Icai Bikaner Assertive Training


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Material for PGPSE participants of AFTERSCHOOOL CENTRE FOR SOCIAL ENTREPRENEURSHIP. PGPSE is an entrepreneurship oriented programme, open for all, free for all.

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Icai Bikaner Assertive Training

  1. 1. ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING PREPARED FOR ICAI BIKANER CHAPTER by : dr. t.k. Jain AFTERSCHOOOL centre for social entrepreneurship sivakamu veterinary hospital road bikaner 334001 rajasthan, india www.afterschoool.tk mobile : 91+9414430763
  2. 2. What is an assertive personality? <ul><li>You are assertive when you stand up for your rights in such a way that the rights of others are not violated </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Implies that you can express your personal likes and interests </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>You can talk about yourself without being self-conscious </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>You can accept compliments comfortably </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>You can openly disagree with someone </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>You can ask for clarification </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>You can say “NO” </li></ul></ul>
  3. 3. Developing an Assertive Communication Style <ul><li>The nature of assertiveness. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Assertiveness – “involves acting in your own best interests by expressing your thoughts and feelings directly and honestly”. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>In contrast, submissive communication involves “giving in” to others. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Individuals who use this style report feeling bad about being “pushovers”. </li></ul></ul></ul>
  4. 4. Developing an Assertive Style <ul><li>The nature of assertiveness. (cont.) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Aggressive communication is different from assertiveness and “focuses on saying and getting what you want at the expense of others”. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Assertive communication is more adaptive than either submissive, or aggressive communication, and is a skill that can be learned through assertiveness training . </li></ul></ul>
  5. 5. <ul><li>Steps in assertiveness training: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Understand what assertive communication is. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Don’t forget about nonverbal cues. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Monitor your assertive communication. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Identify when you are not assertive, find out who intimidates you, on what topics, and in which situations. </li></ul></ul></ul>Developing an Assertive Style
  6. 6. <ul><li>Steps in assertiveness training: (cont.) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Observe a model’s assertive communication. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Practice assertive communication by using: </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Covert rehearsal – imagine using assertiveness in a situation that requires it. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Role playing – ask a friend to play the role of an antagonist so you can practice. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Adopt an assertive attitude. </li></ul></ul>Developing an Assertive Style
  7. 7. What about those who don’t show assertive behavior? <ul><li>People who show relatively little assertive behavior do not believe they have a right to their feelings, beliefs, or opinions. </li></ul><ul><li>They reject the idea that they are equal to others </li></ul><ul><li>They have difficulty objecting to exploitation or mistreatment </li></ul><ul><li>They grew up doubting themselves and looking to others for validation and guidance </li></ul>
  8. 8. What are the 3 basic styles of interpersonal behavior? <ul><li>Aggressive – opinions, feelings, and wants are honestly stated, but at the expense of others </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Advantage – get what they want </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Disadvantage – make enemies and people avoid them </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Passive – opinions, feelings, and wants are withheld altogether or expressed indirectly </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Advantage – minimizes responsibility for making decisions </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Disadvantages – low self-esteem and having to live with others decisions </li></ul></ul>
  9. 9. What are the 3 basic styles of interpersonal behavior? (cont) <ul><li>Assertive – opinions, feelings, and wants are clearly stated without violating the rights of others </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Advantage – active participation in making decisions, getting what you want without alienating others, emotional and intellectual satisfaction of respectfully exchanging feelings and ideas, and high self-esteem </li></ul></ul>
  10. 10. What is your script for change? <ul><li>Look at your rights, what you want, what you need, and what your feelings are about the situation </li></ul><ul><li>Arrange a time and place to discuss your problem that is convenient for you and the other person </li></ul><ul><li>Define the problem as specifically as possible’ </li></ul><ul><li>Describe your feelings so that the other person has a better understanding of how important the issue is to you </li></ul><ul><li>Express your request in one or two easy to understand sentences </li></ul><ul><li>Reinforce the other person to give you what you want </li></ul>
  11. 11. What if the other person doesn’t get it? <ul><li>In some cases, positive reinforcement may be ineffective </li></ul><ul><li>If the person seems resistant or you’re having trouble motivating them to cooperate </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Utilize negative consequences for failure to cooperate </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Most effective ones are descriptions of the alternative way you will take care of yourself if your wishes aren’t met </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>If we can’t leave on time, I’ll have to leave without you. Then you’ll have to drive over later on your own. </li></ul></ul></ul>
  12. 12. LADDER script <ul><li>L ook at your rights and goal in the situation </li></ul><ul><li>A rrange a time and place to discuss the situation </li></ul><ul><li>D efine the problem specifically </li></ul><ul><li>D escribe your feelings using “ I” statements </li></ul><ul><li>E xpress your request simply and firmly </li></ul><ul><li>R einforce the other person to give you what you want </li></ul>
  13. 13. Is body language important to assertiveness? <ul><li>Yes , it portrays confidence in what you are saying and doing </li></ul><ul><li>Important body language cues: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Maintain direct eye contact </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Maintain an erect body posture </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Speak clearly, audibly, and firmly </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Don’t whine or use an apologetic tone of voice </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Make use of gestures and facial expressions for emphasis </li></ul></ul>
  14. 14. Is listening important to assertiveness? <ul><li>Yes , it is just as important for you to hear the other person as for them to hear you </li></ul><ul><li>Sometimes you will need to deal with an issue that is important to the other person before they will be able to focus on what you have to say. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>This is especially true when what you want conflicts with long unspoken and unmet needs of the listener </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Steps to listening assertively </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Prepare </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Listen and Clarify </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Acknowledge </li></ul></ul>
  15. 15. Learn how to avoid manipulation <ul><li>Broken record </li></ul><ul><li>Content-to-process shift </li></ul><ul><li>Defusing </li></ul><ul><li>Assertive delay </li></ul><ul><li>Assertive agreement </li></ul><ul><li>Clouding </li></ul><ul><li>Assertive inquiry </li></ul><ul><li>Laughing it off </li></ul><ul><li>Accusing gambit </li></ul><ul><li>The beat-up </li></ul><ul><li>Delaying gambit </li></ul><ul><li>Why gambit </li></ul><ul><li>Self-pity gambit </li></ul><ul><li>Quibbling </li></ul><ul><li>Threats </li></ul><ul><li>Denial </li></ul>
  16. 16. Toward More Effective Communication <ul><li>Tips for creating a positive interpersonal climate: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Learn to feel and communicate empathy. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Practice withholding judgment. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Strive for honesty. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Approach others as equals. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Express your opinions tentatively. </li></ul></ul>
  17. 17. <ul><li>Conversation skills: five steps for making successful “small talk”: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Indicate you are open to conversation by commenting on your surroundings. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Introduce yourself. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Select a topic others can relate to. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Keep the conversation ball rolling. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Make a smooth exit. </li></ul></ul>Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
  18. 18. <ul><li>Self-Disclosure – “the act of sharing information about yourself with another person” – is important to adjustment for several reasons. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Sharing problems with others plays a key role in mental health. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Emotional self-disclosures lead to feelings of closeness. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Self-disclosure in romantic relationships is associated with relationship satisfaction. </li></ul></ul>Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
  19. 19. <ul><li>Self disclosure and relationship development. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Self-disclosure varies over the course of relationships. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>At the beginning, there are high levels of mutual self-disclosure, which taper off as the relationship becomes established. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>In established relationships, disclosures are not necessarily reciprocated. </li></ul></ul></ul>Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
  20. 20. <ul><ul><ul><li>Movement away from reciprocal self-disclosures in established relationships occurs for two reasons: </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>There is more of a need for support, than a reciprocal disclosure from the other person. </li></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>The need for privacy outweighs the need for mutual self-disclosure. </li></ul></ul></ul></ul>Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
  21. 21. <ul><li>Culture, gender, and self-disclosure. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Personal self-disclosures occur more in individualistic cultures, whereas disclosures about one’s group membership are the norm in collectivist cultures. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Females tend to disclose more than do males, and this trend is strongest within same-gender friendships. </li></ul></ul>Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
  22. 22. <ul><li>Tips for Effective Listening. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Signal your interest in the speaker by using nonverbal cues: </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Face the speaker squarely. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Lean toward them. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Try not to cross arms and legs. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Maintain eye contact. </li></ul></ul></ul>Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
  23. 23. <ul><li>Tips for Effective Listening. (cont.) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Hear the other person out before you respond. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Engage in “active listening” by: </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Asking for clarification if information is ambiguous. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Paraphrasing what the person said by stating the speaker’s main points back to them to ensure you have interpreted correctly. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Pay attention to the other’s nonverbal cues. </li></ul></ul>Toward More Effective Communication (cont.)
  24. 24. Communication Problems <ul><li>Communication apprehension – “or anxiety caused by having to talk with others” is usually followed by one, of four, responses: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Avoidance – choosing not to participate. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Withdrawal – “clamming up” in conversation you cannot escape. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Disruption – the inability to make fluent statements. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Overcommunication – (e.g., nervous speech). </li></ul></ul>
  25. 25. <ul><li>Barriers to effective communication. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Defensiveness – excessive concern with protecting oneself from being hurt. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Motivational distortion – hearing what you want to hear. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Self-preoccupation – being so self-absorbed the other person cannot equally participate. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Game playing – manipulating the interaction, or concealing your real motives for a selfish purpose. </li></ul></ul>Communication Problems (cont.)
  26. 26. Interpersonal Conflict <ul><li>Beliefs about conflict. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Most people believe any kind of conflict is bad. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>However, avoiding conflict is usually counter-productive and leads to a self-perpetuating cycle (see Figure 7.10). </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>It is better to confront conflicts constructively so that issues can be aired and resolved. </li></ul></ul>
  27. 27. <ul><li>Five types of conflict: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Pseudoconflict – false conflict from game playing. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Fact-based conflict . </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Policy conflict – disagreement about how to handle a situation. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Value-based conflict – disagreement that occurs when people hold opposing values. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Ego-based conflict – emphasis on winning over resolving the conflict. </li></ul></ul>Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
  28. 28. <ul><li>Styles of managing conflict: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Two dimensions (concern for self, and concern for others) underlie five distinct patterns of managing conflict (see Figure 7.11). </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Avoiding/Withdrawing (low concern for self and others). </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Accommodating (low concern for self, high concern for others). </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Competing/Forcing (high concern for self, low concern for others). </li></ul></ul></ul>Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
  29. 29. <ul><li>Styles of managing conflict: (cont.) </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Compromising (moderate concern for self and others). </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Collaborating (high concern for self and others). </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>While compromising simply involves “splitting the difference”, collaborating involves finding a solution that is maximally satisfying to both parties. </li></ul></ul></ul></ul>Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
  30. 30. <ul><li>Dealing constructively with conflict. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Make communication honest and open. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Use specific behavior to describe another person’s annoying habits rather than general statements about their personality. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Avoid “loaded” words. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Use a positive approach and help the other person “save face”. </li></ul></ul>Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
  31. 31. <ul><li>Dealing constructively with conflict. (cont.) </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Limit complaints to recent behavior and to the current situation. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Assume responsibility for your own feelings and preferences. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Try to use an assertive communication style. </li></ul></ul>Interpersonal Conflict (cont.)
  32. 32. <ul><li>Tannen (1998) describes contemporary America as “the argument culture” in which there is a growing tendency to take adversarial positions in almost any public situation. </li></ul><ul><li>Contributing factors include: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>The self is perceived to be an isolated entity. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Americans tend to see things in terms of opposites (e.g., “good” vs. “bad”). </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Face-to-face communication is on the decline. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Desensitization from exposure to high levels of physical and verbal aggression in the media. </li></ul></ul>Public Communication in an Adversarial Culture
  33. 33. <ul><li>Restoring productive public communication: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>What Can Individuals Do? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Tune in to nonverbal signals. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Create a positive interpersonal climate. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Be a good listener. </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Overcome the barriers to effective communication. </li></ul></ul></ul>Adversarial Culture (cont.)