30 Letters, 30 Days


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30 Letters, 30 Days

  1. 1. Letter to the Person I Miss the Most June 29th, 2010 Dear Carlo, I remember when you used to come over with Dennis to play street hockey. Then whenever Madison came, I would join, because me and her were wicked close. Then me and you starting becoming friends. You would sleep over on the weekends and then after a while you got bored because Cory was always asleep early, so you would stay up with me. The first few sleepovers we would go on Facebook and you would show me people you met at school. Then the days after, you would call me to hang out. We would chill with everyone but you were always right next to me and if we did something where we had to be with one person or walk someone home, it was always us two. ANd then you would call and it would just be us two hanging out at like 9pm. We would sit in Dunkin Donuts and talk about school, McKenzie, Dom, and just life. We ordered the same thing every time and always sat in either the last table or the second table and I swear the people working there expected us there every weekend. Then we would walk around. One time we walked around trafton in the same path for an hour. And when we had to go our seperate ways, we were standing on [name] Street, I can pick out the exact spot, and you were like "Want a hug?" and I was like, "Sure." And it was nice, and that was the first time I thought about you as more than a friend, but I didn't think you liked me because just before that at Trafton, you had said that I was your best girl friend. ANd when you asked who my best guy friend was, I said you.So I just thought you didn't think of me as anything more. And then we got to the point where you called every single day to hang out, including after my basketball games and practices. Even if it was for like an hour. We would go on so many adventures! Just causing trouble outside, it was so fun. You would invite me places when you could only take one friend. Like there was a hockey game you had tickets to and could only take two people. Madison like called a ticket because that's how she is. So then out of Stephen, Cory, Dennis, and me, you chose me. And I can't even explain how amazing it was, but it was just the best friendship I ever had. I really miss it. And then one night it was you and me downstairs and my parents were upstairs even though it was midnight. Since my house was very open, we were texting each other through your phone (Because I didn't have texting), so we passed it and you were like "yeah I felt weird during my first kiss cuz I didn't know how to do it." And I was like "Well everyone is like that but you get used to it." You said, "I feel like I'm a bad kisser." I said, "No, you just need practice." Then you were like, "Well I could kiss you..." And omg I wanted to soooo bad! And I was like "Well...that could be awkward." because we always said we were like brother and sister. And you were like, "Well if it is then we can pretend it never happened." And I was like "Okay, strictly for practice" like best friends sometimes do. So when my parents went to bed, you and I went upstairs because we had our spots we always slept in. And we legit sat there for an hour talking about how awkward it was going to be. And finally I was just like "Well we already brought it up, we might as well just do it." And we kissed and it was like it didn't even happen, it was crazy. You had said, "We just have to break the barrier and kiss each other." So after that first kiss you were like, "Well we broke that barrier" and I was like "Yeah. Up for breaking another?" Because we were just starting with pecks before makeout because we were so scared. So after like 5 pecks, we went into a makeout and it was the most perfect thing ever. And I was like "You're really not a bad kisser." And you were like "Really?" And I said, "Well I think it's because I can feel the passion in your kiss." ->
  2. 2. Continued From “Letter to the Person I Miss the Most” June 29th, 2010 We kept kissing and then you said, &quot;I have such bad butterflies right now&quot; And I said, &quot;Aww, so do I.&quot; And we kissed more and we were like &quot;Well this isn't 'for practice'...&quot; ANd you said &quot;How long have you liked me for?&quot; And I replied by saying &quot;Since we started getting closer.&quot; You said that you've liked me since the second timem you slept over, which was about two years ago. And then you said that I'm way out of your league and I told you I'm not, and we kept kissing. We were reaching like 4am and we were like &quot;Ok, we need to sleep&quot; but then we kept on saying &quot;Just 5 more minutes!&quot; Because neither one of us wanted to stop. We kissed for 5 hours that night lying on that red couch with you on &quot;the spot&quot; and me in the middle part. It was the most beautiful thing ever and I would give anything in this world to go back to those hours. Then in the morning, we got up and we admitted that we had thought it'd be awkward in the morning to look at each other, but it wasn't at all. Then I walked you home and it took an hour because we were holding hands and kept stopping to kiss. Then the next weekend or later that week, I don't remember, we were walking to the Malden Rink and we just went waaaay in the back of the parking lot because it's so dark there and you were against the telephone pole holding me and we were kissing for so long and then you walked me home and we were holding hands. And one time we were walking to the rink again and you and I were waiting on my front wall thing for Jacqueline, and Dennis was asleep on the wall. I was next to you and your arm was around me and I was leaning on you and it was quiet and we were looking up and the stars and then you were like &quot;Come here&quot; and pulled me in front of you so that you could wrap your arms around me from behind, and my head was under your chin and it was amazing<3 Another perfect moment. THAT is the Carlo I miss.
  3. 3. Letter to the Last Person I Kissed August 17th, 2010 Dear You, Hello. I'm really sorry about what's going on, honestly. I want to say things will be okay, but I know that sometimes makes a person feel worse. I want to give you your space, but I want you to know that I am here for you. If you ever want to talk, feel free to stop by, call me, or text me. I can't imagine the pain you're going through right now, but you have everyone by your side. Please don't contact me only because you feel bad for ignoring me for a bit, because I know you have something much more important going on. Please spend these days with your mother, it will make the last few days or months she has much better. Remember we all care about you, and we're here for you always. Whenever you need us. Love, Me.
  4. 4. Letter to My Best Friend August 23rd, 2010 I see you walking down the street And don't imagine what we'll be. The first time you sleep at my house, I have my neighbor sneak inside. I have no idea that you'll be The one to never leave my side. So we change from friends to best friends Since my twin brother closes off. We spend all our time together Talking, Laughing, Eating, Walking. We walk around during the night Because we don't want to go home. We can spend two hours at Dunks And use the few dollars we have. You sleep over on the weekends And we have the time of our lives. Your fluff and sprinkles sandwiches And my Lipton soup with elbows Are eaten on those weekend nights. During those early morning snacks, We go on Facebook or just talk. And when we get tired enough, We have our deep talk and then sleep. ->
  5. 5. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 One weekend our sleepover changes. We are talking about kissing, And you say that you are clueless. I say that you just need practice, And you ask if you could kiss me. I had been wanting to kiss you, So I say yes, &quot;strictly for practice.&quot; We sit upstairs on the red couch. I tell you that whether or not We kiss, it's already awkward, So we might as well just do it. Our first kiss is a simple peck. &quot;We broke one barrier&quot;, you say. &quot;You up for breaking another?&quot; I ask and lean in to kiss you. You have such passionate kisses And as I kiss you, I smile. Nothing has ever felt as right As us two lying on my couch Kissing, with my hands on your face And your arms holding me tightly. ->
  6. 6. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 You don't believe that I like you. You say that you have liked me since The second time you slept over, Which was about two years ago. You wonder why I like you back; I tell you everything I feel. You say that I'm too good for you. You tell me I'm out of your league. Things go well with us for a bit Until other girls interfere. &quot;I'm just confused,&quot; you say to me Pretty much every single day. I stick around for a while Still holding you and kissing you, But you go off with other girls. &quot;I'm not trying to get with them&quot; Is what you tell me all the time. ->
  7. 7. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 You stay with me in Marlboro During the hockey tournament. We lie down on the pull out couch And start kissing and you want to Go farther, but I'm not ready, Or at least that's what I say then. We take it to the next step and Then we go even farther and I take your virginity there In room four hundred forty-nine. I had said &quot;You would want to lose Your virginity to me?&quot; and You said &quot;Yes&quot; without a problem. ->
  8. 8. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 I make a mistake that weekend. You were still at the hockey rink And I was in room four four four With diet coke and tequila. I have no clue how I get in The situation I get in, And I don't know why I do it, But I go off with someone else. I don't tell you at first because I don't want you to be mad and I know that I did the wrong thing. I remember that he and I Did not use any protection, And then I start the worrying. I remember that I need to Tell you the mistake I had made Because you deserve to know it. Somehow you are not mad at me. I mean, I do apologize Because I really feel like shit, But I expect you to be mad. &quot;Well how do you think that made me Feel? That was my virginity,&quot; Is what you have to say to me. I fight hard to show you that I Really do still care about you. Things are better for a while. We both move past my big mistake. ->
  9. 9. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 After some time, things start to change Again, but not for the better. You start to treat me differently. We get in our very first fight After all those times that I said I could never stay mad at you. If I like you and you like me Why are you going off with these Other girls? Do they make you Happy? I really do like you, And everything I say I mean. But I bet you don't still like me. We had sex but I bet that it Didn't mean shit to you, I say. &quot;It did mean shit to me,&quot; You say. &quot;And I'm not trying to get with Anyone right now, I just have So much going on in my life.&quot; &quot;So do I!&quot; I say. &quot;I fucking Go to therapy for it, like You don't even understand!&quot; And Then it gets to the point where I Do not want to make you more mad, And I am sick of arguing. I closed our fight by saying that I think I am just afraid to Lose you as my best friend, because I know I couldn't handle that. ->
  10. 10. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 You go for a while being A jerk to mostly everyone, And once some people walk away, You realize you want me to stay. You say sorry for being mean. Everything seems back to normal, But soon after, it gets much worse. You start lying and still talk to All those other girls, and my Friends tell me I don't deserve this, But I know that I can't leave you. Our friends talk to you and say that You need to make a decision- It's either me or the others, Either we are friends or we're more, We can't stick with the &quot;in between&quot;. You say you want to be with me But just not yet, which makes no sense. ->
  11. 11. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 My friends and I hypothesize That you are scared and you know that I will always be here for you. We think you want to look around And make sure that you do not like Someone other than me, and that There is no one better out there Because then you know that you can Come back to me when you're ready And I will have been here waiting. And even though that doesn't seem too Terrible, I can not wait through Everything. I don't deserve that. You say you are sorry, and then We go back to being just friends. But you are still a pain You will be nice to me and then You'll randomly be mean to me. You'll act like you did nothing wrong, I just keep getting more confused. You talk shit behind all our backs, None of us know what to believe. I hear that you called me clingy And when I ask you about it, You say that you were just angry. Whenever I want to have a Conversation about something You always think that I am just Trying to pick a fight with you When of course that is not the case. I just want to talk, and I want Honesty. That's all I ask for. ->
  12. 12. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 Then one night you call me and say That there's something that I don't know. &quot;You have to swear that you won't tell A soul, no one else knows all this.&quot; &quot;I swear I won't tell anyone.&quot; I look high all the time because I'm addicted to percs &quot;That's so sad.&quot; &quot;Yeah whatever, I hope I die from it&quot; &quot;Why do you think I always get nosebleeds?&quot; You've never really seen me angry before I lost in a video game so I broke a glass table. I got mad and punched a hole in my wall. &quot;Teachers can legally pin me against the wall because I'm 'a threat to the school'&quot; &quot;My mom isn't on the dean's speed dial because I'm always in trouble, she's on it in case something happens.&quot; &quot;I hear voices in my head Telling me to kill myself.&quot; &quot;I really did go to meetings for suicide, And it wasn't a joke.&quot; ->
  13. 13. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 I remember the time in room 449 When we were kissing and your nose started to bleed So you cleaned it up but I wouldn't kiss you again Because there had just been blood there. Now I know why your nose was bleeding. I cry because you didn't call me back, You snort percs because you're hearing voices inside your head telling you to kill yourself. &quot;So do you still like me?&quot; You ask After you had shared everything. &quot;Yes,&quot; I say, and you ask me &quot;How?&quot; &quot;How would that stop me from liking You? I know I will always like You, it's just the way that I feel.&quot; You're nice to me again for a few days And I like that you are back to normal. But of course you end up changing back to The other You that I don't understand. ->
  14. 14. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 You ask out one of the girls you like And we all bet on how long you will last And you two stay together for a month. While you are dating her, you ask me if I would hook up with you, and I say that I would, but we do not do anything About it, and I am glad that we don't, Because I would have lost respect for both Myself and you, and at this point, I don't Have enough strength in me to lose respect. ->
  15. 15. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 My childhood best friend Elizabeth Finally starts hanging around with Me again because she lost her loser Boyfriend who let her do nothing at all. So now she is coming around a lot And you and her start to develop a Friendship, and awfully fast for that matter. She tells me everything that you tell her: &quot;Okay first of all, he brought you up first And he was like 'I don't know if I should Have picked her, I think it is because we Already did everything and there is Nothing else to do'&quot; She tells me you said. She knows how to help in situations; She says to you &quot;Yeah, you guys had sex, but There is much more to a relationship Than that.&quot; And you reply that the only Reason that you think you didn't pick me Is because I would be &quot;A jealous and Over-protective girlfriend&quot;, to which Elizabeth says that I wouldn't, but &quot;The only reason she would worry a Little is because she saw the shit you Did behind your last girlfriend's back, like the Shit-talking and everything, and she would Never want you to do that to her.&quot; She said &quot;You're never going to find someone That cares about you like she does.&quot; And he Was like, &quot;I know, but I would be scared that We would break up and we wouldn't be friends, Because then I don't know what I would do.&quot; She told me that it was an amazing Conversation. &quot;He really does care for You, I know it gets hard sometimes when his Feelings are hidden, but please don't forget It, 'cause I see the way he talks about You. He was like 'The only people in This world that I would go far lengths to be With are you, her, and her brother,'&quot; She says. ->
  16. 16. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 I lock those messages and I save them Forever, for when I need to smile. But these other girls, they don't go away. You told me you had sex with others, And I don't know if I should believe you. At least I still have your virginity. We keep having sex, and to me it means Something, because I actually like you. I don't think it means anything to you I think you are just using me for sex. I know I should stop, but I don't want to. I get tired of waiting around for You. You know how much I care about you. You can't see what's right in front of your face. But I still find it too hard to let go. ->
  17. 17. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 Then you get worse and worse And become someone I don't Even know, Someone I don't Even recognize. Our friends are sick of you, I am sick of you, I just want the old you back. I just want to be best friends with you again. I don't care about being anything more, I just want my best friend back. We tell you over and over again that we are done with this bullshit, That we aren't going to sit here and wait around for you to put effort into our friendship When you don't seem to care either way. You always say that you'll change back but you don't. You ask why everyone is ganging up on you, when everyone else can be a jerk once in a while. I tell you that it's because when we tell that person that they have changed or Became a jerk, they change back and try to help the situation- You don't do shit. You think we all hate you Yet I tell you over and over again that I don't hate you, I just want you to show that you care. You say you will but you never do, And after a while, after everyone else seems to be over it, I finally get to the point where I've moved on. I'm not going to sit around and wait for you anymore, Because it hurts too much, and you don't deserve to have me waiting. I know that if you ever come back to me, I will still be here. I'll have to forgive you for a lot of things, But I can't just walk away forever- I love you. I've moved on, but I'll never be over you. About two days after I finally moved on, You call. ->
  18. 18. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 &quot;Do you hate me?&quot; You ask me for what seems Like the thousandth time. &quot;No, I told you that I don't hate you like ten times already.&quot; &quot;A'Starra told me that you hate me, though.&quot; &quot;Why would you believe A'Starra?&quot; I ask. &quot;You could have just asked me if A'Starra Was telling the truth or not and I would Have been completely honest,&quot; I tell you. You tell me that you want to be friends with Me. You say that you have missed everything. You miss hanging out with Cory, Dennis, And me every day. You say that we are Your only true friends, along with Jimmy. I am glad you finally came around. I know this time you are being honest. You want to hang out with me and I know That it will actually happen this time. I tell you that when we hang out I have Much more fun then when I hang out with the People I have been with lately. You say That you love how we can have fun when there Is nothing to do. Then we talk about Elizabeth. I say that I don't like How she acts like she and you have been best Friends, how she acts like she understands how I feel. She acts like you were her best friend Too, even though she had just met you. She didn't even meet the You that was my Best friend. You tell me that you would be friends With her, but not best friends because she seemed To cause drama in your life. You say you Will be aquaintances with her. But you Want to be close to me again. I really can't believe that you came around, and I Am so happy that you did, because I Really missed having my best friend around. ->
  19. 19. Continued From “Letter to My Best Friend” August 23rd, 2010 We do hang out, and I have more fun than I have had in a long time. You tell me That you love me. I say I love you, too. But you are just not ready. I know we Need to stay just friends, because we need to Work on our friendship together, and you Have a lot going on in your life. Now Is not the time for a relationship With each other. But looking at you, I Get this feeling...Like you're perfect. I know I still love you. I know I will always Love you. I know you've always felt something For me. I think of everything we've gone Through together, of how after all this, You still came back because you really do Care. I think of all the memories we Have together, and all the memories We can make. Maybe one day it will work Out. Maybe one day we'll be together. For now, we are friends, which is good enough For me. I have you in my life, which is All that I have ever really needed.
  20. 20. Letter to My Parents August 23rd, 2010 Fuck you for the lies Fuck you for the days The months The years I can never get back All because you were selfish. Manipulative, selfish, and Cowards. You can't hide me from the world, It doesn't work that way. You can't take away my life And make it your own. It doesn't matter what you do, I'll do things my own way. I'll find the truth That you so selfishly hide. I'll live the life I'm meant to live, I won't live behind your shadows. I can handle my own challenges, Manipulation is not my way out. I'll be honest and open From this day on. If you have taught me anything, it was to be Nothing like you. I know not to follow in your footsteps. I know how to love, live, Tell the truth, be generous, Be real. I know this from not doing what you did And still continue to do. I'm out of here, And don't call me back, It's too late for that. Actually, it's not too late, It's just that I know it would still be Meaningless.
  21. 21. Letter to My Crush Hi, I guess you could say I have a “crush” on you. I'm in love with you.