Welcome back once again to the Absolutely Crazy Matriarchy! As always, I recommend that you read the other chapters before this one, or nothing will make sense. Not that it does anyway...
Fire! Back to the recap slot once again? "Yep. The others are too busy being smoochy with their Christmas presents*." Right. Let's get cracking. *See An Absolutely Crazy Christmas.
"Last time, Matthew Chandler headed off to college to relieve Jackie as the placeholder. Temperance soon followed, though her fear of disappointing her family held her back somewhat. She has since excelled in classes." There was never anything for her to worry about. She's just paranoid.
"Eager to catch up with her siblings, the youngest Chandler Corinna grew into a teen and promptly left for college." She's Romance/Pleasure. A headache in the making.
"Once the two girls were at college, they received extreme makeovers to hide the effects of the dreaded firstborn effect." Including plastic surgery. "Well, yes, the word 'extreme' hardly implies makeup and hair dye, does it?"
"Being a Pleasure Sim, Matt wasted no time in seducing Jackie, as well as several other college girls." And he's still going. "Shush! Trying to recap here!" Sorry.
"Rin also decided that college was a place for WooHoo. She has 'won over' her teacher, in addition to a boy called Calvin, and is in the process of trying to catch the maid." I have no doubt that she will succeed in that venture.
"Tempe, however, has remained fairly immune to the call of the wild college male."
"Corinna, in her innocence, has befriended a certain Vanessa May Johnson, whom she believes will become a perfect placeholder. However, those who have read the latest Interruption will know that Vanessa is actually Veronica Smith, the inherently evil daughter of Stella Chandler - the half-alien daughter of Beka's brother who attemoted to destroy the matriarchy by force."
Well, that's the recap. Thanks, Fire. ...Fire? And you thought the others were too smoochy. Get a room!
Guess I'd better call that number Mother gave me. "Who is it?" "It's Agent Smith, Commander. Reporting for duty."
"Excellent. Have any of the Legacy brats contacted you yet?" "Yes. I was called by Corinna Chandler several hours ago. I was invited to join the Greek House, an offer I accepted." "Good. Move into the Greek House. I want you to implement Operation Praying Mantis." "Yes, ma'am." "Agent Smith? There can be no mistakes. Absolutely none."
"You have little faith in my abilities, Commander." "No, I have little faith in general. I have been disappointed too many times... by too many people. Agent Lunar is just one of my failures. So was Operation DNA." "I have no intention of repeating Agent Lunar's mistakes. And a repeat of Operation DNA will be unnecessary after I have finished." "Good. Get to it, Agent." *click*
"Right. What was the number again? Ah, yes." "Rin Chandler speaking. What can I do you for?" "Rinna? It's Vanessa." "Nessa! *squeal* How's things?" "Great, except that dorm life SUCKS." "I can fix that. Come live here!" "Really? What's the food like? I'd sell my soul for something better than caf food." "It's awesome. Tempe cooks these amazing meals since she reckons that ramen's bad for us." "Great. I'll go pack my stuff." "We'll send a car for you. Seeya soon, Nessie-May!" *click* Poor, simple fool. She'll be dead soon, as will the rest of her insipid family.
Look out, Veronaville... my time is coming. Does anyone else have a bad, bad feeling about this?
"Rin, it's your turn to feed Gladys." "Nuh-uh. I'm not going anywhere near that thing." "But it's YOUR turn!" "Am I interrupting anything?"
"NESSA! You made it! It's so good to see you!" "It's, er, good to see you too." But it'll be even better to kill you. "I so have to give you the tour! Follow me!" "Who was the girl you were arguing with?" "Oh, that's my sister, Tempe. I have a brother too, he's inside. I have to introduce you two." Excellent, the Commander's information was accurate. Time to get started.
"Nessie-Bear, this is Matt. Matt, Vanessa May." "I had no idea your brother was so handsome." "You really think so? Mum thinks I look like her father, and he's kinda not-handsome." "Oh, I like a man with dark hair." "Oh, puh-leeze, give me a break." "Tempe, stop ruining this for Matt and Nessa."
"Well, I find blonde hair VERY attractive. Sweetheart, do you prefer bananas or blueberries?" "Uh, blueberries. Why?" "I want to know what kind of pancakes to make for you in the morning." Ugh, that's the oldest line there is. Oh well, I'll have to bite. *giggle* "You're so smooth, Matt." "You have GOT to be kidding me." "Tempe, shut up and let the master do his work."
"You must be Gladys." "Moo?" "Yeah, you want the big drumstick, don't you?" "Moo!" "I like you, Gladys. We're going to get along just fine ."
Girls? "Yo, Flammable!" "Fire? What's up?" Heir poll results came in today.
Rin, you're in. Welcome to the Legacy. "Hot dog! I get to romance as many guys as I like and have a different kid for each one!" You okay with this, Tempe? "Yeah. The thought of screaming kids and soiled nappies wigs me out. I think I'll stick to something cleaner, like questionably legal research. Plus, sparedom does have the upside of immortality and umlimited cash." True.
Meanwhile, in an ominous building somewhere in Veronaville... "Ah, the heir has been chosen. Good. I'd better inform Agent Smith that we have a target."
Don't think I don't know what you're up to. "Oh, so the almighty and omniscient Fire finally talks." You're lucky I don't just smite you with Rodney's Death Creator. "Ah, but you can't. Mother told me you can't interfere." You're sneakier than she was. "Well, yes. Clearly her... eagerness was a liability to the Commander's plan. I have been trained to keep my emotions in check until the mission has been completed in its entirety." Which will not happen. "Don't be so sure. The boy is already under my thrall; how long until I cut his sisters out from underneath him?" You will never win. "We shall see."
Speaking of Matt's sisters, Rin seems to be doing well with the maid. "Am I really your true love?" "Of course! It's not like I'm seeing anyone else." *shifty eyes* Riiiight. Be glad he can't hear me, Rin. "Shush. I'm trying to add to my boy tally." "Sorry?" "I just, um, cleared my throat. Let's do some more kissing, huh?"
Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew. "What's wrong with you, Fire? She's a hot ex-townie placeholder, and you know our family has a thing with those." She's not - "A-hem? FireifyousayanythingIwillhaveyoucowplantedforbreakingregulationsdoyouunderstand? " Okay, okay. Forget I said anything. "What'd you say to her, snugglebun?" "I was merely coughing, erm, pumpkin." "Good. Kisses now?" Erk.
Right. I'm talking to Tempe. She's avoiding me. Only way to get her attention is to hide somewhere I know she'll go eventually. Hence the mailbox. If this doesn't work, I'm going for the wardrobe. Okay, okay, SimFire suggested this after talking to SimCee. Only was to attract the attention of recalcitrant Sims. (See charris' Regacy to see what I'm blathering on about.)
"Fire, what are you doing in there?" Waiting for you. Why are you avoiding me? "Something's up with that Vanessa woman and you're not doing anything about it." I... can't. Sorry, there are some things I can't interfere with. "Any hints?" Perhaps lock her in with Gladys? "I like your style. But I want to find out what she's doing first."
I've figured you out, 'Vanessa'. "Have you just?" Yeah. You're going to marry Matt, and take over. Killing all the Chandler females on the way - Beka, Bella, Zoey, Rin, Tempe... "Almost. I don't need to go on a huge killing spree, since if only Temperance and Corinna suffer unfortunate accidents, heirship defaults to Matt. One he is heir, I'll force him to marry me, breaking the rules of the Matriarchy and destroying all your work." That's cold. "Necessary. I'm under orders to destroy you, the Chandlers, the Simselves... especially SimFire." Why her? "Sorry, top secret."
"Anyway. I have more important matters to see to. Namely the seduction of my husband-to-be." If you're looking for a faithful husband, look somewhere else. "I'm not worried about him having affairs... so long as I don't find out. I just need the ring and a brat." You're a monster. "Why thank you. Mother taught me well."
"You see, he's mine. He's trapped, and he doesn't even know it." You'll get your comeuppance, one day. You'll regret spilling the plan to me. "I will not. This legacy will belong to me and the Commander."
What are you doing, Tempe? "I'm doing something about that woman. Rin and Matt may be blind to her, but I'm not. I'm going to stop her." Good luck, kiddo.
"Hey, Tempe!" "Hi, Karen. Thanks for accepting placeholdership." "Not a problem." Who's this? "A girl I met at the library. She was very interested in joining the Greek House... and she's exactly the kind of girl my brother can't resist." Ah-ha. I see now. Clever Tempe.
"Hey, Rin, have you seen my... hel-lo there, who is this gorgeous creature playing the violin?" Hook, line and sinker. *Since he's a spare, I decided to reroll Matt when he became a junior - he rolled Family. He has three bolts with Karen, as opposed to his single bolt with Veronica/Vanessa.
"Hey, you're pretty cute. What's your name?" "Karen. Karen Miller." "Karen. I know you! Your father was a thief!" Oh, boy. "What? How dare you...!" "On the night you were born, he stole the two brightest stars from the sky and placed them in your eyes." Ick. "That's so sweet!"
Eh. They have three bolts. This was inevitable. "Mmmmmm..." I'd watch out if I were you. Ver... er, Vanessa's nearly up. Karen is actually named after one of my own story characters, from a series of short stories I wrote years ago. Maybe this Karen will have better luck.
See? "Mmmph!" "Noooo! He has found his true love! My plan is ruined!" Right. I bet that's it. You didn't feel ANYTHING for him at all.
"I have to act scorned, Fire dear. Plus, I'm kinda pissed that he dumped me for THAT. You bastard, Chandler!" "Nessa, baby! I can explain!" "No more talking, you cheating scum!"
"Nobody slaps the Great Matt! Nobody!" "I could spank you, Matt dear!" "Teehee, not now Karen." BANNED4LYFE.
"You! You hussy! I shall destroy you!" "Bring it!"
"Agh!" "Not so tough now, are you? Blonde bimbo!" I think you just got owned, Veronica. "I've had it!"
"Ugh, the Commander's not going to be pleased. There must be a backup plan." I really hope not. "Silence, softheaded fool!" Temper temper.
Meanwhile, Rin's still pursuing her, um, hunky maid. "Too right. I want boys!"
"Of course you're the only man I really love, er.. what was your name?" "It does not matter. All that matters is us, here, now." "I like your attitude. Mmmp!" Urgh. Can we change the subject? Please?
"To something like this?" Gah! My eyes! "I think I can consider this a success. Now, would you be so kind as to pass the eye bleach?" "Oh, be nice, Tempe."
Life continued as always from there. Tempe whipped up an amazing variety of home-cooked meals...
"All right, WHO SNUCK IN THE PIZZA?" "Lady, I'm just here to be the annoying mascot. Don't look at me." "MATTHEW CHANDLER!" "Fire made me do it!" Did not.
Yet... "Fire? I haven't heard from Nessa in a while. Is she okay? Will she be coming back?" Er. I'm not sure. I think she just, um, needs some space. She'll probably be back. "Okay." I'll, er, check on her for you. "Thank you!" Now go enjoy your date with Maid-Man.
Obviously, the date is going well. "What makes you think that?" Well. Photobooth. Swarming Sims. Purple hearts. "Game of connect-the-giant-pulsating-dots, isn't it?"
"Ah, that was a good date. Now, to wait for the... taxi. Hi, oddly pale and unfashionable woman." "Enough, dearie. Look into my eyes." "Whuh... eyes?" GAH! Step away from the legacy heir, vampire!
"Ah, plenty of life and blood in this one!" "Uh... blood? Wha...?" Damn vampires. Where's Buffy when I need her? Seriously. I'd even settle for Faith.
"BLEH! What did you DO to me?" "Brought you into the world of the undead, dearie." "This is awful! Now my skin clashes with my outfit! Fix it!" "Sorry, I only do the one-way trick." Grrrrrr. That vampie is about to reenter the world of the living. Shortly before she becomes dead again.
"Hmm. Rin's been out an awful long time. Matt, has Rin come home yet?" "Yeah, the taxi's just pulled up." "Finally."
"Rin, where have you... agh!" "Sorry. I got delayed." "You're a vampire!" "No kiddin'. Fix it." "No way! I want to study you! You can be my term project." "Tempe. Fix it, or I'll rip your throat out." "Actually, having the condition myself would be interesting. Think of the grades I'd get for an essay on a vampire's view on life... or un-life, as it is..." "Tempe. Fix it, or I'll sleep with your professor." "Okay, okay, fine. Yeesh."
"You are Madame Gloria?" "Yeah. Watcha want, a date? Love potion? You look like you need a fella, girly." "Stay out of my private life." "Oh, you want another girly? I can fix that." "No! I want some Vampirocillin-D." "You look fairly human to me, girly." "It's for my sister." "That's what they all say." "Hand it over."
"Fine. You'll want your, er, sister to drink that straightaway. If it expires, then things get nasty." "I don't think Rin particularly wants to stay a vampire for very long." And a good thing that is too. Can you imagine Rin trying to raise kids as a vampire? "I can't even imagine Rin raising kids, period."
"Here you go. Are you sure you don't want to stay like that for a while? Even for a teensy semester or two?" "Hand it over. I have a date with Calvin in the morning, and I'll kind of fry a bit if I don't take the cure." "Fine. How about biting me first?" "Fire?" Absolutely not. I have plans for you, Tempe. "Spoilsport."
"Well, here goes. You don't have to stick around, Tempe." "I might as well study the effects of Vampirocillin-D on the vampirically-inclined." "Vampirically-inclined?" "Drink the damn cure, Rin."
"What's it like?" "It's - urk - like having your brain smashed out with a slice of lemon... wrapped around a solid gold brick." "Fascinating." "AGH!"
"Ahh! I'm me again! Thanks, Tempe-remental!" "No problem, Rin. I'm just going to go cry in a corner now." -2,500 Aspiration points. Poor Tempe. Mind you, Rin got +2,500 for being cured. Just about to wrap up the chapter... but I'd better check on 'Vanessa' first.
"The Commander isn't going to like this." Considering she lives in an evil genius worthy lair, I doubt she'll be all rainbows and sunshine. "Would you go away? Fine, you can gloat at my defeat, but I know that you aren't allowed in here." Oh, I am, but I'm only allowed to take pictures. "Shut up then." Shutting.
"Commander?" "Agent Smith. I am very disappointed in you." "Commander, I can explain..." "Never mind that. I suppose that you can't be blamed for being scorned. Not even I have managed to break the bonds of 'true love'. You did stay in character at least."
"I can do better next time. Do we have a backup plan?" "Indeed, Agent Smith. You still live with the Chandlers, yes?" "Of course." "Good. Get closer to the heir. Forget about the boy and his woman. Focus on Corinna." "Yes, Commander." "Become her friend. Win her trust. Get her alone..."
"...And annihilate her." Who is the Commander? What does she want with the Chandlers? Why is she wearing that freaky shirt? Will Veronica succeed in killing Corinna? These questions will be answered in the next chapter of The Absolutely Crazy Matriarchy! -------->
"There is a llama snout in my chest." Why, there is indeed. "Should this hurt?" I'm not sure, I haven't experienced that before.