"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is." he replied, "Breakfast."
A man speaks frantically on phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
My husband said he wanted more space. So I locked him outside.
"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Suma's best friend. "Why shouldn't I?" said Suma. "Well, maybe he is having an affair?" "No way" said Suma "he never returns with any fish..."
I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"
“ My wife's an angel!" said the first guy. Second guy replies: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
The husband says, “If you really loved me...you should take me as I am and not try to change me.” Suma replies: “Then you, also, should take me as I am, someone who wants to change you !”
"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic friend while driving the car. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Jessie." "So?" "So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Jessie."
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."