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Dealing With PreDivorce Emotions
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Dealing With PreDivorce Emotions

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How to deal with the pre-divorce emotions that arise when you're considering divorce.

How to deal with the pre-divorce emotions that arise when you're considering divorce.

Published in Self Improvement
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  • 1. Dealing With Pre-Divorce Emotions:
    Have Your Uncertainty But Keep Your Resolve
    By: Kassandra Vaughn, the Pre-Divorce Strategist
    Email: kvaughn@predivorcestrategy.com
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com
  • 2. What is the pre-divorce process?
    The pre-divorce process is the 6-36 month period (it can be longer or shorter in some cases) where a spouse makes the stay-or-go decision in the marriage
    The pre-divorce process begins at a very rocky point in the marriage and ends with a final decision: divorce or not divorce
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com
  • 3. Pre-Divorce Emotions
    The pre-divorce process often feels like a rollercoaster ride of emotions
    There’s uncertainty, fear, resentment, anger, and shame involved in the process
    People often feel scared to leave and scared to stay, afraid to leave what’s comfortable but afraid that, if they stay, the misery of the marriage will infect their entire lives forever
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com
  • 4. Other Pre-Divorce Emotions Include:
    Regret
    Ambivalence
    Frustration
    Relief
    Guilt
    Distrust
    Disappointment
    Betrayal
    Contempt
    Optimism
    Irritation
    Envy
    Sympathy
    Stress
    Courage
    Obligation
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com
  • 5. Pre-Divorce Emotions Change
    The pre-divorce emotions will change frequently, depending on the situation, the circumstances, and the exchanges you have with your spouse
    You may go to a couple’s therapy session and, afterwards, feel really hopeful about the relationship
    A few days may pass and you find a text message on your spouse’s phone that makes you feel totally betrayed
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com
  • 6. The key point is this:
    Never make a final pre-divorce decision based on a temporary emotion
    Your emotions are going to change
    At the very same time, it’s important to be okay with the uncertainty of how you feel but stay committed to making your own choice about how you will proceed with this marriage
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com
  • 7. Have Your Uncertainty but Keep Your Resolve
    The pre-divorce process is all about uncertainty
    If you knew whether or not a divorce was the right choice, you wouldn’t be in the pre-divorce process; you’d be in divorce court or happily married
    The reality is this: Your uncertainty is normal but the fact that you’re uncertain is all the evidence you need to know that you’ve got to get focused on getting your life to a place where, if you had to, you could financially, physically, emotionally and psychologically provide for yourself
    If you can’t say, with 100% certainty, at this point in time, that you can do this, you need to keep your resolve and focus on getting to that place of personal power
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com
  • 8. Allow the Emotions But Focus on The Task At Hand
    Allow yourself to feel what you feel
    Don’t judge yourself or criticize yourself for not being sure of what to do next
    Get focused on the things you can work on and that includes getting your physical, financial, and psychological house in order
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com
  • 9. Areas to Work On in the Pre-Divorce Process
    Physical
    Financial
    Get a health checkup
    If you’re concerned about possibly being without health insurance coverage should a divorce happen, get all of your dental work, surgery, and other costly medical expenditures taken care of now
    Join a gym and start exercising to relieve stress
    Start eating right; you may feel like emotional eating but emotional eating will not elongate your life (do what you have to do so you can do what you WANT to do)
    Pull your credit reports and see what debt you owe (it hurts to do this for most of us; just close your eyes and do it- not knowing is scarier than knowing)
    Open your own separate checking and savings account and teach yourself how to budget and save money
    Find out how much you owe on homes and cars and what they’re worth if you were to sell them; you need to look at what assets and liabilities you have now
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com
  • 10. Areas to Work on (Cont’d)
    PSYCHOLOGICAL
    EDUCATIONAL
    Life is a spiral; the lessons we don’t get the first time around come back to us in the form of different experiences, different people, different circumstances
    Pick up the book “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise L. Hay and start doing the work of figuring out how to love yourself and care for yourself
    Only then will you ensure that this situation will not happen again
    Where are your skills?
    Do you have a career right now?
    Can you, on your salary alone, provide for yourself?
    If you can’t, now is the time to look at going back to school
    In most rocky marriages, you don’t feel like being around the other person too much of the time; use that to your advantage and spend time furthering your education, update your training, and build your income
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com
  • 11. Why a Pre-Divorce Plan is So Critical
    Most of the time, the pre-divorce process is an isolating period of time
    You feel like no one understands what you’re going through
    Most of the time, you don’t confide in others because you’re not sure what you want to do and you don’t want anyone telling you “I told you so.”
    It’s in this process that you need a plan, a blueprint, strategies for success and when you have a pre-divorce strategy, even when your emotions are getting the best of you, you have something you can look to that will keep you on track
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com
  • 12. Do You Need a Pre-Divorce Plan?
    Learn how to create the ultimate pre-divorce success blueprint!
    Visit Pre-Divorce Strategy Made Simple at www.predivorcestrategy.com
    You’ll find free tips, tools and articles to help you navigate the pre-divorce process
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com
  • 13. Contact Information
    Web: www.predivorcestrategy.com
    Email: kvaughn@predivorcestrategy.com
    Phone: (818) 279-2698
    Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/predivorcestrategy
    Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/predivorceplans
    PreDivorce Radio Show: www.blogtalkradio.com/predivorcestrategy
    Get more pre-divorce tips at www.predivorcestrategy.com