Parenting Teens- Effective Discipline K. Scott (MBBS,MPH), CHILD RESILIENCY PROGRAMME DIRECTOR HOPE COUNSELING AND WELLNESS CENTER, www.childresiliency.org
Introduction Many parents use physical punishment such as slapping or beating to discipline their teen when they misbehave. This type of abuse has long term psychological effects on our adolescents. It teaches them that violence is an acceptable way of making others do something and that it is acceptable to hit someone who is smaller or weaker when angry. Violent discipline damages the relationship between parent and teen.
Authoritarian Has low self esteem Exhibits lack of self respect Is withdrawn from relationships Refuses to communicate Engages in disruptive behaviour to gain attention Engages in illegal and dangerous activities Has difficulty following rules or obeying authority
INTRODUCTION Equally damaging are parents who give teens few or no boundaries and allow them to have his or own way by having temper tantrums or by playing one adult against another. They have no concept of the reality that there are consequences to every action. This teen is greedy, self centered and generally unpleasant to be around.
Permissive Parents Manipulates parents Develops insecurity because of lack of parental firmness Expects others to accept whatever he or she does Throws temper tantrums Associates softness with weakness Behaves harshly in search of some kind of balance
Neglectful Is rebellious Feels insecure and worthless Performs poorly in school Acts uncontrollably or behaves inappropriately Is irresponsible as an adult Disregards rules, laws, and boundaries Engages in disruptive behaviour Often becomes a neglectful parent
Objectives Explain the difference between punishment and discipline. Establish guidelines for discipline.
Many parents believe that physical punishment is the best way to handle children. They believe that children must be made to feel bad if they are going to ‘learn their lesson.’ Discipline, on the other hand, is the best tool for parents to use if they want to achieve positive, long-term parenting success.
Disciplined Children make a Disciplined Society Why is discipline important in a society ?
WHY IS DISCIPLINE IMPORTANT? For road safety Increased productivity Upholding the law Keeping order
Consequences Of Physical Punishment
Does physical punishment teach unhealthy lessons? Is physical violence an acceptable way to resolve conflicts and get revenge? Do our adolescents learn from the way we behave? Do you say to yourself, “I spank or hit, but I am not abusive?”
What are some of the ways that physical punishment affects adolescents negatively?
PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT AFFECTS TEEN NEGATIVELY! It can teach an adolescent that pain equals love It teaches them that violence is acceptable behavior It humiliates them, causing low self-esteemIt teaches them not to work unless someone is beating them. It can make them afraid of communicating with people
Ineffective discipline using physical punishment causes 4 R’s 1. Resentment “This is unfair.” 2. Revenge “I’ll get even later.” 3. Retreat “I’ll just stay by myself” or “I’ll hide and do it” 4. Rebellion “I’ll do it anyway, just to prove who is in control.”
The Four Effective R’s For Discipline to be effective, it must meet all of the following guidelines: 1. Revealed ahead of time, whenever possible and why. “You need to be home by 11pm or you will not go to the movies on Saturday.” Make sure your adolescent understands why he or she is being disciplined.
The 4 R’s 2. Related logically to the behavior. Discipline the behavior at hand, and not something that happened in the past. i.e. act as soon as possible, so that your adolescent will associate the misbehavior with the consequence.
The 4 R’s 3. Reasonable in extent and/or time The degree and length of discipline should fit the ‘crime.’ Tell your adolescent how long the consequences will last (eg. how long is the punishment).
The 4 R’s 4.Respectful to both parents and adolescents Be firm and fair; do not insult or humiliate children. This is sometimes difficult when you are angry, but it is worth the effort. You will be setting a good example for your adolescent to follow. Tell your adolescent that you love him or her unconditionally. Whenever you want a positive behavior to be repeated, use encouragement and praise.
BALANCED PARENT Parent who sets boundaries, has clearly defined rules which are consistently enforced and one who shows a lot of warmth and acceptance. It is a combination of being respectful and firm. Helps solve problems in a way that makes both parents and teen happy. It teaches responsibility and clearly conveys a parent’s limits and expectations for acceptable behaviour
BALANCED PARENT Before we discipline, parents should ask themselves, “What will this discipline teach my adolescent?” We should not discipline out of anger, or out of a desire to control our children. The word ‘discipline’ comes from the Greek word ‘disciple.’ Disciples follow a leader who guides them. The parent’s role in discipline, therefore, is that of teacher and leader – not controller.
What do we get for all our efforts? A teen who : Has a healthy sense of self respect and self worth Is secure and stable Obeys rules and authority Performs well in school Handles pressure well Communicates well with others Is fair and objective Raises his or her own children to be balanced parents
GET SUPPORT! TAKE TIME OUT! Sometimes we as parents need also to be “discipled”. “ Put on your oxygen mask before attending to your child” “ I can do all things through Him who gives me strength” “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”