Difficult Conversations And Negotiations


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Difficult Conversations And Negotiations

  1. 1. Difficult Conversations and Negotiations “One of the greatest arts in life is learning how to disagree without being disagreeable”. Power of a Positive NO, William Ury 1 Wali Memon
  2. 2. Key Message Having the ability to successfully engage in difficult conversations with clients, boards, bosses and staff is an important skill to successfully manage relationships and results.2 Wali Memon
  3. 3. Types of Difficult Conversations Disagreeing when the stakes are high Dealing with rude and disrespectful behaviour Saying “No” Delivering difficult news3 Wali Memon
  4. 4. When do we need to Engage? To determine if you need to have a difficult conversation ask yourself; what is at STAKE here? What happens if you don’t have the conversation? 4 Wali Memon
  5. 5. Ineffective Ways to Manage DifficultConversations Avoid Back Down Combat5 Wali Memon
  6. 6. Preparation is Key Before anything else, preparation is the key to success ~Alexander Graham Bell~6 Wali Memon
  7. 7. Framework for Success Prepare to Talk Prepare and Deliver an ABC Message Stop Talking and Start Listening Stay Cool Respond not Defend7 Wali Memon
  8. 8. Prepare: Identify the Real Problem What are the facts? What is the other person doing or saying that is causing a problem? What is the effect/result of their action/inaction on you or others? Remember your beliefs, assumptions and judgments about the situation are not facts! 8 Wali Memon
  9. 9. Prepare: Clarify your GoalWhat are you hoping to achieve in having this difficult conversation? Is it doable? Is it within your control? Is it productive? 9 Wali Memon
  10. 10. Prepare: Plan Ahead Follow the Scout Motto: Be Prepared Anticipate their reaction so you don’t get hooked Know your back-up plan if you do not get cooperation or the conversation goes sour10 Wali Memon
  11. 11. Prepare Your ABC Message Accurate Brief11 Clear Wali Memon
  12. 12. Accurate Stick to the facts Use “I” statements (I think, I feel, I believe) Share the impact of their actions without assuming their intentions Avoid “hot” and judgmental language12 Wali Memon
  13. 13. Brief Decide what is most important and leave it at that-no dredging up ancient history Avoid lengthy explanations Less is more13 Wali Memon
  14. 14. Clear Get straight to the heart of the matter No hints or innuendo-give diplomacy a rest Avoid blaming others Avoid the feedback “sandwich”14 Wali Memon
  15. 15. Deliver your ABC MessageDeliver your ABC Message Be Calm Be Confident Be NeutralThis is about giving people the “straight goods” in arespectful and non-judgmental way 15 Wali Memon
  16. 16. Stop Talking Start Listening Turn the conversation over to the other person and then Embrace Silence The moments following the delivery of your message are the most difficult. Be prepared for the discomfort. Give the other person the space to respond16 Wali Memon
  17. 17. Listen Up! Listening is more than not talking. It is about being present and curious Listen with thoughtful attention to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. What are their concerns? Resist the temptation to…interrupt17 Wali Memon
  18. 18. Acknowledge the OtherEven if you don’t agree with what the other personis saying, you can acknowledge: their perspective by conveying your understanding of what you hear their feelings by showing empathy or understanding Acknowledgement is about Respect 18 Wali Memon
  19. 19. Why Bother? The key to having them “hear” your message is having he confidence to listen to them speak without interruption Everyone what to be heard and understood19 Wali Memon
  20. 20. Stay Cool! Be prepared for a strong emotional reaction or “push back” Give them the space to have their reaction Have your plan to stay calm, cool and confident Remember it is not personal20 Wali Memon
  21. 21. Respond Not Defend Pause before responding Resist the temptation to respond in kind, back down, or become defensive Be Calm. Be Concise. Be Confident.21 Wali Memon
  22. 22. Wrap it Up Re-state your message Clarify misinformation/misunderstandings Reiterate expectations and boundaries Clarify what you have agreed to Be Calm. Be Concise. Be Confident.22 Wali Memon
  23. 23. Going forward… Deal with issues as they arise Prepare for all of your difficult conversations If someone comes at you listen, question, acknowledge and then take some time…23 Wali Memon
  24. 24. Resources Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Shelia Heen, (Penguin Books, 2000) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen R. Covey (Free Press, 1989, 2004) Beyond Reason, Using Emotions as You Negotiate by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro, (Viking Penguin 2005) Mistakes were Made (but not by me), by Carol Tarvis and Elliot Aronson, (Harcourt Inc., 2007) Dialogue and the art of thinking together by William Issacs (Doubleday 1999)24 Wali Memon
  25. 25. Resources Continued Fierce Conversations, Achieving Success, at Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time, by Susan Scott, (Berkley Books, 2002) Taking the War out of Our Words: by Sharon Strand Ellison (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, 1998-2009) Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when the stakes are high, by Patterson et al, (McGraw- Hill 2002) First Break All the Rules: by Buckingham & Coffman (Simon & Schuster Inc.,1999) It’s all Your Fault: 12 Tips for Managing People who Blame Others for Everything, by Bill Eddy (HCI Press, 2009)25 Wali Memon