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9th district essay 2011 2012 resp. to lit[1]
 

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    9th district essay 2011 2012 resp. to lit[1] 9th district essay 2011 2012 resp. to lit[1] Presentation Transcript

    • 9th Grade Writing Assessment
      2011
    • Students please do the following…
      Get out a blank piece of paper and your district essay.
      Read your district essay.
      On a blank sheet of paper answer the following questions:
      Why do you think you received the score you did?
      How could you have done better?
      Hopefully, by the end of this presentation you will have a much clearer answer to both of these questions.
    • First let’s take another look at
      the Writing Task just to make sure
      everyone understands exactly what
      they were supposed to write about.
      PLEASE FIND THE WRITING TASK LABELED ON YOUR DISTRICT ESSAY.
    • Here is the Writing Task:
      In the story, “Eleven,” the reader learns about the main character, Rachel. Rachel’s personality and emotions are revealed through the actions and dialogue (both inner and outer dialogue) presented in the story.
      Write an essay in which you describe the personality and emotions of Rachel, the main character. How do her personal characteristics add to the events in the story? How does the author reveal this information about Rachel in the story? Use details and examples from the story to support your ideas.
    • Let’s take a closer look at the writing task…
      In the story, “Eleven,” the reader learns about the main character, Rachel. Rachel’s personality and emotions are revealed through the actions and dialogue (both inner and outer dialogue) presented in the story.
      Write an essay in which you describe the personality and emotions of Rachel, the main character. How do her personal characteristics add to the events in the story? How does the author reveal this information about Rachel in the story? Use details and examples from the story to support your ideas.
      In order to succeed on an essay like this you need to make sure you write about everything that is required.
      Go sentence by sentence and underline everything you must accomplish in your essay.
    • Let’s take a closer look at the writing task…
      In the story, “Eleven,” the reader learns about the main character, Rachel. Rachel’s personality and emotions are revealed through the actions and dialogue (both inner and outer dialogue) presented in the story.
      Write an essay in which you describe the personality and emotions of Rachel, the main character. How do her personal characteristics add to the events in the story? How does the author reveal this information about Rachel in the story? Use details and examples from the story to support your ideas.
      In order to succeed on an essay like this you need to make sure you write about everything that is required.
      Go sentence by sentence and underline everything you must accomplish in your essay.
    • Let’s take a closer look at the writing task…
      In the story, “Eleven,” the reader learns about the main character, Rachel. Rachel’s personality and emotions are revealed through the actions and dialogue (both inner and outer dialogue) presented in the story.
      Write an essay in which you describe the personality and emotions of Rachel, the main character. How do her personal characteristics add to the events in the story? How does the author reveal this information about Rachel in the story? Use details and examples from the story to support your ideas.
      In order to succeed on an essay like this you need to make sure you write about everything that is required.
      Go sentence by sentence and underline everything you must accomplish in your essay.
      On your sheet of paper, please respond to the following questions:
      Think back to your essay: Did you describe the personality and emotions of Rachel?
      Did you explain how the author revealed this information?
    • Now let’s take a closer look at the writing task…
      Don’t just read!
      Remember our writing tasks:
      • Describe Rachel’s personality and emotions
      • Explain how the author reveals this information
      Here is the summary that came before the story:
      Read the following short story, “Eleven,’ by Sandra Cisneros. The main character, Rachel, is reflecting on how it feels to be eleven on her birthday. Rachel’s personality and emotions are revealed through the actions and dialogue presented in the story. As you read, pay close attention to the descriptions of Rachel, in preparation for writing an essay about the story.
      As you read please highlight text that you could quote/cite in your essay that would support our writing tasks.
    • Now let’s take a closer look at the story…
      ELEVEN
      By Sandra Cisneros
      (taken from Woman Hollering Creekand Other Stories by Sandra Cisneros, Random House, 1991)
      What they don't understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you're eleven, you're also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don't. You open your eyes and everything's just like yesterday, only it's today. And you don't feel eleven at all. You feel like you're still ten. And you are--underneath the year that makes you eleven.
      Like some days you might say something stupid, and that's the part of you that's still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama's lap because you're scared, and that's the part of you that's five. And maybe one day when you're all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you're three, and that's okay. That's what I tell Mama when she's sad and needs to cry. Maybe she's feeling three.
      Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That's how being eleven years old is.
    • Now let’s take a closer look at the story…
      ELEVEN
      By Sandra Cisneros
      (taken from Woman Hollering Creekand Other Stories by Sandra Cisneros, Random House, 1991)
      What they don't understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you're eleven, you're also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don't. You open your eyes and everything's just like yesterday, only it's today. And you don't feel eleven at all. You feel like you're still ten. And you are--underneath the year that makes you eleven.
      Like some days you might say something stupid, and that's the part of you that's still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama's lap because you're scared, and that's the part of you that's five. And maybe one day when you're all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you're three, and that's okay. That's what I tell Mama when she's sad and needs to cry. Maybe she's feeling three.
      Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That's how being eleven years old is.
    • Now let’s take a closer look at the story…
      You don't feel eleven. Not right away. It takes a few days, weeks even, sometimes even months before you say Eleven when they ask you. And you don't feel smart eleven, not until you're almost twelve. that's the way it is. Only today I wish I didn't have only eleven years rattling inside me like pennies in a tin Band-Aid box. Today I wish I was one hundred and two instead of eleven because if I was one hundred and two I'd have known what to say when Mrs. Price put the red sweater on my desk. I would've known how to tell her it wasn't mine instead of just sitting there with that look on my face and nothing coming out of my mouth.
      "Whose is this?" Mrs. Price says, and she holds the red sweater up in the air for all the class to see. "Whose? It's been sitting in the coatroom for a month."
      "Not mine," says everybody. "Not mine."
      "It has to belong to somebody," Mrs. Price keeps saying, but nobody can remember. It's an ugly sweater with red plastic buttons and a collar and sleeves all stretched out like you could use it for a jump rope. It's maybe a thousand years old and even if it belonged to me I wouldn't say so.
      Maybe because I'm skinny, maybe because she doesn't like me, that stupid Sylvia Saldivar says, "I think it belongs to Rachel." An ugly sweater like that, all raggedy and old, but Mrs. Price believes her. Mrs. Price takes the sweater and puts it right on my desk, but when I open my mouth nothing comes out.
    • Now let’s take a closer look at the story…
      You don't feel eleven. Not right away. It takes a few days, weeks even, sometimes even months before you say Eleven when they ask you. And you don't feel smart eleven, not until you're almost twelve. that's the way it is. Only today I wish I didn't have only eleven years rattling inside me like pennies in a tin Band-Aid box. Today I wish I was one hundred and two instead of eleven because if I was one hundred and two I'd have known what to say when Mrs. Price put the red sweater on my desk. I would've known how to tell her it wasn't mine instead of just sitting there with that look on my face and nothing coming out of my mouth.
      "Whose is this?" Mrs. Price says, and she holds the red sweater up in the air for all the class to see. "Whose? It's been sitting in the coatroom for a month."
      "Not mine," says everybody. "Not mine."
      "It has to belong to somebody," Mrs. Price keeps saying, but nobody can remember. It's an ugly sweater with red plastic buttons and a collar and sleeves all stretched out like you could use it for a jump rope. It's maybe a thousand years old and even if it belonged to me I wouldn't say so.
      Maybe because I'm skinny, maybe because she doesn't like me, that stupid Sylvia Saldivar says, "I think it belongs to Rachel." An ugly sweater like that, all raggedy and old, but Mrs. Price believes her. Mrs. Price takes the sweater and puts it right on my desk, but when I open my mouth nothing comes out.
    • Now let’s take a closer look at the story…
      "That's not, I don't, you're not...Not mine," I finally say in a little voice that was maybe me when I was four.
      "Of course it's yours," Mrs. Price says. "I remember you wearing it once." Because she's old and the teacher, she's right and I'm not.
      Not mine, not mine, not mine, but Mrs. Price is already turning to page thirty-two, and math problem number four. I don't know why but all of a sudden I'm feeling sick inside, like the part of me that's three wants come out of my eyes,only I squeeze them shut tight and bite down on my teeth really hard and try to remember today when I am eleven, eleven. Mama is making a cake for me tonight, and when Papa comes home everybody will sing Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to you.
      But when the sick feeling goes away and I open my eyes, the red sweater's still sitting there like a big red mountain. I move the red sweater to the corner of my desk with y ruler. I move my pencil and books and eraser as far from it as possible. I even move my chair a little to the right. Not mine, not mine, not mine.
      In my head I'm thinking how long till lunchtime, how long till I can take the red sweater and throw over the schoolyard fence, or leave it hanging on a parking meter, or bunch it up into a little ball and toss it in the alley. Except when math period ends Mrs. Price says loud and in front of everybody, "Now, Rachel,
    • Now let’s take a closer look at the story…
      "That's not, I don't, you're not...Not mine," I finally say in a little voice that was maybe me when I was four.
      "Of course it's yours," Mrs. Price says. "I remember you wearing it once." Because she's old and the teacher, she's right and I'm not.
      Not mine, not mine, not mine, but Mrs. Price is already turning to page thirty-two, and math problem number four. I don't know why but all of a sudden I'm feeling sick inside, like the part of me that's three wants come out of my eyes,only I squeeze them shut tight and bite down on my teeth really hard and try to remember today when I am eleven, eleven. Mama is making a cake for me tonight, and when Papa comes home everybody will sing Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to you.
      But when the sick feeling goes away and I open my eyes, the red sweater's still sitting there like a big red mountain. I move the red sweater to the corner of my desk with y ruler. I move my pencil and books and eraser as far from it as possible. I even move my chair a little to the right. Not mine, not mine, not mine.
      In my head I'm thinking how long till lunchtime, how long till I can take the red sweater and throw over the schoolyard fence, or leave it hanging on a parking meter, or bunch it up into a little ball and toss it in the alley. Except when math period ends Mrs. Price says loud and in front of everybody, "Now, Rachel,
    • Now let’s take a closer look at the story…
      that's enough," because she sees I've shoved the red sweater to the tippy-tip corner of my desk and it's hanging all over the edge like a waterfall, but I don't care.
      "Rachel," Mrs. Price says. She says it like she's getting mad. "you put that sweater on right now and no more nonsense."
      "But it's not-"
      "Now!" Mrs. Price says. This is when I wish I wasn't eleven, because all the years inside of me--ten, nine, eight, seven, six five, four, three, two one--are pushing at the back of my eyes when I put one arm through one sleeve of the sweater that smells like cottage cheese, and then the other arm through the other and stand there with my arms apart like if the sweater hurts me and it does, all itchy and full of germs that aren't even mine.
      That's when everything I've been holding in since this morning, since when Mrs. Price put the sweater on my desk, finally lets go, and all of a sudden I'm crying in front of everybody. I wish I was invisible but I'm not. I'm eleven and it's my birthday today and I'm crying like I'm three in front of everybody. I put my head down on the desk and bury my stupid clown-sweater arms. My face all hot and spit coming out of me, until there aren't any more tears left in my eyes, and it's just my body shaking like when you have the hiccups, and my whole head hurts like when you drink milk too fast.
    • Now let’s take a closer look at the story…
      that's enough," because she sees I've shoved the red sweater to the tippy-tip corner of my desk and it's hanging all over the edge like a waterfall, but I don't care.
      "Rachel," Mrs. Price says. She says it like she's getting mad. "you put that sweater on right now and no more nonsense."
      "But it's not-"
      "Now!" Mrs. Price says. This is when I wish I wasn't eleven, because all the years inside of me--ten, nine, eight, seven, six five, four, three, two one--are pushing at the back of my eyes when I put one arm through one sleeve of the sweater that smells like cottage cheese, and then the other arm through the other and stand there with my arms apart like if the sweater hurts me and it does, all itchy and full of germs that aren't even mine.
      That's when everything I've been holding in since this morning, since when Mrs. Price put the sweater on my desk, finally lets go, and all of a sudden I'm crying in front of everybody. I wish I was invisible but I'm not. I'm eleven and it's my birthday today and I'm crying like I'm three in front of everybody. I put my head down on the desk and bury my stupid clown-sweater arms. My face all hot and spit coming out of me, until there aren't any more tears left in my eyes, and it's just my body shaking like when you have the hiccups, and my whole head hurts like when you drink milk too fast.
    • Now let’s take a closer look at the story…
      But the worst part is right before the bell rings for lunch. That stupid Phyllis Lopez, who is even dumber than Sylvia Saldivar, says she remembers the red sweater is hers! I take it off right away and give it to her, only Mrs. Price pretends like everything's okay.
      Today I'm eleven. There's a cake Mama's making for tonight, and when Papa comes home from work we'll eat it. There'll be candles and presents and everybody will sing Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to you, Rachel, only it's too late.
      I'm eleven today. I'm eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, and one, but I wish I was one hundred and two. I wish I was anything but eleven, because I want today to be far away already, far away like a runaway balloon, like a tiny o in the sky, so tiny-tiny you have to close your eyes to see it.
    • Now let’s take a closer look at the story…
      But the worst part is right before the bell rings for lunch. That stupid Phyllis Lopez, who is even dumber than Sylvia Saldivar, says she remembers the red sweater is hers! I take it off right away and give it to her, only Mrs. Price pretends like everything's okay.
      Today I'm eleven. There's a cake Mama's making for tonight, and when Papa comes home from work we'll eat it. There'll be candles and presents and everybody will sing Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to you, Rachel, only it's too late.
      I'm eleven today. I'm eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, and one, but I wish I was one hundred and two. I wish I was anything but eleven, because I want today to be far away already, far away like a runaway balloon, like a tiny o in the sky, so tiny-tiny you have to close your eyes to see it.
    • Question E
      Describe Rachel’s personality. How did you learn these things about her?
    • Now you know what you are supposed to write about and you understand the story. Let’s take a look at how you should write your essay.
    • Notice that the same concepts are rated from one column to the next. There are several different concepts that are being graded.
    • Question F:
      Reread your essay. Please write a one sentence explanation of how you think you did in each category. You should have a 6 sentence response to this question. Explain why in your answers.
    • Question F:
      Reread your essay. Please write a one sentence explanation of how you think you did in each category. You should have a 6 sentence response to this question. Explain why in your answers.
      Start with grasp of text…did you get a 4, 3, 2, 1? Why?
    • Question F:
      Reread your essay. Please write a one sentence explanation of how you think you did in each category. You should have a 6 sentence response to this question. Explain why in your answers. Start with thesis
      …then make your way to details
      … and so on
    • ANCHOR PAPERS
      The upcoming slides are actual student essays. An example of a 4, 3, 2, and 1 will be shown.
      The point of showing these essays is to help everyone understand further what elements are good to include and not good to include in an essay.
      As we read through these essays, compare them to your own and respond to the following:
      Question G: What did you learn from each of the students essays? Please include at least one sentence for each of the essays. You should have a minimum four sentence response.
      At the end of each anchor paper you will be reminded to answer this question.
    • 4
      As Rachel turns eleven, she tries to enjoy the celebration of becoming older, and wiser, but it seems the odds are stacked against her, and she finds herself crawling back to her younger self.
      In the very beginning of the story, Rachel explains what birthdays, and age mean to her. She doesn’t feel 11, and sometimes she resorts to her lower ages to express her feelings. When she is at school, and she is given the sweater that obviously doesn’t belong to her, the personality and emotions start to show through. When she has the sweater put on her desk, she is afraid to speak up to her teacher. This shows me that she is shy and doesn’t want to disrespect her elders, being Mrs. Price.
      Next, when Racheal says, “the part of me that’s three and wants to come out…” this is an example that she is very emotional, and doesn’t like when things do not go her way. When Rachel is down deep is something she doesn’t want to be in, all she wants to do is get out.
      The way her personal characteristics add to the story is obvious. Her emotions pour through in everything she does, and it makes the reader want to know what happens, or makes the reader really relate to Rachel. When the author gives Rachel extreme emotions, he makes the reader want more, and it becomes relateable, and interesting story. Rachel’s personal characteristics add to the stories mood immensely. If Rachel’s emotions were not the same, or not as strong, the story would lose its feel and meaning.
      The way the author reveals information about Rachel is all through emotion. The author didn’t give Rachel any friends to find refuge in, and I felt that her family was just going through the motions of life. I believe Rachel’s life is harder than it seems, but no one seems to notice. The author reveals that Rachel is shy, un personable, and very emotional. But the author doesn’t just tell us these things, they are depicted in the troubles Rachel face on her birthday
      All in all, Rachel doesn’t know how to control her emotions, but as she grows, she will learn, and only resort back to her lower ages when necessary.
    • Thoughtful grasp of text
      This is why it is a 4
      As Rachel turns eleven, she tries to enjoy the celebration of becoming older, and wiser, but it seems the odds are stacked against her, and she finds herself crawling back to her younger self.
      In the very beginning of the story, Rachel explains what birthdays, and age mean to her. She doesn’t feel 11, and sometimes she resorts to her lower ages to express her feelings. When she is at school, and she is given the sweater that obviously doesn’t belong to her, the personality and emotions start to show through. When she has the sweater put on her desk, she is afraid to speak up to her teacher. This shows me that she is shy and doesn’t want to disrespect her elders, being Mrs. Price.
      Next, when Racheal says, “the part of me that’s three and wants to come out…” this is an example that she is very emotional, and doesn’t like when things do not go her way. When Rachel is down deep is something she doesn’t want to be in, all she wants to do is get out.
      The way her personal characteristics add to the story is obvious. Her emotions pour through in everything she does, and it makes the reader want to know what happens, or makes the reader really relate to Rachel. When the author gives Rachel extreme emotions, he makes the reader want more, and it becomes relateable, and interesting story. Rachel’s personal characteristics add to the stories mood immensely. If Rachel’s emotions were not the same, or not as strong, the story would lose its feel and meaning.
      The way the author reveals information about Rachel is all through emotion. The author didn’t give Rachel any friends to find refuge in, and I felt that her family was just going through the motions of life. I believe Rachel’s life is harder than it seems, but no one seems to notice. The author reveals that Rachel is shy, un personable, and very emotional. But the author doesn’t just tell us these things, they are depicted in the troubles Rachel face on her birthday
      All in all, Rachel doesn’t know how to control her emotions, but as she grows, she will learn, and only resort back to her lower ages when necessary.
    • This is why it is a 4
      As Rachel turns eleven, she tries to enjoy the celebration of becoming older, and wiser, but it seems the odds are stacked against her, and she finds herself crawling back to her younger self.
      In the very beginning of the story, Rachel explains what birthdays, and age mean to her. She doesn’t feel 11, and sometimes she resorts to her lower ages to express her feelings. When she is at school, and she is given the sweater that obviously doesn’t belong to her, the personality and emotions start to show through. When she has the sweater put on her desk, she is afraid to speak up to her teacher. This shows me that she is shy and doesn’t want to disrespect her elders, being Mrs. Price.
      Next, when Racheal says, “the part of me that’s three and wants to come out…” this is an example that she is very emotional, and doesn’t like when things do not go her way. When Rachel is down deep is something she doesn’t want to be in, all she wants to do is get out.
      The way her personal characteristics add to the story is obvious. Her emotions pour through in everything she does, and it makes the reader want to know what happens, or makes the reader really relate to Rachel. When the author gives Rachel extreme emotions, he makes the reader want more, and it becomes relateable, and interesting story. Rachel’s personal characteristics add to the stories mood immensely. If Rachel’s emotions were not the same, or not as strong, the story would lose its feel and meaning.
      The way the author reveals information about Rachel is all through emotion. The author didn’t give Rachel any friends to find refuge in, and I felt that her family was just going through the motions of life. I believe Rachel’s life is harder than it seems, but no one seems to notice. The author reveals that Rachel is shy, un personable, and very emotional. But the author doesn’t just tell us these things, they are depicted in the troubles Rachel face on her birthday
      All in all, Rachel doesn’t know how to control her emotions, but as she grows, she will learn, and only resort back to her lower ages when necessary.
      Accurately/coherently provides specific textual details/examples to support thesis
    • This is why it is a 4
      As Rachel turns eleven, she tries to enjoy the celebration of becoming older, and wiser, but it seems the odds are stacked against her, and she finds herself crawling back to her younger self.
      In the very beginning of the story, Rachel explains what birthdays, and age mean to her. She doesn’t feel 11, and sometimes she resorts to her lower ages to express her feelings. When she is at school, and she is given the sweater that obviously doesn’t belong to her, the personality and emotions start to show through. When she has the sweater put on her desk, she is afraid to speak up to her teacher. This shows me that she is shy and doesn’t want to disrespect her elders, being Mrs. Price.
      Next, when Racheal says, “the part of me that’s three and wants to come out…” this is an example that she is very emotional, and doesn’t like when things do not go her way. When Rachel is down deep is something she doesn’t want to be in, all she wants to do is get out.
      The way her personal characteristics add to the story is obvious. Her emotions pour through in everything she does, and it makes the reader want to know what happens, or makes the reader really relate to Rachel. When the author gives Rachel extreme emotions, he makes the reader want more, and it becomes relateable, and interesting story. Rachel’s personal characteristics add to the stories mood immensely. If Rachel’s emotions were not the same, or not as strong, the story would lose its feel and meaning.
      The way the author reveals information about Rachel is all through emotion. The author didn’t give Rachel any friends to find refuge in, and I felt that her family was just going through the motions of life. I believe Rachel’s life is harder than it seems, but no one seems to notice. The author reveals that Rachel is shy, un personable, and very emotional. But the author doesn’t just tell us these things, they are depicted in the troubles Rachel face on her birthday
      All in all, Rachel doesn’t know how to control her emotions, but as she grows, she will learn, and only resort back to her lower ages when necessary.
      Clear understanding of ambiguities/nuances/complexity of text
    • This is why it is a 4
      As Rachel turns eleven, she tries to enjoy the celebration of becoming older, and wiser, but it seems the odds are stacked against her, and she finds herself crawling back to her younger self.
      In the very beginning of the story, Rachel explains what birthdays, and age mean to her. She doesn’t feel 11, and sometimes she resorts to her lower ages to express her feelings. When she is at school, and she is given the sweater that obviously doesn’t belong to her, the personality and emotions start to show through. When she has the sweater put on her desk, she is afraid to speak up to her teacher. This shows me that she is shy and doesn’t want to disrespect her elders, being Mrs. Price.
      Next, when Racheal says, “the part of me that’s three and wants to come out…” this is an example that she is very emotional, and doesn’t like when things do not go her way. When Rachel is down deep is something she doesn’t want to be in, all she wants to do is get out.
      The way her personal characteristics add to the story is obvious. Her emotions pour through in everything she does, and it makes the reader want to know what happens, or makes the reader really relate to Rachel. When the author gives Rachel extreme emotions, he makes the reader want more, and it becomes relateable, and interesting story. Rachel’s personal characteristics add to the stories mood immensely. If Rachel’s emotions were not the same, or not as strong, the story would lose its feel and meaning.
      The way the author reveals information about Rachel is all through emotion. The author didn’t give Rachel any friends to find refuge in, and I felt that her family was just going through the motions of life. I believe Rachel’s life is harder than it seems, but no one seems to notice. The author reveals that Rachel is shy, un personable, and very emotional. But the author doesn’t just tell us these things, they are depicted in the troubles Rachel face on her birthday
      All in all, Rachel doesn’t know how to control her emotions, but as she grows, she will learn, and only resort back to her lower ages when necessary.
      Precise, descriptive language
    • This is why it is a 4
      As Rachel turns eleven, she tries to enjoy the celebration of becoming older, and wiser, but it seems the odds are stacked against her, and she finds herself crawling back to her younger self.
      In the very beginning of the story, Rachel explains what birthdays, and age mean to her. She doesn’t feel 11, and sometimes she resorts to her lower ages to express her feelings. When she is at school, and she is given the sweater that obviously doesn’t belong to her, the personality and emotions start to show through. When she has the sweater put on her desk, she is afraid to speak up to her teacher. This shows me that she is shy and doesn’t want to disrespect her elders, being Mrs. Price.
      Next, when Racheal says, “the part of me that’s three and wants to come out…” this is an example that she is very emotional, and doesn’t like when things do not go her way. When Rachel is down deep is something she doesn’t want to be in, all she wants to do is get out.
      The way her personal characteristics add to the story is obvious. Her emotions pour through in everything she does, and it makes the reader want to know what happens, or makes the reader really relate to Rachel. When the author gives Rachel extreme emotions, he makes the reader want more, and it becomes relateable, and interesting story. Rachel’s personal characteristics add to the stories mood immensely. If Rachel’s emotions were not the same, or not as strong, the story would lose its feel and meaning.
      The way the author reveals information about Rachel is all through emotion. The author didn’t give Rachel any friends to find refuge in, and I felt that her family was just going through the motions of life. I believe Rachel’s life is harder than it seems, but no one seems to notice. The author reveals that Rachel is shy, un personable, and very emotional. But the author doesn’t just tell us these things, they are depicted in the troubles Rachel face on her birthday
      All in all, Rachel doesn’t know how to control her emotions, but as she grows, she will learn, and only resort back to her lower ages when necessary.
      Few if any convention errors
    • 4
      Question G (cont.):
      How can this essay
      help you to write a
      better essay?
      As Rachel turns eleven, she tries to enjoy the celebration of becoming older, and wiser, but it seems the odds are stacked against her, and she finds herself crawling back to her younger self.
      In the very beginning of the story, Rachel explains what birthdays, and age mean to her. She doesn’t feel 11, and sometimes she resorts to her lower ages to express her feelings. When she is at school, and she is given the sweater that obviously doesn’t belong to her, the personality and emotions start to show through. When she has the sweater put on her desk, she is afraid to speak up to her teacher. This shows me that she is shy and doesn’t want to disrespect her elders, being Mrs. Price.
      Next, when Racheal says, “the part of me that’s three and wants to come out…” this is an example that she is very emotional, and doesn’t like when things do not go her way. When Rachel is down deep is something she doesn’t want to be in, all she wants to do is get out.
      The way her personal characteristics add to the story is obvious. Her emotions pour through in everything she does, and it makes the reader want to know what happens, or makes the reader really relate to Rachel. When the author gives Rachel extreme emotions, he makes the reader want more, and it becomes relateable, and interesting story. Rachel’s personal characteristics add to the stories mood immensely. If Rachel’s emotions were not the same, or not as strong, the story would lose its feel and meaning.
      The way the author reveals information about Rachel is all through emotion. The author didn’t give Rachel any friends to find refuge in, and I felt that her family was just going through the motions of life. I believe Rachel’s life is harder than it seems, but no one seems to notice. The author reveals that Rachel is shy, un personable, and very emotional. But the author doesn’t just tell us these things, they are depicted in the troubles Rachel face on her birthday
      All in all, Rachel doesn’t know how to control her emotions, but as she grows, she will learn, and only resort back to her lower ages when necessary.
    • 3
      In the story, “Eleven,” by Sanara Cisneros, the main charactor Rachel has many thoughts and feelings on being eleven. Her personal characteristics and emotions are revealed as the story goes on. Her emotions, excited, afraid, embarresed, and dissapointment all add to her problems on her first day of being eleven.
      In the beginning, before she goes to bed the night before her birthday, she feels excited that she will be turning eleven. However, when she wakes up, she feels dissapointmentthat she feels no different. She still feels ten, and realizes that some days she feels five , or three, and that she won’t really feel eleven until she is almost twelve. She accepts that when she says “thats the way it is”. Her personality is revealed there when she accepts the things she cannot change.
      Later, her emotions turn to fear as her teacher hands her a sweater, and she knows is not even hers. She trys to explain that it is not hers, but the teacher won’t listen. She wants nothing more than to get rid of it, because she is afraid of what other people think if they think it’s her sweater. Her personality comes out when she pushes it to the very edge with her ruler, careful not to touch it. Then closes her eyes to pretend its not there. The author reveals this information about Rachel n that way.
      In the end of the story, Rachel’s teacher makes her put on the sweater. In the moment, all Rachel feels is embarrassment and disgust. She thinks the sweater has germs, she says to herself it smells and is itchy. Then she is overwhelmed and starts to cry. Her personality, as the author reveals it here, only adds to her probloms. She wants to turn invisible, everyone is looking at her even more embarrased.
      In conclusion, Rachel’s emotions and personality were revealed in the story. First excitement, dissaporntment, fear, and embarrassment. Her personality and character add to events in the story, and she has to think over everything happening to her on her birthday. Her emotions and personality adding to her probloms.
    • This is why it is a 3
      Comprehensive grasp of text
      In the story, “Eleven,” by Sanara Cisneros, the main charactor Rachel has many thoughts and feelings on being eleven. Her personal characteristics and emotions are revealed as the story goes on. Her emotions, excited, afraid, embarresed, and dissapointment all add to her problems on her first day of being eleven.
      In the beginning, before she goes to bed the night before her birthday, she feels excited that she will be turning eleven. However, when she wakes up, she feels dissapointmentthat she feels no different. She still feels ten, and realizes that some days she feels five , or three, and that she won’t really feel eleven until she is almost twelve. She accepts that when she says “thats the way it is”. Her personality is revealed there when she accepts the things she cannot change.
      Later, her emotions turn to fear as her teacher hands her a sweater, and she knows is not even hers. She trys to explain that it is not hers, but the teacher won’t listen. She wants nothing more than to get rid of it, because she is afraid of what other people think if they think it’s her sweater. Her personality comes out when she pushes it to the very edge with her ruler, careful not to touch it. Then closes her eyes to pretend its not there. The author reveals this information about Rachel n that way.
      In the end of the story, Rachel’s teacher makes her put on the sweater. In the moment, all Rachel feels is embarrassment and disgust. She thinks the sweater has germs, she says to herself it smells and is itchy. Then she is overwhelmed and starts to cry. Her personality, as the author reveals it here, only adds to her probloms. She wants to turn invisible, everyone is looking at her even more embarrased.
      In conclusion, Rachel’s emotions and personality were revealed in the story. First excitement, dissaporntment, fear, and embarrassment. Her personality and character add to events in the story, and she has to think over everything happening to her on her birthday. Her emotions and personality adding to her probloms.
    • This is why it is a 3
      In the story, “Eleven,” by Sanara Cisneros, the main charactor Rachel has many thoughts and feelings on being eleven. Her personal characteristics and emotions are revealed as the story goes on. Her emotions, excited, afraid, embarresed, and dissapointment all add to her problems on her first day of being eleven.
      In the beginning, before she goes to bed the night before her birthday, she feels excited that she will be turning eleven. However, when she wakes up, she feels dissapointmentthat she feels no different. She still feels ten, and realizes that some days she feels five , or three, and that she won’t really feel eleven until she is almost twelve. She accepts that when she says “thats the way it is”. Her personality is revealed there when she accepts the things she cannot change.
      Later, her emotions turn to fear as her teacher hands her a sweater, and she knows is not even hers. She trys to explain that it is not hers, but the teacher won’t listen. She wants nothing more than to get rid of it, because she is afraid of what other people think if they think it’s her sweater. Her personality comes out when she pushes it to the very edge with her ruler, careful not to touch it. Then closes her eyes to pretend its not there. The author reveals this information about Rachel n that way.
      In the end of the story, Rachel’s teacher makes her put on the sweater. In the moment, all Rachel feels is embarrassment and disgust. She thinks the sweater has germs, she says to herself it smells and is itchy. Then she is overwhelmed and starts to cry. Her personality, as the author reveals it here, only adds to her probloms. She wants to turn invisible, everyone is looking at her even more embarrased.
      In conclusion, Rachel’s emotions and personality were revealed in the story. First excitement, dissaporntment, fear, and embarrassment. Her personality and character add to events in the story, and she has to think over everything happening to her on her birthday. Her emotions and personality adding to her probloms.
      Accurately provides general textual details/examples to support thesis
    • This is why it is a 3
      In the story, “Eleven,” by Sanara Cisneros, the main charactor Rachel has many thoughts and feelings on being eleven. Her personal characteristics and emotions are revealed as the story goes on. Her emotions, excited, afraid, embarresed, and dissapointment all add to her problems on her first day of being eleven.
      In the beginning, before she goes to bed the night before her birthday, she feels excited that she will be turning eleven. However, when she wakes up, she feels dissapointmentthat she feels no different. She still feels ten, and realizes that some days she feels five , or three, and that she won’t really feel eleven until she is almost twelve. She accepts that when she says “thats the way it is”. Her personality is revealed there when she accepts the things she cannot change.
      Later, her emotions turn to fear as her teacher hands her a sweater, and she knows is not even hers. She trys to explain that it is not hers, but the teacher won’t listen. She wants nothing more than to get rid of it, because she is afraid of what other people think if they think it’s her sweater. Her personality comes out when she pushes it to the very edge with her ruler, careful not to touch it. Then closes her eyes to pretend its not there. The author reveals this information about Rachel n that way.
      In the end of the story, Rachel’s teacher makes her put on the sweater. In the moment, all Rachel feels is embarrassment and disgust. She thinks the sweater has germs, she says to herself it smells and is itchy. Then she is overwhelmed and starts to cry. Her personality, as the author reveals it here, only adds to her probloms. She wants to turn invisible, everyone is looking at her even more embarrased.
      In conclusion, Rachel’s emotions and personality were revealed in the story. First excitement, dissaporntment, fear, and embarrassment. Her personality and character add to events in the story, and she has to think over everything happening to her on her birthday. Her emotions and personality adding to her probloms.
      Variety of sentence types
    • This is why it is a 3
      In the story, “Eleven,” by Sanara Cisneros, the main charactor Rachel has many thoughts and feelings on being eleven. Her personal characteristics and emotions are revealed as the story goes on. Her emotions, excited, afraid, embarresed, and dissapointment all add to her problems on her first day of being eleven.
      In the beginning, before she goes to bed the night before her birthday, she feels excited that she will be turning eleven. However, when she wakes up, she feels dissapointmentthat she feels no different. She still feels ten, and realizes that some days she feels five , or three, and that she won’t really feel eleven until she is almost twelve. She accepts that when she says “thats the way it is”. Her personality is revealed there when she accepts the things she cannot change.
      Later, her emotions turn to fear as her teacher hands her a sweater, and she knows is not even hers. She trys to explain that it is not hers, but the teacher won’t listen. She wants nothing more than to get rid of it, because she is afraid of what other people think if they think it’s her sweater. Her personality comes out when she pushes it to the very edge with her ruler, careful not to touch it. Then closes her eyes to pretend its not there. The author reveals this information about Rachel n that way.
      In the end of the story, Rachel’s teacher makes her put on the sweater. In the moment, all Rachel feels is embarrassment and disgust. She thinks the sweater has germs, she says to herself it smells and is itchy. Then she is overwhelmed and starts to cry. Her personality, as the author reveals it here, only adds to her probloms. She wants to turn invisible, everyone is looking at her even more embarrased.
      In conclusion, Rachel’s emotions and personality were revealed in the story. First excitement, dissaporntment, fear, and embarrassment. Her personality and character add to events in the story, and she has to think over everything happening to her on her birthday. Her emotions and personality adding to her probloms.
      An awareness of literary/stylistic devices
    • 3
      Question G (cont.):
      How can this essay
      help you to write a
      better essay?
      In the story, “Eleven,” by Sanara Cisneros, the main charactor Rachel has many thoughts and feelings on being eleven. Her personal characteristics and emotions are revealed as the story goes on. Her emotions, excited, afraid, embarresed, and dissapointment all add to her problems on her first day of being eleven.
      In the beginning, before she goes to bed the night before her birthday, she feels excited that she will be turning eleven. However, when she wakes up, she feels dissapointmentthat she feels no different. She still feels ten, and realizes that some days she feels five , or three, and that she won’t really feel eleven until she is almost twelve. She accepts that when she says “thats the way it is”. Her personality is revealed there when she accepts the things she cannot change.
      Later, her emotions turn to fear as her teacher hands her a sweater, and she knows is not even hers. She trys to explain that it is not hers, but the teacher won’t listen. She wants nothing more than to get rid of it, because she is afraid of what other people think if they think it’s her sweater. Her personality comes out when she pushes it to the very edge with her ruler, careful not to touch it. Then closes her eyes to pretend its not there. The author reveals this information about Rachel n that way.
      In the end of the story, Rachel’s teacher makes her put on the sweater. In the moment, all Rachel feels is embarrassment and disgust. She thinks the sweater has germs, she says to herself it smells and is itchy. Then she is overwhelmed and starts to cry. Her personality, as the author reveals it here, only adds to her probloms. She wants to turn invisible, everyone is looking at her even more embarrased.
      In conclusion, Rachel’s emotions and personality were revealed in the story. First excitement, dissaporntment, fear, and embarrassment. Her personality and character add to events in the story, and she has to think over everything happening to her on her birthday. Her emotions and personality adding to her probloms.
    • 2
      Do you ever wish you were a different age then you are now? Racheal has especially on her big day. Today is the big one-one for Racheal but she is wishing that she was still ten.
      “Only today I wish I didn’t have only eleven years rattling inside of me…. Today I wish I was one-hundred and two instead of eleven….” Racheal teacher found a sweater and Sylvia Saldivar accused Racheal for it to be hers. Racheal has a hard time telling the teacher that the sweater isn’t hers and begins to stutter. The sweater was “an ugly sweater with red plastic buttons and a collar and sleeves all stretched out like you could use it for a jump rope.”
      “Of course its yours, Mrs Price says. I remember you wearing it once. Because shes older and the teacher shes right and I’m not.” Racheal was horrified by the sweater. By the time Rachealstarted to tell Mrs. Price that it wasn’t hers see was already of to teaching. Now Racheal has an ugly sweater” on her desk.
      “But the worst Parts right before the bell rings for Lunch. That stupid Rhyllis Lopez, who is even dumber than SlyviaSaldiver, she remembers the red sweater is hers.” Racheal finally got away from the sweater but had to wear it for a whole class period. The teacher then acts like nothing happened. This made Racheal even more furius.
      Rachealbirthday felt like just another day and wishing that the day would finally end. Racheal birthday turned out to be a disaster. Have you ever had a birthday this bad.
    • This is why it is a 2
      Provides few if any textual details to support thesis
      Do you ever wish you were a different age then you are now? Racheal has especially on her big day. Today is the big one-one for Racheal but she is wishing that she was still ten.
      “Only today I wish I didn’t have only eleven years rattling inside of me…. Today I wish I was one-hundred and two instead of eleven….” Racheal teacher found a sweater and Sylvia Saldivar accused Racheal for it to be hers. Racheal has a hard time telling the teacher that the sweater isn’t hers and begins to stutter. The sweater was “an ugly sweater with red plastic buttons and a collar and sleeves all stretched out like you could use it for a jump rope.”
      “Of course its yours, Mrs Price says. I remember you wearing it once. Because shes older and the teacher shes right and I’m not.” Racheal was horrified by the sweater. By the time Racheal started to tell Mrs. Price that it wasn’t hers see was already of to teaching. Now Racheal has an ugly sweater” on her desk.
      “But the worst Parts right before the bell rings for Lunch. That stupid Rhyllis Lopez, who is even dumber than SlyviaSaldiver, she remembers the red sweater is hers.” Racheal finally got away from the sweater but had to wear it for a whole class period. The teacher then acts like nothing happened. This made Racheal even more furius.
      Racheal birthday felt like just another day and wishing that the day would finally end. Racheal birthday turned out to be a disaster. Have you ever had a birthday this bad.
      Notice the
      thesis and details
      don’t correspond
    • This is why it is a 2
      Do you ever wish you were a different age then you are now? Racheal has especially on her big day. Today is the big one-one for Racheal but she is wishing that she was still ten.
      “Only today I wish I didn’t have only eleven years rattling inside of me…. Today I wish I was one-hundred and two instead of eleven….” Racheal teacher found a sweater and Sylvia Saldivar accused Racheal for it to be hers. Racheal has a hard time telling the teacher that the sweater isn’t hers and begins to stutter. The sweater was “an ugly sweater with red plastic buttons and a collar and sleeves all stretched out like you could use it for a jump rope.”
      “Of course its yours, Mrs Price says. I remember you wearing it once. Because shes older and the teacher shes right and I’m not.” Racheal was horrified by the sweater. By the time Racheal started to tell Mrs. Price that it wasn’t hers see was already of to teaching. Now Racheal has an ugly sweater” on her desk.
      “But the worst Parts right before the bell rings for Lunch. That stupid Rhyllis Lopez, who is even dumber than SlyviaSaldiver, she remembers the red sweater is hers.” Racheal finally got away from the sweater but had to wear it for a whole class period. The teacher then acts like nothing happened. This made Racheal even more furius.
      Racheal birthday felt like just another day and wishing that the day would finally end. Racheal birthday turned out to be a disaster. Have you ever had a birthday this bad.
      Limited understanding of ambiguities, nuances, and complexity of text
    • This is why it is a 2
      Do you ever wish you were a different age then you are now? Racheal has especially on her big day. Today is the big one-one for Racheal but she is wishing that she was still ten.
      “Only today I wish I didn’t have only eleven years rattling inside of me…. Today I wish I was one-hundred and two instead of eleven….” Racheal teacher found a sweater and Sylvia Saldivar accused Racheal for it to be hers. Racheal has a hard time telling the teacher that the sweater isn’t hers and begins to stutter. The sweater was “an ugly sweater with red plastic buttons and a collar and sleeves all stretched out like you could use it for a jump rope.”
      “Of course its yours, Mrs Price says. I remember you wearing it once. Because shes older and the teacher shes right and I’m not.” Racheal was horrified by the sweater. By the time Racheal started to tell Mrs. Price that it wasn’t hers see was already of to teaching. Now Racheal has an ugly sweater” on her desk.
      “But the worst Parts right before the bell rings for Lunch. That stupid Rhyllis Lopez, who is even dumber than SlyviaSaldiver, she remembers the red sweater is hers.” Racheal finally got away from the sweater but had to wear it for a whole class period. The teacher then acts like nothing happened. This made Racheal even more furius.
      Racheal birthday felt like just another day and wishing that the day would finally end. Racheal birthday turned out to be a disaster. Have you ever had a birthday this bad.
      Basic, predictable language
    • This is why it is a 2
      Do you ever wish you were a different age then you are now? Racheal has especially on her big day. Today is the big one-one for Racheal but she is wishing that she was still ten.
      “Only today I wish I didn’t have only eleven years rattling inside of me…. Today I wish I was one-hundred and two instead of eleven….” Racheal teacher found a sweater and Sylvia Saldivar accused Racheal for it to be hers. Racheal has a hard time telling the teacher that the sweater isn’t hers and begins to stutter. The sweater was “an ugly sweater with red plastic buttons and a collar and sleeves all stretched out like you could use it for a jump rope.”
      “Of course its yours, Mrs Price says. I remember you wearing it once. Because shes older and the teacher shes right and I’m not.” Racheal was horrified by the sweater. By the time Racheal started to tell Mrs. Price that it wasn’t hers see was already of to teaching. Now Racheal has an ugly sweater” on her desk.
      “But the worst Parts right before the bell rings for Lunch. That stupid Rhyllis Lopez, who is even dumber than SlyviaSaldiver, she remembers the red sweater is hers.” Racheal finally got away from the sweater but had to wear it for a whole class period. The teacher then acts like nothing happened. This made Racheal even more furius.
      Racheal birthday felt like just another day and wishing that the day would finally end. Racheal birthday turned out to be a disaster. Have you ever had a birthday this bad.
      Several convention errors that may impede reader’s understanding
    • 2
      Question G (cont.):
      How can this essay
      help you to write a
      better essay?
      Do you ever wish you were a different age then you are now? Racheal has especially on her big day. Today is the big one-one for Racheal but she is wishing that she was still ten.
      “Only today I wish I didn’t have only eleven years rattling inside of me…. Today I wish I was one-hundred and two instead of eleven….” Racheal teacher found a sweater and Sylvia Saldivar accused Racheal for it to be hers. Racheal has a hard time telling the teacher that the sweater isn’t hers and begins to stutter. The sweater was “an ugly sweater with red plastic buttons and a collar and sleeves all stretched out like you could use it for a jump rope.”
      “Of course its yours, Mrs Price says. I remember you wearing it once. Because shes older and the teacher shes right and I’m not.” Racheal was horrified by the sweater. By the time Rachealstarted to tell Mrs. Price that it wasn’t hers see was already of to teaching. Now Racheal has an ugly sweater” on her desk.
      “But the worst Parts right before the bell rings for Lunch. That stupid Rhyllis Lopez, who is even dumber than SlyviaSaldiver, she remembers the red sweater is hers.” Racheal finally got away from the sweater but had to wear it for a whole class period. The teacher then acts like nothing happened. This made Racheal even more furius.
      Rachealbirthday felt like just another day and wishing that the day would finally end. Racheal birthday turned out to be a disaster. Have you ever had a birthday this bad.
    • 1
      Rachel is a little girl in the story “eleven”. She is turning eleven and to her it feels like any other day. She is the main character in the story because the story is about her and how she feels turning eleven. The story would not be the same if the autherdidnt have her talking. like when the teacher yells at her and she starts crying like a three year old. In the story the auther revels stuff about Rachel, like the fact that she dosent like her teacher or two of her classmates.It also seems like Rachel does not want to turn eleven.
    • This is why it is a 1
      No awareness of literary devices
      Rachel is a little girl in the story “eleven”. She is turning eleven and to her it feels like any other day. She is the main character in the story because the story is about her and how she feels turning eleven. The story would not be the same if the autherdidnt have her talking. like when the teacher yells at her and she starts crying like a three year old. In the story the auther revels stuff about Rachel, like the fact that she dosent like her teacher or two of her classmates.It also seems like Rachel does not want to turn eleven.
    • This is why it is a 1
      Rachel is a little girl in the story “eleven”. She is turning eleven and to her it feels like any other day. She is the main character in the story because the story is about her and how she feels turning eleven. The story would not be the same if the autherdidnt have her talking. like when the teacher yells at her and she starts crying like a three year old. In the story the auther revels stuff about Rachel, like the fact that she dosent like her teacher or two of her classmates.It also seems like Rachel does not want to turn eleven.
      Provides no evidence to support thesis and main ideas
    • This is why it is a 1
      Rachel is a little girl in the story “eleven”. She is turning eleven and to her it feels like any other day. She is the main character in the story because the story is about her and how she feels turning eleven. The story would not be the same if the autherdidnt have her talking. like when the teacher yells at her and she starts crying like a three year old. In the story the auther revels stuff about Rachel, like the fact that she dosent like her teacher or two of her classmates.It also seems like Rachel does not want to turn eleven.
      No sentence variety
    • This is why it is a 1
      Rachel is a little girl in the story “eleven”. She is turning eleven and to her it feels like any other day. She is the main character in the story because the story is about her and how she feels turning eleven. The story would not be the same if the autherdidnt have her talking. like when the teacher yells at her and she starts crying like a three year old. In the story the auther revels stuff about Rachel, like the fact that she dosent like her teacher or two of her classmates.It also seems like Rachel does not want to turn eleven.
      Limited vocabulary
    • 1
      Question G (cont.):
      How can this essay
      help you to write a
      better essay?
      Rachel is a little girl in the story “eleven”. She is turning eleven and to her it feels like any other day. She is the main character in the story because the story is about her and how she feels turning eleven. The story would not be the same if the autherdidnt have her talking. like when the teacher yells at her and she starts crying like a three year old. In the story the auther revels stuff about Rachel, like the fact that she dosent like her teacher or two of her classmates.It also seems like Rachel does not want to turn eleven.
    • Almost done…
      On your paper you should have answered questions A-G.
      Last assignment:
      Go rewrite your essay, but this time make it a four! You can do it:
      You understand the writing task
      You understand what a great essay must have.
      Please turn in questions A-G stapled behind your rewritten essay.