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She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
She negotiates . . . and everything changes
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She negotiates . . . and everything changes

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Why women don't negotiate, how women negotiate best, and what to do to become a negotiation black belt (with pink lining)

Why women don't negotiate, how women negotiate best, and what to do to become a negotiation black belt (with pink lining)

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  • We negotiate for what we need in the face of the needs of others. We DISTRIBUTE the world’s resources in a way we believe to be fair. As lawyers, we call this JUSTICE.
  • We negotiate in an attempt to establish our values as those that govern the world we live in.
  • To accomplish that, we negotiate for power whether it’s the power to guide the So. Carolina Women Lawyers’ Association; to influence the curriculum our local school system adopts to teach our children; or, to control the behavior of others in the workplace, on the playground, in our neighborhoods and throughout the world.
  • We negotiate to preserve our liberty to be ourselves so long as it does not impinge upon the liberty of another
  • We negotiate to create and define the communities in which we live
  • We negotiate to have unfettered freedom in certain areas of our lives
  • We negotiate to achieve our full potential and for the esteem of the community
  • We negotiate for the opportunity to express ourselves creatively
  • And we negotiate for money
  • Every time we teach our negotiation course, we ask our women questions about their attitudes toward, experiences of, and preferences for the outcome of negotiation. On a 1 to 10 scale, the most consistently similar answer we get both before and after the month-long course is that women value relationships over money and that, at a minimum, they want their bargaining partner to get as good a deal as possible while at the same time the negotiator gets as good a deal as she can for herself.
  • When asked what we believe we deserve to be paid for our work, we undervalue ourselves by between 3 and 30% The wage gap is one-third
  • When we are asked to work until we believe we’re entitled to the $X we’re told we’ll be paid, we work 22 percent longer and 10% faster than men
  • Differences between contending and problem solving in the evolution of human history
  • Three levels of agreement
  • When preparing to negotiate a settlement, we generally think in terms of distributing the risk of loss among the parties.
  • Transcript

    • 1. She Negotiates . . . . and everything changes January 18, 2011 Victoria Pynchon, J.D., LL.M Long Island Center for Business and Professional Women She Negotiates Consulting and Training on the Web
    • 2. wake up! The Northridge earthquake occurred on January 17, 1994 at 4:31 AM Pacific Standard Time in Reseda, a neighborhood in the city of Los Angeles, California, lasting for about 45 seconds. The earthquake had a "strong" moment magnitude of 6.7, but the ground acceleration was one of the highest ever instrumentally recorded in an urban area in North America.
    • 3. Negotiation is a conversation leading to agreement
    • 4. in a mixed motive exchange Compete for scarce resources Collaborate for mutual gain
    • 5.
      • Recognize the opportunity to negotiate
      • What we lose when we fail to negotiate
      • What we negotiate for
        • Money vs. relationship
      • Getting our market value
      • Prepare to negotiate
      • Understand tools of trade
        • Diagnostic questions
        • Cognitive biases
        • Rules of influence
        • Hard, competitive bargaining
        • Tit for tat
    • 6. recognize the opportunity to negotiate
    • 7.  
    • 8.  
    • 9.  
    • 10. Could we talk about this later? I appreciate it but it was not what I was expecting We must not be on the same page I’m entitled to the full $10K bonus this year
    • 11. the grim statistics
    • 12.
      • Women's earnings relative to men's have stagnated at 73.2 percent.
      • 2.5 x > more women than said they feel "a great deal of apprehension”
      • Men initiate negotiations about four times as often as women.
      • Will pay as much as $1,353 to avoid negotiating the price of a car
      • Typically ask for and get less when they do negotiate—on average, 30 percent less than men.
      • 20 percent of adult women say they never negotiate at all
    • 13.
      • >$500,000 by 60 not negotiating first salary
      • 8x as many male MA’s from Carnegie Mellon negotiated their salaries.
      • Consistent salary negotiation + $1 million more
      • Women own 40% all U.S. businesses in the U.S. receive only 2.3 percent of available equity capital.
      • Women report salary expectations between 3 and 32 percent lower than those of men for the same jobs
      • men expect to earn 13% more 1 st yr & 32% more at their career peaks.
    • 14. We Negotiate for . . .
    • 15. Need Image credit istockphoto.com 2010
    • 16. security Image credit istockphoto.com 2010
    • 17. Image credit istockphoto.com 2010
    • 18. Power Image credit istockphoto.com 2010
    • 19.  
    • 20.  
    • 21. Autonomy
    • 22. Pride
    • 23. Self Expression
    • 24.  
    • 25. monkey economy 50 million years
    • 26. Money is simply one way to store value & permit trade at a distance What else do you have to trade?
    • 27. Women tend to value relationship more than money
    • 28. often leading us to value ourselves less than male peers
    • 29. We measure our work by what we need and compare our incomes to those of our female friends
    • 30. We over-deliver to our clients and superiors and under-deliver to ourselves
    • 31. We work 22% longer and 10% faster for the same reward
    • 32.  
    • 33. we can close the gap NOW
    • 34. ANCHORING When we set our value in the market we set our own future value; we set our women colleague’s value and we set the value for our children and children’s children Image credit istockphoto.com 2010
    • 35. Recalibrate our Market value
    • 36. Sk for it
    • 37. Female Bargaining Advantages
      • rules or steps to get to a final outcome
      • take a broad or 'collective' perspective
      • elements interconnected & interdependent
      • see the big picture
      • Propose systematic plan on how to solve it.
      • work through steps by sharing experiences
      • Focus on mutual gains
      • more concerned about how problems are solved than merely solving the problem
    • 38. Male Bargaining Advantages
      • Feel bargaining advantage
      • Feel entitled to more rewards
      • Less likely to back down
      • Use more distributive tactics
      • Feel entitled to information
      • Seen as stronger speakers than women
      • Seek more power
      • Intimidate
    • 39. The Psychic History of our Fight for Scarce Resources
      • Contending
          • Strong survive/weak die
      • Problem solving
        • Hunting/gathering to agriculture/husbandry
        • Farming/hunting to industry
        • Industry to technology
        • Material (steel, cars, trains, planes) to Immaterial (knowledge)
      “ Innovate, don’t litigate (contend)” Jonathan Schwartz, CEO Sun Microsystems
    • 40. theory of mind
    • 41. Our ability to reason arose from our need to understand one another’s intentions and motivations, allowing us to coordinate within a group
    • 42. we developed certain tendencies of thought called cognitive biases universal ways of thinking about what motivates other people
    • 43. But we never learned to read one another’s minds
      • Suspicion followed
      P is for Paranoid copyright 2010 Reason Press
    • 44.
      • What do we most want to know
    • 45. What the HECK are they THINKING?
    • 46. and will it be harmful to me?
    • 47. Will they cooperate
    • 48. or attack ?
    • 49. How can I make them do what I want them to do?
    • 50. we read signs and symbols in an effort to control our own destiny
    • 51. and make common cognitive errors
    • 52. We see patterns where none exist Clustering Illusion
    • 53. we discount everything our bargaining partners say reactive devaluation
    • 54. confirmation bias we search for and interpret information in a way that confirms our preconceptions
    • 55.
      • Cognitive Biases Prevent us from learning Other’s mind
      • what do they want/need
      • what do they have of value
      • how do they value it
      • why do they want what they are seeking
      • Prevent us from accurately assessing
        • perils
        • opportunities
    • 56. Getting what you want Copyright 2010 Reason Press
    • 57. Negotiate from Strength You are as strong as you believe yourself to be L is for Lawyer copyright 2010 Reason Press
    • 58. Grammar of Negotiation
      • Positions
        • What you want
          • More pay, better benefits
          • Better case assignments
          • Higher fees
          • Fewer hours
      • Interests
        • Why you want it
          • More time with children
          • More time to write that book
          • More time to volunteer
          • Send children to college
          • Travel more
          • Provide for own future
      • Issues
        • Billable hours
        • Quality of work
        • Outcome for client
        • Business development
        • Reputation
      • Stakeholders
        • Everyone interested in outcome
        • Your peers and superiors
        • Your clients
        • Your family
    • 59. how can we reach a mutually beneficial and durable agreement? By ascertaining their interests, preferences, priorities, needs, desires, constraints, strengths, and weaknesses, as well as our own
    • 60. Z is for Zen Master copyright 2010 Reason Press Collaborative Problem Solving
    • 61. Ask Diagnostic Questions C is for Coward copyright 2010 Reason Press
    • 62.  
    • 63.
      • What are my intended outcomes and interests?
        • Preferences, priorities, needs, desires, fears, aspirations, bottom line
      • What are their possible interests and outcomes?
        • Put yourself in their shoes
      • What are the options?
        • Potential points of agreement
        • Differences that might be dove-tailed
      Q is for Questioner copyright 2010 Reason Press
    • 64.
      • Compatibility (issues not in conflict)
      • logrolling, or trading off concessions on low-priority issues for gains on higher priority issues
      • trading differential time preferences
        • Allocating more initial outcomes to the more impatient party
        • Allocating greater profits over a longer period to the more patient party
      T is for Them and Us copyright 2010 Reason Press
    • 65.
      • adding issues not inherent in the initial negotiation framework
        • Bonuses
        • Flex-time
        • Best associates
      • contingent contracts
        • If I bring in $X this year, I’ll receive Y% of it
      T is for Them and Us copyright 2010 Reason Press
    • 66. Framing
      • Present Losses as Gains
        • Strong tendency to prefer avoiding losses over acquiring gains
          • a service business’ most important assets go down the elevator every night and you have to give them a good reason to come back
          • the cost of replacing you
        • competitor’s deal would be a loss because – they’re not as nimble, creative, resourceful . . .
      • Frame your proposal in your favor
        • state your qualities as what your client needs
        • state your settlement proposal as what your opponent’s client needs
        • state your deal terms as what your negotiation partner prefers, prioritizes, needs, and desires
    • 67.
      • Make contingent concessions, i.e., if you’ll raise your offer to $150K, I’ll lower my demand to $200,000K
        • Creates appearance of concession
        • Almost risk free
      • Label concessions & demand reciprocity
      • Stress difficulty in making concession
        • This will cut our profit razor thin
        • If I make this concession, you should be willing to promise me partnership next year
            • Concessions & Reciprocity
    • 68. Distributive Bargaining
      • The process by which the parties distribute between themselves what they believe to be a fixed “pie” of money, goods or services
      • A Zero Sum exchange in which whatever one side gains, the other side loses
      • Parties move toward resolution through a series of concessions
    • 69. Competitive Bargaining Image credit istockphoto.com 2010
      • High initial demands
      • Maintain them throughout
      • make few (and small) concessions
      • adhere to a high level of aspiration
      • obtain as much information as possible
      • give away little
      • bluff
      • mislead
      • threaten retaliatory action if the other side does not comply.
    • 70. tit for tat S is for Shakedown Artist copyright 2010 Reason Press
    • 71. Difficult people
    • 72. Behind every accusation is a cry for help D is for Drama Queen copyright 2010 Reason Press
    • 73.
      • They’re not difficult, they are uninformed
        • Educate them about their true interests, consequences of their actions
        • Help them understand what is in their best interest
        • May have misunderstood or ignored a crucial piece of information
      I is for Idiot copyright 2010 Reason Press
    • 74.
      • They’re not evil; they have hidden interests
        • Personal (unrelated to you or deal)
        • Relational (related to you but not to the deal, i.e., “face”)
        • Political, social, cultural
      O Is for Outlaw copyright 2010 Reason Press
    • 75.
      • They are not irrational; they have hidden constraints
        • Institutional
        • Precedential
        • Promises to others
        • Deadlines
      P is for Paranoid copyright 2010 Reason Press
    • 76. Practice practice practice
    • 77. How were the women’s dilemmas solved? Growing isn't like in a movie where you have a realization and life changes. In life, you have a realization and your life changes a month or so later. So I just have to wait a month? It depends on the realization. Some of them you only wait a couple weeks. ~Postcards from the Edge
    • 78.
      • Negotiate retail
      • Ask for something
        • You know they’ll say no to
        • You know they’ll say yes to
      • Collect a dozen “no’s” in the next two weeks
      • Set your price 2x higher than normal
      • Have a difficult conversation asking diagnostic questions
      • Teach your children
      • Teach your spouse
      • Make a game out of it
    • 79. K is for Kin copyright 2010 Reason Press You can have it all Just not at the same time

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