About Alex Wills I have worked for years trying to better understand people and their lives. I have volunteered in both Americorps and Peace Corps and have worked in a number of non-profit organizations and school systems. I have a bachelor’s degree in journalism and a masters degree in sociology. For the past several years I have worked as an ethnographer, which means I have traveled the U.S. and the world to spend time with people and learn about their lives so that companies can learn more about the people who buy their products. I have been lucky enough to make a living learning about the world around me. Thank you for having me.
Our Commitment during this process Confidentiality Pledge “I, _____, so solemnly swear that I will keep confidential what we talk about in this workshop.” General “we” Support is available
Some stats and information 71% American teenagers own mobile phone (Pew Internet & American Life Project) 58% teens have a social network site profile (Lenhart et al., 2008) 10-40% of youth report experiencing cyber bullying, and 10% admit to bullying at one time or another (Cyberbullying Research Center) 81% of parents and 79% teens agree children not as careful as they should be posting things on line; AND, 62% of parents with teens and 62% of online teens agree children do things online they wouldn’t want their parents to know about (Pew Internet and American Life Project)
Understanding the text generation Activity We are going to ask our daughters to help us understand why their age group loves texting so much. Top 3 reasons we love to text. Top 3 things we wish our parents would understand about whywe love to text.
Creating a positive digital footprint: Periodically “review” yourself Have you “Googled”/“Binged” yourself lately? What do you see? What’s the “message”? Don’t think about just the literal words, but think about the overall meaning they convey Analogy: Think about going to a store and seeing a display of merchandise – what words, images and arrangements do you see?
Creating a positive digital footprint: Periodically “review” yourself Pretend you are someone else looking at your comments, posts, photos, etc. What do they say about you? Examples: Mean, two-faced, innocent, bashful, sporty, musical, excited, loves to travel, etc? Your message can be positive and negative at the same time Don’t rely on keyboard courage
Creating a positive digital footprint: A lot of experts recommend computer use occur in shared spaces at home A lot of experts recommend parents, with their kids, periodically review themselves online/on their phones
Creating a positive digital footprint: Think before you click Cognitive control: “But it isn’t just about managing information; it’s also part of the process of squelching frustration and anger, and stifling an inappropriate or impulsive response.” (Nurture Shock, page 171) Don’t be an impulse junky!
Creating a positive digital footprint: Think before you click Anyone can copy and paste Anyone can forward Anyone can ‘quote’ you, correctly or incorrectly
Creating a positive digital footprint: Do you suffer from FOMO? Activity: One-minute brainstorm What can you do before you click/press send?
Privacy Good use of privacy settings worth their weight in gold What social networks and digital programs are you using? Activity Let’s check out privacy settings using a popular social networking site – Facebook! Visit this video for more information (http://www.wiredsafety.org/fbprivacy/)
Communication Validate feelings I statements – avoid the b-word Critical feedback Brainstorm solutions Negotiate, compromise, agree
Bottoms up! make informed conclusions look for patterns walk a mile in someone else’s flip flops eyes and ears open It’s not about proving what we think we know
Understanding the whole story Did you know a group of Roman Mathematicians developed an equation to describe how gossip travels on the internet? In a test it only took 17 hours to spread a rumor across the globe using digital communication.
Understanding the whole story Activity – Can you guess what’s going on? 2 volunteers have a conversation about a friend Another volunteer overhears the conversation She shares that information with a volunteer outside the room The volunteer outside the room then comes back in and tells us what the conversation was about.
Digital drama “Willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computer, cell phones, and other electronic devices.” (Cyberbullying Research Center) Activity What is harm?
What is Harm? Your best friend told Bryan you LOVED him after you told her it was a secret You didn’t get invited to the birthday party of the most popular girl in school Your friend forgot to wish you a happy birthday You see a boy get thrown into a locker at school and don’t do anything
What is Harm? Your friend forgot to tag you in a photo of the party You didn’t ask your friend how you should respond to a text from her boyfriend During an IM your friend says “You are so stupid” You have a chat scheduled with a friend but then have to do your chores and then she gets mad
The Unhealthy Friend Tries to control what you do, say or wear Threatens not to be your friend when you don’t do what she wants Always makes decisions for you when you’re together Gives you the silent treatment Makes you feel bad about yourself Doesn’t listen to yourideas Gets jealous when you spend time with others Embarrasses you in public Fights a lot without trying to solve problems Tells your secrets to others Source: Understanding Girl Bullying and What to Do About It
Bullying: What do we do? http://socialtimes.com/bullied-teen-quietly-takes-a-stand-on-youtube_b43727 Activity: Think, Pair, Share How would you support her if you knew her? How would you support her if she was your daughter?
What can we do about it? To intervene or not to intervene, that is the question? No one size fits all
What can we do about it? Activity Popcorn: handling drama – pair up Each group reads a scenario of a digital drama and comes up with a strategy to deal with it Parents listen, then offer their solutions after each group presents What are the policies around bullying at your school?
Just some things to think about We model behavior every single day Life is full of teachable moments Everyday we teach life skills One day they will leave nest It’s messy, hard and full of gray areas We are in this together
Some books Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman (Hachette Book Group, 2009) How to Talk so Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (HarperCollins, 2005) Girl Bullying and What to Do About It by Julaine E. Field, Jered B. Kolbert, Laura M. Crothers and Tammy L. Hughes (Corwin, 2009)