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Welcome back to the Absolutely Crazy Matriarchy! If you haven't read any of the previous chapters, it would probably be a good idea. Otherwise you'd get all confused as to who's who. Speaking of who's who, who the heck is this? And where's Fire? She's meant to be doing the introducing.
Err. I'm sorry I asked. "Jeez, why'd you have to wake me up? I was having such a good dream..." Yep, my Simself has been vampire-ised. Suits her, actually.
Except that outfit is ridiculous. "Bleh to you." Introductions, please?
"Fine, fine. Last chapter, we saw our pretty little ragamuffins Bella and Zoey both grow into teenagers. Hey, aren't they both named after literary vampires?" Yes. Yes they are. "Awesome." Get on with it.
"Okay, so we have Zoey here, who looks most like her dad Damion and likes pink. A lot. Seriously, she's not great vampire material. Or legacy material, as she's a Family Sim. Stupid dice roll." Fire... "Okay! Miss Bossy!"
"And this is Bella. She's much more vampirish, all broody and unique. She looks like her mother Susan apart from Damion's squirrel cheeks." I've grown to like the squirrel cheeks, thanks. "Riiiight. Keep telling yourself that."
"Oh for bleh's sake. I can't primp anymore!" Well, duh. Vampires don't show up in mirrors. In the Sims, anyway. And in Buffy. "This is ridiculous!" Not a ridiculous as your dress. "Silence! I will be forced to Bleh! you!" Moving on...
The family cat, Popcorn, has reached Elderhood. And she looks exactly the freakin' same! "Mrow?" Oh well. Retirement time, kitty.
Bella, Zoey, you know there's an heir poll on at the moment, deciding who's going to go forth and multiply, and who gets the *ahem* consolation prize? "Yeah. Duh." "We've been talking to Fire. Even though she's all gross and vampirey now, she's still cool. At night, anyway." Well, you guys should feel honoured. No others in your Legacy have had heir polls... mostly because I stop after the first girl. "But since we're twins, there's no firstborn, right?" Right. "Awesome."
Bella is the first to become an overachiever after topping the Slacker career. I would have waited for the Culinary Career to pop up, but I wanted this chapter started, "I am so great. I am so great." Modest, too. "Of course."
Aww, what a nice great-granddaughter, tending the family graveyard. What's with the Essence of Light, by the way? "It's for great-grandmama, from mum. It's supposed to light great-grandmama's way to the stars." How sweet.
"Bella, honey, have you considered following the ways of the light?" "Yeah, I've thought about it, but it's not really for me. I mean, magic sounds awesome and all, but I'm not sure I want to turn this into a Witchacy." Damn skippy, you don't. Witches are good, but they get boring after a while.
"Yay! Perfect dive!" Um, Bella, the school bus is here. "Screw school, I want to swim!" Bella. Bus. Now. Or I'll take out the ladder. "You'll kill mum as well!" She's done her duty. I'm not joking. "Okay, okay." Tch. Pleasure Sims.
Zoey got her promotion at work, and is now headed off to college life. "Oh, Zoey. I'll miss you so much." "I'll miss you too, mum. Who knows, maybe I'll be back some day." "Take care of yourself."
"Hello, Veronaville Taxi Depot? I'd like a taxi to Sim State University, please." *crackly phone voice* "Yes, that's the address. How'd you know?" *crackle crackle* "Oh. Thank you!"
And there goes Heir Candidate number One. Off to a new life of toga parties, pizza and term papers. Good luck, Zo!
"Bells, honey, don't forget to live a little. Life isn't all about books." "I'll try, mum. I'll miss you." "I'll miss you too, honey."
"Hello? Taxi please? Yes, same address as the last crazy girl." I love the taxi depot. Really. Okay, not really.
And off goes Bella. I've promised her that she can narrate the rest of the college stuff, so this is the last you'll be hearing of me for a while... but I may interject a few times. To keep Bella from getting a swelled head. "I heard that!" I know.
"Well, I'd only just walked in the door of mum's old Greek House, Annya Nagard Cham, when these really weird guys in animal costumes started fighting on the doorstep. Mum's placeholder Jackie told me that the llama dude was a member of the Greek House, and was also really annoying. I still wanted him to win."
"And he did. I don't like that cow chick, she gives me the creeps." Wise of you. She'll cause you some trouble. "Shush. I'm on stage now."
"Oh, this is Gladys. Jackie brought her over from the Secret Society - apparently, Gladys used to belong to my Uncle Daniel and she actually killed some girl. It was kind of funny, actually, since everyone thought it was mum that got cowplanted. Anyways, she's back, and firmly confined to her pen. With the gate locked."
"Zoey had gotten herself some new clothes for a college look, but she needed a haircut. The cornrows really didn't suit her. So Jackie volunteered to give her a makeover. Zoey seemed a little nervous about it, actually."
"No worries though, Jackie gave Zo a great new look that highlights her pretty red hair. Even though the red clashes with the pink a little. Zoey won't let anyone, even Fire, give her any wardrobe advice."
"Oh, you wondering who this is? So am I, actually. Hey Fire, who's this random?" He's no random. "Oh?"
This is Sam Rayson, the 'consolation prize' for the non-heir. Sam is named after a friend of mine, and Hannie Rayson, an Australian playwright. "He's pretty cute." Off limits until the heir poll is over, sorry.
"Fire decided to re-rebuild the Greek House, and she's still not happy with it. She probably won't be until it's absolutely perfect, or Generation Nine finishes with it." Well, it's pretty good now. Cowplant, filched Phone 'O Doom*, swimming pool out the back. *My nickname for the Resurrect-O-Nomitron.
"Oh, here's me with my new makeover. I kind of like the gypsy look, it's so comfy." I still think the big AL hair looked good on you. "It so did not."
"Hmm, Zo seems to be edging in on New Guy." Bella, she's eating dinner. He was doing an assignment. Get over it. "Hey, I'm not jealous. If I get him, I lose heirship. And I want heirship."
"Jackie's such a gossip. She's telling Zo all about how the cow got flattened by Alejandro." Alejandro's a loop. He got himself fried by staying in the hot tub during a storm. "But he kicked the evil cow's ass. I want that cow to get Gadys-ised." So do I, but mascots seem to avoid cowplants. Worse luck, eh. "I'll find a way. Muahaha."
Bella, I have to intervene for a moment in the narrative. "Why?" The heir poll closed today... "Who won?"
Bella. Sorry, Zoey, but Bella won by a mile. "Eh. I wasn't too interested in heirship anyway... matriarchies and family Sims seldom mix well. On the plus side, I get Sam now!" Right. Take some Re-Nu-Yu Porta-Chug and fix those turn-ons. Bella, you think you can handle heirship? "Hope so. Just need to find an attrative male, right?" Yes, preferably without brown hair. Three generations of brunettes has been too much for me.
"Okay, back to me. So Zo didn't waste any time in getting her claws into Sam. Once Fire fixed up her turn ons they had three bolts, which is hard to get even with fiddling. Zo really wanted that first kiss, so she took the opportunity." As you do. "Well, wouldn't you?"
"EEK! BURGLAR!" Relax, Bella. You have a burglar alarm. Odds are that he won't steal anything. "Yeah, but it's creepy."
"Mind you, the cop managed to stomp the evil burglar, and they all lived happily ever after. Blah blah." Doubt it. You ARE in a legacy, after all. "Don't I know it."
"Sam's such a nice guy, he's been making friends with our soon-to-be-ex placeholder Jackie. Hey, what's going to happen to Jackie, Fire?" I haven't actually made up my mind. I'm thinking of just moving her out, then maybe sticking her in a dorm somewhere. "Uck. Must be like being in prison." Perhaps that's what she is discussing with Sam.
"Okay, Legacy duties call. I need to find a suitable father for my future child or children. Guess that means hitting the phones, right?" Nope. I have someone in mind for you. Ask for Ryker Vijaykar. "Trippy name." You'll like him.
"Okay, how does that even work?" I'm still trying to figure it out myself... o_O
"These two and their PDAs are getting out of hand. Seriously, they were all over each other at breakfast, then snuggled on the couch for HOURS, and now they're making out in the kitchen!" Don't worry, you'll only have to put up with them for a semester. I'm not hauling four kids through college at once. They'll be dropping out, Jackie will be moving out, and I'll remodel to something a bit more manageable. "You really hate college chapters, don't you?" More than you can imagine.
"Um. What was it I was saying?" That Zoey's PDAs with Sam are getting out of hand. "Yeah. Here's your proof." I think this is kind of sweet.
"Hey, Jackie's moving out!" Don't worry, we'll probably see her again. I'll get her to placehold again once you've finished. "Sneaky." Why thank you.
"Ugh, this is too schmaltzy even for THEM." Shush. I want to hear this. Get the popcorn. "Zoey, from the moment I met you, I knew you were the one for me. Marry me?"
"Ooh, it's so pretty!" Yeah, yeah. Shiny, sparkly, whatever. Ditzy Legacy Sims. Cut to the chase, spare-girl.
"Of course! Of course! I can live my Family Sim dreams at last!" And thus was Zoey Chandler betrothed to Sam Rayson. First Chandler female to get engaged. "I'll be a real trendsetter." You just keep on thinking that. "HEY! Can we please get back to my narration?"
"You really weren't joking when you said you wanted them to drop out after one semester, were you?" Nope. The fewer Sims I have to get through college, the better.
"And it's bye bye Sam. Never really got to know the guy." Well, Zoey did. Hurr hurr. "Oh shut up." Ah, he's your brother-in-law-to-be. You'll get to know him at the wedding.
"Oh, I can't bear to be without my Sammy! I'd like to drop out of college, please." "Eesh, Zo, could you get any more cliched?" C'mon, it's kind of sweet.
And Zoey leaves the Legacy forever. Unless Bella is unable to produce a female heir. "No pressure, right?" Um, none. *shifty eyes*
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY LOVELY GREEK HOUSE?" Ever heard of 'volume control'? "I'M WAITING!" Okay, okay. I got tired of all the crappy building on my part, and the excessiveness and all. So you're down to this. It's more than Holly got when she started. "Ugh. This stinks."
"Okay, everyone, this is Ryker. He's the first (and hopefully only, he's hawt) candidate for Legacy fatherhood. Black hair, blue eyes and Family aspiration (ugh). Fire, is that gate locked?" Yeppers. Double checked it. Better feed Gladys soon though. "Teehee, he has a mohawk." That will be fixed as soon as we get a makeover chair.
"Well, Ryker, whaddaya think?" "Can't... talk... ogling... sexy... lady..." Two bolts. Better than nothing. I guess another Beka-Damion-esque three-bolter was too much to hope for.
Mind you, the girl still moves fast. "First kiss FTW!" "Mmph!"
"Zzzz... must get revenge... for crappy house... zzzz..." Good luck, kiddo.
Whoa, straight on to first makeout. "I don't believe in wasting time." "There is a strange voice in my head, and my girlfriend is talking to it. What was in that punch?" A little shot of Legacy life. Welcome to the family, Ryker. "A Legacy? Oh crud."
"Well, Ry doesn't seem to be too put out about the Legacy thing. He left me a flower!" Yeah, there's hope for him yet. He's kind of sweet, despite the weird name. Nice nickname for him, by the way. "Yeah, 'Ryker' is a bit on the odd side."
"Bubbles!" A Finding Nemo impression? "No, an impression of a Pleasure Sim that needs Aspiration points to stay platinum." You are easy to please.
"Ry just asked me on a date! Where are we going, Fire?" Surprise. You'll like it. "I'm worried."
"Red's Famous '50s Diner?" Yeah. It's really popular with all the Legacies. "Hmm. Could be worse." You can go to Crypt 'O Night next time. "Yay!"
Aww. How cute. "This date is going to be AWESOME!" "Bella... y-you're so, so... p-p-pretty!" Eloquent, Ry. Very eloquent.
Oh. A photobooth. Three guesses what happens next. Both of them wanted it, no reason not to do it. Let's give you a hint - they had a dream date. Moving on...
"Can I ask why I'm using this thing?" You need to excercise off that nectarine tartlette. "No junk in this trunk." Er. No.
"Whoa! I must give good Woohoo!" Ry dropped of a flatscreen TV. A TV. For a DATE. Sims are strange creatures. "New lounge room, yay!"
"Hey, who's she? Ry's been heartfarting over her all evening." Don't be jealous. She's the founder of the matriarchy I lost interest in. You know, Amelia's mother? "She has kids? Then she's no threat. Awesome."
I love the "Dance Together" option. Why the weird face, Bella? "My boyfriend appears to be staring down my shirt." "Yeah, you spilt some of your lime prawns down there." "Great." That's what they all say, Ry. "Shush. I'm enjoying the view."
War of the freaky old gypsy ladies! Seriously, if looks could kill... "Then they'd be exactly where they are. They HAVE to be zombies." They creep you out too, huh? "Just a tad. I mean, with all the moolah they make from blind dates, you'd think they'd get some decent clothes." Like yours? "Shut up."
"Hey, an espresso machine! Didn't know we had one of those." Got one for you. Sims on espresso are funny and twitchy. "Can I try some?" Go ahead.
Well? "It'slikesomeonejuststuckanelectricplugintomymouth. IthinkIlikeit." Not too much, hon. You'll become permanently blurred, and ruin the rest of the chapter. "Wellwedon'twantthat. I'lljustgoandrunafewthousandlapsaroundthehouse." Hyperactive Sims. That's all I need.
"Glug glug..." If it's not coffee, it's another stimulant. Bells, honey, lay off the juice. We don't want another Holly-esque stumble through Downtown. "I'm perfickly shober, shank you verry mush. Plush, I'm on a date. Wouldn't do to get drunk on a date, yesh?" Ry, why aren't you stopping her? "Shorry? What did she shay?" "Somethink about her shoutink ush the necksht round!" "Aweshome!" Sims of a feather... I get the feeling that Bells is gonna need the coffee machine tomorrow.
And the two drunks drag each other into bed. Kind of sweet, actually. Even though Ry's mohawk is currently stuck in the headboard. "Zzz...." "Honk-shuuuu...."
"Fire, why did you take this shot? I'm eating, you know." You eat pizza funny. Your mouth goes all weird. "And that was crucial to the plot how?" There is no plot. So it's very crucial. "The anti-plot strategy. Nice."
"I want some new clothes. The gypsy look isn't really suitable for all the dates I go on." Well, you just got a scholarship. Go buy some. How about that little black AL dress?
"You mean this one?" Yeah. Very nice. Chic, even. "I still prefer the gypsy look. Maybe I'll switch back." Yeah, the gyspsy thing is your kind of style, huh?
"Bahahahaha the guy set the oven on fire!" They do that. "That is classic! Why do they allow this on TV?" Poor censorship?
"Crazy guy. In my room. HANDCUFFING ME. What the hell is going on?" "You're under arrest for illegal possession of a laganaphyllis simnivorii! Resistance is futile!" "You should be under arrest for possession of that nose!" "Silence, scofflaw!" This was totally unexpected. I guess Ry must be a SS member. *headdesk*
"This place is cushy. How come you didn't let me come sooner?" Not much point, since Daniel and Jackie already stole most of the decent stuff from here. And left a body here, by the way. "Right. I'm outta here."
"Makeover chair, woo! Ry, c'mere. I want you to be my test subject." "Why do I feel worried, Fire?" Because you're smart. Bella plus scissors usually equals disaster. "Hush. Let's get snipping!" "Uh oh."
"What? What is it? Did you take off too much hair?" "Um. I just need to... um... take a little off the sides..." Liar. Give the boy a mirror. "I look like a Mardi Gras reject! FIX IT." "Okay, okay. Fixing,"
"Ahh, better." "Mmm. Smexier, too. Wanna make out?" "You bet." You two are as bad as Beka and Damion. Seriously. Get a room.
"Hey! Halfway through college!" That's all? Oh well, chapter end. "Not quite." Huh? "Gotta get an update on Uncle Daniel, right?" Oh. That. Yes, you'd better do that.
"Uncle Daniel got abducted by aliens!" Yes, and we all know what that means...
"I'm gonna have a little green cousin!" That's gonna be one messed-up kid. Seriously, look at Shenene staring at her hubby's pregnant butt. And thinking of babies. Sheesh. "That's it for this chapter! Come join us next time for the second half of my college adventures!" Toodles!