page Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Goals of the SenderInform the receiver about•  how certain behavior is perceived and what it means to the sender•  needs and feelings so that the receiver can better take care of it without relying only on assumptions•  desired changes in behavior to ease future cooperation For internal use onlyPage 9 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Benefit for the Receiver By JOseph Luft and HArry Ingham only For internal usePage 10 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Personal or factual feedback – Distinguish! Verbal Message Non-Verbal Message Let’s talk about Let’s talk about this meeting your punctuality Factual PersonalA “thing” – ex. meeting Personality – ex. punctualityShort(er)-term change process longer-term change process Don’t mix both in one feedback conversation For internal use onlyPage 11 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Providing Feedback Example Describe as precisely as possible what you observed in the particular situation. What did you see and hear? What happened exactly? Effect Describe how you personally experienced the situation. What did you think and feel? What was your reaction? Change Make a wish, how he or she could behave differently in that situation from your perspective. For internal use onlyPage 12 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Providing FeedbackExample “Darling, thank you for cooking today. I noticed that there is something green in the soup.”Effect “I don’t know what it is. It makes me feel uncomfortable because I don’t like basil and I’m afraid it is basil. Could you please tell me what it is?”Change “I appreciate you cooking for us. However, there are things I don’t like. Could we talk about meals beforehand?” For internal use onlyPage 13 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • For internal use onlyPage 14 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Rules of Feedback – for the Sender Welcomed Descriptive and precise •  Wanted •  What, when, specific •  Good •  Don’t evaluate, focus •  Relaxed •  “I” – messages Helpful Timely •  Learn •  Immediate •  Improve •  Often •  Realistic •  Regularly For internal use onlyPage 15 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Rules of Feedback – for the SenderWelcomed•  Feedback needs to be welcomed by the receiver•  It should be good so the receiver wants more of it•  Provide a relaxed atmosphere•  It is more effective when the receiver wants to learn something about him/her-self•  Please ask whether feedback is wanted, e.g. “In the situation X I noticed…, do you wish my feedback?” For internal use onlyPage 16 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Rules of Feedback – for the SenderDescriptive and precise•  Describe concisely what you saw or heard, i.e. observed,•  don’t evaluate, judge or interpret it (“bad”, “good”, “right”, “wrong”).•  If possible start with something positive about the situation.•  To introduce critique use “and” instead of “but”.•  It is subjective, thus use “I” messages – not: “one”, “we”, “it”, “you”•  Remain specific, don’t generalize (“always”, “never”, …)•  Focus, don’t start a character analysis For internal use onlyPage 17 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Rules of Feedback – for the SenderHelpful•  The receiver should learn something that can help him/her to improve.•  Provide suggestions for improvements (“goal statement”), instead of just saying “Please change” and, if needed, provide strategies•  It should be realistic, i.e. possible to change.Timely•  Rather immediately than late – fresh in the mind, not forgotten, less change in perception, reduction of destructive behavior early•  Provide it often and regularly For internal use onlyPage 18 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Guidelines of Feedback – for the Receiver•  Good feedback is a gift – please value it•  Listen thankfully and with the desire to learn•  Take it as it is and don’t justify yourself or attack the feedback provider•  Listen actively – open questions are permitted, like “When did this happen?”, “What exactly do you mean?”•  Thank the feedback provider for the feedback•  To accept feedback is voluntary – give yourself time to reflect and decide of what to accept and which actions to set For internal use onlyPage 19 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Exercise 3x3 min •  Sender to give feedback S •  Receiver to receive feedback R •  One person as observer OB •  Sender: provide feedback about some situation during this course where you worked together – apply the discussed rules •  Receiver: listen!!!, accept feedback, ask clarifying questions •  Observer: monitor the rules, provide feedback on the feedback round to both sender and receiver •  Change roles after 3 minutes For internal use onlyPage 20 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Appreciation •  Appreciate whole-heartedly and remain truthfully •  Assume positive intend (Prime directive) For internal use onlyPage 21 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Shower of Appreciation In groups of three, two people face each other in the back of the third person for 1 minute, say only positive things about the third person, never reduce/devalue anything that was said 1 min (I ran this exercise also with 3 minutes rounds, people then need to know each other for some time)Attributed to E•S•B•A, European Systemic Business Academy, Vienna; Participated in this during my Coaching Intensive Training For internal use only Page 22 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Influencers of communication Psycho and physical conditions Tactics Situation Fact Social Role Intention Channel For internal use onlyPage 23 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Group creation: Factors affecting communication •  unclear or incomplete messages •  jargon or words with multiple interpretations •  disabilities and other impediments •  age, gender or sexual orientation •  relative status or respect for the sender •  lack of empathy or concern •  stereotyping or prejudice •  conditions or distance •  quality and bandwidth of the communication channel •  lack of time or other pressing priorities •  poor spelling or inaccurate sentence structure •  personality traits and levels of education http://orglearn.org/career_success_blog/tag/factors-affecting-communication/ For internal use onlyPage 24 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Transaktionsanalyse (Eric Berne) Komplementär Überkreuz Transaktionen TransaktionenEltern-IchErwachsenen-IchKind-Ich Wenn Reiz und Reaktion im El-Er-K-Transaktions- Wenn Reiz und Reaktion sich im El-Er-K - Schema auf parallelen Linien verlaufen, dann ist die Schema überkreuzen, wird die Kommunikation Transaktion komplementär (d.h. sie ergänzt sich unterbrochen. selbst immer wieder von neuem) und kann endlos weitergehen. A: "Ich möchte Sie über den Termin der nächsten Sitzung A: "Sag mal, musst du dich immer so benehmen?“ informieren. Sie findet am Freitag um 17.00 Uhr statt.“ (Eltern-Ich fragt Kind-Ich) (Erwachsenen-Ich fragt Erwachsenen-Ich) B: "Ich benehme mich wie ich will." (Kind-Ich B: "Vielen Dank, das werde ich mir gleich notieren.“ antwortet Eltern-Ich) (Erwachsenen-Ich antwortet Erwachsenen-Ich) http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/Transaktionsanalyse.shtml For internal use only Page 25 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Transaktionsanalyse (Eric Berne) – Indizien für die IchIndizien des Eltern-Ich Indizien des Kindheits-Ich Indizien des Erwachsenen-IchDa sich häufig besondere Eigenarten der Zu den körperlichen Indizien zählen Personen, deren Erwachsenen-IchEltern im Eltern-Ich eines Menschen hier vor allem die Gefühlsäußerungen die Führung übernommen hat, fallenmanifestieren, können die körperlichen jeder Art, da diese einen großen Teil der durch besonders aufmerksamesIndizien sehr unterschiedlich sein. Aufzeichnungen des Kindheits-Ich Zuhören während einer TransaktionNichtsdesto-weniger kann man ausmachen. auf. Ihr Gesicht ist offen und direktallgemeine Tendenzen ausmachen. So dem Gesprächspartner zugewandt.führt Harris in einer Liste mit Indizien für Als sprachliche Anhaltspunkte geltendas Eltern-Ich z.B. einem anderen den insbesondere Adjektive, die über Auch in ihrer Sprache stechenKopf tätscheln, Stirnfalten oder emotionale Zustände Auskunft geben Wörter die vorrangig derHänderingen an. wie traurig, glücklich etc. sowie z.B. Ich Informationsfindung dienen hervor, will, Ich wünsche oder Wenn ich groß wie z.B. was, wo, wie, warum und soZu den sprachlichen Indizien zählen vor bin... . weiter.allem wertende Urteile über andereMenschen, die automatisch ohne Superlative entspringen ebenfalls meist Das Erwachsenen-Ich äußert sichÜberlegung ausgesprochen werden. dem Kindheits-Ich. Sie erwachsen dem nur, nachdem es nachgedacht hat. Bedürfnis des Kindes, durch Wertungen die von ihmAllgemeiner kann man sagen, dass Überlegenheitsbekundungen gegenüber vorgenommen werden, sindunreflektierte klischeehafte Äußerungen anderen, das eigene "Ich bin nicht o.k." reflektiert und enthalten eine inneresowie Vorurteile als Indizien des Eltern- zu kompensieren. Logik.Ich anzusehen sind. Passivität und dieBefolgung von Regeln sind weitereIndizien. http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/Transaktionsanalyse.shtml For internal use only Page 26 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • References•  Business Communications, Online: www.bized.co.uk/educators/level2/comms/activity/buscomms12.htm•  Communication Model, Online: www.pirate.shu.edu/˜yatesdan/Tutorial.htm•  Books: Friedemann Schulz von Thun, Miteinander Reden 1-3.•  Online: http://annellchen.wordpress.com/2009/04/27/miteinander-reden-schulz-von-thun/•  Four sides model, Online: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_sides_model, last modified on 26 January 2010•  Carl Benedict, Johari Window: A Tool for Understanding Self, Serenity Online Therapy, 2005- 2010. Online: http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/johariwindow.htm•  Online: http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/ For internal use onlyPage 27 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Other Resources - FEEDBACKDeutsch:   Book: Paul Watzlawick: Wie wirklich ist die Wirklichkeit?   Book: V. F. Birkenbihl: Kommunikationstraining – Zwischenmenschliche Beziehungen erfolgreich gestalten   Link: http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/Feedback.shtmlEnglish:   Perspectives: http://managementhelp.org/commskls/feedback/feedback.htm   Links: http://www.delicious.com/ipreuss/feedback For internal use onlyPage 28 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Other Resources - APPRECIATIONHow and why to run Appreciation Exercises   http://www.estherderby.com/weblog/2004/07/appreciate.html   http://www.estherderby.com/weblog/2004/08/recognition-gap.html   http://cwd.dhemery.com/2004/08/appreciationExercises   Book: Jean Tabaka, Collaboration Explained, Ch. 16. Visioning, Retrospection, & Other Approaches   Book: Diana Larsen and Esther Derby, Agile Retrospectives   Book: Norman Kerth, Project Retrospectives: A Handbook for Team Reviews   Excerpt: Norman Kerth, http://www.retrospectives.com/pages/Anatomy.html   http://www.nickheap.co.uk/articles.asp?art_id=205Appreciative Inquiry   What is it? http://appreciativeinquiry.case.edu/intro/whatisai.cfm   Book: Sue Annis Hammond, Thin Book of Appreciative Inquiry (2nd edition)   Book: Diana Witney et al, Appreciative Team Building: Positive Questions to Bring Out the Best of Your Team   Links: http://www.delicious.com/ipreuss/appreciativeinquiry For internal use only Page 29 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • When to ask „Why“ The danger of „Why“ •  Might be felt as personal attack (why did you) •  Looks backwards, not forward The power of „Why“ •  Helps to determine root-causes (5 Why’s) So, ask “Why” when you need to find the root-cause of something (typically technical) but not so much in personal situations For internal use onlyPage 30 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss
  • Thank you for your participation! Yours… Dr. Ralph Miarka, E-Mail: ralph@miarka.de, Vienna, AT Coach, Consultant, Trainer for agile Software Development and Workshop Facilitator Deborah Hartmann Preuss, E-Mail: deb@deborahpreuss.com, Karlsruhe, DE Independent Effectiveness Coach for Teams/Individuals, Agile/ScrumTrainer, Open Space Conference Facilitator Special thanks to Sabine Colimprain for her support. Psychologist and Psychotherapist (in training), Graz, AT For internal use onlyPage 31 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss