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half written novel: take a peek

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  • 1. 1NANOWRIMOTanya Adjeju walked down the road, aslight skip in her steps, she was dressed in askirt suit and pinkish camisole with purplesandals and a large bag bearing herlaptop and everything else that she needed.She had on a weave that was neatly done,salons were getting better in Nigeria, shethought to herself with joy in her heart.She thought back to the last four yearsand she had to give God thanks. She hadfallen into the hands of the wrong personquite by mistake and she had literally gonethrough the wringer all because of aman‟s ego. The bible didn‟t lie when it saidthat the heart of man was desperatelywicked that who knows it? If you had toldher this exactly four years ago, she wouldnot have believed.She did have one thing to be thankful for.She had gone into the situation a naïve,carefree young girl and emerged abeautiful young woman. She would haveended up bitter if not for the grace andmercy of God but God knew beforehandand had prepared her for the event andinstead of evil, the situation had birthedsomething beautiful in her spirit. She had adepth that could not be measured and adefiniteness of how she wanted her life tolook. It had birthed a confidence in God
  • 2. that would not have come through if shewas still the spoilt 18 year old collegespoilt brat. God had a way of arrangingjourneys that brought out the specialthings that He had already put in ourspirit.Tanya climbed the stairs murmuring toherself, she was humming to heromnipotent God because she knew that itwas going to be a great day. In the lasttwo years, her elder sister had gttenmarried and now had a beautiful nephew,gazing into his face was a miracle, the gleeshe saw in his face, restored her soul, shecould stare at his face forever. It was nowthat she was convinced that she wasindeed a woman, with a woman‟s heart ormaybe her babies were calling to her. Shesmiled to herself and mumbled greetings atthe people she came across.The workplace had always been a mysteryto her because there was either oneconflict or the other always going on. Shedidn‟t believe she belonged in a workplace,this after 3 years at a workplace, if itwasn‟t the sabotage, it was the strife,quarrelling‟s and name callings; theywearied her soul. You never quite knew
  • 3. what anyone wanted. It was cut throatall the way, you just had to wait and see.She had promised her God that she wouldkeep and open heart and throw away thatthought that had been lodged in herconscience for two years that everyonewas a wolf out to get whatever theywanted at whatever cost. Her bestieassured her that such a reasoning wastoo melancholy and that people whosurvived in the office environment had tohave a little bit of detachment to theirprofessionalism. Well that was the problem,wasn‟t it? She possessed none of thosequalities. She could produce excellentwork at the right time, that wasprofessionalism abi (yeah, as long as shemaintained and emotional equilibrium of50). See, how could she maintain a levelequilibrium when her work thrived on herpassion being on a high of about 500. If shestayed at 50, her work would belacklustre. But if she gave her passion topigs, they would manipulate and controlher. What was the solution, she wonderedas her hand massaged her head, trying tocalm a non-existent headache. It might seemsuper human but she never had headaches,
  • 4. she had absolutely no explanation for thisexcept that when she surrendered her lifeto the Lordship of Jesus, those were part ofthe things she asked for. Nobody gets theirsalvation like that, right? Wrong. Jesus hadto practically beg her to allow Himlordship over her life because she did notwant to trust Him. Why because she trustedherself too much and yeah, she wasn‟tplanning on giving up her fashion sense. Soshe took the lord through a series ofquestions and when she was satisfied, shehad cried –she who never so much as sheda tear for anything, she was the iceprincess – she cried buckets and thensurrendered her life. It wasn‟t easy o, goodthing about it was that the Lord waskeeping his side of the bargain.The only thing left was in the choice of ahusband. She had so many options whowere ready to tie the knot and startsharing a house and expenses but marriagewas so much more than expenses now, theolder ones made you see only the work,the younger ones made you see the benefit –having sex. Last time she wasn‟t a guy sothat was kind of not top of her list,
  • 5. talking to someone and actually enjoyingher conversation was top of her priority.She had had enough of worship from herlast boyfriend, worship and placing her ona pedestal had precluded the chance ofhaving an honest conversation. To beworshipped but not have the joy of sharingminds and heart was not for her, no siree,now maybe she could concentrate onwork for once and not live inside herown head, even if it was a pretty head. ***What‟s up with the boyfriend? She waslistening to her baby sis giving hercoaching lessons on relationships. She musthave bagged an F in relationships in collegeand an A in “ITK” short for „I too know‟ innaija slangs. Her grandmother was alwaysfond of scolding her and reprimandingher on her mouth speaking in her dialectand telling her how men didn‟t like awoman who was too intelligent, just cookwell in the kitchen and satisfy them in bedand you will be fine. She sighed in her heartas she remembered her grandmother‟sword, her grandma had passed away not
  • 6. long ago, well into her nineties. Hergrandma had been a belle and hadmarried at the age of 15 to one man, leftshortly after when her husband tried toprevent her only daughter from going toschool. Her grandma was simply atreasure, her heart tightened at thethought that she did not give hergrandma the best she could have. Thissimply taught her that she should be livingher life in the present and not thinkingtoo much. She moved to the kitchen madeIndomie (a kind of pasta sold in Nigeria)and an orange drink and went upstairsto watch a movie on her laptop as sheconsidered briefly the poverty in thenation at the time. Her joy was that shewasn‟t going to experience the suffering.She intended to be the giver during thismodern day famine in Nigeria. Her pastoralways told her that people like her makeit in life; she always screamed when sheheard him but she never understood thosewords the way she understood it now. Shehad had a long day at work, had justspoken with her boyfriend on the phone.She was with him because he was safe andwanted a simple life. He had great steady
  • 7. stable plans, something that she appearedto have on the surface but deep inside her,she was as impulsive as they come. So herunstable temperament and his stable one,she would have an easy time of it, no games,he was as simple as they came. All thatremained was to check his endurancelevel and his commitment to God and shewould decide, -not to forget his temper. Ithad not escaped her the number of womenwho had been killed by their husbands in2012 and she kind of knew a friend or twowhose husbands practiced boxing on them.Was domestic abuse on the rise? Or werewomen just being more vocal about it? Herbestie assured her yesterday that theyweren‟t; it was the dead ones that weremaking the deadlines.She grimaced to herself, this world wasfunny o, some people were out therecreating new inventions and gracing thefront of TIME magazine and the like andall some people wanted was to beat somewoman. Well, it‟s the devil. Or so thepreacher on the street said. In her church,everyone was perfect, if the women gotbeaten, they never said anything about it aswhen a woman opens her mouth, she
  • 8. should expect a beating. She did not agreebut that was not the information that wasgoing to dwell in her mind today, she hadmore important things to think about.She changed out of her suits and told hersis Cara to help drop her plates in the sink;one of the few benefits of being older thanCara. She changed into her champagneteddy and lay down to retire for thenight, work wasn‟t quite as easy as shethought it would be, anytime the day wasover, she hit the sheets and didn‟t say hollauntil it was 4 am in the morning to agrateful, good morning Jesus. She prayedand thanked God she didn‟t have to gothrough traffic that tied wrapper as oneof her bb contacts was always saying,everyday at about 8pm at night. Cos shenever made it home on time.She remembered briefly the song that Bebe&Cece (gospel musicians) serenaded her withthat afternoon at work. That was asmuch as a serenade she was going to havewithout any payback. The youths of hergeneration had twisted minds, most ofthem, so every good deed always expecteda payback. It was a total rotten world but
  • 9. her bestie said, just be tough a little, nottoo much.O maybe she‟s get it right tomorrow, shesure didn‟t today. Her supervisor told hershe wasn‟t friendly enough, sometimes shewondered, if he meant she should pretendto be friendly. Really this world did notdeserve her heart of gold. She didn‟t wantto change it so much either because Godwas pleased with it this way. ***She was feeling a headache thingy and itwas no one‟s fault but hers, she had beenconfessing a headache for days thinkingshe was an American. Well she had it. It wasstrength and a weakness, whatever wasbefore her eyes or anything she heardbecame her present hour reality. She hadspent two weeks meditating on the wrongstuff and so the results she was getting shecould not complain about. How did it feelto be surrounded by enemies? She didn‟thave to wonder, it was something she livedwith every day. Many times she just wantedto leave of her own accord so thateveryone could continue living by sightand declaring what they did not believe.Until you believe a thing, life is meaningless.
  • 10. She believed in Jesus Christ and this was herchoice, she wasn‟t going to change it foranyone. It was really annoying, fighting abattle that wasn‟t necessary. Everythingwas a mess of a battle, sometimes shewondered if any worth it- minister wasgoing to visit her church again, she hadn‟theard any word of life in ages. She hadgrown up learning the ways of thekingdom, life lived in any other way wasfrustrating. But in this she saw the truth,that narrow is the way that leads toeternal life and few there be which find it.By the grace of God, she had found herway to Jesus and to live the way He calledto. She hadn‟t mastered walking in lovebut she was still on the journey. She didn‟tspend the precious time she could stay inthe word, judging others, at least shetried not to.Do you know that it is possible to get lostwhile working in a church? If you did notKNOW that the word of God is the finalarbiter, you would get so lost that itwould be difficult finding you again.Just the other day, a guy who had been apastor‟s assistant got in touch with her
  • 11. and told her his issues, she had noconcrete answers for him, other thanthat he hold on to God. The boy/manwason the brink of losing his faith inn God.Maybe because his faith wasn‟t in God somuch as it was in his pastor. That youngman was messing with enthusiasm. Itunderlined one fact to her, that only bythe anointing resting on you can yousolve the issues of man. It is God who solvesthe issues of man, in order that you don‟tdestroy anyone, you must be putting yourtrust in Jesus every day.She needed to talk to her sister right now.she did not want to carry anyone‟s load,she was not in the mood to carry anyone‟sissues, she wasn‟t that nice. Carrying theload of another, go read in the bible, thatis the sole responsibility of Jesus Christ, hesays come unto me all ye who are weary…only Jesus can handle weary people. He hasa PHD in handling weary people. people withmesses and baggage, He handles them good.Everyone else will get tired because humanstrength wasn‟t created for carryingbaggage. Holy Spirit, help me understandthat I can‟t carry another‟s load and I
  • 12. shouldn‟t try, instead, I should trust youwith the baggage of others and be satisfiedwith giving a word that would directtheir heart to you. ***Saturday, any time I start my day full of joy,there‟s always one person or the otherwho wants to intrude and bring to yournotice their opinion or their advicewanted/unwanted. Why can‟t they justunderstand that sometimes you just wantto be heard and other times you want tobe. Some people can pick at you so muchwith their thoughts and judgmentalattitudes when they don‟t have anythingbetter to offer. They just want to tell youhow to wear your own shoes. They shouldbe busy with their shoes but your own shoeskind of look better to wear. They can tellyou all kinds of ways to wear your shoes.Those kinds of people were the most tiring.Another kind of people were the ones whowere born again but only knew how tolive judgmental, they picked at every andany one, no one was good enough forthem, they had this imaginary standardthat everyone had reach or be condemned
  • 13. to hell, a hell of their own making nodoubt. She heard about the fight thathappened in the office when she wasn‟taround. One guy accused the other of hissalvation not being complete; he becameliterally a raving lunatic. He was spittingaccusations at the other guy.Why? Same old story. He was wonderingwhy God had given sonship to this formerbad boy and he hadn‟t graced him, aformer good boy, I don‟t even know howtrue that is; with sonship. That is simplybecause sonship is not for sale. Sonship is theprerogative of the father, he gives it towhom He chooses and you can‟t earn iteither. Kinda of like a call! This former badboy is anointed and I can bear him witness,because I knew him when he was a kid andall of the things he got up to and I knowthat he has been touched by God. Maybebecause I have sonship too so I know thathe does too. In bible circles, it is said thatthe people who know you are the ones whodon‟t believe in your calling because of thefamiliarity. Well, maybe cos I am called, it iseasy to believe in another‟s calling. I justdon‟t know what I have been called to do.
  • 14. I also didn‟t have any idea that I wouldhave so many adversaries, it is scary.It is easy to almost give in to fear but ifDavid could have God waging war on hisbehalf and preserving his throne, so can i. Ibelieve in the God of my salvation or like Isaid this morning, I believe in my Father whostood up to have mercy on me, when I hadbeen calling on Him for nine years. Whatstops me from having faith in Him after Ihave come so far?Well, yeah, you got it; I am having faith in myfather.I can be so temperamental, yeah I met withthe boyfriend possibility and he‟s laid outhis plan, he wants to get married, so do I, itis just that I do not want to get marriedto him, that would be murder/suicide,literally a disaster. The longer I take totell him I aint interested, the more stressfulit would be right, right! I knew I wasn‟tinterested the moment he met me, my bffsaid, give guys a chance and so I did. Thisguy said all the right things but somethinginside me was just dead, it didn‟t respond.Ever since I got born again, when I want todo something, my spirit responds, this time
  • 15. my spirit was just dead inside, no response.So I know that if I married this guy I wouldbecome spiritually dead. Right now, I feellike I am in a coma spiritually so whatdifference would it make? I am disobeyingmy soul. ***Another day, another naira, am I deceivingmyself? I am surrounded by enemies. I feellike David in the bible. Just a note to self, Iam so not interested in the David in myoffice and I refuse to steer clear of thetopic of the „David‟ in the bible just becauseof him. He is so unimaginative, he wouldstifle me. I would disappear, yeah, I knowthere‟s more to marriage but I don‟t fit thetextbook, I never have, plus I have myparent‟s marriage as a reminder that theend does not justify the mean. I got a newone today; I owe my kids a good dad. Yeah,that sounds right.So I am still interviewing prospects but Iwonder if mr right might not slip by while Iam busy interviewing prospects because myspirit tells me that I would know mr rightimmediately I see him. For my sisters sake andmy various bff‟s I have to keep interviewing
  • 16. them. I am also going to have to bedownright nasty to some brothers inchurch even though they are giving me anasty reputation, but if “I no do, I no do”.(Pidgin of „not interested‟).O Holy Spirit, I need some inspiration, I needyour help badly because I feel like myenvironment is draining me of inspiration. Ijust want you to kill him so that I wouldhave a rest, he keeps pulling me from insideand I have no doubt that this is not godly,why doesn‟t he expend his energy pullingon God and not man. Honestly I have noidea why men believe on what they seerather than on God? I believe in thealmighty God because of my pastor whohappens to be a man in every sense of theworld and confident too. Thisenvironment is driving me crazy and all Iwant to do is leave.I don‟t feel relationship any longer but Iam having faith that Jesus hears me everyday and that He loves me dearly, thatdoesn‟t change.I think all great people get gossiped aboutand so I am going to live with it. They aretrying to break me from inside. At least Iknow that my family are safe where they
  • 17. are, and the only way for me to win is tofix my eyes on Jesus in spite on what is goingon outside.I always thought people would be happy tohear a prophecy but these ones weren‟texpecting the prophecy, it was like a deathknell and they fought against it with allthey had. Honestly I didn‟t believe in theprophecy one way or another, I took thepart that concerned me and my family,ministry, who gives a hoot? I enjoypreaching the gospel but this dog-eat-dogcharacter where I cannot wait to teardown another soul, I am so not down withit. I am laughing but neither my eyes nor myteeth are laughing, I can‟t wait to tear youdown so I can become what I want to wait.Wait a minute; I will become what God hascalled me to be no matter your schemes. It‟scalled destiny. *** ***She was feverish all through Monday andTuesday, it was frustrating and annoyingonly to get to work on Wednesday and
  • 18. they (the management) were frustratingher with office protocol. She was pissedangry at the protocol. Why couldn‟t theyjust trust that she was telling the truth? Afaith based organization for that matter.She had just endured a stressful weekendso she didn‟t mind slowing down duringthe week.Back in the office and to her suspiciousmind, everyone is acting up. Sometimes shedidn‟t think she belonged in this world. Shedid things because it was the right thing todo or it was what she wanted to do. Mostpeople did things because they werethinking of what it could get them in thenearest future.Was she praying recently? No. was shegetting the right zings now that shewasn‟t praying? Yes. Was it impressing her?No. she had waited so long that any nicething she got now wasn‟t a big deal. Shedidn‟t need convincing to know that Godis good. She had already gotten thatthrough the years that she had lived as aChristian.Did she have a challenge as a Christian? OYes. So many! But her main challenge wasstill the one she had always had. How do
  • 19. you know what anyone is really thinking?How do you know that peeps are not withyou for the things that they think they aregoing to gain? How do you know your bffis not your friend because of how it willbenefit her? How do you know that she‟snot betraying you? How do you know thatshe does not gossip about you? Well youmust have guessed it. I had a bff who provednot to be true after all. It is not a greatloss because I had already been expectingher nonsense. From my tone, you shouldknow that I cared about her, she was mybest friend at one time, after a whilethough, there was no honesty between us,the transparency was missing and thefriendship wasn‟t worth it anymore.I used to miss her but she is no longer theperson she used to be, the smile has goneout of her, the light in her eyes has goneout, she is no longer happy. She told me shewas getting hooked soon, and I am happyfor her and worried at the same timebecause she is settling for someone shedoesn‟t feel anything for. I mean, youshould feel friendship, platonic friendshipever before the sex-thing, you should feel
  • 20. comfortable but she feels nothing, she justknows that she‟s getting married. She‟spretty and all that, so any guy should behappy to be getting married to her. I thinkshe‟s selling herself short but she‟s sodistant now, I don‟t think my advicewould mean anything. I think I will prayfor her sha!See. I still love her. She‟s just not my friendany longer. I have never been married but Iknow that at least after 3 months, youwake up to real life. I might just text herabout it, she would have more things togossip to her brother about me. It‟s not myfault really, she trusted that the wolveswere her friends over me and when theywere done feasting on her carcass, theydidn‟t wait to crack the bones.I discovered how to cope with theirbullshit, you walk in love like crazy oryou would lose out and become like thewolves and then you would be no good toGod or to yourself. There would be nopoint to the Christianity because youwould be wondering what kind of life youwere living anyway because it would bearno resemblance to Christianity.
  • 21. Another day at work, what did sheaccomplish? The regular! She hadn‟taccomplished anything spectacular today.It was as usual. This wasn‟t the idea God hadfor her, God had a plan where every daywould be special.