Assertiveness

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Assertiveness

  1. 1. Assertiveness<br />Assertiveness is the courage to be<br />ourselves and show the world our likes and<br />dislikes, our thoughts, feelings, and<br />shortcomings. It's about communicating<br />honestly with family, friends and colleagues.<br />As we become more assertive, we drop<br />the mask and show our true selves. We<br />proclaim: "This is who I am, this is what I feel,<br />and these are my needs."<br />
  2. 2. Assertiveness<br />When faced with interpersonal problem, some people<br />may feel inferior to others or fear their power. Under<br />these conditions they are likely to suppress their<br />feelings or openly rebel and strike out in anger. Neither<br />response is truly productive.<br />The objective of Assertiveness Training is to help people to develop effective ways of dealing with a variety of anxiety producing situations.<br />
  3. 3. Assertive Person<br />Assertive people have the following characteristics:<br /> They feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and<br /> desires.<br /> They know their rights.<br /> They have control over their anger. It does not mean<br /> that they repress this feeling. It means that they <br /> control it for a moment and then talk about it later in <br /> a logical way.<br /> They have a good understanding of feelings of the<br /> person with whom they are communicating.<br />
  4. 4. Aggressive Person<br />THE AGGRESSIVE PERSON<br />• Expresses point of view arrogantly, as if no other is<br /> possible.<br />• Tends to dismiss or ignore the opinions and feelings of<br /> others.<br />• Believes one's own needs are most important.<br />• Feels powerful when dominating others, later guilty or<br /> remorseful as people draw away.<br />Example: "Anyone with any sense would know that's a ridiculous point of view."<br />
  5. 5. Passive/Aggressive Person<br />THE PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE PERSON<br />• Agrees to others' demands, then avoids by making<br />excuses, forgetting and being late.<br />• Denies personal responsibility for their actions, uses<br />accusatory statements.<br />• Tries to get his/her own way by being manipulative<br />• Fears rejection and confrontation.<br />Example: "Yes, I know I promised to meet you at 9.00,<br />but Anthony kept me talking. I'm really sorry."<br />
  6. 6. BEHAVIOUR ASPECTS<br />Assertive people are Direct, honest and<br />expressive. They feel confident, gain self<br />respect, and make others feel valued.<br />
  7. 7. BEHAVIOUR ASPECTS<br />Aggressive people may humiliate others,<br />and unassertive people elicit either pity or<br />scorn from others.<br />
  8. 8. Assertive people learn to<br />• Express their feelings,<br />• Ask for favours,<br />• Give and receive complements,<br />• Request behaviour changes, and<br />• Refuse unreasonable requests.<br />
  9. 9. When confronted with an intolerable situation<br /> Being assertive involves 5 stages.<br /> Stage Example<br />1. Describe the behaviour. “When you do this.....”<br />2. Express your feelings. “I feel..........................”<br />3. Empathize. “I understand why you....”<br />4. Negotiate a change. “I want you to ...........”<br />5. Indicate consequences. “If you do(don’t ), I will....”<br />Not all the steps may be necessary in all situations.<br />
  10. 10. Body language as related to assertive behaviour:<br />Eye contact and facial expression: <br /> Maintaindirect eye contact, appear interested and alert, but not angry.<br />2. Posture: <br /> Stand or sit erect, possibly leaningforward slightly.<br />3. Distance and contact: <br /> Stand or sit at a normal conversational distance from the other.<br />
  11. 11. Body language as related to assertive behaviour:<br />4. Gestures: <br /> Use relaxed, conversational gestures.<br />5. Voice: <br /> Use a factual, not emotional tone of voice.<br /> Sound determined and full of conviction, but not<br /> overbearing.<br />6. Timing: <br /> Choose a time when both parties are relaxed. A neutral site is best.<br />
  12. 12. EFFECTIVE ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR<br />Assertive behaviour generally is most effective<br />when it integrates a number of verbal and non<br />verbal components.<br />Appropriate gestures, congruent facial<br />expressions are essential, and strong but<br />modulated voice tone and volume will be<br />convincing. Perhaps most important is the<br />spontaneous and forceful expression of an<br />honest reaction.<br />
  13. 13. MAKING REQUESTS<br />One useful technique is the Describe, Express,<br />Specify and Outcome script. These four steps<br />can be used when learning to make an<br />assertive request.<br />The intent is to frame the situation, say what's<br />wrong, make your request and predict an<br />outcome.<br />
  14. 14. DESCRIBE<br />Before making a request, define the situation. What's going on?<br />Helpful description:<br />Assertive person: "It's been a long time since we went out for dinner together."<br />Unhelpful description:<br />Passive/passive, aggressive person: "Why don't you ever take me out to dinner any more?"<br />
  15. 15. EXPRESS<br />Here and now, express how you are feeling in<br />this particular situation:<br />Assertive: "I miss you…“<br />Passive/passive, aggressive: "You don't love<br />me any more."<br />
  16. 16. SPECIFY<br />Indicate what you would like to happen:<br />Assertive: "I would love to go out on Saturday."<br />Passive/passive, aggressive: "I don't<br />suppose you're free on Saturday, either…"<br />
  17. 17. OUTCOME<br />Describe the outcome you'd like to achieve if<br />the other person went along with your request:<br />Assertive: "It would be a great chance for us<br />to catch up and spend some time together.“<br />Passive/passive, aggressive: "Like always,<br />you're letting me down."<br />
  18. 18. Assertiveness<br />1. Assertive responses are characterized by the use of<br />``I'' statements instead of ``You'' statements.<br />2. Assertive responses are usually effective in getting<br />others to change or reinforce behavior.<br />3. Assertive responses run a low risk of hurting a<br />relationship.<br />4. Assertive responses neither attack the other's self-esteem nor put him on the defensive.<br />5. Assertive behaviour prevents ``gunny sacking,'' i.e.,<br />saving up a lot of bad feelings.<br />
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