Don't blame the player, blame the game; Get what you want NOW!

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10 ways to get what you want and the gender culture in which you will have to ask to get it.

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  • In recent days, its been suggested to me (the generic woman) that I find a way to deepen my voice (Executive Presence); jettison my womanly emotions in the workplace (don’t cry!); act more like a guy, act less like a guy, get the best seat at the conference table, improve my handshake, ask for more money, but nicely, pay more attention to my family, pay more attention to my social network, learn to golf, start reading the sports page,, seek sponsors, seek mentors, brag about my accomplishments, but modestly, be relentless pleasant, and, for heaven’s sake never, ever to curse. But the research continues to show that the presence of women in business AS WOMEN improves bottom line performance. We don’t have to be better. We need only be PRESENT and engaged in the work we do.
  • Is this a problem for us? What are the opposite of these traits?Could they hurt your career path or your negotiation position? When we are impatient, we are acting outside the culture’s expectations for our behavior. There are times that call for the expression of an unkind thought, to be impatient with stonewalling, to be intolerant of intolerance. These stereotypes used against us when we press our own case, seek our own gratification or sing our own praises. They are as harmful to us as the stereotypes that we’re emotional rather than rational, weak instead of strong, uncertain rather than decisive and more likely to fold than to carry on when confronted with conflict.
  • Imagine you're working in a profession you love. You're built for it, you're educated for it, and you're in the right place at the right time. Your boss retires, and even though a nationwide search ensues, you inherit the reigns.Before you celebrate, you negotiate. You research, you strategize, and yet because your predecessor never ever, never once, negotiated her own salary - we're talking director-level professional - your negotiation only lands you a modest increase. You step into a role with a salary that is not only below your former boss's salary, but far below equity for your profession as a whole.This is the thumbnail case study of a recent client who spent 18 months of persistent work to bring her salary into alignment. A $35K increase and she still has 10 percent to go.The lesson here is that we hobble our sisters who come up behind us when we don't take care of ourselves-when we don't translate the value our work into dollars.Our work in the world impacts a whole constellation of people who are either dependent on us, or laboring in the wake of our contribution.Know this: you are activists in a movement. It is incumbent on you to do your part.
  • LEARN YOUR MARKET VALUE AND REMEMBER THAT A 20% RAISE WILL SIMPLY ALLOW YOU TO REACH WAGE PARITY
  • Refer business to one another; subvert the system; stop following the use; use your power and influence; don’t be hemmed in by the authority you’ve been given
  • YOU WANT TO KNOW THEIR NEEDS, FEARS, PREFERENCES, PRIORITIES, VALUES, CHALLENGES AND ALSO HIDDEN STAKEHOLDERS AND CONSTRAINTS
  • THE MORE ITEMS YOU HAVE TO TRADE, THE BETTER DEAL YOU STAND TO MAKE. THINK OF EVERYTHING OF VALUE TO YOU – POTENTIAL FOR PROMOTION, WAGES, BENEFITS, FLEX-TIME, MATERNITY LEAVE, HUMAN RESOURCES, MATERIAL RESOURCES, TRAINING, ACCESS TO POWER WHETHER IT BE CLIENTS, CUSTOMERS OR HIGHER UPS
  • THE PERSON WHO MAKES THE FIRST OFFER ESTABLISHES ONE END OF THE BARGAINING RANGE AND PULLS HIS NEGOTIATION PARTNER IN HIS DIRECTION THROUGHOUT THE NEGOTIATION. THIS IS PARTICULARLY TRUE IN CASES OF UNCERTAINTY – UNCERTAIN VALUE, UNCERTAIN MARKET, UNCERTAIN METRICS FOR RAISES, PROMOTIONS, BENEFITS AND THE LIKE. YOU NEED TO LEAVE YOURSELF BARGAINING ROOM WHICH MEANS STATING HIGHER THAN YOUR DESIRED FINAL DEAL. PEOPLE ARE HAPPIER WHEN THEIR BARGAINING PARTNER HAS MADE SEVERAL CONCESSIONS. HAPPIER THAN GETTING WHAT THEY ORIGINALLY THOUGHT THEY WANTED
  • STRESS HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO MAKE YOUR CONCESSIONS AND THAT YOU EXPECT YOUR NEGOTIATION PARTNER TO WORK JUST AS HARD AND GIVE UP AS MUCH AS YOU ARE.
  • TELECOMMUTING IS SOMETHING OF HIGH VALUE TO YOU AND LOW COST TO YOUR EMPLOYER. GIVING YOU ACCESS TO PEOPLE WITH POWER TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR CAREER PATH IS ALSO SOMETHING OF HIGH VALUE TO YOU AND LOW COST TO YOUR EMPLOYER. THINK OF AS MANY BENEFITS OR OPPORTUNITIES THAT WOULD MAKE YOUR JOB BETTER AND THEN USE THEM TO CLOSE THE GAP BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR EMPLOYER
  • IF THE COMPANY WERE WILLING TO PROMOTE ME, I’D BE WILLING TO TAKE A GREATER PERCENTAGE OF MY INCOME IN PROFIT SHARING OR BMERIT-BASED BONUSES.
  • “So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.” Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.”
  • Don't blame the player, blame the game; Get what you want NOW!

    1. 1. Don’t Blame the Player, Blame the Game 10 Ways to Get What You Want Now Victoria Pynchon, She Negotiates Consulting and Training SheNegotiates.com
    2. 2. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU
    3. 3. We work 22% longer and 10% faster before thinking we’re entitled to the same reward
    4. 4. The Game Is Rigged by History and Biology
    5. 5. If men didn’t have enough time to devote to work, they would have figured out another way to value it than the time it takes to get it done
    6. 6. STEP NUMBER ONE LEARN YOUR MARKET VALUE
    7. 7. STEP NUMBER TWO : FORM ALLIANCES
    8. 8. STEP NUMBER THREE : LEARN YOUR NEGOTIATION PARTNERS’ INTERESTS
    9. 9. STEP NUMBER FOUR : PUT AS MANY ITEMS AS POSSIBLE ON THE TABLE TO TRADE
    10. 10. STEP NUMBER SIX : ANCHOR HIGH AND PLAN CONCESSSIONS
    11. 11. STEP NUMBER SEVEN : NAME CONCESSSIONS AND DEMAND RECIPROCITY
    12. 12. STEP NUMBER EIGHT
    13. 13. STEP NUMBER NINE : FLOAT TRIAL BALLONS OR BUILD IN CONTINGENCIES
    14. 14. STEP NUMBER TEN : CLOSE
    15. 15. You may be distracted by your children or elderly parents but men spend far more time being distracted by ....
    16. 16. Women are the future: don’t sell yourself short!

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