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    Love Love Presentation Transcript

    • Love1 Wali Memon
    • Introduction “Work and love, that’s all there is” – Freud Finding love is a key developmental event in early adulthood Psychologists and the public use the word “love,” so it must have some meaning To challenge your preconceptions and help you to establish a working definition of love2 Wali Memon
    • Monogamy Only 5% of species, those where both parents needed for child’s survival Pair-bonding: having an emotional attachment to another Oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine release during sex; feels addicting Good feelings associated with partner (classical conditioning) Tells you “Gee sex with this person feels great” rather than just “Geez sex feels great”3 Wali Memon
    • Montane vole Prairie vole4 Wali Memon Pair-bond vs. No pair-bond
    • Sternberg’s Triangular Theory Love is multifaceted, with up to 3 central components1. Passion: intense longing for another person2. Intimacy: feeling connected, enjoying one’s company and support3. Commitment: obligations and responsibilities to one another 5 Wali Memon
    • 6 Wali Memon
    • Peck’s Criticisms of “Love” Falling in love (passion) ≠ love Excitement related to new, attractive person “We fall in love when we are consciously or unconsciously sexually motivated” The honeymoon always ends Dependency ≠ love “I need him” or “I’d die without her” “What you describe is parasitism, not love” Love is based on choice, not necessity7 Wali Memon
    • Love ≠ a feeling Love is an action, characterized by treating someone well Having strong feelings that someone is important or needed doesn’t mean you love them Myth of Romantic love Story that two people are “meant to be,” that it is predetermined “in the stars” If it doesn’t end up working out, people say it wasn’t “true love” after all (hindsight bias) Realistically, there are many suitable partners8 Wali Memon
    • Love is… An action, not a feeling Attention A risk of rejection Independence, not dependence Commitment Self-disciplined9 Wali Memon …hard work
    • Happy Couples Partner’s know each other’s hopes, quirks, likes, dislikes Secret Weapon: ritualized “repair attempts” to prevent increased negativity Shared, deep sense of meaning 5 : 1 ratio10 Wali Memon
    • Unhappy Couples Arguments characterized by… Harsh setup: negative and accusatory 4 types of negative interactions: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling Flooding Stonewalling11 Failed repair attempts Wali Memon Bad memories
    • 12 Wali Memon
    • Love Quotes“I define love thus: The will to extend one’sself for the purpose of nurturing one’s ownor another’s spiritual growth” - M. Scott Peck“Love is the subtlest force in the world” - Mahatma Gandhi“By accident of fortune a man may rule theworld for a time, but by virtue of love hemay rule the world forever” - Lao-tzu“Love is the only force capable oftransforming an enemy into a friend” 13 Wali Memon - Martin Luther King Jr.
    • “It’s a curious thought, but it is only whenyou see people looking ridiculous, that yourealize just how much you love them” - Agatha Christie“One of the oldest human needs is havingsomeone to wonder where you are whenyou don’t come home at night” - Margaret Mead“Love is a condition in which the happinessof another person is essential to your own” - Robert Heinlein“Whoso loves… Believes the impossible”14 Wali Memon - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
    • “Love doesn’t have to feel dizzying” - Michael Levine“Love is something like the clouds that were inthe sky before the sun came out. You cannottouch the clouds, you know; but you feel therain and know how glad the flowers and thethirsty earth are to have it after a hot day. Youcannot touch love either; but you feel thesweetness that it pours into everything” - Annie Sullivan“Among those whom I like or admire, I can findno common denominator, but among thosewhom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh” 15 Wali Memon - W. H. Auden
    • “Sympathy constitutes friendship; but inlove there is a sort of antipathy, or opposingpassion. Each strives to be the other, andboth together make up one whole” - Samuel Taylor Coleridge“True love comes quietly, without banners orflashing lights. If you hear bells, get yourears checked. - Erich Segal“Love talked about can be easily turnedaside, but love demonstrated is irresistible”16 - W. Stanley Mooneyham Wali Memon