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You might be rural if...

You might be rural if...

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  • 1. YOU might be RURAL if….the neighbors refer to yourhome as “John’s old place” because that’s who lived there 40 years ago
  • 2. YOU might be RURAL if….you pay more attention to theclouds, sun, moon, rain, wind, and snow than you do to the clock or weather forecast
  • 3. YOU might be RURAL if…. you’ve hidden your accentduring a job interview
  • 4. YOU might be RURAL if….you live outside The Beltway
  • 5. YOU might be RURAL if…. your 4th grade teacher, your church deacon, your uncle, your neighborand the guy in exam room #2 are the same person
  • 6. YOU might be RURAL if….you remember when the first national chain restaurant opened in your town --and when it closed again
  • 7. YOU might be RURAL if….you did not submit a response to requests for “rural ifs” because of inadequate Internet connectivity
  • 8. YOU might be RURAL if….you’ve been lectured by a doctor or nurse half your age to quitsmoking, and you know for a fact this child’s parents set tobacco to help fund his/her education
  • 9. YOU might be RURAL if….the only foreigners you’ve ever met run the local restaurant
  • 10. YOU might be RURAL if….buying 50 Shades of Grey at your local Walmart is outbecause odds are good youll see someone you know while you’re in there
  • 11. YOU might be RURAL if…. you point blankrefuse to discuss coalwith anyone outside your family
  • 12. YOU might be RURAL if….you travel more than 30 minutes to receive primary or dental care and buy groceries or clothes
  • 13. YOU might be RURAL if….both the main highways in your county are referred to simply as "the four lane"
  • 14. YOU might be RURAL if…. dialing a wrongnumber still gets you aperson you know whohas the info you need
  • 15. YOU might be RURAL if….your job requires safety equipmentprovided by your for-profit company
  • 16. YOU might be RURAL if…. the Walmart closes at 9 pmthe grocery store closes at 8 pmthe video store is 24/7 self-serve everyone has the veterinarian’s home phone number
  • 17. YOU might be RURAL if…. $25,000 is a high salary
  • 18. YOU might be RURAL if…. going to the post office takes two hours —and you avoid it in Springbecause you don’t like having to shout over the baby chicks
  • 19. YOU might be RURAL if…. you can get a signal inyour house if you stand on the toilet and hold your cell phone in the air
  • 20. YOU might be RURAL if…. traveling distance is measured in time rather than miles--and travel plans are made around livestock births
  • 21. YOU might be RURAL if….you actually needFour Wheel Drive on your truck
  • 22. YOU might be RURAL if….A kid walking a sheep on a leash doesn’t startle you --or a pig --or a duck
  • 23. YOU might be RURAL if…. you hate RAM
  • 24. YOU might be RURAL if…. in your extended family are:a soldier; a meth manufacturer; apreacher; an addict; and a student who went to UVA swearing to come home again, but didn’t
  • 25. YOU might be RURAL if…. you know what“bless your heart” really means
  • 26. YOU might be RURAL if….you know three Richmond jokes --and your friends from Richmond don’t know that you know them
  • 27. YOU might be RURAL if….each of these games is familiar: Cow Pat Bingo Red Light Race More Local Than Thou
  • 28. YOU might be RURAL if….you lost your virginity outdoors
  • 29. YOU might be RURAL if….even though you hated yourself afterward, you helped organize apoverty tour in hopes of securing funding
  • 30. YOU might be RURAL if….you recognize thisas the single biggestimpediment toregional programplanning
  • 31. YOU might be RURAL if…. in any given week you eat: fast food homegrown vegetables an item special ordered on the Netsomething someone at the table killed
  • 32. YOU might be RURAL if…. you routinely call yourneighbors before leaving work to see if they need anything from town
  • 33. YOU might be RURAL if…. you didn’t know you were ruraluntil someone else told you
  • 34. YOU might be RURAL if….you can nameall the winters in Spring
  • 35. YOU might be RURAL if….a friend from high school died before graduation in a road accident involving alcohol
  • 36. YOU might be RURAL if…. you have a half-dozen snappy comebacks for snake handling jokesbut sometimes it’s just not worth it
  • 37. YOU might be RURAL if….nepotism is expected from your elected officials
  • 38. YOU might be RURAL if….you know better than to step on a grave
  • 39. YOU might be RURAL if…. your doctor, pastor,banker and child’s teacher all keep livestock
  • 40. YOU might be RURAL if…. you’ve ever thickened your accent because you realizedthe person you were talking to was a snob
  • 41. YOU might be RURAL if…. you dress up to go to the Farmers Marketputting on a bra IS dressing up
  • 42. YOU might be RURAL if…. a conference on issues pertaining to you can’t beheld in your region because state officials won’t stay in your local hotels
  • 43. YOU might be RURAL if…. fried balogna onwhite bread meant Mama loved you
  • 44. YOU might be RURAL if…. you know to NEVER talk poorly of anyone because theyre probablyrelated to the person youre telling
  • 45. YOU might be RURAL if….you know what a haint, abooger, and a painter are—and you believe in them
  • 46. YOU might be RURAL if….this photo makesyou smile
  • 47. YOU might be RURAL if…. you’re sick of hearing how Grandpa could eat a whole hog for breakfastbecause he did physical work
  • 48. YOU might be RURAL if…. Federal grant writingseason produces a flurryof old friends calling your office to “reconnect”
  • 49. YOU might be RURAL if….they’re buggies not carts
  • 50. YOU might be RURAL if….you live in, or within sight of, the home where one of your parents was born
  • 51. YOU might be RURAL if….Santa bringing coal for Christmas is a happy thing
  • 52. YOU might be RURAL if….your last name is more importantthan your degree
  • 53. YOU might be RURAL if…. a friend asks you forexamples of “you mightbe rural if” and you only use real ones
  • 54. YOU might be RURAL if…. you have peed in acoffee can rather than go to the outhouse after dark
  • 55. YOU might be RURAL if….you know the difference between Granny, Memaw, and Mamaw
  • 56. YOU might be RURAL if….you still cravewelfare cheese
  • 57. YOU might be RURAL if…. you’re intelligent, not educated, and you knowwhat that’s worth in the city and in the county
  • 58. YOU might be RURAL if….when walking in the woods, youknow what to do if you chance upon a still(shout your Papaw’s name and that you’re leaving now)
  • 59. YOU might be RURAL if….your child doesn’t have a friend with a different skin color
  • 60. YOU might be RURAL if….in Summer you are almost completely vegetarian, in Winter you eat meat and potatoes
  • 61. YOU might be RURAL if…. you’ve done this
  • 62. YOU might be RURAL if….driving to the store topick up just one itemis out of the question
  • 63. YOU might be RURAL if….rared, swap, fit, tradeand rasslin are part of your everyday vocabulary
  • 64. YOU might be RURAL if…. you learned to shoot before you learned to play piano,--and you don’t point a gun unless you intend to kill what you’re aiming at
  • 65. YOU might be RURAL if….your favorite placeto have coffee is on your front porch
  • 66. YOU might be RURAL if…. you value oldpeople because they are old
  • 67. YOU might be RURAL if….you LOVE to talk tocity reporters about the Santa Train
  • 68. YOU might be RURAL if…. when it rains, your landline quits working
  • 69. YOU might be RURAL if…. when it snows, your neighbor clears yourdriveway with his tractor
  • 70. YOU might be RURAL if…. homeless people fromelsewhere have nowhere to gobecause there are no shelters; local people are homeless because of family dynamics
  • 71. YOU might be RURAL if…. south of Roanoke ≠“Southwest Virginia”north of Richmond ≠ “and vicinity”
  • 72. YOU might be RURAL if…. you don’t mow yourlawn, you bush hog it
  • 73. YOU might be RURAL if….people still talk about the good old dayswhen the door factory was operating
  • 74. YOU might be RURAL if….you are proud that your facility has one of the two elevators in the county
  • 75. YOU might be RURAL if…. at any given moment,you know exactly whereyour candles, hurricane lamps and oil are
  • 76. YOU might be RURAL if….this photo makes you sad
  • 77. YOU might be RURAL if…. school board meetingsare considered excellent entertainment
  • 78. YOU might be RURAL if…. you routinely usefairy stones as gifts
  • 79. YOU might be RURAL if…. Charlottesville folk saying “FARRRRRR Southwest Virginia” make you laugh—unless it’s a funding meeting
  • 80. YOU might be RURAL if….You live in : Accomack Alleghany Augusta Bath Bland Brunswick Buchanan Buckingham Carroll Charlotte Culpeper Dickenson Essex Floyd Grayson Greensville Halifax Henry Highland King George Lancaster Lee LunenburgMadison Mathews Mecklenburg Middlesex Northampton Northumberland Nottoway Orange Page Patrick Prince Edward Pulaski Rappahannock Richmond Rockbridge Russell Shenandoah Smyth Southampton TazewellWestmoreland Wise Wythe Bedford City Buena Vista City Covington City Emporia City Franklin City Galax City Lexington City Martinsville City Norton City Radford City Staunton City Waynesboro City --and if you know their differences
  • 81. YOU might be RURAL if….no one between the ages of 22 and 45 lives in your town
  • 82. YOU might be RURAL if…. the locally-exported produce is picked byinvisible Spanish speakers
  • 83. YOU might be RURAL if….you’ve spent a summerworking at The Piggery or on a fishing boat
  • 84. YOU might be RURAL if….when doing public health planning, you factor in natural barriers people won’t cross to get care
  • 85. YOU might be RURAL if….you have a love/hate relationship with tourism
  • 86. YOU might be RURAL if….the sound of crickets andfrogs is the last thing you hear before falling asleep
  • 87. YOU might be RURAL if…. as a health worker,you’ve ever had to leave your car behind and walk to reach a patient
  • 88. YOU might be RURAL if….these terms are oxymoronic:Government Assistance Fresh Country Air Idyllic Small Town Public Transportation
  • 89. YOU might be RURAL if….rurality and stupidity are not synonyms in your programming, planning policy, or mindset
  • 90. YOU might be RURAL if…. you attended a two-teacher schoolhouse
  • 91. YOU might be RURAL if….this photo makes you tired
  • 92. YOU might be RURAL if….the domestic violence in your neighborhood is the best-kept secret everyone knows
  • 93. YOU might be RURAL if…. you had to think a moment the first time someone asked aboutyour “faith community”
  • 94. YOU might be RURAL if….the road you live on has moretwists than a pot of spaghetti but not guard rails shoulders or a painted center line
  • 95. YOU might be RURAL if….same sex partners in your community fly below the radar
  • 96. YOU might be RURAL if….old-fashioned doesn’tsound like a put-down
  • 97. YOU might be RURAL if…. your neighbor’s grandkids do donuts in your drivewaywith their four wheeler
  • 98. YOU might be RURAL if….your fifth grade teacher is your daughter’s fifth grade teacher
  • 99. YOU might be RURAL if….state lines are really, really a nuisance
  • 100. YOU might be RURAL if….having a baby, cancer, major surgery orcolonoscopy requires two hours of travel
  • 101. YOU might be RURAL if….your region’s biggest export is college students
  • 102. YOU might be RURAL if…. guarding personal and family privacyis a carefully honed social skill
  • 103. YOU might be RURAL if…. your sexual organshave been examined by a camera
  • 104. YOU might be RURAL if…. as a clinician, you knowyour professional diagnosis will be secondary to your patient’s friend’s opinion
  • 105. YOU might be RURAL if…. Honey Boo Boo bores you but you’re secretlyrooting for “Mama”
  • 106. YOU might be RURAL if…this was posted on your Facebook status this month
  • 107. YOU might be RURAL if….the commute to work:is beautifulpasses more deer than cars andConfederate flags than Americantakes longer in harvest season
  • 108. YOU might be RURAL if…. you were an adultbefore you realizedmost people thinkraspberries are red
  • 109. YOU might be RURAL if….at least one grandparent listed "corn farmer" on legal documents
  • 110. YOU might be RURAL if….you’ve stood in line to get your teeth pulled
  • 111. YOU might be RURAL if…. you bought goatsbecause mowing grasson the slope was a pain
  • 112. YOU might be RURAL if….giving the first three digits of a phone number is unnecessary
  • 113. YOU might be RURAL if….you’ve ever translated for an out-of-town English speaker
  • 114. YOU might be RURAL if…. window shopping atLowe’s, Dollar General, or the Dollar Tree is a good outing
  • 115. YOU might be RURAL if…. counting the number ofstoplights in your county takes only one hand
  • 116. YOU might be RURAL if….counting the number of people you know with diabetes takes more than two hands
  • 117. YOU might be RURAL if…. the fastest Internetconnection you can access continually times out the server
  • 118. YOU might be RURAL if….you’ve called 911 about a cow on the highway
  • 119. YOU might be RURAL if….Macy’s is a parade not a store
  • 120. YOU might be RURAL if….chickens walk freely on your road
  • 121. YOU might be RURAL if….this photo makes you sigh
  • 122. YOU might be RURAL if….salad greens come from the yard
  • 123. YOU might be RURAL if…. ‘pinto beans & cornbread’ is redundant
  • 124. YOU might be RURAL if…. “neighbors” means actions not proximity
  • 125. YOU might be RURAL if….you know what acan of whupass isand how to use it
  • 126. YOU might be RURAL if….youve been running aco-op for 20 years but it was just called "family"
  • 127. YOU might be RURAL if…. youre consideredtoo poorly educated to write your own health plan
  • 128. YOU might be RURAL if….baccer and boggins are familiar
  • 129. YOU might be RURAL if….at least three membersof your extended family are in a band
  • 130. YOU might be RURAL if…. you dread yourphysician retiringfor many reasons
  • 131. YOU might be RURAL if….you know the difference between a wiener bun and a chili bunyou fish for food, not recreation you know how to can meat
  • 132. YOU might be RURAL if….you understandBoomhauer onKing of the Hill
  • 133. YOU might be RURAL if….Green Eggs and Ham confused you as a child
  • 134. YOU might be RURAL if….you learned to drive thefarm tractor at age 10 – and have taught this
  • 135. YOU might be RURAL if…. you introduce a song asone you learned from your ex-daughter-in-laws step-grandfather
  • 136. YOU might be RURAL if….almostevery wayyou turnlooks likea park
  • 137. …almost
  • 138. YOU might be RURAL if….you are very, very over married cousin jokes
  • 139. YOU might be RURAL if…. you genuinelyunderstand why peoplesay “dont have a cow"
  • 140. YOU might be RURAL if….when receiving directions you understand where the Millers old barn used to be
  • 141. YOU might be RURAL if…. you’re proud of your coal minerand you swear he’ll be the last one in your family
  • 142. YOU might be RURAL if….you know that Jewelweed grows next to Poison Ivy for a very good reason
  • 143. YOU might be RURAL if…. “resources” is notthe first word you think about the ocean or the mountains
  • 144. YOU might be RURAL if…. your volunteer firefightingdepartment has 40 members but only 2 last names on the roster all your county’s firefighters are volunteers
  • 145. YOU might be RURAL if….Sarbanes-Oxley what?
  • 146. YOU might be RURAL if…. you were baptized in a creek you can line a hymn your parents wouldn’t take you to Grandpa’s church--everyou know what ‘Church of Christ’ is
  • 147. YOU might be RURAL if….a six-pack of beeris as good as cash
  • 148. YOU might be RURAL if….despite having excellentfirefighters, what starts to burn will finish before help arrives
  • 149. YOU might be RURAL if….when the Red Cross shows up after adisaster, locals bring them food baskets
  • 150. YOU might be RURAL if…. your mother ever chaseda bear away from the garbage with a rock, but won’t visit DC with you because she’s afraid of muggers
  • 151. YOU might be RURAL if….this is how your daughtersplan to getout of town
  • 152. YOU might be RURAL if…. you see both sets ofgrandparents at least once per week--or could, if the families were talking to each other
  • 153. YOU might be RURAL if…. even the mildest predictions of snowempty your grocery store of meat and milk
  • 154. YOU might be RURAL if…. “hillbilly” and “redneck” are affectionate synonyms for “rural”when used by someone who shares your accent
  • 155. YOU might be RURAL if….cable TV arrived in the college years your remember the summer your town got a traffic light you’re still waiting for Wireless
  • 156. YOU might be RURAL if…. you know at leastthree mamaws under the age of 35
  • 157. YOU might be RURAL if….your cast iron skilletwas inherited rather than purchased
  • 158. YOU might be RURAL if…. you laughed knowingly at a letter to the editor complaining about a reference to Abingdonas “FAR southwest Virginia”
  • 159. YOU might be RURAL if….you’ve responded, “Hey, Thanks!” when a man in a suit says, “It’s a different world there”
  • 160. YOU might be RURAL if…. peas are planted onValentine’s Day, even ifyou have to drop them through the snow
  • 161. YOU might be RURAL if….it’s true if the Almanac and/or your grandparents say it is
  • 162. YOU might be RURAL if….weaning (of anything) starts when the Almanac says so
  • 163. YOU might be RURAL if…. your neighborshave straight pipes
  • 164. YOU might be RURAL if….you watch your Richmondcolleagues’ eyes pop whenyou point out your service area on a map
  • 165. YOU might be RURAL if…. twice a year,the neighbor bales your front yard
  • 166. YOU might be RURAL if….gunshot victims in your ER are fromhunting accidents, not drive-bys
  • 167. YOU might be RURAL if…. you understand thedistance measurement “over yonder”
  • 168. YOU might be RURAL if….the hospital parking lot and helicopter landingpad are the same thing
  • 169. YOU might be RURAL if…. Fall weather =chainsaw injuries
  • 170. YOU might be RURAL if….childhood choresincluded plucking chickens
  • 171. YOU might be RURAL if…. you know what“as the crow flies” means especially to someone driving after dark
  • 172. YOU might be RURAL if….your husband and sonwill NEVER be able to live near neighbors
  • 173. YOU might be RURAL if…. App-a-latch-an App-a-lay-shunyou know it’s important
  • 174. YOU might be RURAL if…. you accurately identify road killby a passing glance at the fur
  • 175. YOU might be RURAL if…. FRIED SPAM
  • 176. YOU might be RURAL if…. an unknown person wearing a suit inspires suspicionit doubles if the suit is expensive
  • 177. YOU might be RURAL if…. rural is not a one-size-fits-allword in your mind
  • 178. You might be rural if…. you know what you’re fighting for