How to get The Magic of Making Up

==== ====Now you can stop your break up, divorce or lovers rejection..... even if your situation seemshopeless ! Check this out for further help and tips.http://tiny.cc/nx9dv==== ====Love is a concept that we learn and believe we know from a very young age. My three year olddaughter expresses her love for me, her father, the animals and the flowers daily. How does sheknow what love is? Perhaps for her it means a sense of connection, peace and beauty, a valid useof the word. There are undoubtedly many forms and phases of love. Love is quite an overworkedword actually, it could have numerous subordinate or separate words to more precisely label whatkind of love one is referring to when one uses the word "love".Lets have a quick look at alternate words, concepts and feelings that relate to love. There isparental love, sibling love, a love of humanity, a feeling of empathy, respect, affection, pleasure,care, passion, lust, delight, endearment, appreciation, adoration, charity, sympathy, concern, ataste for, a yearning for, infatuation, devotion, worship and attachment. Some are more generaland can relate to either animate or inanimate objects. Mostly we have a complex combination ofthese feelings towards people that we have a relationship with and rather than accurately definingand expressing these feelings, its much easier to just say that we love them.For the purpose of this article Ill be exploring the adult heterosexual relationship and the forms oflove that occur after childhood and probably before menopause, as this is probably the mostrelevant for anyone researching this topic. If we are striving for long term relationships that work,we need to identify healthy verses toxic forms of love and see how this relates to our current andprospective relationships.It is very possible that we all have a different internal idea of what love is and most of us have achallenging time expressing just what particular type of love we have for a person. It is true thatour ideas about love are shaped at a very young age and it does influence us walking intoadulthood, as various psychoanalysts would testify to. We may also become stuck in an immatureconcept of love due to past events and our reactions to them. Subjectively and objectively, onepersons idea of what kind of love is appropriate for a particular relationship, may be too little or toomuch for the other person involved.Childhood and LoveWe start off with the maternal love that you received as a baby, followed presumably by paternaland family love. Some of us had very little or perhaps skewed ideals of love from our parents andfamily. Perhaps we felt smothered or even neglected during childhood. We grew up as a youngchild within a family unit or with representatives thereof, and varying degrees of social influencesand perceived expectations. We developed various friendships and other relationships that formedand shaped us too, leading us into our hormone rampant teenage-hood where we probablyrediscovered and redefined our concept of love with the opposite sex. This was the first

autonomous expression and idea of love relationships we projected into the world, that is why wecan have a hard time moving on from our "first love".The culture doesnt help us much with fairy stories of women being saved by knights in shiningarmor, falling instantly in love, with very little courtship, immediate marriage with no mention ofcareers or financial concerns, leaving us with absolutely no clue as to what happens after "...happily ever after". It would seem that life stories end in marriage and for some it sort of does.Images bombard us from advertising, and other media and that mostly have very little to do withreality and true life scenarios, creating a personal collection of false experience that can effect ourbehavior within relationships.If you, like so many of us on this imperfect planet, had a rough childhood, the advice I would giveis to trust in your innate goodness and truth. Make it shine through your actions, let your true intentlead you. We all come into this world though an experience of love or connection, we were allequal and innocent at birth and this innate sense of love is always available to each one of uswhen we are open to it.If your parents were emotionally immature, you may have felt responsible for one or both of them,though this was not really your role to play as the child. Adopt only the best attributes of yourparents and significant role models as your own. Believe that your parents did the best they could,as they themselves were challenged by their own disposition and/or wounds through societal orpersonal flaws. Forgive them and be better than them, for you are the latest genetic model! Youhave the right to be your own person with your own values based on your unique experience oflife. Take charge of your individual ideas of love and commitment. Own the responsibility foryourself.Life is a continual learning process. Learn like a child does, without judgment of oneself andthrough experimentation. Sometimes we are misunderstood, if your attempts to clarify are in vain,it may not be solvable and you should let go of having to over express yourself, this attachment tojustifying oneself can also be destructive, especially if the other person is addicted to seeking outyour positive or negative attention. There are some relationships and aspects of ideal relationshipsthat one has to let go of in order to soldier forth with dignity and integrity in life.Sex and LoveOk now we are talking! Sex and love is arguably the driving force of humanity. The vast majority ofhumans on the planet share a common interest on this subject.Is the aerobic thumping, beating and knocking together of two hot sweaty bodies really good sex?This kind of sex could be seen as a battle of opposites, with one seeking to control the other, thanreally making love. Perhaps this is sufficiently satisfying for some, though perhaps they couldconsider a good exercise routine to work off their excess energy, so that they could experience amore blissful, euphoric and satisfying experience of sex.Making love not war. The nature of harmonious sex is a dance where you wish to pleasure eachother and take turns in giving and receiving, this is a love battle. Since most women enjoy moreforeplay, a male partner seeking to pleasure you foremost is a good find for her! The more youarouse and pleasure your partner the more turned on you become, the battle is then transformed

into a passionate symphony of varying rhythms, themes, melodies and the emphasis is thus basedon the empathic flow of energy between two people. The sexual act is where two peopleparticipate in a divine flowing magical dance.A good sexual partner who is equally as interested and compatible is definitely worth pursuing andnot always easy to find. Great sexual union brings us inspiration, joy and motivation to bare thissometimes confusing and harsh world, it can keep us from taking ourselves too seriously andgetting into a rut about daily living. It is a real bonus to have great sexual intimacy in a relationship,it can feed and heal the body and soul.There are scientists and physicians that can back me up on this one, who have done extensiveresearch on the science and chemistry of love. Apparently dopamine is released in your brain,when someone youre attracted to is around. The balance of feelings of euphoria, mood swings,focused or obsessive thinking and craving are reputably driven by dopamine, norepinephrine andserotonin levels. Lustful sensations being augmented by androgens and estrogens. Feeling ofconnectedness, peace, a sense of security or attachment are associated with oxytocin andvasopressin levels. Other interesting chemical processes are at work when someone is rejectedby a loved one and depression or obsessive behavior take over.These studies are all very well and good, though how does one really become aware of how tomonitor and objectively analyze your feelings of love for another individual, without the aid of brainscans, biofeedback and the like? The key to knowing if you have a healthy sexual attraction forsomeone, is through experimentation and your willingness to experiment.Mixed emotions, tension, a lack of trust or chattering mind can easily get in the way of great sex. Itis not something to feel inadequate about as there is probably good reason the presence of thesethings, as a sign that they need to be attended to first, especially for a woman. This is where I feelthat generally the sexes differ. Men often believe that most relationship problems can be fixed bythrashing it out during sex. Many women need to feel more connected or at ease with a manbefore they can really open up sexually.Tune into when sex feels good and when it starts making you feel uneasy or in discord. Honoryourself and only connect when it really feels appropriate and for as long as it feels right. We doneed to be able to talk and connect with our partners. Making sure you respect each other, listento each other and do only what you feel comfortable with. Nobody wants to be a bore or a nag,though a little communication can go a long way.What happens after sexual union? Sex can be healing and spiritual, lifting your spirits and makingyour life lighter and it easier to handle the imaginary load you bare in your mundane world. Shouldit leave you feeling exhausted and becoming your partners shrink, you may have to evaluate yourreal connection to your partner. A warning bell should go off if your partner emotionally detachesfrom you following sex or leaves you feeling high and dry.Yes is not all about sex, which leads me to the next model.The Business ModelBe aware in the business model of partnership. Especially if you work and live together, but even

if you dont. A business model of relationship could be one where there is a lot of emphasis onhow income is divided up and dished out. Maybe you enjoy working together and this is really thetrue nature of your relationship.If you do indeed live, work and sleep together, make sure that the relationship is balanced withplay and individual activities outside the business and the relationship. Make sure that you haverealistic expectations of one another and communicate to that effect. There is also a real danger ofmanifesting an extreme, a master and slave relationship, when one partner exerts his or herpower so much that it berates and belittles the other. This can be demeaning and diminishing ofthe self confidence of the slave. Even with all the positivity in the world, if you allow yourself to getinto this form of relationship and dont balance it with enough outside activity of your own, you mayloose a sense of reality and yourself.It is best to also have a comfortable degree of financial independence. You never know when thismay come in handy. No matter how committed you are to each other life brings unexpectedchallenges and changes. Circumstances alter during economical and family upheavals, thecoming of a child, new interests and other concerns. We also undergo physical, emotional andspiritual changes during a lifetime that we may need to attend on our own. Be careful not tobecome too dependent, either financially or emotionally on the other.Ideal partnerships are where you both contribute things of equal value and contribution is honoredand truly respected by both parties. Even if you just live together, the financial coming together oftwo people needs to be clarified, not as an obsession though, rather in respect to mutual interests.Address any potential imbalances as soon as you identify them, concerning expectations of eachother, division of labor and responsibilities.MarriageCircumstances surrounding both the start of a relationship and the reasons for marriage should bepaid close attention to. We can be easily swept into a marriage of cultural (as opposed topersonal) ideals and expectations. Ideally we are very clear when entering into a marriage, whatboth partners believe the benefits and motivations of this commitment are, what is agreeable tostrive for in a fair and symbiotic union. If youve already entered into a marriage without this inplace, it could be a good project to work on with your partner anyway.The dream of marriage is to love, support and respect each other for the rest of your days. A goodfriendship must be maintained, honesty and therefore trust, a sense of security, fun and intimacy.It is a huge commitment and a lot to expect of oneself and ones partner. Healthy boundaries needto be in place to facilitate time and space to just be yourself, without becoming totally absorbed inthe identity of the partnership or of the partner.It is common for two people to enter into a marriage with the best intentions and then for one orboth of them to change. A sense of complacency can take over when a partner no longer feels theneed to woo or cultivate a loving relationship, a sense of entitlement may take over. A husbandmay suddenly start demanding his dinner or expect his wife to anticipate his needs. He maysubconsciously have developed preconceived ideas of what a wifes duties are. This can be agreat shock for a woman who was more familiar with being his goddess before the marriage. Shemay in turn also not feel the need or find the motivation to take care of herself, resulting in less self

esteem and overall decline in her attractiveness.Cultural indoctrination may influence the wife to submit herself to her husband and the man tobelieve he should be the breadwinner and top financial provider. This may not bode well if the wifeis very capable, has pride in her activities or if she is interested in pursuing her own career. Shemay hold back or pass up opportunities to further herself and her career, just to make him feelmore in charge. He may also become controlling regarding her social and other activities, shecould find herself walking on eggshells to try to please him.The tables might be turned and the wife could be elected as the breadwinner, perhaps due to herearning potential. The hope of maintaining a healthy relationship is on her husband to happily riseto the occasion and support and honor his wife in every thoughtful way he can, taking care of otherduties so that they can enjoy their time together. Often though the husband starts to feelemasculated and become passive aggressive or just plain lazy.These things can quietly creep in with stealth and one should probably do a routine check on theoverall power balance and happiness within a marriage. Some men regress into little boysexpecting a mothers unconditional love from their wives. Our maternal instincts could take overand accommodate this whim, though one has to be careful when you find yourself making excusesand justifying their behavior, you may be facilitating the darker side of your partner. This will leadto stagnation in your relationship and a downward trend in overall happiness and fulfillment of bothpartners.The choice of a marriage partner is a bet on a life long relationship. Do your homework, make sureyou either know your partner very well or have a fair maturity and experience with relationshipsbefore launching into one. Dont let external factors and pressures force you into this commitment.Divorce is always an option, though it is not as simple as it sounds. Detaching oneself financiallyand emotionally is a real challenge, especially when children have entered the scene. Divorce canbe likened to bereavement in terms of the stress, uncertainty and a feeling of loss. It is a characterbuilding experience however, if it is done to restore a sense of self, freedom, happiness and bringa higher level of fulfillment, then it is well worth it in the long run for all concerned, including thekids.As long as we learn from our past and avoid punishing ourselves for making mistakes, then we aredoing our best. If speaking your truth and being compassionately honest does not save yourrelationship or ends a marriage, you are protected by the higher force within you, the universe willprovide guidance and synchronicity to show you the way.The Spiritual ModelSometimes one falls in love with a spiritual partner or you connect with another based on yourspiritual beliefs and values. If this is your for you, then I wish you a heavenly experience andenlightenment. Maintain a sense reality however, as these relationships can be overly based onfantasy. Restrictions within religions and spirituality need to be observed closely. Wanting whatyou just cant have can be alluring for instance, this is evident when priesthoods aim to becelibate, denying their natural sexual urges that digress into them being attracted to young boys orother inappropriate initiates. Self centered and fake male "spiritual teachers" entice uneasy youngwomen into their beds to "instruct" them.

Some people fall into the idealization of spiritual guides due to unresolved parental issues, wherethey are really just looking for a father or mother figure to essentially look after them. This mayalso be a developmental phase in our maturity. Dont blindly follow anything you dont truly believein or it will backfire on you. Be your own guru first and really connect to your inner knowing of whatto follow and what not to follow. This is also a really rewarding relationship path if approached withopen eyes.The Open RelationshipSome people do have open relationships and open marriages. These can only be based onabsolute truth, clear lines of communication between partners and true acceptance of equality.Tune into your true feelings about such a relationship, the level of trust you have in yourself andfor your partner. Many people will tell you that this kind of a relationship is impossible, though ifdone with total consciousness, it could be the most rewarding kind of relationship based on beingreal with your own needs, desires and fulfillment of your potential, which you most likely wouldwant for your partner as well. It may well be the most biologically realistic kind of relationship.It could make you feel as if you are not bound and therefore do not own each other. It will betested sooner or later though and you have to be prepared to surrender to really living out yourbeliefs. Be very clear about what your expectations are of each other and I would advise writing itdown as a personal contract between the two of you, which can be revisited and updated withmutual interest, honesty and collaboration. Perhaps fantasizing what the worst possible scenariowould be for you and imagine facing it. This is not an easy path, as society has very few examplesof what really works and you are essentially on your own figuring it out. If it makes you too uneasy,it is probably not worth pursuing.Your ModeNo matter what your choice of relationship is, make sure you are still yourself, growing as anindependent human being too. We can play different roles with our partners, sometimes we cancare for them as a parent, row or play like a sibling, though make sure there is balance and thatyou can come together just as playful friends and lovers too.You are the master of your own heart. Only you can know what lies within it and choose withwhom you wish to share it. Find someone you want to grow alongside.Realize that what served you or your partner in the past may not serve you both now, you couldgrow together or apart, there is no foretelling. There is an ebb and flow to your personal needs anddesires over a lifetime. Just as you go through a crush and first love before maturing intoadulthood, you may need to fulfill different types of relationships over the whole span of your life.What is most important is to know and respect yourself. It may not be obvious at first and thatswhere you have an opportunity to experiment, learn and do some soul searching. Be honest withyour intent and follow your heart.Wishing you all the best on your journey of love!

Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mel_Fran==== ====Now you can stop your break up, divorce or lovers rejection..... even if your situation seemshopeless ! Check this out for further help and tips.http://tiny.cc/nx9dv==== ====

How to get The Magic of Making Up

by David Whitney on Jan 04, 2012

Accessibility

Categories

Upload Details

Usage Rights

Statistics

How to get The Magic of Making Up Document Transcript