Emotional & Relational    Intelligence (ERQ ) in    TM     Effective Leadership                 Wali Memon1   Wali Memon
Preparing for a Crisis    Corporate / Institutional Preparation       Crisis plan, manuals, procedures,        checklists,...
The Long-Term Impact of a         Crisis      Crisis Happens      A crisis always has a ripple effect:        Dealing with...
Dealing with crisis well ALWAYS    involves dealing             with our emotions                 and the emotions of othe...
Fear and uncertainty often cause the   flight / fight                 responses to kick in                 Under pressure ...
The Surprising Road to        Success in Leadership:          The IQ Myth          Moving Beyond IQ to ERQ6   Wali Memon
Competencies That Are Predictors          of Success:    PERSONAL Competence:                 ______personal Intelligence ...
What Is Emotional &           Relational Intelligence     (ERQ™)?         “The ability to be aware of,    recognize and un...
The Significance of EQ –        What RESEARCH Tells UsRigidity, poor relationships and  inability to lead teams are the mo...
The Significance of EQ –          What RESEARCH Tells UsHay McBer’s study of hundreds of executives at 15 global organizat...
The Significance of EQ –         What LEADERS Tell Us    “A leader’s intelligence has to have a strongemotional component....
The Role of Our Two         Brains in Dealing With         Crisis          The EMOTIONAL           brain and the          ...
The Emotional Brain           helps us make ______                         QUICK           decisions.13   Wali Memon
What Is an Amygdala          Hijack?                                 Trigger          1.                       Instant    ...
The Rational Brain      The Rational Brain     helps us make SOUND     decisions.15   Wali Memon
The Rational Brain     The emotional brain processes       information in 2 milliseconds.     The rational brain processes...
Your ERQ is impacted by     the amount of     communication between                 EMOTIONAL     your _____________ brain...
The ERQ™ Model                   Self (INTRApersonal) Other (INTERpersonal)                        Self-                  ...
Quadrant I: Effective           Leaders Have Self-           Awareness     Emotional Self-Awareness:      knowing what our...
WHAT Are Emotions? Emotions are a mental state that can arise spontaneously and not just through conscious effort. Emotion...
WHAT Are Emotions?There are over 600 words to describe  emotions.There are 42 muscles in our face that we  use to express ...
Why Are Emotions So            Important?Research tells us that as go our  emotional self-awareness,emotional self-control...
One of the 10 Critical          Commandments for Effective          Crisis Management Is:     Thou shalt show      EMOTION...
Quadrant I: Effective Leaders             Have Self-Awareness     Accurate Self-Assessment: knowing            one’s own i...
The ERQ Model                   Self (INTRApersonal) Other (INTERpersonal)                        Self-                   ...
Quadrant II. Effective           Leaders Manage           Themselves        “People with a strong ability to manage       ...
What is the cost or impact on a     team of a fellow team-member        with LOW emotional self-                 control?2...
Approach to                  Making Your                  Anger Work FOR                  You28   Wali Memon
What Are Some Non-Verbal     Indicators of Anger?29   Wali Memon
Major Causes of Anger                  Frustration     Hurt                       Fear/Anxiet                             ...
What Does Unhealthy/          Destructive Anger Look          Like?                  The Cream                  Puff      ...
What Does HEALTHY and         CONSTRUCTIVE Anger Look         Like?     •Responds       •Proactive     •Honoring       •Li...
How Can I Make My                  Anger Work FOR                  Me?33   Wali Memon
Have an Emotionally           Intelligent Plan to Deal With           the Anger             Self Awareness                ...
Remind Yourself of the Positive           Things that Healthy Anger Can           Provide.                  It serves as a...
Self Management              Determine at the outset              who/what is going to have              CONTROL.         ...
Emotional &                  Relational                  Intelligence (ERQ ) in      TM                  Effective Leaders...
The ERQ™ Model                   Self (INTRApersonal) Other (INTERpersonal)                        Self-                  ...
Quadrant III. Effective Leaders          Empathize, Listen and Value          DifferencesEmpathy: sensing others’ feelings...
What Empathy Isn’t40   Wali Memon
What Empathy Is    Empathy begins with the awareness of  another person’s feelings and then taking  the time to try to und...
What Empathy IsEmpathy is choosing to UNDERSTAND.Understanding involves activating  both the RATIONAL and the  EMOTIONAL p...
What Empathy Is Level 1 Understanding:              ACTUAL WORDS          The ________ _______ I thought I heard you say L...
What Empathy Looks Like In             Times of Crisis                  Show up                  Begin where they are at  ...
Barriers to Empathy                                  differences                  1. Ignorance of __________              ...
What are 2-3 practical ways that      you could apply the skills of      empathy with a co-worker,      friend or family m...
Empathy and ListeningThe secret of empathy is not talking but   LISTENING.Research tells us that 70% of communication is m...
Empathy and ListeningThe secret of empathy is not talking but   LISTENING.Research tells us that 70% of communication is m...
Unhealthy Listening        Patterns  1. The FAKER  2. The INTERRUPTER  3. The INTELLECTUAL or Logical Listener  4. The Hap...
Improving Your Listening         Skills 1. Make your primary goal UNDERSTANDING        rather than being UNDERSTOOD. Never...
Improving Your Listening         Skills 4. Ask QUESTIONS and REPHRASE. 5. VALIDATE the speaker. 6. Manage your EMOTIONS. 7...
The ERQ™ Model                   Self (INTRApersonal) Other (INTERpersonal)                        Self-                  ...
Quadrant IV. Effective Leaders         Can Effectively Work With a         Variety of Different People        “The purpose...
So…Now What?What is one thing you learned in these two talks that you didn’t know about yourself?What is one thing you lea...
So…Now What?What is at least one thing that for the next 30 days you’ll work on doing in your “professional life” as a res...
The Long-Term Impact of a          Crisis                  Crisis Happens                  A crisis always has a ripple   ...
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Emotional + Relational intelligence And Leadership

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  • Mr. Memon,
    Thank you for posting the presentation; I have been in college instruction for many years and would like to use the presentation above in a leadership class I am now teaching for Johnson University Florida. The concepts outlined are difficult for some students to grasp. I believe this overview will help to that end.

    Again, Thank you for the help.
    lbundy@JohnsonU.edu

    Best regards,
    Lyle Bundy
       Reply 
    Are you sure you want to  Yes  No
    Your message goes here
  • Hi MR Wali,
    Great deck. Can you plase send me a copy. I would like to share with my team here. Thanks in advance. My email
    miclimo@yahoo.com.
    Best regards
    Michael
       Reply 
    Are you sure you want to  Yes  No
    Your message goes here
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Emotional + Relational intelligence And Leadership

  1. 1. Emotional & Relational Intelligence (ERQ ) in TM Effective Leadership Wali Memon1 Wali Memon
  2. 2. Preparing for a Crisis Corporate / Institutional Preparation Crisis plan, manuals, procedures, checklists, contact lists, etc. Personal / Individual Preparation There is a lot you CAN’T specifically prepare for and there is a lot that you CAN prepare for!2 Wali Memon
  3. 3. The Long-Term Impact of a Crisis Crisis Happens A crisis always has a ripple effect: Dealing with the initial impact of the crisis Dealing with the physical and financial impact Dealing with the psychological, emotional and spiritual impact3 Wali Memon
  4. 4. Dealing with crisis well ALWAYS involves dealing with our emotions and the emotions of others. When we allow our emotions to be in control we’re more likely to “feel” there is more of a crisis than there really is.4 Wali Memon
  5. 5. Fear and uncertainty often cause the flight / fight responses to kick in Under pressure most people tend to react rather than respond People with a higher ERQ are more likely to be able to “respond” rather than “react” or “over-react” in ways that only exacerbate the problem5 Wali Memon
  6. 6. The Surprising Road to Success in Leadership: The IQ Myth Moving Beyond IQ to ERQ6 Wali Memon
  7. 7. Competencies That Are Predictors of Success: PERSONAL Competence: ______personal Intelligence (EQ) INTRA RELATIONAL Competence: ______personal Intelligence (RQ) INTER7 Wali Memon
  8. 8. What Is Emotional & Relational Intelligence (ERQ™)? “The ability to be aware of, recognize and understand our own feelings and those of others and to constructively manage those emotions in ourselves and in our relationships.”8 Wali Memon Gary J. Oliver, Ph.D.
  9. 9. The Significance of EQ – What RESEARCH Tells UsRigidity, poor relationships and inability to lead teams are the most common traits of executives who derail.Managers who derailed all had high levels of expertise and intelligence but many were arrogant and had a9 disdain for teamwork. Wali Memon
  10. 10. The Significance of EQ – What RESEARCH Tells UsHay McBer’s study of hundreds of executives at 15 global organizations, including Pepsi, IBM and Volvo found that 2/3’s of the competencies deemed essential to success were emotional competencies.10 Wali Memon
  11. 11. The Significance of EQ – What LEADERS Tell Us “A leader’s intelligence has to have a strongemotional component. He has to have high levelsof self-awareness, maturity and self-control. Shemust be able to withstand the heat, handlesetbacks and when those lucky moments arise,enjoy success with equal parts of joy and humility.No doubt emotional intelligence is more rare thanbook smarts, but my experience says it is actuallymore important in the making of a leader. Youjust can’t ignore it.” Jack Welch, Former Chairman of General Electric11 Speaking to the Wall Street Journal Wali Memon
  12. 12. The Role of Our Two Brains in Dealing With Crisis The EMOTIONAL brain and the RATIONAL brain.12 Wali Memon
  13. 13. The Emotional Brain helps us make ______ QUICK decisions.13 Wali Memon
  14. 14. What Is an Amygdala Hijack? Trigger 1. Instant There is a _______. 2. There Is an _______ Reaction. Strong 3. There Is _______ Emotion. 4. There Is a Subsequent Feeling of _________. Remorse14 Wali Memon
  15. 15. The Rational Brain The Rational Brain helps us make SOUND decisions.15 Wali Memon
  16. 16. The Rational Brain The emotional brain processes information in 2 milliseconds. The rational brain processes information in 500 milliseconds— 250 times longer.16 Wali Memon
  17. 17. Your ERQ is impacted by the amount of communication between EMOTIONAL your _____________ brain RATIONAL and your ___________ brain. BOTH are important!17 Wali Memon
  18. 18. The ERQ™ Model Self (INTRApersonal) Other (INTERpersonal) Self- Relational Awareness Awareness • Emotional • Empathy Recognition Self-Awareness • Listening • Accurate • Values Differences (Awareness) Self-Assessment • Self-Confidence Self- Relationship Management ManagementRegulation • Emotional Self- • Effective Communication Control • Healthy Conflict(Management) • Takes Personal Management Responsibility • Influence • Healthy Anger • Collaboration & Management Cooperation • Responds rather than 18 Wali Memon Reacts
  19. 19. Quadrant I: Effective Leaders Have Self- Awareness Emotional Self-Awareness: knowing what our emotions are and recognizing how our emotions affect our performance19 Wali Memon
  20. 20. WHAT Are Emotions? Emotions are a mental state that can arise spontaneously and not just through conscious effort. Emotions involve a… • cognitive impact • behavioral impact • physiological (respiratory, hormonal20 and cardiovascular) impact Wali Memon
  21. 21. WHAT Are Emotions?There are over 600 words to describe emotions.There are 42 muscles in our face that we use to express them.Emotions are a great source of INFORMATION.21 Wali Memon
  22. 22. Why Are Emotions So Important?Research tells us that as go our emotional self-awareness,emotional self-control andempathy skills so goes theQUALITY of our leadership, ourrelationships and the quality of our life!22 Wali Memon
  23. 23. One of the 10 Critical Commandments for Effective Crisis Management Is: Thou shalt show EMOTION and EMPATHY!23 Wali Memon
  24. 24. Quadrant I: Effective Leaders Have Self-Awareness Accurate Self-Assessment: knowing one’s own inner resources, abilities, and limits. Self-Confidence: a strong sense of one’s self-worth and capabilities.24 Wali Memon
  25. 25. The ERQ Model Self (INTRApersonal) Other (INTERpersonal) Self- Relational Awareness Awareness • Emotional • Empathy Recognition Self-Awareness • Listening • Accurate • Values Differences (Awareness) Self-Assessment • Self-Confidence Self- Relationship Management ManagementRegulation • Emotional Self- • Effective Communication Control • Healthy Conflict(Management) • Takes Personal Management Responsibility • Influence • Healthy Anger • Collaboration & Management Cooperation • Responds rather than 25 Wali Memon Reacts
  26. 26. Quadrant II. Effective Leaders Manage Themselves “People with a strong ability to manage emotions can be passionate, but they also have good emotional self-control, tend to be even-tempered, think clearly when they are experiencing strong feelings, make decisions based on their hearts and their heads, and generally reflect on their emotions often.” (Caruso & Salovey, The Emotionally Intelligent Manager) Emotional Self-Control: keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check.26 Wali Memon
  27. 27. What is the cost or impact on a team of a fellow team-member with LOW emotional self- control?27 Wali Memon
  28. 28. Approach to Making Your Anger Work FOR You28 Wali Memon
  29. 29. What Are Some Non-Verbal Indicators of Anger?29 Wali Memon
  30. 30. Major Causes of Anger Frustration Hurt Fear/Anxiet y30 Wali Memon
  31. 31. What Does Unhealthy/ Destructive Anger Look Like? The Cream Puff The Locomotive31 The Steel Magnolia Wali Memon
  32. 32. What Does HEALTHY and CONSTRUCTIVE Anger Look Like? •Responds •Proactive •Honoring •Listens •Trusting •Motivated by •Caring respect •Anger •Unselfish communicated •Firm •Responsible •I win/You win32 Wali Memon
  33. 33. How Can I Make My Anger Work FOR Me?33 Wali Memon
  34. 34. Have an Emotionally Intelligent Plan to Deal With the Anger Self Awareness Be AWARE of it. What kinds of situations are likely to trigger your anger? How does a co-worker know when YOU are getting angry? When are YOU most likely to experience anger? Admit it and ACCEPT responsibility for it.34 Wali Memon
  35. 35. Remind Yourself of the Positive Things that Healthy Anger Can Provide. It serves as an alarm. It is a powerful source of energy. It is a source of motivation. It can actually increase trust and intimacy in a relationship.35 Wali Memon
  36. 36. Self Management Determine at the outset who/what is going to have CONTROL. DEFINE it . . . identify the cause or source of it. Choose your RESPONSE. How are you going to choose to INVEST the36 Wali Memon energy?
  37. 37. Emotional & Relational Intelligence (ERQ ) in TM Effective Leadership: INTERpersonal Preparation Gary J. Oliver, Ph.D. The Center for Relationship Enrichment John Brown University37 Wali Memon
  38. 38. The ERQ™ Model Self (INTRApersonal) Other (INTERpersonal) Self- Relational Awareness Awareness • Emotional • Empathy Recognition Self-Awareness • Listening • Accurate • Values Differences (Awareness) Self-Assessment • Self-Confidence Self- Relationship Management ManagementRegulation • Emotional Self- • Effective Communication Control • Healthy Conflict(Management) • Takes Personal Management Responsibility • Influence • Healthy Anger • Collaboration & Management Cooperation • Responds rather than 38 Wali Memon Reacts
  39. 39. Quadrant III. Effective Leaders Empathize, Listen and Value DifferencesEmpathy: sensing others’ feelings and perspectives, and taking an active interest in their concerns People don’t care how much you _____ know until they know how much you ____! care39 Wali Memon
  40. 40. What Empathy Isn’t40 Wali Memon
  41. 41. What Empathy Is Empathy begins with the awareness of another person’s feelings and then taking the time to try to understand what it’s like for them to feel what they are feeling. Empathy is choosing to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, hear through their ears, see through their eyes and feel with41 their heart. Wali Memon
  42. 42. What Empathy IsEmpathy is choosing to UNDERSTAND.Understanding involves activating both the RATIONAL and the EMOTIONAL parts of the brain. Psalm 78:72 Jeremiah 3:1542 Wali Memon
  43. 43. What Empathy Is Level 1 Understanding: ACTUAL WORDS The ________ _______ I thought I heard you say Level 2 Understanding: What you didn’t say with your lips, what you might not have been able to put into words, but what you said with your eyes and face and heart. NEVERI will ________ be able to resolve or deal with what I 43 Wali Memon don’t choose to understand.
  44. 44. What Empathy Looks Like In Times of Crisis Show up Begin where they are at Listen Remember, silence can be a good thing Help them clarify feelings Listen some more Dont rush them Clarify feelings In crisis people need: Safe Places Safe People44 Wali Memon Safe Situations
  45. 45. Barriers to Empathy differences 1. Ignorance of __________ 2. Stereotyping ____________ 3. Expectations of others ____________ 4. Critical attitude _______ Quadrant I & II 5. Lack of _____________ skills Communication 6. Poor ______________ skills45 Wali Memon
  46. 46. What are 2-3 practical ways that you could apply the skills of empathy with a co-worker, friend or family member over the next several weeks?46 Wali Memon
  47. 47. Empathy and ListeningThe secret of empathy is not talking but LISTENING.Research tells us that 70% of communication is miscommunication!47 Wali Memon
  48. 48. Empathy and ListeningThe secret of empathy is not talking but LISTENING.Research tells us that 70% of communication is miscommunication!Good communication takes place when we choose to make our primary goal UNDERSTANDING the other person rather than being UNDERSTOOD48 Wali Memon
  49. 49. Unhealthy Listening Patterns 1. The FAKER 2. The INTERRUPTER 3. The INTELLECTUAL or Logical Listener 4. The Happy HOOKER 5. The REBUTTAL Maker49 6.Wali Memon The “DEAR ABBY” Wannabe
  50. 50. Improving Your Listening Skills 1. Make your primary goal UNDERSTANDING rather than being UNDERSTOOD. Never assume you know exactly what someone means by what you thought they said. 2. Be PRESENT. 3. Resist DISTRACTIONS.50 Wali Memon
  51. 51. Improving Your Listening Skills 4. Ask QUESTIONS and REPHRASE. 5. VALIDATE the speaker. 6. Manage your EMOTIONS. 7. Remember that listening is one of the most invaluable crisis management skills!51 Wali Memon
  52. 52. The ERQ™ Model Self (INTRApersonal) Other (INTERpersonal) Self- Relational Awareness Awareness • Emotional • Empathy Recognition Self-Awareness • Listening • Accurate • Values Differences (Awareness) Self-Assessment • Self-Confidence Self- Relationship Management ManagementRegulation • Emotional Self- • Effective Communication Control • Healthy Conflict(Management) • Takes Personal Management Responsibility • Influence • Healthy Anger • Collaboration & Management Cooperation • Responds rather than 52 Wali Memon Reacts
  53. 53. Quadrant IV. Effective Leaders Can Effectively Work With a Variety of Different People “The purpose of an organization is to enable common people to do uncommon things. It is the test of an organization to make ordinary human beings perform better than they seem capable of, to bring out whatever strengths are in its members, and to use each person’s strength to help all the other members perform. It is the task of organization at the same time to neutralize the individual weaknesses of its members. The spirit of performance requires that there be full scope for individual excellence. The focus must be on the strengths of a person . . . on what they can do rather than on what they can’t do.” (Peter Drucker, in Management, Tasks, Responsibilities and Practices)53 Wali Memon
  54. 54. So…Now What?What is one thing you learned in these two talks that you didn’t know about yourself?What is one thing you learned that you didn’t know about ERQ™ leadership?54 Wali Memon
  55. 55. So…Now What?What is at least one thing that for the next 30 days you’ll work on doing in your “professional life” as a result of what you’ve heard?What is at least one thing that for the next 30 days you’ll work on doing in your “personal life” as a result of what you’ve heard?55 Wali Memon
  56. 56. The Long-Term Impact of a Crisis Crisis Happens A crisis always has a ripple effect: Dealing with the initial impact of the crisis Dealing with the physical & financial impact Dealing with the psychological,56 Wali Memon emotional & spiritual impact

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