The Art of Letting Go a tool for personal and organizational effectiveness “ We say we waste time, but that is impossible. We waste ourselves.” – Alice Block

Objectives Gain clarity on benefits of and motivation for letting go. Prioritize goals (e.g., tasks, projects) based on urgency and importance. Identify goals to abandon in order to make time for those that are more important. Build a personalized toolkit of ways to say No using organizationally savvy catch phrases. Create an action plan for letting go of your chosen "abandoned goals". Throughout, consider your personal attitudes and organization’s culture around saying no and letting go. Why What How

Gain clarity on benefits of and motivation for letting go.

Prioritize goals (e.g., tasks, projects) based on urgency and importance.

Identify goals to abandon in order to make time for those that are more important.

Build a personalized toolkit of ways to say No using organizationally savvy catch phrases.

Create an action plan for letting go of your chosen "abandoned goals".

Throughout, consider your personal attitudes and organization’s culture around saying no and letting go.

Check-in: Goal-setting Write down 1-2 important things that you need to do to achieve your goals (work or home). Write down 1-2 things that you want to abandon, to free up time to achieve your goals. Write down 1-2 barriers that are stopping you from giving those up. “ Frenetic activity is not the same as productive action. Busy ≠ Productive. Urgent ≠ Important” – BJ Wishinsky Why What How

Write down 1-2 important things that you need to do to achieve your goals (work or home).

Write down 1-2 things that you want to abandon, to free up time to achieve your goals.

Write down 1-2 barriers that are stopping you from giving those up.

Where Will You Find The Time? “ Non omnia possumus omnes” “ Not all of us are able to do all things” – Virgil (70 BC – 19 BC) “You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it." – Charles Buxton Organized Abandonment (Peter Drucker) Letting go with intention (BJ Wishinsky) Why What How

“ Non omnia possumus omnes”

“ Not all of us are able to do all things”

– Virgil (70 BC – 19 BC)

“You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it."

– Charles Buxton

Organized Abandonment (Peter Drucker)

Letting go with intention (BJ Wishinsky)

“ Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe “ At the end of the day, in order to feel good about what you didn't get done , you must have made some conscious decisions about your responsibilities, goals, and values.” – David Allen “ Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone.” – Lin Yutang It Begins With Priorities Why What How Note: Reality-check your work priorities with your boss

“ Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.”

– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“ At the end of the day, in order to feel good about what you didn't get done , you must have made some conscious decisions about your responsibilities, goals, and values.”

– David Allen

“ Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone.”

– Lin Yutang

Exercise: Urgent ≠ Important Why What How Importance Urgency Urgent and Important Important and not urgent Urgent and not Important Not urgent and Not important

The power to say No Why What How “ The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.” – Alice Walker No! Yes!

Why We Say "Yes" When We Want to Say “No” from Linda Adams, Gordon Training Some of the reasons we say "yes" to unacceptable requests: Desire to please. "What will she think of me?" "I know it would make them happy." Fear of hurting someone. "I don't want to disappoint her." "I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings if I don't go." Guilt. "I'd feel so selfish." "How could I turn them down?" Surprise. "Well, I guess I could do it." "I don't know...well, O.K." Deference to authority. "She's the boss." "Yes, sir!" Reciprocation. "I may need the same sometime." "She'd do it for me." Duty. "I ought to..." "I should..." "I owe it to them." Need for power. "If I say 'no', they'll think I can't handle it." "Now he'll owe me a favor." Why What How

Some of the reasons we say "yes" to unacceptable requests:

Desire to please. "What will she think of me?" "I know it would make them happy."

Fear of hurting someone. "I don't want to disappoint her." "I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings if I don't go."

Guilt. "I'd feel so selfish." "How could I turn them down?"

Surprise. "Well, I guess I could do it." "I don't know...well, O.K."

Deference to authority. "She's the boss." "Yes, sir!"

Reciprocation. "I may need the same sometime." "She'd do it for me."

Duty. "I ought to..." "I should..." "I owe it to them."

Need for power. "If I say 'no', they'll think I can't handle it." "Now he'll owe me a favor."

The Antidote Learn to say No With empathy for the requestor and yourself In alignment with goals Without making it personal Without resentment or aggression or defensiveness Before reaching the breaking point Learn to accept No With empathy for the naysayer and yourself Without taking it personally Without resentment or aggression or bullying Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -- Philo of Alexandria (20 BCE - 50 CE) Why What How

Learn to say No

With empathy for the requestor and yourself

In alignment with goals

Without making it personal

Without resentment or aggression or defensiveness

Before reaching the breaking point

Learn to accept No

With empathy for the naysayer and yourself

Without taking it personally

Without resentment or aggression or bullying

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

-- Philo of Alexandria (20 BCE - 50 CE)

A Four-Step Formula for Saying "No!“ from Colette Carlson Before you say “Yes” … Stop : Instead of rushing to make a decision, simply stop and take a deep breath. Look : Take a long, hard look at your current commitments and calendar. Listen : Listen to and acknowledge your feelings. Go : Go on with integrity. Why What How “ Let me get back to you”

Before you say “Yes” …

Stop : Instead of rushing to make a decision, simply stop and take a deep breath.

Look : Take a long, hard look at your current commitments and calendar.

Listen : Listen to and acknowledge your feelings.

Go : Go on with integrity.

Say “No” with empathy and in alignment with goals: Prioritize : “I am sorry I can’t help with that. I have so many other commitments, I can’t add anything more to my plate.” Delegate : “I am sorry I won’t be able to help you. Have you asked Ms. X or Mr. Y? They might be able to help.” Simplify : “I can’t commit to everything you are asking for, but if there is something simple I can do, let me know.” Set Time Limits : “I am tight on time these days so I could only spend a few minutes on your project.” Procrastinate : “I really can’t commit to that now. Maybe some other time.” Eliminate : “I am sorry. I don’t have the time to do that kind of activity anymore.” Six Easy Ways to Say “No” from Beth Sawi, Coming Up for Air Why What How

Say “No” with empathy and in alignment with goals:

Prioritize : “I am sorry I can’t help with that. I have so many other commitments, I can’t add anything more to my plate.”

Delegate : “I am sorry I won’t be able to help you. Have you asked Ms. X or Mr. Y? They might be able to help.”

Simplify : “I can’t commit to everything you are asking for, but if there is something simple I can do, let me know.”

Set Time Limits : “I am tight on time these days so I could only spend a few minutes on your project.”

Procrastinate : “I really can’t commit to that now. Maybe some other time.”

Eliminate : “I am sorry. I don’t have the time to do that kind of activity anymore.”

What Else Can You Let Go? Battles that can’t be won “ I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” – Bill Cosby Things that no one will notice or miss "There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all." – Peter Drucker Processes that can be simplified “ Everything should be as simple as possible, but no simpler.” – Albert Einstein Things that don’t work “ Always make new mistakes.” – Esther Dyson Why What How

Battles that can’t be won

“ I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

– Bill Cosby

Things that no one will notice or miss

"There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all."

– Peter Drucker

Processes that can be simplified

“ Everything should be as simple as possible, but no simpler.”

– Albert Einstein

Things that don’t work

“ Always make new mistakes.”

– Esther Dyson

Exercise: Action plan Go back to your Urgent vs Important chart. Is there anything you want to add or change? For each “abandoned goal”, write down at least one action you will take towards letting it go. Optional: Form a “letting go” partnership. Share your action plans and set intervals to check back with each other. “ If you do what you always did, you get what you always got.” – Sue Knight Why What How

Go back to your Urgent vs Important chart. Is there anything you want to add or change?

For each “abandoned goal”, write down at least one action you will take towards letting it go.

Optional: Form a “letting go” partnership. Share your action plans and set intervals to check back with each other.

Summary You won’t find time. You must make time. Focus on your priorities. Practice letting go with intention. Stop, look and listen before you go. Say “No” when needed, so you can say “Yes” to what matters. Support each other in letting go! And remember: Urgent ≠ Important Busy ≠ Productive Why What How

You won’t find time. You must make time.

Focus on your priorities.

Practice letting go with intention.

Stop, look and listen before you go.

Say “No” when needed, so you can say “Yes” to what matters.

Support each other in letting go!

And remember:

Urgent ≠ Important

Busy ≠ Productive

References Why What How Coming Up for Air: How to Build A Balanced Life in A Workaholic World Beth Sawi, Hyperion 2000 http://www.amazon.com/Coming-Up-Air-Balanced-Workaholic/dp/0786865490 A Four-Step Formula for Saying “No!” Colette Carlson, WomensMedia http://www.womensmedia.com/new/Carlson-How-to-say-no.shtml Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity David Allen, Penguin 2002 http://www.davidco.com/ Why We Say "Yes" When We Want to Say "No“ Linda Adams, Gordon Training http://www.gordontraining.com/Why_We_Say_Yes_When_We_Want_to_Say_No.html http://zenhabits.net/ http://www.lifehack.org/ http://lifehacker.com/

Coming Up for Air: How to Build A Balanced Life in A Workaholic World

Beth Sawi, Hyperion 2000

http://www.amazon.com/Coming-Up-Air-Balanced-Workaholic/dp/0786865490

A Four-Step Formula for Saying “No!”

Colette Carlson, WomensMedia

http://www.womensmedia.com/new/Carlson-How-to-say-no.shtml

Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity

David Allen, Penguin 2002

http://www.davidco.com/

Why We Say "Yes" When We Want to Say "No“

Linda Adams, Gordon Training http://www.gordontraining.com/Why_We_Say_Yes_When_We_Want_to_Say_No.html

http://zenhabits.net/

http://www.lifehack.org/

http://lifehacker.com/

So tell me, what is it you intend to do with your one wild and precious life? – Mary Oliver