Misfit Mommies: 5 Steps to Doing Parenthood YOUR WAY, and Not Giving a Crap What The PTA Moms Have to Say About It
Misfit Mommies: 5 Steps to Doing Parenthood YOUR WAY, and Not Giving aCrap What The PTA Moms Have to Say About ItEven after having two babies I could never think ofmyself as a “mom”….I mean the word was totally loaded.It conjures up an image of minivans, PTA meetings, momjeans, the end of a real social life.And yeah, there’s a reason this is how it goes for manymommies…But there is another breed out there.The misfit mommies that would HORRIFY your averagePTA mom.This is women who have had babies… and still continuedto view themselves as a whole and important person.This is women who have plenty of fun with their kids,and work to mould them into awesome individuals.I’m absolutely one of these women.How to Do Parenting YOUR WAY1. Change your circle of influence.If all your time is spent with other mommies… chances are you are going to think that theirway is the only way.You will find yourself buying the same types of cars, holding the same kinds of ideals, andgenerally falling into line with what they all agree is the right way to parent.This doesn’t mean you have to cut ties with your oldest friends, but seek out new friends whoare open to the idea that everyone parents a little differently.A great place to find these people is online. I have made a ton of friendships with funny,interesting, and definite “misfit” mommies that have become strong offline friendships.These are people I trust to not judge when I cheer at bedtime, and not be horrified if they sawthe state of my house on any given day.2. Allow the worst to happen.
Sometimes it’s the fear of being judged that is worse than anything. If you are afraid of beingjudged it means you are holding yourself to someone else’s standard of what “good mom”looks like.I had this in an extreme way when my (rather posh) auntie was coming for Thanksgiving.The standard practice would have been to scrub the house for two months, serve only the bestfood, and generally try to make everything “perfect”.But showing my children that we need to look perfect to others is just not what I want todo… it’s not at all the lesson I want them to learn.So I not only didn’t do the usual scrubbing and cleaning. I specifically forced myself to notclean at all. To allow her to see my house as it is.And I have no idea if she judged us or not, but we certainly had a wonderful time and Ienjoyed the visit a hundred times more because I wasn’t running in spraying air freshenerafter anyone used the toilet, or trying to pretend I’m a decent cook.There is something amazingly freeing about letting people see you as you are…. but youmight have to force yourself to let it happen the first time.When you can stand up with confidence and say “Yes, I’m a shit cook… and I haven’tmopped the floor in 9 months… isn’t it wonderful how my children still thrive??” youdefinitely have earned your badge as a misfit mommy.3. Schedule “parenting assessment” times with your partnerThe only people who’s opinions matter in parenting are you, your partner, and your children.Make sure you have time once every couple of weeks that you discuss how things are goingfor your kids, how what you are doing is affecting them, what is going well, what could gobetter.You might be feeling guilty that you aren’t doing something you have seen some otherMommy do… but as you reassess with your partner you will realize that you are makingdecisions as partners and following a plan to raise people you love…not impress some personoutside your family.4. Check for signs of awesomeWhen that fear of judging hits… it’s a perfect time to stop and notice how freakin awesomeyour kids are.They are that awesome because you have shown them endless love. Because you taught themto be that way.Stop and think…. if you are worried about what others think of you and your parenting, youare more likely to raise children who OBSERVE this in you, and feel that the opinions ofothers are what they should base their feelings of self worth on.
In not caring what the other moms think you teach your kids that they don’t need to base theirfeeling of self worth on the opinions of others.You teach them to LOOK INSIDE for their answers.Anytime you feel you have not been good enough, you simply need to notice what ways yourchildren are becoming strong and awesome people…. just like you intended.5. Start a Mommy BlogMommy blogs are the best thing that ever happened to misfit mommies….Because not only can you be REAL and admit to the imperfections that make you a perfectmommy… you also can help others to see that they don’t need to fall into the perfect trapeither.As you create a following who think you ROCK, and who want to be the kinda mommy youare, it will help you feel more confident, gain strength, and realize that there is every kind ofperson out there…When I started this blog I felt like I was out of my depth…I had PPD, was spending half my days curled up in bed feeling like everything was hopeless,I felt like the world’s worst mom.Writing about my ideas, my kids, my dreams, my ambitions… writing about ME with thekids as little side characters (instead of kids at the centre of the universe like most mom’s act)I was able to find a confidence I never knew I had.I was able to use that confidence and strength to work on an awesome relationship with mydaughter.I was able to pull myself out of depression, and make choices based on what I wanted familylife to be like… not what I felt it was supposed to be like.And I was able to monetize my blog so that it created a five figure monthly income for meand my family so we could all stay home together.The confidence I got from creating a following, an income, and the support of other “misfit”mommies is unbelievable… and I truly feel that this family will create some of theawesomest people to ever grace this earthTo LOVING your misfit mommy-ness,Niamh Arthur
P.S. Learn more about how I started this blog with no technical set-up, wrote from myheart…and created an awesome income by watching the video here.