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Assertiveness
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  • 1. Assertiveness
    Assertiveness is the courage to be
    ourselves and show the world our likes and
    dislikes, our thoughts, feelings, and
    shortcomings. It's about communicating
    honestly with family, friends and colleagues.
    As we become more assertive, we drop
    the mask and show our true selves. We
    proclaim: "This is who I am, this is what I feel,
    and these are my needs."
  • 2. Assertiveness
    When faced with interpersonal problem, some people
    may feel inferior to others or fear their power. Under
    these conditions they are likely to suppress their
    feelings or openly rebel and strike out in anger. Neither
    response is truly productive.
    The objective of Assertiveness Training is to help people to develop effective ways of dealing with a variety of anxiety producing situations.
  • 3. Assertive Person
    Assertive people have the following characteristics:
    They feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and
    desires.
    They know their rights.
    They have control over their anger. It does not mean
    that they repress this feeling. It means that they
    control it for a moment and then talk about it later in
    a logical way.
    They have a good understanding of feelings of the
    person with whom they are communicating.
  • 4. Aggressive Person
    THE AGGRESSIVE PERSON
    • Expresses point of view arrogantly, as if no other is
    possible.
    • Tends to dismiss or ignore the opinions and feelings of
    others.
    • Believes one's own needs are most important.
    • Feels powerful when dominating others, later guilty or
    remorseful as people draw away.
    Example: "Anyone with any sense would know that's a ridiculous point of view."
  • 5. Passive/Aggressive Person
    THE PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE PERSON
    • Agrees to others' demands, then avoids by making
    excuses, forgetting and being late.
    • Denies personal responsibility for their actions, uses
    accusatory statements.
    • Tries to get his/her own way by being manipulative
    • Fears rejection and confrontation.
    Example: "Yes, I know I promised to meet you at 9.00,
    but Anthony kept me talking. I'm really sorry."
  • 6. BEHAVIOUR ASPECTS
    Assertive people are Direct, honest and
    expressive. They feel confident, gain self
    respect, and make others feel valued.
  • 7. BEHAVIOUR ASPECTS
    Aggressive people may humiliate others,
    and unassertive people elicit either pity or
    scorn from others.
  • 8. Assertive people learn to
    • Express their feelings,
    • Ask for favours,
    • Give and receive complements,
    • Request behaviour changes, and
    • Refuse unreasonable requests.
  • 9. When confronted with an intolerable situation
    Being assertive involves 5 stages.
    Stage Example
    1. Describe the behaviour. “When you do this.....”
    2. Express your feelings. “I feel..........................”
    3. Empathize. “I understand why you....”
    4. Negotiate a change. “I want you to ...........”
    5. Indicate consequences. “If you do(don’t ), I will....”
    Not all the steps may be necessary in all situations.
  • 10. Body language as related to assertive behaviour:
    Eye contact and facial expression:
    Maintaindirect eye contact, appear interested and alert, but not angry.
    2. Posture:
    Stand or sit erect, possibly leaningforward slightly.
    3. Distance and contact:
    Stand or sit at a normal conversational distance from the other.
  • 11. Body language as related to assertive behaviour:
    4. Gestures:
    Use relaxed, conversational gestures.
    5. Voice:
    Use a factual, not emotional tone of voice.
    Sound determined and full of conviction, but not
    overbearing.
    6. Timing:
    Choose a time when both parties are relaxed. A neutral site is best.
  • 12. EFFECTIVE ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR
    Assertive behaviour generally is most effective
    when it integrates a number of verbal and non
    verbal components.
    Appropriate gestures, congruent facial
    expressions are essential, and strong but
    modulated voice tone and volume will be
    convincing. Perhaps most important is the
    spontaneous and forceful expression of an
    honest reaction.
  • 13. MAKING REQUESTS
    One useful technique is the Describe, Express,
    Specify and Outcome script. These four steps
    can be used when learning to make an
    assertive request.
    The intent is to frame the situation, say what's
    wrong, make your request and predict an
    outcome.
  • 14. DESCRIBE
    Before making a request, define the situation. What's going on?
    Helpful description:
    Assertive person: "It's been a long time since we went out for dinner together."
    Unhelpful description:
    Passive/passive, aggressive person: "Why don't you ever take me out to dinner any more?"
  • 15. EXPRESS
    Here and now, express how you are feeling in
    this particular situation:
    Assertive: "I miss you…“
    Passive/passive, aggressive: "You don't love
    me any more."
  • 16. SPECIFY
    Indicate what you would like to happen:
    Assertive: "I would love to go out on Saturday."
    Passive/passive, aggressive: "I don't
    suppose you're free on Saturday, either…"
  • 17. OUTCOME
    Describe the outcome you'd like to achieve if
    the other person went along with your request:
    Assertive: "It would be a great chance for us
    to catch up and spend some time together.“
    Passive/passive, aggressive: "Like always,
    you're letting me down."
  • 18. Assertiveness
    1. Assertive responses are characterized by the use of
    ``I'' statements instead of ``You'' statements.
    2. Assertive responses are usually effective in getting
    others to change or reinforce behavior.
    3. Assertive responses run a low risk of hurting a
    relationship.
    4. Assertive responses neither attack the other's self-esteem nor put him on the defensive.
    5. Assertive behaviour prevents ``gunny sacking,'' i.e.,
    saving up a lot of bad feelings.