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A thoughtful valentine
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jokes for Valentine's Day

jokes for Valentine's Day

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  • 1. A Thoughtful Valentines Day GiftJim asked his friend, Tony, whether he hadbought his wife anything for Valentines Day.Yes, answered Tony, who was a bit of achauvinist, Ive bought her a belt and a bag.That was very kind of you, Jim added, I hopeshe appreciated the thought.Tony smiled as he replied, So do I, andhopefully the vacuum cleaner will work betternow.
  • 2. My One And OnlyRoger, who was 19 years old, was buying anexpensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend onValentines Day, at a very smart jewelers shop inRepublic Street, Valletta-Malta.The jeweler inquired, Would you like your girlfriendsname engraved on it?Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered,No, instead engrave "To my one and only love".The jeweller smiled and said, Yes, sir; how veryromantic of you.Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, Not exactlyromantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, Ican use it again.
  • 3. Be My ValentineA guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the countermethodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pinkenvelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes outa perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all overthem.His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up tothe balding man and asks him what he is doing. Theman says, "Im sending out 1,000 Valentine cardssigned, Guess who?""But why?" asks the man."Im a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
  • 4. The meaning of dreamsAfter she woke up, a woman told her husband, “Ijust dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklacefor Valentine’s day. What do you think itmeans?”“You’ll know tonight.” he said.That evening, the man came home with apackage and gave it to his wife. Delighted, sheopened it--to find a book entitled, “The meaningof dreams.”
  • 5. Little David comes home from first grade and tells his fatherthat they learned about the history of Valentines Day. "SinceValentines Day is for a Christian saint and were Jewish," heasks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone avalentine?"Davids father thinks a bit, then says "No, I dont think Godwould get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?""Osama Bin Laden," David says."Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock."Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewishboy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, hemight start to think that maybe were not all bad, and maybestart loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I didand sent valentines to Osama, hed love everyone a lot. Andthen hed start going all over the place to tell everyone howmuch he loved them and how he didnt hate anyoneanymore."His fathers heart swells and he looks at his boy withnewfound pride."David, thats the most wonderful thing Ive ever heard.""I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in theopen, the Marines shoot him."
  • 6. Student of Psychology A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentines Daynight and sees a beautiful young woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I brought you a drink?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I wont sleep with you tonight!"Everyone in the pub started staring at them. Naturally,the guy was terribly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table totally red faced.After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "Im really sorry if I embarrassed you just then. You see, Im agraduate student in psychology and Im studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." At this the guy responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean? €300?"