How To Destroy Your Email Program.


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Join us in a journey into the email marketing program abyss with the world renowned email marketing expert, guru, swami and master, Andrew Kordek. In this humorous but reality-based presentation, you will learn about the top 5 ways to destroy your email program. Andrew has observed thousands of email programs worldwide and has used his wealth of experience and research with companies like Groupon and Sears to compile a list of 5 indisputable ways for your organization to begin its descent into the bottomless pit of email marketing.

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How To Destroy Your Email Program.

  1. 1. How to Destroy your Email Program<br />Andrew I. Kordek - <br />Co-Founder & Chief Strategist email guru, expert and swami.<br />
  2. 2. Need to find me…Google me.<br />
  3. 3. Agenda & Caveat’s <br />Top 5 ways in no particular order.<br />Funny but true.<br />Face value. Don’t know everything.<br />Been there and done that.<br />Do. Don’t get down.<br />No disrespect.<br />Take 1. Go and change.<br />One bonus way.<br />Get Better Everyday.<br />
  4. 4. Ready.<br />Set.<br />Let the Destruction Begin.<br />
  5. 5. #5- Play Hide and Seek<br />
  6. 6. Peek-a-boo<br />Where is the email signup?<br />Betcha can’t find it<br />I don’t see you?<br />
  7. 7. Look a little harder<br />Yup. Not there<br />
  8. 8. NO WHERE TO BE FOUND<br />
  10. 10. Thank goodness they have the social media buttons where we can see them!<br />
  11. 11.
  12. 12.
  13. 13. Five Points For The Web<br />1.Bury the sign up at the bottom of the page.<br />2.Make it 3 pt font and smaller than all other text on the page.<br />3.Never test placement of your email sign up.<br />4.If they do find it make them go to another page and require 15 pieces of information from them that you will never use.<br />5.Make sure you make the social media buttons way larger and more prominent than your email sign up, because you can easily measure revenue on them.<br />
  14. 14. What about hide & seek on the unsubscribe<br />I say……..Hell Ya!!!<br />
  15. 15.
  16. 16. Lighten the color!<br />Hiding is so fun. <br />
  17. 17. You have to love a 3 email opt out process!<br />
  18. 18. 6 Points For Email<br />unsubscribe.<br />Put it all the way at the bottom and make the subscriber scroll and scroll and scroll.<br />Make it so they need a magnifying glass to find it buried in the legal mumbo jumbo.<br />After they click unsubscribe tell them it might take 9 days to process and then send them more email in the meantime.<br />When they unsubscribe, send them an email asking them if they meant to unsubscribe. Rinse and repeat….over and over.<br />Offer no link. Ask them to reply to the email with the word “unsubscribe” in the subject line. Make the reply address “”<br />Lighten the text wherever the unsubscribe is so its hard to read.<br />
  19. 19. #4 – Get Dirty<br />
  20. 20. Askthe real tough questions in your program<br />
  21. 21. Poll Time<br />Q<br />Do you know how long it has been since subscribers opened or clicked your email?<br />1 week<br />3 months<br />Never<br />Who cares<br />
  22. 22. Who Cares…<br />Keep them on your list.<br />
  23. 23. INACTIVE<br />INACTIVE<br /> [in-ak-tiv]:<br />adj. <br />1. Potential<br />Antonym: Not dead yet.<br />INACTIVE<br />
  24. 24. Things You Should Do To Keep Being Dirty<br />Forget about purging inactives. Who cares if they aren’t responding to your email. They might one day….right?<br />Your reputation means nothing with the ISP’s. Just set up a separate sub-domain when it goes bad.<br />Never take an active part in your delivery and put all your eggs in one basket.<br />Feedback loops are for wimps. Live dangerously and never check to see what your spam complaints are.<br />Increase your frequency to your inactives. Eventually they will unsubscribe or buy something.<br />Cave into pressure from senior level management and keep everyone on your list for as long as you can.<br />
  25. 25. #3<br />Be a<br />PIG<br />
  26. 26. Send more. Make more.<br />Short term gain.<br />Punch your subscribers as hard as you can!<br />Who cares about long term effects.<br />
  27. 27. Poll Time<br />Q<br />Do you feel as if you send too much or too little email?<br />Too much<br />Too little<br />I don’t know<br />
  28. 28. 60 emails in 25 days.<br />82 emails in 44 days.<br />Send more!!<br />Send more!!!<br />
  29. 29. 61 in November…<br />But wait, there’s more<br />
  30. 30. 64 thru December 27…<br />125 from Nov. 1 thru Dec. 27<br />
  31. 31. Forgetthis stuff.<br />Why even tell them?<br />Never take the time to tell people you are going to send more.<br />
  32. 32. Poll Time<br />Q<br />Do you feel your acquisition goals are realistic?<br />Heck yeah<br />Heck no<br />What goals?<br />
  33. 33. Set Unattainable Goals<br />+ 10,500%<br />
  34. 34. Live The Dream…<br />I bet a lot of Nigerian princes and herbal Viagra dealers love these guys.<br />
  35. 35. SanityCheck<br />Do I still have your attention?<br />Good.<br />
  36. 36. Oink. Oink.<br />Send as much email as you can. Send it to the point where the subscriber can’t take it anymore. All for the sake of making your revenue number today.<br />Acquire email address from any source you can get your hands on. Never measure the long term impact of each of the sources.<br />Buy a list of 50,000,000 email address for $99 or less.<br />Cram as much content into your emails as you can.<br />Never change. Never test. Assume that since you are making money, everything is ok.<br />
  37. 37. #2<br />Bright Shiny <br />Object Syndrome<br />
  38. 38. Social Media is the New Cool Kid<br />In 2010, 60% of US Internet users ages 35 to 44 and one-half of those in the 45-to-54 age group will use social networks at least once a month. <br />- eMarketer<br />Everyone is doing it!!!<br />
  39. 39. Email is For Old People<br />
  40. 40. In Fact…Have You Heard It’s Dead<br />
  41. 41. ABANDON SHIP!!!<br />
  42. 42. Email is Not a Conversation?<br />Never has been.<br />Never will be.<br />
  43. 43. 27% of business executives worldwide said they had already integrated social media strategy into the email marketing strategy. An additional 24% said they have formulated an integration strategy and are currently researching implementation tactics. <br />- eMarketer<br />18% of business executives wanted to add social components to their e-mail campaigns and did not know where to begin. <br />- eMarketer<br />90% of respondents plan to integrate social media into their email campaigns in 2010. <br />- GetResponse<br />DID YOU?...Really?<br />
  44. 44. Now this is integration!!<br />All right, we got 10,000 fans!<br />……now what<br />
  45. 45. 43% of respondents revealed that they don’t need to show positive ROI to get social media funding from their organization.<br />- King Fish Media<br /> <br />
  46. 46. Does Email Have a Seat at the Table?<br />70% of email marketers say they don't have enough staffto prove ROI.<br /> -<br />
  47. 47. Make email marketing the myspace of the marketing department…<br />
  48. 48. Get Sucked In.<br />Hire twice as many people dedicated to social media. <br />Everyone knows that getting 10,000 likes on facebook is better than 5,000 email address.<br />Don’t follow anyone on twitter, just get followers and copy your email subject lines into your tweets. Its FREE!!<br />Triple your social media budget and steal the money from your alloted ESP’s money.<br />Send out 140 character emails.<br />In fact…abandon your email program for a quarter and watch the revenue pour in.<br />
  49. 49. #1<br /> E.E.<br />The every thing else principle<br />
  50. 50. Blame others when YOU don’t execute <br />
  51. 51. Email: So simple a monkey can do it<br />
  52. 52. Make email a priority <br />for someone with other responsibilities<br />
  53. 53. Always worry about how your program is doing compared to others.<br />
  54. 54. Burn what you have or will learn.<br />
  55. 55. But that’s notall…<br />
  56. 56. #.75 <br /> Gut vs. Data<br />Our competitor is doing it. We should do it too<br />I like the blue button<br />We need to put the plush monkey in this email. <br />…Why? <br />Well, we bought 3,000 of them and need to get rid of them.<br />Move this here because it looks pretty<br />The SVP wants more flair<br />
  57. 57. Long Live Email!<br />
  58. 58. Is it time to get started with me?<br />Andrew Kordek Chief Strategist<br /><br />@andrewkordek<br />@trendlinei<br />
  59. 59. Contact Trendline<br />Web:<br />Twitter: @trendlinei or @andrewkordek<br />Skype: andrew.kordek<br />Phone: 224-633-3003<br />Email: andrew@trendlineinteractive<br />**Any other method you see fit**<br />
  60. 60. You’re Welcome<br />