3. 3
OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
In the workplace is inevitable
Understanding difficult behavior can make all the difference
***IT IS EASY TO LABEL PEOPLE AS DIFFICULT –
THE REAL FOCUS SHOULD BE ON THE BEHAVIOR!
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OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
1. The Tank
2. The Sniper
3. The Grenade
4. The Know-It-All
5. The Think-They-Know-
It- All
6. The Yes Person
7. The Maybe Person
8. The Nothing Person
9. The No Person
10. The Whiner
Getting to Know the People You Can’t Stand
5. 5
OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Working with the “Tank”
• Wants to control the process and get things done
• Behavior ranges from mild pushiness to outright
aggression
CHALLENGES:
• Commanding respect
• Holding your ground
• Interrupting the attack
• Aiming for the bottom line and fire
• Establishing peace with honor (Such as: “You and I have
to work together”
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OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Working with the “Sniper”
• Attempts to control you through embarrassment
and humiliation
CHALLENGES:
• Bring the sniper out of hiding
• Using searchlight questions like: “What is the intent or
relevance of that statement?”
• Making the behavior of “Sniping” uncomfortable
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OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Working with the “Grenade”
• Feels unappreciated and disrespected
• Ranting and raving is difficult to ignore
CHALLENGES:
• Taking control of the situation
• Getting their attention
• Making sure your tone and
language are friendly
• Showing genuine concern
• Reducing the intensity
8. 8
OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Working with the “Know-it-All”
• Knowledgeable and competent
people who intend to get it done
in the way they have
predetermined is best.
CHALLENGES:
• Opening them up to new
ideas
• Being prepared and knowing
your stuff
• Turning them into mentors
• Recognizing their expertise
9. 9
OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Working with the “Think-They-Know-it-All”
• Specialists in exaggeration, half-truths, jargon,
useless advice, & unsolicited opinions
CHALLENGES:
• Finding an acceptable way to disavow their unworkable
ideas
• Providing them little attention
• Being patient
• Crediting the things they do
right
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OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Working with the “Yes” Person
• Gets along but can easily over commit
• Doesn’t understand the true nature of the task they
have accepted
CHALLENGES:
• Getting commitment you
can count on
• Helping them learn to
better plan
• Making it safe to be honest
• Talking openly and acknowledging their honesty
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OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Working with the “Maybe” Person
• The downside of each option blinds them
CHALLENGES:
• Helping them think decisively
• Establishing and maintaining a
comfort zone
• Reassuring and then ensuring follow follow
follow through
• Using a decision-making system
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OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Working with the “Nothing” Person
• Passive, tends to withdraw with people-oriented
(rather than hurting anyone’s feelings)
CHALLENGES:
• Persuading them to talk
• Asking open-ended questions
• Lightening the mood
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OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Working with the “No” Person
• Extremely task-focused and needs to get it right
• Finds the negatives in everyone and everything
CHALLENGES:
• Moving from fault finding to
problem solving
• Acknowledging their
good intent
• Allowing them to be negative
14. 14
OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Working with the “Whiner”
• Suffers from inability to see what could & should be
• Sees things wrong with what was and with what is
CHALLENGES:
• Listening for the main points
• Getting specific
• Shifting the focus to solutions
• Showing them the future
16. 16
OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
No matter where we go, we will face
people who are negative,
people who oppose our ideas,
people who make us mad or
people who simply
do not like us.
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OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Emotions
In instinctual moments we may lose track of our higher selves and
become the human animal with the urge to protect ourselves when
attacked.
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OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Why bother controlling our Responses?
1.Hurting Ourselves
2.It’s Not About You, It’s About Them
3.Battle of the Ego
4.Anger Feeds Anger. Negativity Feeds
Negativity
5.Negativity Spreads
6.Opinions
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OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Tips for Dealing with Difficult People
1.Forgive
2.Wait it Out
3.“Does it really matter if I am right?”
4.Don’t respond
5.STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!
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OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
Phone Communication
1.Shape Perceptions
2.Tone
3.Send Listening Signals
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OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
E-Mail Communication
1.Vent it, Don’t Send it
2.Read it just one more time
3.Get a second opinion
Dealing effectively with difficult behavior is a skill that can nip conflict in the bud
Here the 10 specific behaviors that represent people at their worst
----- Meeting Notes (5/21/14 08:50) -----
This triggers our emotions and our emotions are what drive us back to our most basic survival instinct; react and attack back to defend ourselves.
However, we are animals blessed with intelligence and have the ability to control our responses. So how do we do that?
“Holding a grudge against someone is liking drinking poison and expecting the other person to die” the only person you are hurting is yourself. When we react to negativity – we are disturbing our inner space and mentally creating ourselves pain!
When someone is oozing negativity, it is their inner self being expressed externally – you are just in the line of fire. It’s not personal, so why do we take it so personally?? OUR EGOS LOVE problems and conflict!
When we respond impulsively, it is a natural and honest response. Is this the smart thing to do??? What can be resolved by responding impulsively? NOTHING!
We’ll feel more psychologically compelled to defend ourselves going forward. AND We’ll have invested energy in the defending ourselves. “Where attention goes, energy flows”Where is your focus? Where do you want your focus to be??
And fast! Faster than head lice in second grade! When we are in a negative state > carry that around as we go about our day > we don’t feel good > loose sight what’s important
Everyone is entitled to opinions. Some people may have a less than eloquent way of expressing themselves. They have the right to express their own opinions and we have the right and will power to choose our responses. WE CAN CHOOSE PEACE OR CONFLICT.
“What about this situation or person can I understand and/or forgive?”
Wait until you’ve cooled off before responding, if you choose to respond at all.
Are you arguing for the sake of bring right? Do I need to be right? What will I gain?
If a person initiates a negative message- they are BAITING you! They are trying to trigger a response. Don’t give them what they want… stop the cycle!!!
Stop giving it energy. Stop thinking about it, and stop talking about it. Do your best not to repeat the story to others.
Some other ideas??
Become an observer - this separates ourselves away form the emotions
Physical exercise – use exercise to clear your mind and release built up negative energy
Avoid Heated Discussions – wait until everyone has cooled off. Don’t argue for the sake of your ego.
Pour Honey – Compliment the other person for something they did well. You might have to dig deep to find something…
Express it!! - Keep a journal, find someone to vent to. One minute vent sessions.
How do you greet people when you answer the phone? Take notes when you are on the phone- keep track of what you are hearing. Taking notes will help you form your responses when it’s your turn to talk.
Your ability to control your emotional reactions and the sound of your voice is one of the biggest advantages of talking on the phone! Is the coversation getting tense… try relaxing in your chance. If you need to sound more assertive, stand up!
You can’t send meaningful looks, do more meaningful grunting… “Hummm” “Ugh” “Oh No” “Wow” “I’m sorry you are having a problem” – don’t surf FB or Twitter while talking with someone.
