Holidaytimes

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Holidaytimes

  1. 1. The Holiday TIMES Number 13  December 2009 Exuberant Christmas greetings and late-breaking news from the Van Koevering family Van Koeverings On Track for 2012        When  the  Mayan  calendar  ends  on   enjoy  some  snacks.    We've  also  had   ancient  prophecies  when  we   December  21,  2012,  the  Van   them  run  cable  into  the  basement."   built  the  house,"  Mr.  Van   Koevering  family          The  family's   Koevering  said.     will  be  ready,   early  concerns        When  challenged  about  the   having  stocked   include   sanity  of  his  preparations,  Mr.   up  on   preparing  for   Van  Koevering  was  unflappable.   bandages,   locusts  and        "Say  what  you  want  about  the   DVDs,  vodka,   drought.   Mayans,"  Mr.  Van  Koevering   peanut  M&Ms,        "We've  got   said.    "When  it  comes  to  nose-­‐ and  swizzle   some  bee   piercing,  human  sacrifice  and  the   sticks  to  tide   spray,  but  I'm   end  of  civilization,  they  knew   themselves  over   not  sure  that   their  $&%#."   during  the  years   will  even  make        In  the  meantime,  the  entire   of  tribulation.       a  dent  in  a  cloud   Van  Koevering  family  has  been        "Looks  to  be  a  very  low-­‐key  time   of  swarming  grasshoppers,"  Mrs.   busily  setting  their  affairs  in   (once  the  volcanoes  and  earthquakes   Van  Koevering  said.     order.       are  over  anyway),"  Mr.  Van  Koevering        Mr.  Van  Koevering  has  also  been        "I  can't  clean  enough,"  said   recently  commented  while  laying  up   thinking  about  digging  a  moat  and   Mrs.  Van  Koevering.    "If  the  end   stores  of  car  magazines  and   installing  a  fully-­‐stocked  shelter   is  coming,  the  beds  will  be  made   paperbacks.    "We  plan  to  catch  up  on   under  the  garage.   and  everyone  will  be  wearing   our  reading,  talk  about  old  times,  and        "We  just  weren't  up  on  our   fresh  underwear."  
  2. 2. The Holiday Times 2009 2009: An Amazing Race From  TV  show  auditions  to  birthday  parties,  the         Van  Koeverings  lived  fast  this  year   Every  Sunday  night  for  the  past  several  years,  the  Van  Koevering  family  has   taken  an  hour  to  watch  their  favorite  TV  show:   The  Amazing  Race.    This  year,  however,  the   family  did  more  than  just  watch.   In  August,  Stephanie  Van  Koevering  and  her   School's  In   best  friend,  Penny  Davis,  went  to  an  open   Don  Van  Koevering,  now  4,  was   casting  call  for  the  show.    Their  hope  was  to   granted  admission  to  the  local   demonstrate  that  mini-­‐van  moms  with  hand  sanitizer  and  juice  boxes  could   preschool  this  September.    The  youth   compete  effectively  in  a  "Race  Around  The  World!™"   did  well  enough  on  his  entrance  exams   that  school  officials  were  willing  to   "We  have  yet  to  get  a  call  back  from  the  producers,  but  this  is  not  the  first   overlook  his  previous  felony   time  I've  had  to  wait  and  wait  and   indictments.   WAIT  for  someone  to  call,"  Mrs.  Van   The  boy  appears  to  be  succeeding  in   Koevering  said.    "That's  how  I  spent   school  so  far,  though  his  parents  are  as   most  of  high  school."   yet  unwilling  to  grant  his  repeated   requests  for  a  driving  permit.     Lacking  the  ability  to  actually   participate  in  the  show,  Mrs.  Van   Area  Craftsman  Creates   Koevering  decided  to  stage  an   High-­‐Quality  Items   independent  version  of  The   Amazing  Race  for  her  son  Alex's   Alex  Van  Koevering,  10,  honed  his   birthday  party  in  October.    Some   carpentry  and  modeling  skills  during   two  dozen  children  were  welcomed  and  divided  into  teams,  all  of  which  had   2010.    In  addition  to  the  bootjack   depicted  below,  the  talented  artisan   to  complete  various  tasks  and  roadblocks.       produced  several  car  and  plane   models,  a  marshmallow  gun,  and  other   "My  favorite  tasks  were  translating  Morse  Code  and  learning  to  dance  a   wood  and  metal  projects.   waltz,"  Alex  said.    "But  I  didn't  like  stuffing  a  suitcase  full  of  more  things  than   it  could  hold  or  trying  to  identify  baby  foods  by  taste."   This  Webelos-­‐inspired  work  will  be   priced  according  to  customer  demand.   Mr.  Van  Koevering  spent  the   entire  party  worrying  about   the  safety  of  his  home  and   its  occupants.   "We  are  never  doing  that   again,"  Mr.  Van  Koevering   said.    "It  was  great  and  lots   of  fun,  but  our  house  was   completely  destroyed."   Asked  for  a  response,  Alex   said,  "I  did  not  see  nor  do  I   have  any  specific  knowledge  about  the  mess  in  our  house.    Lay  off,  Dad!"     2  
  3. 3. The Holiday Times 2009 Family Visits Historical Roots Van  Koeverings  check  out  Williamsburg,  Gettysburg  and  Washington  DC     In  August  2009,  the  Van  Koevering  family  hauled  their   says  (this  is  kid  code  for,  "Never  have  I  seen  a  more   trailer  to  points  east,  visiting  the  places  where  the   boring,  tedious  and  horrible  place").     nation  was  born  and  tested.    Along  the  way,  they   tested  their  cell  phone  coverage,  credit  card  limit,  and   Alex  perked  up,  however,  at  the  next  leg  of  the   the  towing  ability  of  their  Saab  9-­‐7x.       journey,  which  took  the  family  to  the  US  Naval   Academy  in  Annapolis,  MD.    "The  Academy  was   "The  car  held  up  fine,  and  we  were  really  pleased  with   great,"  Alex  remembers  in  a  rare  display  of  emotion   our  cell  phone  service,"  Mr.  Van  Koevering  said.    "Our   (his  range  of  feeling  is  profound).     credit  card,  however,  left  something  to  be  desired  as  it   did  not  provide  us  with  the  interest-­‐free,  no-­‐need-­‐to-­‐ The  family  took  in  sights  around  Washington  DC  and   pay-­‐it-­‐back  kind  of  money  we  required  for  this  trip.     Gettysburg,  where  the  children  worked  brother-­‐ Actually  we  need  this  kind  of  service  every  day,  now   against-­‐brother  to  prevent  the  entire  family  from   that  I  think  of  it."   having  a  good  time.    "Stop  touching!  That's  mine,"   were  constant  refrains  all  over  the  Pennsylvania   Mrs.  Van  Koevering  particularly  enjoyed  the  family's   countryside.       whirlwind  stop  in  Williamsburg.    She  was  the  only  one.   Eventually  the  family  hopes  to  have  positive  memories     "Williamsburg  was  okay,"  Alex  Van  Koevering  now   of  this  vacation.       3  
  4. 4. The Holiday Times 2009    Alex  and  Don  Answer  Readers'  Questions   Q:  What  was  the  point  of  the  Civil  War?   ALEX:  The  best  thing  about  2009  was  TV  and  video  games                               -­‐Darcy  M,  DeWitt   and  summer  vacation.           DON:  I've  seen  one  Union  and  a  Confederate  on  a  new  fake   Q:  Should  we  send  more  troops  to  Afghanistan?   horse.    From  the  farm.    The  farm  only  had  one   -­‐Barack  O,  Washington  DC   Confederate/Union  horse.    They  had  to  share  it.    I'm     answering  this  question  and  not  Alex  because  I  am  the   ALEX:  I  am  not  a  big  expert  on  that  stuff.    But  I  think  just   smartest.   pull  them  out.    They're  doing  it  already  but  they're  so     darned  slow.   Ut  Sed  Est   Q:  Should  the  state's  FY  2010  budget  be  balanced  with  taxes,     budget  cuts,  or  a  mix  of  both?   DON:  I'm  smarter!             -­‐Jennifer  G,  Lansing       Q:  Should  the  US  government  take  control  of  our  health   ALEX:  Budget  cuts.    Wait  -­‐  what's  budget  cut  mean?    I  want   care  system?   both.    Is  there  a  right  answer?       -­‐Donna  S,  Chicago       Q:  What  was  the  highlight  of  2009?   ALEX:  What  would  that  mean?    Really?    Noooooooo!     -­‐Dick  C,  Redford       DON:  The  government  is  way  up  high  on  top  of  us.    We   DON:  2009?    You  know,  2009  was  a  very  old  place.    Broken   can't  even  get  to  him.    He  lives  in  a  shaped-­‐lamp  planet.     down  buildings,  broken  down  houses,  and  broken  down   Just  like  this  one  only  different.    With  no  stand.    But  shaped   states.    No,  we  don't  live  in  the  year  2009.    We  live  in  the  year   as  a  lamp.   2007.    Oh,  wait.    It's  a  really  new  place  in  2009  and  it  is  great!       We  have  all  these  TV  clickers  and  toys.    AND  our  Christmas   ALEX:  I  want  to  read  this  whole  thing  when  you're  done.   tree  is  up.    I'm  going  to  kiss  your  cheek.       Editor's  Note   This  year's  Holiday  Times  comes  at  a  challenging  time   for  our  family.    Stephanie  has  just  been  diagnosed  with   non-­‐Hodgkins  lymphoma  and  is  getting  ready  to  begin   treatment  in  the  very  near  future.      She  is  very   optimistic  and  eager  to  make  her  way  through  this   process  as  quickly  as  possible,  so  she  can  develop  a   better  holiday  newsletter  next  year.     We  are  deeply  grateful  for  the  thoughts,  prayers,  help   The  younger  Van  Koeverings   and  good  wishes  that  have  come  from  so  many   sample    ye  olde  PB&J   sandwiches  and  cokes  at  the   members  of  our  loyal  readership.    If  you  would  like  to   Kings  Arms  Tavern  in   keep  track  of  Stephanie's  treatment,  check  out   Williamsburg,  VA.    Their  parents   www.caringbridge.org/visit/stephanievankoevering.     drank  rummers  and  tested  their     tolerance  for  200-­‐year-­‐old  fare.       We  love  you  and  wish  you  a  very  merry  Christmas!   The  children  were  surly  until   The Van Koeverings supplied  with  authentic  muskets   and  colonial  hats.     4  

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