Temperament Monologues

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An e-book of articles and essays on the 4 types of Temperaments and how they affect our lives.

An e-book of articles and essays on the 4 types of Temperaments and how they affect our lives.

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  • 1. The Temperament Monologues A Series of Essays and Letters By Hal Warfield © 2007
  • 2. Hal Warfield is a coach, educator, speaker and writer with 30 years work experience in Human Resources, Training, higher education, and technical sales and marketing. As a speaker and educator, Hal has taught at institutions of higher learning including the University of Tennessee Center for the Health Sciences and Southeast Tennessee Community College. As a consultant, he has worked for companies such as International Paper and Holiday Inns to deliver personal and professional development training. He has also led seminars and workshops for national and international professional groups on subjects ranging from Career Development to Temperament & Personality. Hal is a published author in the personal development field and has published his work in an ongoing weblog format at www.halwarfield.com. He answers personal development email questions from around the world at his Myers-Briggs related web site www.introvert.cc. Hal is also the Vice President of Business Development at Market Strategy (www.marketstrategy.cc); companies devoted to helping companies increase sales through technology.
  • 3. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Temperament and Personality Who you are, how you got that way, and how to live with others who aren't like you. © 2002 – 2003 Hal Warfield Temperament Your temperament is like an artist's canvas. It is your basic inherited style. It is the fabric underlying who you are. Generally speaking, two of the basic temperament types are outgoing or extroverted and two are more inward directed or introverted. This varies based on temperament blend and our individual personality development. Personality Your personality is like the painting on the canvas. It is what you have built on top of your temperament. Two people with like temperament may be very different in actual behavior. Factors that affect personality include socialization, education, birth order, siblings or lack of siblings, and interpersonal pressures which will cause us to adapt and change our behaviors. Why Study Temperament? Understanding temperament - your own and others - makes you much better equipped to handle interpersonal relationships successfully. Studying your own temperament helps you understand your strength's and weaknesses and why you do some of the things you do. Understanding another's temperament can help you adapt your communication to theirs or at the least understand why you have problems with them. The Four "Types" Why four? Why not forty? There are more than four kinds of people, aren't there? Of course, but everyone from the ancients to modern psychologists find that people can be grouped into four basic types of personality. These are: Sanguine - Influencing of others, SP - Artisan The Sanguine is receptive by nature and outgoing. He is usually called a 'super-extrovert'. This temperament is usually thought of as a "natural salesman" but they also tend to enter professions that are outgoing such as acting. He "leads into a room with his mouth" and is never at a loss for words. His outgoing nature makes him the envy of more timid temperament types. He is most comfortable around people and does not like being alone. He is often known as a "toucher"; reaching out and touching the arm or shoulder of the person he is talking with. This can make more introverted temperaments nervous and uncomfortable. His energy can make him seem more confident than he actually is and his cheery disposition often cause others to excuse his weaknesses by saying, "That's just how he is". The Sanguine is mostly a happy person whom others are glad to have around. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 4. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 The weakness of the Sanguine include a lack of discipline which can be expressed in many ways - including a generally "messy" lifestyle or overeating. The Sanguine is the most emotional of the temperaments and can burst into tears or a rage without warning. These "bursts" are usually over as fast as they occur but this lack of emotional consistency can affect other areas of his life. He may be "morally flexible" and may take advantage of others via his good nature. A Sanguine's tremendous personal talents can be made or broken by his lack of self-discipline. Choleric-Decisive, NT - Rational The choleric is the most forceful and active of the four types. He is strong-willed and independent and opinionated. The Choleric thrives on activity. He is the most practical and makes sound, quick decisions. He is not afraid of obstacles and tends to drive right through or over problems. He is probably the strongest natural leader of the four types. He has the most problem with anger and does not display compassion easily. He is quick to recognize opportunities and quick to capitalize on them - though details irritate him and, unless he learns to delegate, he will often gloss over details. His strong will and determination may drive him to succeed where more gifted people give up. The Choleric is a developer and may be seen in construction supervision or coaching or law enforcement. Most entrepreneurs are choleric. Because of their impatience they often end up doing everything themselves. A choleric is extremely goal/task oriented in leading others. His biggest weakness as a leader is a tendency to run right over people if he feels they are in his way. He assumes that approval and encouragement will lead others to slack off and he probably finds criticism and faultfinding more useful for his purposes. Through his natural determination he may succeed where others may give up. A Choleric's weaknesses include anger and hostility. A Choleric is the most likely to have an active temper; he is a door slammer and horn blower and he can carry a grudge for a long time. This includes a cutting and sarcastic tongue and the Choleric will rarely hesitate to tell someone off. The Choleric is the least likely to show affection or any public show of emotion. His emotions are the least developed of all the temperaments. Additionally a Choleric can be inconsiderate, opinionated and crafty in getting their own way. Melancholy - Conscientious, SJ - Guardian The Melancholy is an introverted temperament type. His natural style is analytical and perfectionist. He is the most moody of types ranging from highly "up" to gloomy and depressed. During his low periods he can be very antagonistic and does not make friends easily. He is the most dependable of the temperaments due to his perfectionist tendencies. His analytical ability allows him to accurately diagnose obstacles and problems which often keep him from making changes - he prefers the status quo and may seem overly pessimistic. He may choose a difficult life vocation involving personal sacrifice. Many Melancholies become doctors or scientists or artists. Their interpersonal style can be critical and negative. He tends to be more indecisive than other types. They have difficulty giving praise and approval because they cannot bring themselves to say something that is not 100% true. They also are usually dissatisfied with themselves being highly self-critical. Other weaknesses include being "thin skinned" or touchy and easily offended. He often feels persecuted and may seek revenge for real or imagined insults. He tends to be "all or nothing" in his evaluation of things; everything must be black or white and no shades of gray. He is least likely to consider mitigating circumstances when evaluating a person or situation. No temperament is more likely to be legalistic and rigid. He can be intolerant and impatient with those who do not see things his way. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 5. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Phlegmatic- Steady, NF - Idealist The Phlegmatic is best characterized by the words "easy going". He is the calm and steady person who is not easily disturbed. He is the easiest temperament type to get along with. Life or him is happy, unexcited and calm. Underneath the calm exterior, the Phlegmatic is the most timid temperament type. He often uses humor to make his points. The Phlegmatic is more an observer and does not involve himself in the activities of others. Phlegmatics make excellent teachers, counselors and administrators. They are very dependable and organized and, while they never volunteer, they make good group leaders. The weakness of a Phlegmatic include lack of motivation or even laziness; they appear to lack drive and ambition. A Phlegmatic needs to realize that he is not internally motivated and take up activities that force him into action. The Phlegmatic is self-protective and may be selfish. He is often very stubborn, though it is hidden beneath his mild-mannered style. He is also the most fearful of temperaments. After defining each temperament in "black and white" we must realize that no one is completely one temperament type. Each of us is a blend of usually two and occasionally three types. One temperament type is dominant and one is secondary. And don't forget that training, lifestyle, upbringing and other circumstances may have forced an individual to function "off style". The saddest people I have seen are those who have "put on" a style that is not theirs naturally for so long that it has become a habitual way of life The Sixteen "Combinations" SanChol (ID) This is the strongest extrovert of all the blends because both primary types are extroverted. They are people-oriented and enthusiastic but with the resolutions of the choleric tempering the lack of organization of the Sanguine. He is almost always a sports enthusiast and is ideal in sales. He can talk too much and can be obnoxious if threatened. The forgetfulness of the Sanguine and the caustic nature of the Choleric may make them hurtful without realizing it. SanMel (IC) These are highly emotional people whose moods can fluctuate from highs to lows and back again quickly. The Sanguine outgoing nature often allows the melancholy's critical nature "out" too easily. It is very easy for a Sanmel to "get down" on themselves and, to realize their potential, it is best if they work with others. SanPhleg (IS) The overpowering outgoing nature of the Sanguine is tempered by the gracious Phlegmatic. These are extremely happy and carefree individuals who live to help people. They would not purposely hurt anyone but they must fight a lack of workplace motivation - they would rather visit than work. CholSan (DI) The second strongest extrovert is an active and purposeful individual. He is almost fearless and has high levels of energy. Whatever his profession, his brain is always active and engaged. His weaknesses combine the quick anger of the Sanguine with the resentment of the Choleric. He gets and gives ulcers. He may leave people, including spouse and children, shell-shocked and resentful of their angry outbursts. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 6. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 CholMel (DC) The Choleric/Melancholy is very industrious and capable. He is both industrious and detailed. He combines verbal aggressiveness with sharp attention to detail. He is very competitive and forceful. He can be autocratic and opinionated with work habits that keep after details until the job is completely finished. He finds interpersonal relationships difficult due to the hard-to-please nature of the Choleric and the perfectionism nature of the Melancholy. CholPhleg (DS) This is the most subdued of the outgoing temperaments. He is extremely capable in the long run though he may not impress you that way at first. He is organized and a good planner. He often gets more accomplished than other temperaments because he always thinks in terms of enlisting others to help him. His weaknesses include a tendency to quietly harbor bitterness rather than letting it out like a Cholmeg might. Acknowledging weaknesses is difficult for him and he tends to worry about his performance in life activities. MelSan (CI) The detailed and organized Melancholy is tempered by the outgoing and warm Sanguine. He makes an excellent teacher as his organized side is well versed in the facts and his Sanguine side makes him enjoyable to attend to. If he goes into sales it will be sales that call for exacting detail and the presentation of many facts. He is an emotional person - from being moved to tears to being critical and hard on others. Both temperaments can be fearful which may make this an insecure person with a poor self-image. MelChol (CD) This type is both a perfectionist and a driver which may lead him into the law or medicine. They mix decisiveness and determination. Because of the critical nature of the Melancholy they may be very difficult to please. If they become negative about someone or something it will have a tendency to stay with them for a long time. Their combination can lead them to "nit-pick" others and be revengeful to those they have a grudge against. MelPhleg (CS) These are often teachers and scholars. They are not as prone to hostility as other Melancholy blends and combine analysis with organization. They make excellent accountants and bookkeepers. Unfortunately he can become easily discouraged and may be susceptible to fear and anxiety. They may become uncooperative because of stubborn, rigid tendencies. PhlegSan (SI) This is the easiest to get along with being congenial, happy, and people-oriented. They make excellent administrators and other jobs that involve getting along with people. He may lack motivation and discipline and may fall short of his true capabilities. He may "putter around" for years without making progress. PhlegChol (SD) This is the most active of the Introverts but he'll never be a ball of fire. He can be an excellent counselor because he is an active listener. He is practical and helpful and patient. He may lack motivation and may become stubborn if threatened. He may also have a tendency toward being sedentary and passive. He needs to be around other people as he is externally motivated. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 7. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 PhlegMel (SC) This type is gracious and quiet, does the proper thing and is dependable. He wobbles between patience and criticism and may tend toward negativism. They can be afraid of overextending themselves so may avoid involvement in a group. Other Factors That Shape Personality Just as no one is only one temperament or an exact blend of two types, there are a multitude of other factors that affect a person's behavior. The percentage of blend may be any combination of percentages making them more one type than another. A Choleric raised in the northeast US may exhibit different behavior than one raised in the deep south due to cultural differences. Childhood experiences and parenting will cause differences. A Phlegmatic father may behave differently in raising a child than a Melancholy one thereby causing the child to value different behaviors. A person's level of education and training may affect behavior as will a person's level of physical health. A healthy PhlegChol may seem more outgoing and aggressive than a Choleric with health problems. In certain individuals there may be parts of three temperament types blended together. While rare, it does happen and makes it more difficult for the person to get a clear picture of their type. How To Use Temperament To Your Advantage Know Yourself Knowing your temperament blend can be an "eye-opening" experience. It may help explain why you do certain things and why you don't get along with certain others. Use your knowledge of temperament to guide you in choosing vocations, affiliations, and friendships. Get Along With Others Learning how to spot the temperament of others is invaluable. It takes practice but once you can spot a Choleric you know not to try and be "chatty" with them. If you spot a Phlegmatic you may understand why they seem quiet and reserved. Work Life This is a key area of understanding temperament. There are so many people in life who are in jobs that do not match their temperament. A Sangphlet may not make a good surgeon. A CholMel probably wouldn't be happy teaching kindergartners. Tests of temperament often include suggestions concerning career choices. Relationships Another key area. Cholerics get impatient with Sanguines. Melancholies think that Phlegmatics "just don't care" about details. And in marriage we more often than not see opposite temperaments together. This can help each individual grow and develop or it can cause anger, resentment and separation. Understanding your temperament and your child's can affect parenting style. A Melancholy child needs structure, organization and reassurance. A Choleric child needs a big backyard and a large dog to take care of. A Phlegmatic mother needs to be firm with a Sanguine child. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 8. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Frequently Asked Questions Can you change your personality? You cannot change your basic temperament styles but you can influence your behaviors and thereby your personality. The biggest mistake I've seen is someone who has "put on" behaviors that were not theirs' naturally until it has become habitual. It is almost always obvious and often painful. An example is a Phlegmatic who felt is necessary to put on an outgoing Sanguine style for so many years that it has become a habit; however it is clear that this is not their natural way of being. Can you change someone else's personality? If you can't change you own, it is clear that you can't change someone else's but that won't stop most of us from trying. This is a special problem in marriage and child raising if the spouse or parent thinks the other person can be "improved" on. In Dickens' David Copperfield, Mr. Murdstone and his sister fatally try to impress their Choleric nature on Sanguine Mrs. Copperfield. Husbands and wives who think they will change their spouse may affect some behavior changes and think they have "changed" them. Changes are only fully implemented when they come from within the person and then they will still be in line with their basic temperament style. Why do people so often marry opposite temperament? The first person to find out the underlying answer to this one will retire wealthy. Seriously, what attracts us to another person? Often it is the strengths we see in them that we do not have temperamentally. A Choleric woman may appreciate the easygoing nature of the Phlegmatic. A disorganized Sanguine appreciates the orderly manner of a Melancholy. Unfortunately, over time, we realize that our natural strengths are usually their natural weaknesses which can cause friction or even a feeling of betrayal; that is, "if he really loved me, he wouldn't be so disorganized, or angry, or rigid". Why do different temperament types irritate us? Again, it's usually a matter of strengths and weaknesses. A straightforward Choleric is irritated by a highly verbal Sanguine. A highly organized Melancholy finds a Phlegmatic's laid back nature to go "against their grain". The Phlegmatic is the most likely to ignore these irritations. The Choleric is the most likely to bring them out in the open. Is one temperament "better" than another? Each of us is who we are - we were made that way based on inherited temperament characteristics. Each temperament type at some time thinks another type is "better" but that feeling is usually related to something they admire in that person that they cannot do easily. So a quiet Phlegmatic envies the Sanguine’s easy outgoing manner and the disorganized Sanguine may envy the Melancholy's natural organization. Each type is better at some things and worse at others. The trick is to match the personality to the situation - which very rarely happens in normal life. How does knowing my temperament help me? "Why do I do the things I do?" is a question many of us have asked ourselves at one time or another. Temperament study gives us insight into some of those "whys". A Choleric with a quick temper, the talkative Sanguine, or the organized Melancholy now has an underlying reason for behavior. The trick is not to let temperament become an excuse for negative behavior. What jobs are best for each temperament type? Again there are many other factors to consider but in general Cholerics make good leaders (managers or executives) if they can control their tendency to criticize and get angry. Sanguines make good teachers if they can keep themselves organized. Phlegmatics make good counselors or pastors; anywhere where non-critical listening and relating can be helpful. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 9. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Melancholies are good anywhere organization is important including the law and medical professions. Cholerics don't like jobs where easygoing relating to others is important. Phlegmatics don't care for jobs where they must be outgoing and talkative. Melancholies detest jobs where they have little control over their circumstances and Sanguines don't like jobs where they must work alone for periods of time. Help! I'm not just a blend of two types - I can see traits of three! This is where temperament tests can be useful as well as talking with someone familiar with temperament theory. If we inherit temperament then it's certainly possible to inherit a blend of three temperament types. What are quick "cues" that I can use to "read" a person's temperament? Again, the Phlegmatic will be calm, quiet and easygoing. The Melancholy will be precise, analytical and critical in conversation. A Sanguine will always be the most verbal and will often be a "toucher". The Choleric will be straightforward, even abrupt and most easily angered. I hate my job! Is that a temperament thing? If you dislike the job because it doesn't "fit" your type, then yes it may be temperament related. List those things you dislike about the job (i.e.. relationships, tasks, etc., not "it doesn't pay enough".) and compare them to your temperamental strengths and weaknesses. This should give you insight into whether or not your job dislike is temperamental. I love my husband (wife, child) but I can't stand certain traits. How can I change them? Again, you cannot change a person's temperament type any more than you can change their eye color. Real change comes when a person sees the need to change and not before. Externally forced change is never real and can cause unhappiness and friction. Encourage the other's natural strengths and discourage their natural weaknesses. Realize that you may cause the same feelings in others that do not have your temperament. How do the different temperament systems match up? Am I a Choleric, a "D", or an "SJ"? There are many different "systems" of temperament classification. There are even those that compare a temperament to different animals. The three most common systems include the one used here - Choleric, Sanguine, Melancholy and Phlegmatic, as well as the Myers-Briggs Temperament Indicator which uses sixteen combinations of traits and includes the Guardian, Artisan, Rational, and idealist. The DiSC system is similar to the first system where the Decisive is the Choleric, the influencer is the Sanguine, the Steady is the Phlegmatic and the Conscientious is the Melancholy. Is my temperament my personality? Or the other way round? What's the difference? Temperament is the canvas, personality is the painting. The temperament is the foundation, personality is the building. Taking your basic temperament, you add life experience, culture, education, and upbringing to form your personality. How do the temperaments relate to a person's anger and fear? Everyone experiences fear and anger. The Phlegmatic experiences the most fear and the Choleric the most anger. The Melancholy fears being out of control of situations and the Sanguine has quick, hot flashes of anger that pass as quickly as they start. Do men and women's temperaments differ substantially? Temperament is temperament. There are Choleric men and Choleric women. There are Sanguine women and Sanguine men. Gender is only one of many environmental factors that influence behavior. Others include upbringing, culture, education, etc. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 10. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 If I can't change my temperament, then what good is it to know about it? Understanding temperament has many benefits such as understanding others better or being able to communicate more easily with temperament types that are different from yours. But while you cannot change your temperament type, all of us can change our behaviors. Knowing your temperamental weaknesses can help you reduce their impact on your life. Knowing your temperamental strengths can help you release them more into your everyday life. Feed your strengths and starve your weaknesses. Understand how your temperament impacts other types of individuals and adapt accordingly. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 11. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Choleric - Focused Driver This is part of an overall series on our natural Temperament. Temperament differs from Personality in that Temperament inborn and Personality grows out of upbringing, culture, family, and other external factors. Personality equals Temperament plus Life Experience. In the study of Temperament there are many approaches with many names. The easiest approach to understand and use divides individuals into one of four basic types – Phlegmatic, Choleric, Sanguine, and Melancholy. These names came from the Greeks who thought that behavior was influenced by an abundance of bodily fluid. Studies today confirm that an individual can be classified by Temperament type as evidenced by the use of Temperament tests in the areas of employment, group team building, and organizational development. Today the four Temperament types have been re-named many times – in this series I will try to provide other naming systems for each type including the DiSC model. Understanding Temperament provides many insights into our own behavior and the behaviors of others – spouses, children, bosses, co- workers, etc. Many have asked, “Why do I react the way I do? Why do I have this particular weakness or fear”? Temperament is one means of answering some of these questions. Further study has shown that most people are a blend of two of the four Temperament types. One Temperament type is predominating; the other is secondary. Each article in this series will focus on one primary Temperament type and its combinations. The Choleric is the strongest of the extroverted Temperaments. The Choleric Temperament is sometimes referred to as a “Type A” personality; a hard driving individual known for accomplishing goals. This is both good and bad; good in that the Choleric is a person of accomplishment; they ‘get things done’. Bad, in that the Choleric does not care how they accomplish those goals. The most insensitive of the Temperaments, a Choleric cares little for the feelings of others. They simply don’t play into the equation. In the DiSC model, the Choleric is the “D” for Driver or Difficult. Cholerics have the most trouble with anger, intolerance, and impatience. Those of other Temperaments are simply tools to be used or problems to be avoided. The Choleric doesn’t stand on ceremony, they want facts instead of emotions, and if you get your feelings hurt, it’s your problem, not theirs. The Choleric may make an impressive leader – the most obvious example is General George Patton of World War II fame. Watching the character portrayed by George C. Scott you find a man who is driven and drives everyone around him towards excellence. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 12. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 A Choleric in business will often rise rapidly in managerial rank but may leave damaged souls in his wake. And in the area of home and family, a Choleric can damage spouses and children by insisting on ‘my way or the highway’. This is not to say that Cholerics are any better or worse than any other Temperament. They simply have stronger strengths and weaknesses than some of the other types. Because the Choleric is such a driver, they do not work well in groups. I have often seen a Choleric group member take a project or task and, in effect, say “I’ll get this done and have it for ‘us’ in the morning” and proceed to do the work himself. A Choleric may not have many friends; having scared or injured most of the people they know. They need friends because a strong Choleric may come to dislike even them self over time. Cholerics have the most difficulty with the warm, outgoing Sanguines and would probably do best with easygoing Phlegmatics as friends. In a spouse or partner, a Choleric most needs someone with a great deal of personal strength. Another Choleric would probably be best suited as a spouse with the Phlegmatic coming in a distant second. Temperament Type Combinations As stated earlier, each of us is a combination of two temperament types – one is dominant, the other is secondary. The following section gives details concerning each combination. Choleric Phlegmatic – CholPhleg - High D High S in DiSC parlance A Choleric Phlegmatic is a person who is known for steadily achieving goals or finishing plans; but in a quiet, unobtrusive sort of way. The most easygoing of the Choleric types, the Phlegmatic secondary softens the sharp Choleric primary just enough to make them easier to get along with. As with all Cholerics, a Choleric Phlegmatic doesn’t really care how they achieve a goal, even if it means hurting other’s feelings. But in this case, the Choleric Phlegmatic won’t actively seek to antagonize others (as we will see with the Choleric Melancholy). As long as you understand that this is still mainly a Choleric, it is much easier to get along with this blend. Because the Phlegmatic is secondary, the Choleric Phlegmatic is much less likely to have strong angry outbursts. They often show their Choleric ‘edge’ through less- than-funny pranks (i.e. the stinky cheese in the desk drawer, etc). Choleric Sanguine – CholSan – High D High i in DiSC parlance The Choleric Sanguine can be strongly persuasive. Having the driven nature of the Choleric, the Sanguine secondary type can be ‘used’ to persuade others by means of their outgoing nature. The weakness of the Choleric is a tendency towards anger; one weakness of the Sanguine is brief but intense outbursts of strong feeling. A Sanguine doesn’t hold on to these feelings for long; once over, they return to their normal cheery selves. In a Choleric Sanguine, however, anger can be sustained and loud. Rather than gradually fading, a Choleric Sanguine may hold a ‘grudge’ for a very long period of time. It may be stereotypical, but a Choleric Sanguine makes an excellent outside sales person; combining drive with the ability to charm. Choleric Melancholy – CholMel – High D High C in DiSC parlance The Choleric Melancholy is a powerful combination of Temperament characteristics. The driven nature of the Choleric is augmented by the analytical nature of the Melancholy. A Choleric Melancholy lawyer would be a formidable combination of ‘in your face’ determination with exacting amounts of facts and figures to back them up. The Choleric again wants to achieve goals and uses their Melancholy side to arm themselves via analysis. The downside is that the anger of the Choleric combined with the critical nature of the Melancholy can cause extremely unhappy arguments and confrontations, which the Choleric will most likely ‘win’ and ‘lose’ at the same time. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 13. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Sanguine - Outgoing and Disorganized The Sanguine is the most outgoing and emotional of the four types. Sanguines are talkative and ‘touchy’ people; they love to visit and socialize. Sanguines might be thought of as those that ‘grease’ social interaction. The Sanguine is obviously an extrovert – they experience life ‘out here’; meaning the world around them. They do their thinking ‘out here’ as well; if they have problems or issues, they are most likely to talk them out with a friend or family member. In a pinch, a Sanguine will make a new friend in order to have someone to talk to. You can spot a Sanguine on an airplane by seeing who is talking with their seat mate. Sanguines are very puzzled by introverted Phlegmatics and Melancholies and may try to drag them into social situations. The weaknesses of the Sanguine are a total lack of organizing instincts; Sanguines tend to be messy. While they don’t hold a grudge, as a Choleric will, a Sanguine will have brief, strong emotional ‘outbursts’. In other words, a Sanguine will get very angry for a very short time and then be over it as quickly as it came up. This anger can be quite unexpected and surprising and, for other temperaments, puzzling that it vanishes as quickly as it appears. Sanguines definitely need friends and partners with the ability to overlook disorganization or to help promote organization because the Sanguine will always struggle with this weakness. Temperament Type Combinations As stated earlier, each of us is a combination of two temperament types – one is dominant, the other is secondary. The following section gives details concerning each combination. Sanguine Choleric – SanChol – High i High D in DiSC parlance The Sanguine Choleric is s study in contrasts. The most extroverted of the extroverts; the Sanguine Choleric combines a love of social interaction with a goal oriented approach. This blend makes an excellent sales person – they are not afraid of talking with people, but they always remember that they are trying to sell something. Their charm combined with their outcome focus gives them a great deal of drive. But using the metaphor of a salesperson, this individual will be the one accomplishing great sales goals but never file their expense reports or sales forecasts. Do not expect the Sanguine Choleric to cross their “T’s” and dot their “I’s”; they are too busy accomplishing great things. The weakness of the Choleric – a lack of sensitivity to others and a tendency to hold a grudge – combined with the brief, sharp emotional outbursts of the Sanguine, make this blend a formidable emotional adversary. A Sanguine Choleric made angry will probably tend to hold that against you for quite a while; even though they may seem fine on the outside. And their initial “shot” of anger may leave you reeling and wondering what you did to deserve it. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 14. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Sanguine Phlegmatic – SanPhleg – Hi i High S in DiSC parlance The Sanguine Phlegmatic is friendly and calm at the same time. Not as outgoing as most Sanguines, the Sanguine Phlegmatic is the person voted ‘most friendly’ in yearbooks. They like to be around people and don’t have the need to be the ‘life of the party’, as some Sanguines do. This blend makes a great and empathic listener; they generate an immediate trust that people will open up to. Unfortunately, the lack of organization of the Sanguine coupled with the tendency towards laziness in the Phlegmatic can combine into an awesome “I don’t care” attitude concerning work organization, home cleanliness, and the inability to follow through with important promises. This blend may not have balanced their checkbook for months (years?) and may often have to react quickly to late notices. Sanguine Melancholy – SanMel – High I High C in DiSC parlance The Sanguine Melancholy type is a person whose moods can fluctuate from highs to lows and back again quickly. The Sanguine outgoing nature often allows the Melancholy's critical nature "out" too easily. It is very easy for a Sanguine Melancholy to "get down" on themselves and, if they are to realize their potential, it is best if they work with others. The warmth of the Sanguine makes this person very sociable and the focus on detail of the Melancholy makes them excellent organizers. They remember every birthday and anniversary and have a strong inclination to attend each and every one of these special events. The critical nature of the Melancholy combined with the verbal nature of the Sanguine means that this person will have no qualms about telling you exactly what they think about you or anyone else. There is an interesting conflict in this blend - the weakness of the Sanguine is disorganization and the strength of the Melancholy is organization. This means that the Sanguine Melancholy will always feel that they should be cleaning or organizing but the Sanguine won't follow through. Another weakness of the Sanguine is quick flashes of emotion - combine this with the critical nature of the Melancholy and you can get a "hot flash" of angry criticism with very little warning. This temperament blend is the most likely to remember every negative detail of a situation for the longest time. The Sanguine Melancholy most needs to cultivate an attitude of gentleness and kindness to soften their sharp tongue. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 15. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Phlegmatic - Quiet But Anxious In the DiSC model, the Phlegmatic is the “S” for Steady or Structure. Phlegmatics appear to the world as calm, easygoing people. As friends they are fiercely loyal though they do not usually have a large number of friends. It takes time to get to know a Phlegmatic because they are not naturally outgoing. Phlegmatics make great team members because they are cooperative and do not insist on their own way. They tend to prefer repetitive, structured work, which also makes them excellent assistants or committee members. The Phlegmatic has two chief weaknesses – first, they have to fight a tendency towards laziness. It is very easy for a Phlegmatic to “drift” when faced with unstructured time. The second weakness shared by Phlegmatics is a naturally fearful streak. While apparently calm most of the time, the Phlegmatic’s inside world is awash with anxiety and fear. These fears may be completely unfounded but still the Phlegmatic will find a way to worry. With all this inner ‘stuff’ going on, the Phlegmatic is still ‘hard to read’ and may be thought of as shy, snobbish, or arrogant – when, for the most part, none of these is true. Most extroverts have a great deal of trouble understanding introverts, but have an easier time accepting Phlegmatics than they do the more critical Melancholy Temperament. Temperament Type Combinations Phlegmatic Choleric – PhlegChol – High S High D in DiSC parlance While still laid back, a Phlegmatic Choleric is the most driven of the Phlegmatics. A Phlegmatic Choleric wants to accomplish what they have set their minds to, however, being Phlegmatic they don’t make a splash about it. A Phlegmatic Choleric with a goal will simply go ahead and do what needs to be done – without fanfare or telling anyone. Since the Choleric has problems with anger, this is often reflected in the Phlegmatic Choleric as irritability or frustration. Since the Phlegmatic is “hard to read”, there may not be an obvious reason for this reaction. For example, traffic backups can irritate a Phlegmatic Choleric; but little warning about their irritation is visible until they comment. These individuals can make excellent team leaders – they are the only Phlegmatic type that may rise to leadership. Because their Choleric secondary type is a Driver and their primary Phlegmatic is easygoing, these can combine to make a leader who can handle a variety of personalities. The Phlegmatic Choleric needs to have a partner or spouse who understands – and more importantly – accepts their quiet ways. Another Phlegmatic may be best suited while a Choleric or Melancholy will be a less likely match. Phlegmatic Sanguine – PhlegSan – High S High I in DiSC parlance The Phlegmatic Sanguine will be the most outgoing of the Phlegmatics. But as so often happens, the juxtaposition of these two opposite types often causes internal and external conflict. The Phlegmatic is quiet, the Sanguine is outgoing – a Phlegmatic Sanguine may find themselves internally conflicted; going from introvert to extrovert in certain conditions. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 16. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 The Phlegmatic fights laziness, the Sanguine is naturally disorganized – a Phlegmatic Sanguine will have the most difficulty staying organized, focused, and on-track. They will have the most difficulty with goal setting and accomplishment. If they start painting a room, it won’t get finished. If they start a blog, it won’t have many entries. Phlegmatic Sanguines make good friends; they are acceptant and warm – but don’t expect them to be helpful in keeping you on your diet or going after that promotion. A Phlegmatic Sanguine needs a partner or spouse with a tolerance for their natural lack of organization and focus. A Sanguine Choleric with their warm but firm nature might be the best choice. Phlegmatic Melancholy – PhlegMel – High S High C in DiSC parlance The Phlegmatic Melancholy is a study in contrasts; usually acceptant of others, the Melancholy secondary type will cause them to be more critical and analytical. In this case, where a Melancholy might be blatantly critical of someone, a Phlegmatic Melancholy may “hint” or “snipe” or in some other way let you know of their displeasure at your behavior. This type is the most organized of the Phlegmatics due to the Melancholies organized nature. This temperament works well in jobs requiring organization and an ability to be acceptant. The Phlegmatic Melancholy make an excellent administrator; combining the ability to look at and solve problems with an ability to put up with schedules and bureaucracy. They need a partner or spouse who understands their need to criticize things and people from time to time. In summary, the Phlegmatic can be identified by a quiet, easygoing, unassuming nature. Don’t mistake this introversion for arrogance; a Phlegmatic just wants to get along, find structure in life, and cherish a few key friendships and relationships. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 17. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Melancholy - Organized and Critical The Melancholy is an introverted Temperament with a drive for organization. Melancholies are highly analytical and critical of the four types; they simply are unable to approach any person or situation without analyzing it. The Melancholy is highly valuable in any situation where a detailed understanding or a problem or plan is needed. It is as natural to them as breathing. The main weaknesses of the Melancholy are related to their strength; their ability to analyze quickly becomes criticism. Of all the four types the Melancholy can have the sharpest tongue. while a Choleric may run roughshod over your feelings, their bulldozing usually isn’t personal. With a Melancholy, their criticism will always be personal. If they don’t like something about you they will have no compulsion to try and be tactful or nice. A Melancholy makes an excellent team member when critical, detailed thinking is needed. But this tendency in the Melancholy can become a source of irritation if it goes “too far” in the thoughts and feelings of the rest of the group. Temperament Type Combinations Melancholy Choleric – MelChol – High C High D in DiSC parlance The Melancholy Choleric is both a perfectionist and a driver, which may lead him into the law or medicine. They mix decisiveness and determination. Because of the critical nature of the Melancholy they may be very difficult to please. If they become negative about someone or something it will have a tendency to stay with them for a long time. The Melancholy Choleric blend does not make a good leader because both temperament types tend towards criticism and anger. They find it difficult to say kind words or have patience with stragglers. They believe they are right in most cases and therefore leave everyone else "in the wrong". A somewhat stereotyped image of a Melancholy Choleric is the brilliant but hated surgeon who has the drive and critical detailed nature to save the hopeless case but alienates and angers everyone they come in contact with in the process. The Melancholy Choleric needs people around them of Phlegmatic temperament to put up with their critical tongue. A Phlegmatic Choleric may have the drive and straightforwardness to show the Melancholy Choleric when they are wrong - but that will take patience and determination and a whole lot of “guts”. This temperament blend needs more than anything to develop and embrace an attitude of patience, kindness, joy and peace. Without these they often end up withdrawn and unhappy people. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 18. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Melancholy Phlegmatic – MelPhleg – Hi C High S in DiSC parlance The Melancholy Phlegmatic types are often teachers and scholars. They are not as prone to hostility as other melancholy blends and combine analysis with organization. Unfortunately they can become easily discouraged and may be susceptible to fear and anxiety. They may become uncooperative because of stubborn, rigid tendencies. This type may become lifelong students of one topic or another. Because of their detailed and organized nature, it seems natural to keep learning more and more about a subject. And the lack of drive of the Phlegmatic seems to make one subject enough. This suggests that this type might make a good specialist in any area; such a medical specialist or a graduate studies professor. People of this type need friends with a Sanguine nature because, left totally to their own devices, the Melancholy Phlegmatic may fall into isolation and depression. More than anything, this type needs to develop attitudes of peace and joy to counter their natural pessimism and fear. Melancholy Sanguine– MelSan – High C High i in DiSC parlance In the Melancholy Sanguine, the detailed and organized Melancholy is tempered by the outgoing and warm Sanguine. He makes an excellent teacher as his organized side is well versed in the facts and his sanguine side makes him enjoyable to attend to. If he goes into sales it will be a type of sales that calls for exacting detail and the presentation of many facts. He is an emotional person - from being moved to tears, to being critical and hard on others. Because the Sanguine is a more verbally extroverted, they will usually be talkative about the details that the Melancholy finds so fascinating. If you ask as question of a Melancholy Sanguine, you will get a long and detailed answer with more detail than you could have imagined or even wanted. However, the brightness of the Sanguine side usually makes them fairly easy to listen to. The Melancholy Sanguine will be better prepared and organized than a Sanguine would normally be. They can be excellent presenters and teachers because their detailed knowledge of their subject matter is tempered by their warm Sanguine secondary. Though more outgoing than the Melancholy is usually, this person will still be a sharp, detailed critic. They could function well as a movie critic or the judge of a debate; sharp criticism softened by warmth and humor. The weakness of the Melancholy is a sharp, critical nature, which is not open to "mitigating circumstances" (in other words, “no excuses allowed”). Combined with the occasional sharp e motional outbursts of the Sanguine, the Melancholy Sanguine can deliver sharp pointed verbal barbs that will often vanish as quickly as they appeared. But be careful of getting on this person's "bad side" as their verbal inclination will cause them to be quite vocal in their criticism. Because the primary Melancholy tends to worry and the Sanguine secondary doesn't, this blend will find itself knowing that it should be concerned about a situation or problem but unable to work up the "steam" to do anything about it. This temperament blend needs to develop both a peaceful attitude while exercising self-control over the flighty Sanguine. This person works well alone but needs interaction with others who accept their occasional "outbursts". Another Sanguine will usually get along with them, but a Phelgmatic Sanguine will probably be better able to handle their critical side. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 19. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 A Simple Paper and Pencil Temperament Test Everyone wonders why people do the things they do. There are numerous temperament tests "out there". This one simply gives you a slight hint where you are on the DiSC scale. Are you naturally outgoing? Do others consider you outgoing? If you are outgoing, are naturally talkative? If so you are most likely an "I" on the DiSC scale. Which stands for ‘Influence’ - contacting people, making a favorable impression, verbalizing with articulateness, creating a motivational environment, generating enthusiasm, entertaining people. Cross-reference: Outgoing/people-oriented, Sanguine, MB - ExFP If you are outgoing, are you more interested in getting things done than talking? If so you are probably a "D" on the DiSC scale. This stands for ‘Dominance’ - getting immediate results, causing action, accepting challenges, making quick decisions, questioning the status quo, taking authority. Cross-reference: to other systems: Outgoing/Task-oriented, Choleric, MB - ExTP If you do not consider yourself naturally outgoing (that is, more quiet or introverted), do you consider yourself a detailed person? Do others notice that you are careful about order and details? If so you are most likely a "C" on the DiSC scale. This stands for ‘Cautious’ - following directives and standards, concentrating on detail, working under controlled circumstances, being diplomatic with people, checking for accuracy. Cross-reference: Reserved/task-oriented, Melancholy, MB - xSTJ If you do not consider yourself naturally outgoing, are you best known for being easy to get along with, calm and steady? If so you are probably an "S" on the DiSC scale. This stands for ‘Steadiness’ - performing an accepted work pattern, sitting or staying in one place, demonstrating patience, developing specialized skills, concentrating on the task, showing loyalty. Cross-reference: Reserved/people-oriented, Phlegmatic, MB - IxFJ Two Caveats Temperament is often modified by life experience and circumstances - we call this our personality. Each of us is a blend of usually TWO of the above types. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 20. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 The DiSC Temperament System I cannot take credit for this, nor can I fully give credit to the author. However it is an excellent comparison of various types of temperament classifications. If you are interested in these tests, the following will give you a way of cross-referencing your "type". This seems like an interesting system. From what I've read, it seems particularly accurate and more "real" than other systems (like MB and Enneagram) which I am skeptical of. One reason for this is that while I find it very difficult to type me on the MB/Enneagram systems, I immediately recognized myself in this. I am a strong S with moderate I/C followed by a weak D. It measures a person's personality in 4 areas: Dominance • getting immediate results • causing action • accepting challenges • making quick decisions • questioning the status quo • taking authority • causing trouble • solving problems Influence • contacting people • making a favorable impression • verbalizing with articulateness • creating a motivational environment • generating enthusiasm • entertaining people • desiring to help others • participating in a group Steadiness • performing an accepted work pattern • sitting or staying in one place • demonstrating patience • developing specialized skills • concentrating on the task • showing loyalty • being a good listener • calming excited people Cautious • following directives and standards • concentrating on detail • working under controlled circumstances www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 21. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 • being diplomatic with people • checking for accuracy • criticizing performance • critical thinking • complying with authority Naturally, you can match this with other personality systems. On one site, it said D's were Outgoing/Task-oriented, I's were Outgoing/People-oriented, S's were Reserved/People-oriented, and C's were Reserved/Task-oriented. This sounds an awful lot like Myers-Briggs. Here is my matching.. DISC type/MB types: • D = ExTP • I = ExFP • S = IxFJ • C = xSTJ This is if you look at each letter separately. We are all a mixture of the four letters, so this is why you can be a MB type, which isn't on that list. A person with high D and C (like in your analysis) would most likely be an ESTJ, for example. DISC type/Enneagram type: • D = 3, 7, 8 (best matches with 8) • I = 2, 3, 7 (best matches with 7) • S = 4, 6, 9 (best matches with 9) • C = 1, 5, 6 (best matches with 1) One = moderate D, low I, moderate S, very high C Two = low D, high I, high S, low C Three = moderate D, high I, low S, moderate C Four = low D, low I, moderate S, low C Five = moderate D, very low I, low S, moderate C Six = low D, high I, high S, high C Seven = high D (if 7w8), very high I, low S, very low C Eight = very high D, moderate I, very low S, moderate C Nine = very low D, moderate I, very high S, moderate C DISC type/Oldham type: D = Aggressive, Adventurous, Vigilant I = Dramatic, Mercurial, Self-Confident S = Devoted, Leisurely, Sensitive, Self-Sacrificing C = Conscientious, Solitary, Idiosyncratic www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 22. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 For the most part, the types match well, although Idiosyncratic seems to be the only one who doesn't match at all (C is the closest I could match it with). D matches best with Aggressive, I with Dramatic, S with Sensitive, and C with Conscientious. On a personal note, I can see this perfect relation in me. My top three styles are Sensitive, Leisurely, and Devoted (all S). I then have Dramatic and self-confident behind those styles (I) which adds flavor to me. I score a bit less in the C types, and especially the D types. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 23. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Letters from Online Temperament Percentages I got an email the other day asking about a breakdown of temperaments by percentage of the population. Here's the letter and my reply: Hello, I have known about the 4 temperaments since 1995 and have taken several personality tests including the very thorough Birkman. I recently bought a book that said that only 3% of people have Choleric as their primary temperament, 11% Sanguine, 17% Melancholy, and a whopping 69% Phlegmatic. I am a Choleric Sanguine which would make me the most rare of the 16 combos. Are these percentages accurate, in the ball park, or totally off? Thanks, Matthew And I replied: Matthew - I've never thought about that aspect of temperament; I've always focused on how temperaments interact in life. However it doesn't seem right to me. Marti Laney in her book "The Introvert Advantage" says that extroverts make up 75% of all people and Introverts only 25%. Cholerics and Sanguines are typically extroverts so the percentages you quote don't seem right - at least to me. Also, in my experience, there just isn't that large a percentage of easy-going, laid back people! Thanks for writing. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 24. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Opposite Temperament Types in One Person The question below relates to the "blend" of temperament types in each of us. What happens when they are opposites? I noticed that you said you're a Phlegmatic Choleric, and I was wondering if you've studied that combination much because those two personalities are conflicting and opposite. I was wondering what you think how the opposite personality types can be in the same person. Taylor My reply: Taylor Your question is one I’ve often thought about. I do believe that you can have a blend of two opposite temperament types as I live in one (Phlegmatic Choleric). Also my wife has two opposites (Sanguine Melancholy). From my experience, understanding this has to do with the position of each type; by that I mean that in most people one type is dominant and the other is less so. For instance, I have a good friend that is choleric phlegmatic. How do we differ since we share the same two types? I am almost always the most laid back person in the room (Phlegmatic) but when I get impatient (traffic, slow lines) my choleric driver wants to come out. In my friend, his choleric primary causes him to be a straight-ahead driver who does it in a non-angry way; his phlegmatic tempers his choleric. The upshot is that individuals with opposite temperament types in combination will struggle with those opposites; which is partly what makes each of us unique. Thanks again for writing. Reconciling DiSC and Myers Briggs I do not believe that these two temperament inventories measure the same things. The following exchange illustrates what I mean: Dear Hal, My name is Bryne. I have taken both the MBTI and the DISC tests. On the DISC test, I tested as a Mel Phleg; as for the MBTI, i tested as an INFP/INTP(my score for the T/F scale is pretty close). So, how do I reconcile the results of these two tests? Does INFP correlate well with Mel Phleg or does INTP correlate Better? Please advise. And I answer: I've always been interested in trying to reconcile the Myers Briggs and the DiSC; in my observation they are NOT the same way of looking at temperament. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 25. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 For example; I have a friend who is, like me, an INFP - both of us are rate strong for this type. However I am a Phlegmatic Choleric (High S, High D) and he is a Phlegmatic Melancholy (High S, High C). So while we both tend to be laid back, my friend is much more analytical and critical and I am much more results-oriented. ("Results-oriented" is a relative term in a Phlegmatic!) Since you are also an INFP we should share some of the same approaches to life HOWEVER because you are Melancholy first and Phlegmatic second, you're personality would seem to differ from my friends' and me in many ways. I realize this isn't a direct answer but it does indicate to me that the two types of inventory measure different qualities. Wish I had more; I guess I should put more effort into this but I'm a Phlegmatic so . . . . Hal Warfield Schmoozing for Introverts A quick link on a favorite topic: How to be an Introvert and Sell for a Living. Introverts of the world unite! www.businesspundit.com/50226711/how_to_network_for_introverts.php Choleric Husband and Melancholy Wife I write extensively on our natural Temperament; but as a Christian I must make the point that all of our efforts in the natural cannot overcome the natural weaknesses each temperament type has. Let's look at a letter from a wife with a Melancholy (detailed, analytical) temperament: Mr. Warfield, I am in need of advice and I have searched everywhere to find nothing that fits my situation. The information I found on several sites that were submitted by you were the first glimmers of hope I have found in years. I am veteran/working professional now stay at home mom of three. My husband is a veteran and now working professional in a highly demanding company. We live in a high stressed area near our nation's capital. I am just beginning to understand my husband and my personality types. His a ChlorMelSan (Choleric Melancholy) and I am a MelChlor (Melancholy Choleric). We have been married for 12 years and it has been an uphill battle off and on all the way. We are alike in many ways, but then our differences are so strong; I often wonder what is the real key. In spite of his cool qualities that can be hurtful at times, I would not change him even if I could because every thing in him is what makes him unique in God's Kingdom. Lucille www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 26. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 II believe that if I could learn how to effectively communicate with him at all times, according to God's word, that our relationship would be a blessing to both us and all those around us. Thank you in advance for your time and advice on this matter. Sincerely, Lucille And I reply: Lucille I do not know whether I can be of help or not; I will give you my thoughts for what they are worth. A Choleric Melancholy is one of the most difficult temperament blends to live with. I do not say this critically; it is simply a fact. A Choleric is hard driving, straight-ahead task-oriented with little concern for the feelings of those in their line of travel (metaphorically – their line of travel through life). A Melancholy is detailed and analytical but with a strong critical edge. I have had Choleric Melancholy types email me saying they didn’t like anyone; even themselves. In a marriage this is often reflected in the interaction between husband and wife. A Choleric Melancholy will initially pursue his mate-to-be with the same drive and determination he uses in achieving any goal; but afterwards, other goals drive him. Now the weakness of both types – anger in the Choleric and criticism in the Melancholy can assert themselves. These types cannot be classified as ‘sensitive’ in any way. Your blend – Melancholy Choleric – is actually one that has the potential strength to handle a Choleric Melancholy. Your weaknesses – criticism and over-analysis and anger – may compound the troubles but there is strength there as well. You ask about communication – a Choleric Melancholy wants straightforward, well-organized, task-oriented communication. This, however, is not highly conducive to pleasant marital communication. Your email seems to indicate you are a Christian – my “solution” for ANY temperament problems is rooted in God’s way of doing things. God created us with our natural temperament – He expects us to grow and change under the influence of His Spirit living within us. Too many Christians use the excuse “that’s just the way God made me” to excuse their natural weaknesses. The solution to transformation (and that’s what our life in Him is – not being conformed to this world’s way but being transformed by the renewing of our minds) is found in Galatians 5:22. Here are listed the fruits of the Holy Spirit – and each one, when taken into our lives and allowed to grow and mature, overcomes a natural temperamental weakness. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 27. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 The Choleric needs love, kindness, gentleness and self-control to overcome anger. The Melancholy needs joy, patience and goodness to overcome a critical nature. The Phlegmatic needs peace and self-control to overcome worry and laziness. The Sanguine needs faithfulness and self-control to overcome a sloppy, unorganized life. The key here is the part of the verse that says, “against these, there is no law”. Temperament is a natural law – the fruit of the Spirit overcomes these natural laws. BUT (there’s always a ‘but’) it’s only as believers commit themselves to appropriate these fruits, accept them from God by faith as a gift, and allow them to grow, that they will begin to overcome the natural temperamental weaknesses. I do not know if your husband is a Christian – but you can begin to seek to allow these fruits into your life (and hopefully he can as well). You each must realize that in your natural selves you will always have friction – and you can learn natural ways to deal with them. But if one of you doesn’t see the need to change then change becomes more difficult. I know I’ve rambled – if you haven’t yet, I’d refer you to my web site and for further reading. I would also encourage your husband to read these as well. Best wishes, Hal Warfield A Melancholy Child I get many letters from individuals asking questions about their temperaments. This letter comes from a mother with a Melancholy child. Remember that a Melancholy temperament is very organized but can be overly analytical and critical. Here's the letter: Good day. I have looked at your web site and found many interesting facts about the various personalities. I have a 10 year old very COMPLEX boy. He is most definitely a melancholy child. Please advise as to how I can get the most out of him, for him to eventually WANT to do things for himself, e.g.. school work, sport etc. it seems as if he goes through cycles of really not liking himself. He accepts ‘compliments very skeptically. Thanks -- Michelle And I answer: Michelle, You didn’t indicate whether you know his secondary type – Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Sanguine. His age magnifies the problem, as he is about to enter adolescence which is a difficult time for the happiest of children. A Melancholy is usually analytical and critical of others but not themselves. If he is not naturally outgoing (a Phlegmatic secondary) he needs to have some sort of peer group where he receives positive attention, activity and feedback. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 28. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 It probably seems like a cliché but activities like Tae kwon do or other martial arts seem to excel in this type of activity. If he’s musically inclined, get him a guitar and some lessons. Again the point is to give him feelings of accomplishment AND to focus his attention more outwardly. Whatever you can come up with to give him feeling of success and divert his attention from himself should have the effect of gradually raising his self-concept. At the same time, I would avoid competitive groups where he will have the tendency to be self-critical (sports teams for instance). Don’t expect this to be an overnight change – realize his temperament is inborn and that his personality is temperament plus his life experience and circumstances. The only part you can influence are the latter two. Best wishes, Hal Warfield All Four Temperaments in One? Ewa writes: I was told that I do have all four and that is unusual. Am I cursed or blessed? Can you elaborate on this combination? And I answer: Ewa – I have encountered many who have said that there are “all four temperament types” – and this points up the differences between temperament and personality. Let’s take a person with a Phlegmatic (laid back, easy going) temperament. If this person is raised by Cholerics (hard driving, non-emotionally sensitive), they will by necessity take on some Choleric behaviors simply by being around Cholerics. So remember that temperament is inborn; personality is your life experience added to your temperament. You still are probably a blend of two types, but circumstances in your life may have caused you to take on the behaviors of temperaments that are not naturally your own. To better see your natural temperaments, ask yourself two questions. First, what are my natural weaknesses; the things I just “can’t seem to help”? If laziness, you are probably a Phlegmatic. If you are disorganized, you are probably a Sanguine. If you have a tendency to be critical and analyze others, you may be Melancholy. And if you tend to not care much about how you affect other people, you are probably Choleric. Second, ask yourself how you respond under stress and pressure. A Phlegmatic will procrastinate, a Sanguine will have sharp emotional outbursts that go away quickly, a Melancholy will begin to over-analyze everything, and a Choleric will get quiet and angry. I hope this helps. Hal Warfield www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 29. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Another “Cold Call for Introverts” Idea I got an email question on cold calling. It was from someone in the insurance business. Now we all know that cold calling is NOT an effective way to drive sales, but many sales managers do not know this. While I didn't have a direct way to help this person, I did suggest an indirect way that might help. Here's the letter and my response: Hello Hal, I read your article on Cold Calling for Introverts. Thank you! I am new to the Life Insurance business and I am required to do the dreaded cold calling. Any advice on selling this type of product? Regards, John I respond: John -- I’m not sure my original approach would work as well in an insurance setting. It’s difficult to see how you could call an individual about information when it’s obvious they haven’t asked for it. One indirect idea might be to do online searches for lists of names – in this case it might be membership lists of clubs or organizations in your area (Carson City Chamber of Commerce). You’ve got Rotary, Lions, Elks, Chamber, Band Parents, etc, etc, etc. When you find one in your area, you can call with a question about the organization and then try to move onto your ‘pitch’. It’s just an idea – it may not have merit. Let me know if you could see how it would work for you. Hal Warfield Space Time for Introverts There is a whole series of Dilbert cartoons where Wally is on sabbatical in his cubicle. He keeps sending out old memos and emails. Well, at least I added a new sentence at the beginning! Since introverts tend to be more introspective - I've been saving links to sites that tend to make ME introspective. (For more on introspection, see my article here.) Ken Galliott has taken the time to write a wonderful series of essays on all the reasons that "things are not as they seem". Start your journey down the rabbit hole at his site called Seeking. What makes you introspective? How much time do extroverts spend "looking inside themselves"? What is introspection good for? www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 30. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Does Shy Equate to Introversion? It's been a busy week. Two days in LA, followed by two days being an illegal alien in Canada! Next time I'll have the right paperwork with me! Now back in LA waiting for a flight, I have time to reflect more on that question I get asked from time to time: Does being shy mean the same thing as being introverted? As a high-powered Introvert (INFP) (Phlegmatic/Choleric) I feel uniquely qualified to answer that question. As a child I was HIGHLY bashful. I did not speak much, I did not interact with other children much and my mother tells me I was a very compliant child. Now I believe that introversion formed the basis of this shyness which lasted into college. But I believe that even the most hard-nosed introvert can overcome shyness. As an adult I have made my living in Sales and Marketing for 15 years. I HATE cold calling (see my article entitled "Cold Calling for Introverts") and do not schmooze well. After a presentation or meeting I still have the Introvert's desperate need to go hide somewhere until I can recharge. But I CAN make presentations and I CAN call people when I have to and I CAN hold conversations with strangers. So what happened? I believe a strong program of self-development over the years helped me build self-confidence. Not blustering, Dale Carnegie confidence but actual confidence in my abilities, my intelligence and my understanding. Studying Temperaments helped me tremendously -- finally coming to the realization that I was not socially retarded (Hey! I'm just an Introvert!) made a big difference. So, while perhaps controversial, I believe that Introversion is inborn and shyness is a controllable, changeable behavior. If you disagree, please let me know back -- I am always open to other points of view. Introverts of the World – Evolve! And I'm not talking about growing feathers. One of my ongoing peeves in life is a tendency by many to excuse their behavior on inborn temperament. Now understand that, in my book, temperament IS the subtle underlying basis of who we are. Some are easy going Phlegmatics, others are detailed Melancholies, there are outgoing Sanguines and hard driving Cholerics. But because you were originally wired that way is NOT an excuse for not growing and changing. Dictionary.com defines the word evolve as to develop or achieve gradually' -- and this I support for all temperament types. Phlegmatics tend to fight laziness -- to evolve means to become generally more active over time through work and discipline. Melancholies tend to over-analyze and be critical -- to evolve means to put this to good use in helping others rather than criticizing them. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 31. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Sanguines are disorganized and messy -- to evolve means learning organizational skills both in physical spaces and mental ones. Cholerics have little patience with others and care little about their feelings -- to evolve means taking others into consideration. And if you are introverted I understand the difficulty involved; I once refused to go into church because we were 20 minutes late and my introversion refused to allow me to face the crowd. But I have evolved -- while I don't necessarily like being outgoing, I can do it when needed. So much so that I've ended up in leadership positions over and over again. So don't grow a tail today -- but do think about evolving. Temperament and Marriage I'm not happy with myself for the gaps in this. And I'm cautious about making a new years resolution -- I may not keep it. Oh well, here is a question from a reader of one of my articles on my other website on how temperament relates to choosing a spouse. Hey friend, I’d like to ask your opinion on marriage. Do you think opposites make best marriages? Is it important in your mind? The ones that don’t have matching temperaments (and I mean both as we all have at least two) never quite seem to thrive as well as those that are, any thoughts yourself? Any feedback is much appreciated! And here's my response: In my experience Temperament plays a vital role in marriage. What most people don’t realize is that we are often attracted to temperaments that are different than ours. A quiet Phlegmatic may appreciate the outgoing, talkative Sanguine. An organized Melancholy may think that a hard charging Choleric is just like them. The problem arises when we find out that their weaknesses are our strengths and we cannot understand how what is easy to us is so hard to them. A Sanguine is very, very disorganized and a Melancholy finds that infuriating. A Phlegmatic is very easy going and a Choleric is totally impatient with that approach. You cannot help your natural temperament type any more than you can help your eye color. Therefore it makes sense to find someone who shares some of your temperament in some way. Remember also that each of us is a blend of two temperament types. If you are a Choleric Sanguine (full speed ahead but also socially outgoing), you might do well with a Sanguine Phlegmatic (socially outgoing and easy going at the same time). The most difficult combination is two complete temperamental opposites. A Melancholy Choleric (detailed/critical and hard charging) is going to be very impatient and critical of a Sanguine Phlegmatic (socially outgoing and easy going). I believe temperament tests are a useful tool when looking (objectively) at choosing a spouse. Let me know if you have questions. - Hal Warfield www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 32. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Inter-Temperamental Irritation Hmmm . . . sounds like the cause for a rash. And in a way it is. Every temperament type is irritated by every other. With the exception of the Phlegmatic (who is generally laid back and easy going), each type finds something irritating about the other. The Choleric is purposeful and direct -- and strongly dislikes the "flightiness" of the outgoing Sanguine. The Melancholy is detailed and analytical and tidy -- and strongly dislikes the lack of organization by the Phlegmatic and Sanguine. And they are also critical of the Choleric's "pushiness". The Sanguine is "warm and fuzzy", social and talkative, and they have short but strong outbursts at anything and everyone -- but they're over quickly. What temperament traits irritate you? And which of your traits would you imagine irritate others? So here's a letter: Good day sir, I am a typical Chinese student from Singapore. I have just read your comments and explanation on man’s character and personality. Frankly speaking, I am mostly choleric and a little melancholy. I have a friend, who is also a student leader like me, and I find him extremely showy. And I find it very hard to bear with him too since both of us are student leaders. I don’t see why he is so dominant, though I am his In-Charge. This really makes me insecure and angry. If you do not mind, can you tell me a way to correct my perspective sir? I will be forever indebted to your help. Thank You, Name withheld, Singapore Republic To which I reply: Sir, As a Choleric, you are very goal-oriented BUT you are not particularly outgoing. You are not a natural “people person”. Your Melancholy makes you analyze things carefully. However, the weaknesses of your temperament include anger and criticism – so it is natural that you find yourself reacting this way. On the other hand, you friend is most likely Sanguine that is, an outgoing, warm, friendly “people person” who is naturally extroverted. This person can no more help being outgoing than you can help being dedicated and focused. Since neither of you can change your natural temperament, you must learn to accept (or at least tolerate) each other. You would do well to cultivate some friends with Phlegmatic temperaments. A Phlegmatic is soft spoken and easy going and will be a good listener. Focus on getting things done and don’t let your friends natural temperament make you insecure – here is an article about accepting your temperament type on my website www.introvert.cc. Best wishes, Hal Warfield www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 33. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Like Father, Like Daughter? I asked my oldest daughter, Lauren, to express her feelings about being an Introvert. My wife and youngest daughter are Extroverts. You just can't get away from them! (Kidding!) My name is Lauren. I am nineteen and a sophomore attending Rhodes College. A while ago, my dad asked me to write an article for his introvert web site about being an introvert, how it affects me, what it means to me, etc. So here I am, and here it is. First of all, I would like to start off, though it may be a bit high school essay-ish, writing what dictionary.com says the meaning of introvert is. Although we are not quite “anatomical structures that are capable of being introverted,” we do fit some of the other definitions: • to concentrate (one’s interests) upon oneself • a person who tends to shrink from social contacts and to become preoccupied with their own thoughts • to turn inside All these definitions can be amounted in a singular sentence: To be introverted is to be more focused on ones insides rather than the external world. Boy is that me. Actually, now that I think about it, you can be both focused inside and out. Let me try to explain. I am a thinker. I enjoy thinking. I really like and enjoy being alone with my thoughts. I am no basket case, but it is almost as if is a separate you within you that is a part of you with whom you converse or just talk to. It is somewhat difficult to explain. It’s not as though I have multiple personalities or anything, I just like thinking and talking to myself-internally, of course. I enjoy my own company. In doing so over the past nineteen years, I’ve gained a very deep sense of beliefs, my morals, and myself. I think it’s funny to watch people, especially those my age, talking about learning to get to know themselves and such because I’ve already done it. I’m not saying I know just every facet about myself, but I have a solid sense of self. My outward focus is more of an observer. I am totally aware of my surroundings and am always looking around me and watching people. I watch people try to read them, with an internal conversation about what I’m seeing. It’s difficult to be highly self-aware. I’m also highly sensitive. Those two things aren’t always fun when put together. Of the few parties I’ve gone to, it’s rather a strain and emotionally draining and exhausting for me. It takes energy to try and be more extroverted and focus outwards. Extrovert’s conversations flow; where as we introverts think before we talk. I tend to prefer deep conversations as opposed to the rapid, flowing conversations on (what often seems to me to be) frivolous topics that extroverts seem more inclined to. Being introverted is a mixed blessing. On one hand, I know myself and am very comfortable with myself. I can also read people and “feel” them and situations. I can feel my emotions intensely and deeply. That can be helpful and hindering. On the other hand, I’m constantly watching myself and can be critical of myself. Sometimes I feel bad because so many other people (75%) are extroverts, and it’s almost like there is something wrong with me. I know it’s just that I’m in the minority, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to be around lots of people. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 34. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 If it all came down to it, I’d prefer to be an introvert. I like knowing myself and being alone a good amount of the time. It’s peaceful and nice. Sometimes people just need to be quiet and calm down. However, it was more difficult, and still can be, during school when socialization is such a big part of growing up and life in general. Sometimes I just really, really want to fit in with all those other happy, smiley people who are just chatting away, but I know that’s not me, and I wouldn’t have fun even if I were within that group. That’s not to say I’m a loner. Nor is it to say that I am shy. I merely prefer small groups of more intimate friends. I’m pretty selective of my friends anyway. I must “feel” them out and have a sense of connection, or I know nothing will come of it. Within my own group of friends, I can be very outgoing because I trust, know, and connect with them. Extroverts don’t always bother me. I know they are just acting they way they are made to act. That doesn’t make it any less difficult to be around them at times though. It’s also a bit difficult to live in an extroverted world. If 75% of the world is made up of extroverts, then they have molded this world to fit the extroverted lifestyle. To be successful, it is necessary, or at least helpful, to be outgoing a lot of the time. In a way it’s like fitting a round peg into a square hole. But I suppose we need the extroverts, and they need us in a sort of balance although they have more yin over our yang. It’s kind of strange (in a good way) to be an introvert sometimes. It can be very difficult to describe the distinct sensations and perceptions you have of the world around you. I once read it being described as a sort of sixth sense in a way. Say I see a random person out somewhere. Just from looking at them I can generally tell what type of person they are and what they are like. Oh, I know to stay away from the new guy. He’s a big flirt with everyone and still kind of immature and stuck in a seemingly high school phase. In the end, he’ll be no good. Something similar to that, but these aren’t thoughts but rather feelings and perceptions I get. Again, when it all comes down to it, I enjoy being an introvert despite what pains it may and will cause me. I like being comfortable with myself, and I like having my “sixth sense.” I almost feel as though I have a sort of “leg up” on other people. It gives me a sense of confidence. I trust myself. There’s something more I want to say about being an introvert, something very good and wonderful about it, but again, it’s a feeling that is hard to describe. Decisions, Decisions Once we discover that our temperament has something to do with where we are in life, we often panic and want things to change. Read on for another letter: Please help!!!!!! I am a MelPhleg with a number of Choleric traits underlying my personality. I read your book "Why you act the way you do". Very interesting! I am currently an occupational therapist and miserable. I feel like I am drowning in paperwork and sit on my butt all day. This is not a good recipe for a doer. I have been thinking about a career change. I am thinking about being a photographer in the military. Of course, I am analyzing this to death. I am reading all information I can get my fingers on, seeing a career counselor now and plan on talking to a recruiter in the near future. I was wondering if you have any additional advise for me and my situation? Do you still offer the Personalized Temperament Analysis? If so, I am interested in receiving it for myself. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 35. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 And I answer: First off - s-l-o-w down. You’re gonna blow a gasket! A Melancholy Phlegmatic is a detailed person who doesn't feel the need to force that style on others. The need to analyze of the Melancholy combined with a tendency to worry from the Phlegmatic are causing some of this anxiety. If it is important to change what you are doing, then some of your steps are already underway. A "career counselor" can mean a lot of things so be careful there. I might suggest you read an article on Introspection and one on a Personal Life Planning process here on my "other" web site. I would also recommend Po Bronsen's book "What should I do with My Life" which I have reviewed here. Best wishes and let me know if you have questions. Hal And a Child Shall Lead? I cannot believe I've been off over a month. My life is so busy now I'm meeting myself coming and going (which only works in an 11 dimensional space-time). And now my mail includes temperament questions about kids! Well, I'll take a shot at it. Question: My wife and I realize we have a Choleric child. She is 7, first born, very bright (school comes easy). She is also prone to erratic behavior, fits of anger, outburst and the like. She tries to dominate by manipulating your actions through hers. We now know not to spank a Choleric child, but how do you discipline one? Thanks for any help. My answer: First understand that no one is a pure Choleric or any other of the four types. At 7 it may be difficult to see her “secondary” type but it’s there. Is she detailed? Then her secondary might be Melancholy. Is she outgoing and talkative? Her secondary may be Sanguine. A Choleric is a task oriented, goal focused individual who doesn’t care much how they achieve those goals. Rather than trying to control, I suggest you find “energy outlets” that are goal oriented. I’ve not been involved personally but something like martial arts, which stresses personal discipline and control, might be something to consider. Discipline has to make sense to a Choleric. By “make sense” I don’t mean they like it but that the punishment clearly fits the crime. It probably needs to be an activity based discipline like cleaning or picking up sticks in the yard or something like that; don’t make them “take a time out” that’ll just make the pot boil. Best wishes, Hal Warfield Hate Your Temperament Type Each of us has, at some time, wished we had the traits of another person. I wish I was as (cool/smart/beautiful/add your own word) as so-and-so. Why are we so dissatisfied with the cards we were dealt? www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 36. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Not sure I have the answer but it's a good lead into tonight's email question: Hi I do hate my personality. I am a semi professional in health care. I have always been the quiet shy guy. Good at my career but avoid going to far out of the box therefore give up lot of career opportunities. I wish I could be comfortably outgoing, is there any way at 47 years old, I could change that? At my age I still do not like my personality, it holds me back in more ways than one. My response: It does no good to "hate" your personality any more than you can hate your eye color. It was something you received from birth and heritage. I am an extremely introverted individual but I've had to learn (some by being forced and some by making myself) to at least function well in an extroverted world. If you feel your temperament has"held you back" then you've got to figure out what you really want out of life. Read this article on "What Should I do with My Life" - which is my personal review of Po Bronsen's book - then look at this article on Personal Discovery. I think an introvert can be happy with one or two good friends - you don't have to want to be an extrovert; introverts are needed on the planet too! Are Melancholies Doomed? I return today to the "Ann Landers" portion of my site. These are letters I get from those who read my Personal Development articles over on my other website -- I'm Gonna Keep On Looking. They write, I answer . . . One letter said: If I'm a MEL (Melancholy temperament) I'm doomed I couldn't see one positive trait there and in this day and age it's harder than ever to remain thick skinned; A friend of mine down the pub noticed this was my personality type and now I feel worthless. My reply: (chuckle) One of a Melancholy's weaknesses is being critical; especially SELF-critical -- you are neither 'doomed' nor 'worthless'. First off, relax -- there is not one temperament that is better or worse than another. A Melancholy is strongest in being organized and analytical. Melancholies make excellent doctors or engineers or any profession where a highly detailed and organized person is needed. They are the types that can keep a group or job or project organized and on track. It is true that the Melancholy, when they go too far, can be seen as critical. This is a trait that you'll need to work on. First, even if you feel that you are absolutely right in something you are thinking or going to say, take the time to think how your comments may affect the other person. No matter how right you feel, it most often does no good to open up verbally on the other person. You need to identify your "secondary" trait because no one is all Melancholy. Are you also a Driver (Choleric)? Or outgoing and verbal (Sanguine)? Or is there a part of you that is laid back (Phlegmatic)? It helps to know your secondary type because it affects your overall personality. - Hal www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 37. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 My 10-year-old’s Take on Introverts and Extroverts My daughter wants to add her $0.02 worth to my ongoing symposium on introverts and extroverts: I think that some people make a bigger deal about being extrovert and introvert than others. Like my father, who is the maker of this website, and my sister. They both kind of joke around with Mom and me about us being extroverts. Sometimes it seems like you can be a mixture of both like me. At school I’m really shy and introverted and then I get home and I become extroverted. I think that introverts are really cool though because they don’t say hurtful things as much as extroverts do because they kind of keep it to themselves. And that is fine with me! Anger Anyone? I rarely get angry but I don't think it's because I'm introverted. Beyond introvert/extrovert there are other temperament classifications. To see a comparison of different types of temperament systems look at I'm Gonna Keep On Looking. But here is one of my coaching emails dealing with anger: The reader writes: Thank You So Much! I have taken the temperament (personality test) from one of Florence Littauer's books (HOW TO GET ALONG WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE) and came out as a strong Melancholy, followed closely by Choleric with almost no Sanguine and just a few Phlegmatic traits. As the typical Melancholy might I've always tried to understand who and why I am and how to get along better with others, since I do not(!) get a long well. Your article was very enlightening and helpful. Now if I can just apply what I've learned I might cope better. And I answered: The Melancholy/Choleric combination is a very detailed person with a strong drive to accomplish whatever is ahead of them. Unfortunately, it also has the potential to combine the strongest negative traits - criticism and anger. A melancholy/choleric MUST realize that they are not always right (even when it seems SO clear that you are - to you!) and that other's ways of doing things are okay (even when they seem careless and un-directed). You will work better with other Cholerics who respect your level of detail. You would do well to cultivate a few Phlegmatic friends who will accept you as you are - and give them the space in your life to (gently) offer you their input on your ideas. Let me know if I can answer any other questions. Extrovert versus Introvert – Win/Win? I'm using some of my coaching emails to continue to explain some of the differences between temperaments. A wife wrote: My husband is a phlegmel (in other words, a strong Phlegmatic with a Melancholy secondary), and I am a sangchol (or a Sanguine with a Choleric secondary). How can I best relate to my husband without shutting him down, or trampling on he feelings?s. To that end, she is more open to visit with friends, co-workers, and family to meet her need for socialibility. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 38. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Thanks for your input! I answered: As a Sanguine Choleric you are an outgoing, warm "driver"; Driver in the sense that you want to move forward and push ahead towards your goals and ambitions. Your Sanguine primary gives you an "edge" in that the warmth and outgoing part of your nature keeps you from seeming overbearing as you move towards the things you want. As a Phlegmatic Melancholy, your husband is more likely to be an "inner" person - laid back, easy going, but not the outgoing person you are. Phlegmatics feel threatened by the more outgoing temperament types. Here are some suggestions: First, realize that you are NOT going to change his underlying type and he is NOT going to change yours. As a Phlegmatic myself, married to a Sanguine, I have to find time to "retreat and recharge" from her energetic and outgoing nature. She has come to realize that the things she values in me (stability, ability to "take" her moods, etc) are not necessarily what she needs in interpersonal relationships. To that end, she is more open to visit with friends, co-workers, and family to meet her need for socialibility. That doesn't let me (or your husband) off the hook - to get more "out of him" he HAS to feel that you are a SAFE person to be around; safe in terms of allowing him to feel his own feelings and express them in his own way. If you are impatient (as a SangChol) can easily be he will feel it's not okay to be himself. I could go on - but I'd better leave it here. Let me know if you have additional questions. - Hal Introverted Doesn’t Mean Uninteresting I read an entry in Jessa June’s blog recently that commented that a blog for introverts seems a bit like a contradiction in terms. And, honestly, that opened up an avenue of thought I hadn't considered . . . Do people think that because a person is introverted that they are uninteresting inside? I remember as I grew up that I was considered shy, snobby, arrogant, and probably other things I'm glad I never found out. But introverts are lively and witty and sharp and fun - inside and with a few close friends who have taken the time to learn how rich an introvert's personality can be. A blog or a chat room is heaven for an introvert because that inner self can shine forth in relative safety. I say relative because there's always a chance of an unkind comment. Which reminds me of an old, old saying - Still water runs deep . . . . Why so many Extroverts? The title of this blog is "a haven for 25% of the planet" - this supposedly being the percentage of introverts versus the other 75%. Now I'm sure this wasn't on a census form somewhere and I'm not even sure where he research was done. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 39. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 But still, it does seem that there are a lot more extroverted people out there. Or is it just that it seems that there are so many because their so darned loud!!? Sorry, just my rant for the day. And, by the way, the next time you're at the mall, take a few minutes to study the faces of passersby. It's amazing to me how few people look happy and how many look like life has kicked them in the stomach. Anyway, it's a fun, introverted way to pass time in the mall. Temperament Tests for You I've often had to explain the difference between temperament and personality - at least from my point of view and experience. Your temperament is that basic set of behaviors and ways of thinking you were born with. This is the entire premise behind the Meyers-Briggs and DiSC tests. This will indicate whether you are outgoing or introverted, prone to anger or criticism or anxiety, and it cannot be changed. It can, however, be modified. Personality is the temperament modified by life. Your personality is the sum total of your experiences on top of your temperament. You can find a couple of pretty good free temperament tests at: www.advisorteam.com/temperament_sorter/register.asp. My in depth article on temperament is on my other blog - I'm Gonna Keep on Lookin'. The Saddest Thing I've studied temperament and personality now for over 10 years. I know the natural strengths and weaknesses of all kinds and types of people. But the saddest thing I think is a person who, for who for one reason or another, has "put on" the behaviors of a temperament type not their own for such a long time that they have "become" that type. It seems so forced and unnatural, like an introvert who thought they had to be outgoing so they forced an outgoing "face" for so long that it stuck (Like your mother told you - if you keep doing that your face will stick that way!) What are your experiences with people who behave "off type"? Introverted? Or Shy? What's the difference? Are they interchangeable? Not really. Shyness may be a result of an introverted personality but an introvert is not necessarily shy. Confused? Okay, let's see . . . I have an introverted temperament - my Myers-Briggs in INFP and my "Greek" style is Phlegmatic. I was a HIGHLY shy child and it didn't change all that much until I reached my junior and senior year of high school. It didn't get a lot better there but I did find I enjoyed theatre and, in doing plays, you have to become more outgoing. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 40. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Now I'm in sales and that requires I be outgoing though I'll never become an extrovert. Shyness seems to be more a reaction to the world around you - the circumstances of your growing up years. If you had parents who worked hard to "socialize" you, then you may have grown less shy. If, like me, your parents left you pretty much to your own devices, then shyness may have been the Result. An introvert is a person who is more internal than external; who finds satisfaction is being alone (note I did not say 'lonely'), and is most likely happy with a few close friends. So - are you shy? Or are you introverted? And what about you extroverts reading this? What do you think and feel about introverts? Believe me we'd like to know! Cold Calling for Introverts In her book, The Introvert Advantage, Marty Olsen Laney talks about the defining moment when she embraced the fact that she was an introvert. It came in the form of a statement, "Oh, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just an introvert!" According to her research only 25% of people are introverted which leaves us the daunting task of dealing with the 75% extroverts of the world. And surprising as it seems, there are those of us who have, for one reason or another, chosen to make our living in sales. Being in sales poses many problems for introverts but probably the biggest is the idea of making cold calls. Now before we look at cold calling for introverts let's look at the concept of cold calling itself a bit closer. Sales guru, Jeffry Gitomer, says that cold calling is the least effective method of generating new sales. It interrupts the prospect, probably irritating them, and has a fairly low rate of return. Having said all that, cold calling is still needed and sometimes required of those of us in sales. As an introvert I have always looked with envy at the ease with which an extrovert approaches cold calling. Because they dwell in the outside world (while many introverts find their reality in the inner world) they find it easier to pick up the phone and call. They are usually more outgoing naturally so conversation with strangers is easier. And, darn it, they also don't seem as affected by the inevitable rejection; seemingly able to shrug it off and move on to the next call. Introverts will sometimes go to great lengths to avoid cold calling. First we have to plan who to call - who is most likely to be positive or at least neutral about our call? Then we have to make sure we have all our information together to handle any contingency that might come up - files, literature, scripts and anything else that might take 5 or 10 more minutes to find. Then we have to think about our prospect's schedule - we don't want to call too early or too late and, you know, everyone is too busy on Mondays and Fridays aren't a good day to call either. Once we've exhausted every excuse we're left sitting looking at the phone. It's time to pick it up and call. Short of drugs, there's probably no way to completely eliminate the stress cold calling causes introverts. But let me lay out a technique that works for me; both reducing my stress and, surprisingly, producing good contacts and prospects. www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 41. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 As a caveat there is one aspect to this technique that may bother some people but give me until the end of the article to provide some explanation. The underlying assumption here is that someone in the business or company you are about to cold call could >have requested information about your product or service. This assumption could include Internet inquiries; "bingo" cards in magazines, inbound 800 number calls, or any other way to request information. It doesn't mean that they actually did ask for information, only that they could have. We begin by at least knowing what department or area of a business or company would usually be interested in our product. If you sell forms, which department uses those forms? If you sell advertising, would the marketing department be the logical place to start? If you're in industrial sales, which department mainly uses your goods or services? Take a deep breath, pick up the phone and dial. If you get an automated attendant you can usually raise a "real" person by hitting "0" on your phone. When you get that real person say something like this, "Hello, my name is Joan Smith with ABC Company. I need to speak with someone in your ___________ department (that department name being the one you previously identified). In 90% of calls they will connect you without comment. We'll deal with the other 10% in just a minute. The phone will ring and your stress level will peak. Will someone answer or will you end up in voice mail - what you say next remains the same either way. When someone (or the message machine) answers say something like this. "Hello, my name is Bill Jones with ABC Company. I'm new in this position and as I was going through my predecessor's files I found a request for information from your company but it doesn't have a name on it. I didn't want to throw it away without at least trying to see if the information had been sent. Do you know of anyone who would have requested information on (your product or service)?" And wait. They may ask for your company name again. They may ask for more information on the product or service you just mentioned in passing. But most of the time their reply takes one of the following forms. "Well, that would have been (a name). Let me connect you to him - make sure you have a pen ready during this call." When you're connected to Bob (or his voice mail) repeat the thread above, that is, you've found a request for information with no name and you want to make sure that whoever requested the information got what they needed. Sometimes, the person will say, "Well, that would have been me but I don't remember asking for information." No hostility, just puzzlement. Your response at that time is "As I said, this request doesn't have a name on it so it may not have come from you." Then you can give an abbreviated sales pitch by asking, "Are you already using (your product or service)?" A positive answer gives you the opportunity to ask if they are satisfied. A negative answer lets you ask if they would like to see information. A third response you might get would be this, "Well, that would have probably come from Anne Adams and she's not here. Would you like her voice mail?" Your reply something like this, "Yes, please, but do you mind giving me Anne's email address as well? That way I can send her a link to our web site just to be sure she gets the information requested." Again in most cases the person on the phone will give you their name, their email address, and maybe even this most coveted of responses, "You know, this is a timely call. We just brought a project off the back burner that uses (your product or service). Can you come by to meet with us?" www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc
  • 42. The Temperament Monologues © 2007 Let's back up a minute to the 10% of operators or receptionists that don't put you right through. They may ask, "Can I ask what this is concerning?" At this point I give a short version of my original thread, that I have a request for information from my company but no contact name and that I don't want to simply throw the request away. This will usually disarm the screener and get you a name or at least a ringing phone. Those few that you get through to who say, "nope, wasn't me and we have no need for that" are the ones you let go with a brief apology and thanks. Don't let it rattle you. Now back to the ethical question that this may raise for some of you. "I'm really telling a lie - no one asked for this information" and that is true. For some of you that point may eliminate you using this technique but first ask yourself this question. If you believe in your product or service, then you feel that the companies you call on can benefit from what you sell. If they knew they could benefit would they ask you for information? If they could and should have asked for this information that could benefit them AND if they were aware of your company, they would have asked, wouldn't they? So using this line of reasoning you can make the jump to the idea that they would have asked if they'd known to ask. So you are simply making them aware by your call. I realize this is rationalizing - but 90% of the people with whom I have used this technique are polite, interested, and give me excellent information. And many of them have benefited from the information I give them. And the alternative is to grit your teeth, call a receptionist, stumble through an explanation of who you are and what you're selling, hope they don't tell you to call purchasing, or put you through to someone who doesn't want to talk to a sales person AND who is in an irritable mood today. What makes this approach less stressful to the introvert? For whatever reason it is easier for me to call someone who first called me. If they called me first then they must be open to talking with me and I find this an easier call to make. This technique simply assumes that the person you're talking to would have called you if they had known of the benefits of your product or service. So give it a try - call a couple of people who might have asked for your information. Offer them the chance to really see your information. Then go lie down for about 10 minutes to let the stress go away. After all, we still are introverts! Hal Warfield is a speaker, teacher and coach. Write him at warfield@midsouth.rr.com. Or read additional self-development and business articles at www.halwarfield.com". www.halwarfield.com ~ www.marketstrategy.cc