Five Languages of Love


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Five Languages of Love

  1. 1. FiveLanguagesof Love Wali Memon 1
  2. 2. Hopefully, you came to learn how to fill a child’s emotional tank. How? By learning to speak their love language. Wali Memon 2
  3. 3. Before we start… Wali Memon 3
  4. 4. Unconditional love is the foundation♥ No matter what they look like ♥ Handicaps♥ Abilities ♥ Behavior You still care for them! Wali Memon 4
  5. 5. Wali Memon 5
  6. 6. Finding a child’s primarylove language is important!• Over time, a child’s primary love language may change.• With children under age 5, you might not be able to figure out their primary love language. Wali Memon 6
  7. 7. Understanding Languages of Love• Caregivers do need to speak all 5 love languages to keep the emotional tank full.• If you have several children, chances are they speak different love languages and need to be loved in different ways. Wali Memon 7
  8. 8. How did you know an adult loved youwhen you were younger? Wali Memon 8
  9. 9. Languages of Love ♥ Physical Touch ♥ Words of Affirmation ♥ Quality Time ♥ Gifts ♥ Acts of Service Wali Memon 9
  10. 10. #1 Touch• High fives• Hugs• Bear hugs• Kisses• Pats• Soft strokes• Massage• Snuggling• Riding piggyback• Contact sports Wali Memon 10
  11. 11. If you were to ask,“How do you know ____ loves you?”“I know my mommy loves me because sheis always hugging me… and my friends.”(A Book of Hugs)“Mr. Cassidy alwaysgives me a high fivewhen I see him.” Wali Memon 11
  12. 12. Physical Touch• Infants, toddlers, school age children - need lots!• Boys 7 -9 years old - may resist hugs and kisses but still need physical contact (wrestling, bear hugs, high fives, playing sports, running your hands through their hair)• Adolescence - Boys and girls pull back but don’t hold back touches. Girls need more expressions of love from dads during this time (if not, they will seek it out from another man). Wali Memon 12
  13. 13. TouchingSome need personal spaceRead body language Pull back?Ask if you can Wali Memon 13
  14. 14. If you use physical touch as an expression of anger or hostility, (spanking) and this is their love language, you will hurt them very deeply. Wali Memon 14
  15. 15. So find ways to use positive touch Wali Memon 15
  16. 16. Find the moments! Wali Memon 16
  17. 17. # 2 AffirmationWords of Praise Encouragement Guidance SupportSome children becomeaccustomed to praiseand expect it (self-esteem) Wali Memon 17
  18. 18. WordsGive positive messages• “I love you” – some can’t say this• “Thank you for _____”• “I’m so proud of you”• “I’m so proud of you for _______” Wali Memon 18
  19. 19. Verbal or Written• Write a note • Post it • In with their lunch • On their hand (The Kissing Hand)• Send a card• Send an email Wali Memon 19
  20. 20. You are a cheerleader! Wali Memon 20
  21. 21. “Wow, that was close” or“That’s a great effort,you’ve almost got it” instead of “Come on you can do better than that” Wali Memon 21
  22. 22. “I can’t do it!” Encourage means “to instill courage”You haven’t been Wali Memonto do it up to now. able 22
  23. 23. Communication• Are you really listening?• Need to be approachable, accepting, open, no put downs, non-judgmental Wali Memon 23
  24. 24. Watch your tone and body language Wali Memon 24
  25. 25. Boys to MenWe want:• Caring• Sensitive• Believe in female equalityWe still say:• “Don’t cry”• “Toughen up”• “Be strong”• “What sport do you play?”• “Be a man” Wali Memon 25
  26. 26. Choose your words carefully. Words of disapproval will hurt them very deeply. Wali Memon 26
  27. 27. Comment on the positive Wali Memon 27
  28. 28. So…find ways to encourage and praise! Wali Memon 28
  29. 29. # 3 Quality Time Play with me! Wali Memon 29
  30. 30. In a school setting adults show this love language by being a:• Teacher that stays after school.• Volunteer that comes in to read.• Staff person who comes out to after hour school events. Wali Memon 30
  31. 31. When you spend time with a child,you create memories for a lifetime. Wali Memon 31
  32. 32. “My dad comes tomy soccer gameand we go out fora smoothieafterwards.”“Mom took just mefishing.”∞Plenty of time to talk Wali Memon 32
  33. 33. Time• Plan for quality time • Lunch • Camping trip• One-on-one time with each child• Be excited to see them! Find time when you are relaxed and upbeat (not exhausted). Wali Memon 33
  34. 34. Quality vs. Quantity• Eye contact • Are you ignoring me? • Often use in negative way• Smile ☺• Really be with them• Quality conversation • Ask specific questions • Give examples from your day • Try storytelling Wali Memon 34
  35. 35. Parents - Do ANYTHING!• Watch a movie• Read a book• Trip to the store• Finger paint with chocolate pudding• Dance together• Go to a jump house• Go mermaid hunting Wali Memon 35
  36. 36. Ask“If you could do something special with mom/dad, what would that be?” flash light tagKeep it simple, make it fun! (KISMIF) Wali Memon 36
  37. 37. Family Dinner Wali Memon 37
  38. 38. Slow down!Learn to say, “No” to other obligations.Make time with your child a priority. Wali Memon 38
  39. 39. So go play! Wali Memon 39
  40. 40. # 4 Gifts• Has little to do with the size and cost• Not to be a payback or bribe• Avoid a guilt gift (going overboard is not the cure all)• Should be personal, know/learn interest of the child• Tangible, visual reminder, “I know your thinking about me.” Wali Memon 40
  41. 41. A child would say…“Mom bought me new school clothes.”“My dad bought me a baseball glove.”“Grandpa broughtme a rock fromYellowstone Park.” Wali Memon 41
  42. 42. Wali Memon 42
  43. 43. Receiving GiftsChildren whose primary lovelanguage is gifts will: Make a big deal about receiving the gift Want the present wrapped or given in a creative way Will talk about how it is wrapped Feel very special when opening it and want your undivided attention while opening it Make a special place for the gift and want to share or show it to friends It will not matter if the gift was bought, made, or found. What matters Wali that you thought about them! 43 is Memon
  44. 44. DivorceThe expensive present will not make everything better. Wali Memon 44
  45. 45. Too many gifts? No meaningChild becomes “emotionally dead” to receiving Wali Memon 45
  46. 46. # 5 Acts of ServiceWhom do you serve? Kids, parent, employer, spouse/significant other, church, organization It is physically and emotionally demanding to provide acts of service. Wali Memon 46
  47. 47. School nurse Wali Memon 47
  48. 48. Bus driver that says a spirited Good morning Wali Memon 48
  49. 49. What can you teach a child?To serve people who are in no way ableto return or repay the kindness.• Having a bad day• Different• Disabled• Disadvantaged Wali Memon 49
  50. 50. I know my mom/dad/grandma loves me because….• She always helps me with my homework• He fixes my bike• He takes me to my karate lessons• She makes me chocolate chip pancakes on Saturdays Wali Memon 50
  51. 51. Make service age appropriate• Do for your children what they can not do for themselves initially• As they are ready, teach them how to serve themselves and others (make the bed, laundry, cook, put clothes away, hang up jacket, etc.) Wali Memon 51
  52. 52. Recognizing Acts of Service• As children mature, they increasingly notice what is being done for them and are also aware of what has been done in the past.• They will also notice what adults do for other people and will want to participate in work projects too. Wali Memon 52
  53. 53. When your child’s primary love language is service• Remember when they ask for your help (“Can you fix this?”) they are asking you to do more than a task, they need you to fill their emotional love tank.• This does not mean you jump at every request.• It does mean that you should be more sensitive to those requests and recognize that your response will either fill or empty their emotional tank. Wali Memon 53
  54. 54. Role Model• Set a good example in public and private. Respecting others Don’t forget your • Please • Thank you • Im sorry• Keep your word. Wali Memon 54
  55. 55. (While a child is doing homework)You can model reading and studying Wali Memon 55
  56. 56. HospitalityHosting others in you home Wali Memon 56
  57. 57. Help your child foster positive relationships with friends, siblings and members of the community. Wali Memon 57
  58. 58. Be a child’s advocate!• Daycare• School• From a bully• Family• Neighbors Wali Memon 58
  59. 59. Acts of service to selfTeach that you need to take care of your body bytaking care of YOUR body.Ask yourself:• Do I have down time?• Do I make time to do things I enjoy?• Am I getting enough sleep?• How is my nutrition?• Am I finding ways to fit exercise into my routine?• Do I have high self esteem and talk highly of myself?• When was the last time I laughed? Wali Memon 59
  60. 60. American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)A childs health depends significantly on thecare and guidance you offer during his earlyyears. Regular check ups, keeping him safe fromaccidents, providing anutritious diet, andencouraging exercisethroughout childhood, youhelp protect and strengthenhis body. Wali Memon 60
  61. 61. Sleep NeedsInfants 14 – 18 hoursToddlers 11 hrsplus a two hour napPreschoolers 11 – 12 hrs(average 8.7 at night and 9.5 with a nap)School age 10 – 11 hoursAdolescents 9.25 hrs (average 6 hr 50 min)Adults 8.25 hrs (average 6 hr 54 min) Wali Memon 61
  62. 62. Which one is a child’sprimary love language? Wali Memon 62
  63. 63. How can you tell?• Observe how a child expresses love to you and to others.• Listen to what a child requests most.• Notice what a child most frequently complains about.• Give a child a choice between two options. Wali Memon 63
  64. 64. Take the quiz Wali Memon 64
  65. 65. When a child’s love tank is full, it fosters emotional developmentand better equips the child to learn. Wali Memon 65
  66. 66. Empty love tank Misbehavior Wali Memon 66
  67. 67. When they act out they are saying, “Do you love me?”Help children learn to identify and express anger. Teach appropriate ways. Wali Memon 67
  68. 68. Stove Black, pink (problem to solve), red, red hotHow big an ice cube do you need to cool down? Wali Memon 68
  69. 69. Anger and LoveAdults must have a handle on their anger. Wali Memon 69
  70. 70. If you make a mistake, admit it. Apologize Kids can be very forgiving. Wali Memon 70
  71. 71. Single parenting and love languages• Love tank has been ruptured.• Help a child process grief. • Denial • Anger • Bargaining • More anger Parents are also grieving and need time as well. Wali Memon 71
  72. 72. Teenage yearsVery vulnerable timeThey need premium fuel Wali Memon 72
  73. 73. Music• When you sing, you use more brain tissue.• Creates connections in the brain.• Music creates emotional memory. • Physical Touch and sing • Sing Words of Affirmation • Sing while spending Quality Time • Gifts of music • Music Acts of Service • Caroling Wali Memon 73
  74. 74. Can you see how this applies in your adult relationships as well?Might better understand family members, friends and co-workers. Wali Memon 74
  75. 75. Does this explain a misunderstanding you have had? Wali Memon 75
  76. 76. What is one way you can speak your child’s love language?___________________________________ Wali Memon 76
  77. 77. If I had my child to raise all over again,Id build self-esteem first, and the house later.Id finger-paint more, and point the finger less.I would do less correcting and more connecting.Id take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.Id take more hikes and fly more kites.Id stop playing serious, and seriously play.I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.Id do more hugging and less tugging. ~Diane Loomans, If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again Wali Memon 77
  78. 78. Go share your love! Wali Memon 78
  79. 79. ResourcesThe Five Love Languages of Childrenby Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell Wali Memon 79
  80. 80. Questions?? Wali Memon 80
  81. 81. Thanks Wali Memon 81