Effectively Dealing With Difficult People 7 19
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Effectively Dealing With Difficult People 7 19

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Insights in how to manage difficult people.

Insights in how to manage difficult people.

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  • When individuals come together each possesses their own “pool of meaning”, to develop understanding and agreement information from each separate pool must fill the Shared Pool of Meaning.
  • As each contributor is exposed to more accurate and relevant information better choices are made. Since the information is shared the participants are committed to the final decision. The time spent in building the shred pool of energy is well spent as it leads to faster, more committed action.
  • Start high risk discussions with the “right motives”
  • As you consider what you want, notice when you start talking yourself into a Sucker’s Choice. Watch to see if you feel you must choose between peace and honesty, between winning and losing, and so on. Break free of the Sucker Choice by finding the elusive “and” Clarify what you don’t want and add it to what you do want (the elusive “and”) to find healthy opinions that bring you to dialogue
  • Dual Processing, (watch for both content and Conditions)
  • Pass out questionnaire
  • Calculate your stress style
  • When others move to silence or argumentative, step out of the conversation and “Make It Safe”.
  • Mutual Purpose. Do others believe you care about their goals in this conversation? Do they trust your motives? Mutual Respect. Do others believe that you respect them?
  • When you are at cross purposes, use four skills to get back to Mutual Purpose:
  • When you have a tough message to share, or when you are so convinced of your own rightness that you may push too hard, remember to STATE your path.Share your facts.Start with the least controversial, most persuasive elements from your Path to ActionTell your story. Explain what you’re beginning to conclude.Ask for others’ path. Encourage others to share both their facts an their stories.Talk tentatively. State your story as a story – don’t disguise it as a fact.Encourage testing. Make it safe for others to express differing or even opposing views.
  • To encourage the free flow of meaning and help others leave silence or arguments behind, explore their Paths to Action. Start with an attitude of curiosity and patience. This helps restore balance and security.Ask. Start by simply expressing interest in the other person’s views.Mirror. Increase balance by respectfully acknowledging the emotions people seem to be feeling.Paraphase. As others begin to share part of their story, restate what you’ve heard to show you understand and that it is okay for them to share their thoughts.Prime. If others continue to holding back, prime. Make your best guess at what they may be thinking and feeling.Agree. Agree when you doBuild. If others leave something out agree to the portion shared then build upon that agreementCompare. When you differ significantly don’t suggest that others are wrong. Compare the two views.
  • When dealing with difficult people you can turn your successes into great decisions and united action by avoiding the two traps of violated expectations and inaction.Decide How to Decide. Command – Decisions are made without involving anyone else. Consult – Input is gathered from the group and then a smaller group decides. Vote – An agreed upon percentage swings the decision. Consensus – Everyone comes to an unamimousagreeement.Finish Clearly, decide who does what by when. Make the deliverables crystal clear, set follow-up time. Record commitments and follow-up. Hold people accountable.
  • Let’s discuss some of the situations you have dealt with in light of the processes we have discussed.

Effectively Dealing With Difficult People 7 19 Effectively Dealing With Difficult People 7 19 Presentation Transcript

  • Effectively Dealing with Difficult People
    Victoria Wors Facilitator
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • Victoria Wors, SPHR
    BBA and MS in Human Resources Management
    Certified Birkman Method® Consultant
    • Human Resources Professional with numerous years in various industries and working with different levels and cultures.
    • Currently consultant to small and mid-sized businesses to improve communications within teams and between specific individuals using the Birkman Assessment tool
    • Retained Human Resources Consultant to Premiere Employee Services, a St. Louis PEO
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • Acknowledgements
    Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High; Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillian, and Al Switzler; 2002
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • 4
    Creation of Crucial Moment
    General Adaptation Syndrome model
    Developed by Hans Selye
    Explains an incident of “design” response
    Choose Well: ¼ second
    Choose well:
    New level offunctioning
    RESISTANCE
    EXHAUSTION
    ALARM
    Bad
    Day!
    Choices:FIGHT
    FLIGHT
    COPE
    AdrenalineRush
    Cortisol Loading
    Impaired levelof functioning
    Self-defeating loops sustained
    Normal
    Day
  • Who Are the Difficult People We Speak Of?
    Confronting employees with performance issues
    Talking with a coworker who behaves offensively or makes suggestive comments
    Talking to an employee out personal hygiene
    Addressing a team member’s lack of commitment to tasks
    Dealing with a rebellious employee
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • The Power of Mastering Dialogue
    Open and honest expression of opinions, feelings and the ability to articulate controversial theories without fear of retribution.
    Di-a-logue or di-a-log n.
    The free flow of meaning between two or more people.
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • Filling the Pool of Shared Meaning
    Individual Pool of Meaning
    Individual Pool of Meaning
    Shared Pool of
    Meaning
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • The Pool of Shared Energy is the Birthplace of Synergy
    Better Choices are made by all parties sharing in the pool of meaning
    Participants are committed to the final decision
    Shared Energy leads to faster, more committed action.
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • How to Stay Focused
    Ask yourself these questions:
    “What I do I really want for myself”?
    “What do I really want for others”?
    “What do I really want for this relationship”?
    After answering these three questions ask yourself:
    How would I behave if I really wanted these results?
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • Refuse the Sucker’s Choice
    Do you feel you must choose
    Find the elusive “and”
    Clarify what you don’t want and add it to what you do want (the elusive “and”)
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • How to Know When Safety is at Risk
    Dual Processing
    Watch for the moment the conversation turns difficult
    • Notice when people feel unsafe (silence or argumentative)
    • Find your style under stress
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • Exercise
    Instructions
    Consider the list of questions, before answering consider a specific situation at work and complete the questionnaire while thinking of how you typically approach this difficult situation.
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • What Your Score Means
    Silence
    Violence
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • How to Make It Safe to Talk About Almost Anything
    When others move to silence or argumentative, step out of the conversation and “Make It Safe”.
    When safety is restored, go back to the issue at hand and continue the dialogue.
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • Decide Which Condition of Safety is at Risk
    Mutual Purpose.
    Mutual Respect.
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • Apologize When Appropriate
    When you have clearly violated respect…
    APOLOGIZE
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • Contrast to Fix Misunderstanding
    When others misunderstand either your purpose or your intent.
    Start with what you don’t intend or mean, then explain what you do intend or mean.
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • CRIB to Get to Mutual Purpose
    Commit to seek Mutual Purpose
    Recognize the purpose behind the strategy
    Invent a Mutual Purpose
    Brainstorm new strategies
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • State My Path
    Share your facts.
    Tell your story.
    Ask for others’ path.
    Talk tentatively.
    Encourage testing.
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • Explore Others’ Paths
    Ask
    Mirror
    Paraphrase
    Prime
    Agree
    Build
    Compare
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • Move to Action
    Decide How to Decide
    Command
    Consult
    Vote
    Consensus
    Finish Clearly
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • How to Prepare to Deal with a Difficult Person
    Start with Heart
    Learn to Look
    Make It Safe
    Master Your Stories
    State Your Path
    Explore Others’ Paths
    Move to Action
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • Discussion of Difficult Cases
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
  • For Additional Information:
    Victoria Wors
    Wors Consulting, LLC
    victoriawors@worsconsulting.com
    www.worsconsulting.com
    Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved