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Fixing the flaws ap upload
 

Fixing the flaws ap upload

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Fixing writing flaws in AP essays

Fixing writing flaws in AP essays

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    Fixing the flaws ap upload Fixing the flaws ap upload Presentation Transcript

    • “The Secret Sharer”
    • Extending the Analysis(Discussion of the doppelgänger idea with the captainand Leggatt) [extension of this analysis continues] This idea of pairs actually comes to light inthe first paragraph of the story, with the _____.  Relationship between the two  Significance to the story / connection to C/L. Additionally, the reader sees…  Relationship between the two  Significance to the story / connection to C/L. The ____ also creates the image of a pair,connected through…  Relationship between the two  Significance to the story / connection to C/L.
    • AP English
    • DO NOT USECONTRACTIONS!
    • Write with verbs of doing, not verbs of being.
    • Eliminating the Verb “To Be” One problem beginning writers share comes from using forms of the verb to be (is, are, was, were, be, being, been). Often, they add clutter to your writing. For example:  Max Ernst was sixty-three and knew madness and death were before him.  The sun was setting. The few clouds that were on the horizon were orange.  Hemingways "The Killers" is a story that is dominated by the feeling of impending violence.
    • Eliminating the Verb “To Be” When editing, mark the forms of to be and revise the sentence. Use a stronger verb. Here are the sample sentences revised:  At sixty-three, Max Ernst saw only madness and death lying before him.  The setting sun turned the few clouds hanging over the horizon orange.  The feeling of impending violence dominated Hemingways "The Killers." Now these sentences are direct and clear; moreover, they read quickly.
    • Eliminating the Verb “To Be” Look at another example while watching for was and were.  The motorcycles were sweeping into the park like 1000-pound bees. The lead rider was a huge man and was hunched over the handlebars. His face was behind a mirrored visor that was reflecting a miniature and distorted image of the road that was stretching before him.
    • Eliminating the Verb “To Be” This is a good piece of description, but it could be sharper. Concentrating on eliminating was and were structures, the writer revised it.  The motorcycles swept into the park like 1000-pound bees. The lead rider, a huge man, hunched over the handlebars. A mirrored visor that reflected a miniature and distorted image of the road stretching before him hid his face.
    • Eliminating Passive Voice Passive voice consists of a form of the verb “to be” and a past participle of a verb:  Kurtz is represented to be a complex character.  The captain is shown to be a weak person before Leggatt arrives.  Marlow’s character is demonstrated by Conrad through a few key scenes in the novel.
    • Eliminating Passive Voice Determine who is doing the action and make him or her the one in charge:  Conrad represents Kurtz as a complex character.  Conrad shows the captain as a weak person before Leggatt arrives.  Conrad demonstrates the complexities of Marlow’s character through a few key scenes in the novel.
    • ExamplesOne summer, along about 1904, a camp wasrented by my father on a lake in Maine, and wewere taken there for the month of August.Ringworm was gotten from some kittens, andPonds Extract had to be rubbed on our armsand legs night and morning, and a canoe wasrolled over in by my father with all his clotheson; outside of that the vacation was thought tobe a success, and from then on it was thoughtthat there was no place like that lake in Maine. Itwas returned to summer after summer--alwayson the first of August for one month.
    • ExamplesOne summer, along about 1904, a camp wasrented by my father on a lake in Maine, and wewere taken there for the month of August.Ringworm was gotten from some kittens, andPonds Extract had to be rubbed on our armsand legs night and morning, and a canoe wasrolled over in by my father with all his clotheson; outside of that the vacation was thought tobe a success, and from then on it was thoughtthat there was no place like that lake in Maine. Itwas returned to summer after summer--alwayson the first of August for one month.
    • ExamplesOne summer, along about 1904, my fatherrented a camp on a lake in Maine, and he took usthere for the month of August. Some kittens gaveus Ringworms, and we had to rub PondsExtract on our arms and legs night andmorning, and my father rolled over in a canoewith all his clothes on; outside of that wethought the vacation was a success, and fromthen on we thought that no place like that lake inMaine existed. We returned there summer aftersummer--always on the first of August for onemonth.
    • ExamplesOne summer, along about 1904, my fatherrented a camp on a lake in Maine, and he took usthere for the month of August. Some kittens gaveus Ringworms, and we had to rub PondsExtract on our arms and legs night andmorning, and my father rolled over in a canoewith all his clothes on; outside of that wethought the vacation was a success, and fromthen on we thought that no place like that lake inMaine existed. We returned there summer aftersummer--always on the first of August for onemonth.
    • Comma Usage When a prepositional phrase starts a sentence, or when a dependent clause begins a sentence, use a comma:  In “The Secret Sharer,”  After Kurtz died,  On the Sephora, If you’re not sure what a prepositional phrase is, look it up.
    • Avoiding Demonstrative Phrases Don’t start sentences with  There is…  There are…  There was…  There were… These add nothing to your analysis—they simply point something out. Reword the sentence to use a more active verb.  Bad: There were many examples of pairs in the short story.  Better: Conrad develops the doppelgänger relationship in the short story to…
    • Ambiguous Language “Magical Realism plays a very important role in the novel” is not a strong, analytical approach to take to any response. State what the role is, thereby creating a thesis:  Magical Realism brings the characters in The House of the Spirits to an ethereal level, juxtaposing them against a real background in Chilean society.
    • Very and Really Very and really are ambiguous enhancers—they don’t do anything of value. Don’t use them.  Esteban Trueba is very (really) prominent figure in the novel.  Try: Esteban Trueba’s prominence stands out among the other characters more so because…  Or, Kurtz’s prominence as a foil for Marlow forces the reader to consider…
    • Pronoun Agreement If you have a singular antecedent, use a singular pronoun:  Wrong: When a person gets up on time, they have a better chance to do well in school.  Right: When a person gets up on time, he has a better chance to do well in school.  Wrong: When a person gets up on time, their chances to do well in school improve.  Right: When a person gets up on time, his chances to do well in school improve.
    • Sentence Variety Avoid starting sentences with the same word. Avoid words like “He…” repeatedly. Avoid “There is…” (get the point?) Combine or reword sentences to eliminate the repetition:  Bad: He is a man of action. He is a character who brings trouble wherever he goes. He doesn’t think things through carefully before he acts.  Reworded: A man of action, Esteban brings trouble wherever he goes, not always thinking things through before he acts.
    • Examples Marlow’s dual self is manifested in the character of Kurtz. Marlow’s dual self manifests itself in the character of Kurtz. The sea is portrayed as a welcoming, secure entity… Conrad portrays the sea as a welcoming, secure entity… The captain was able to also recognize the qualities he needed… The captain recognizes the qualities he needed…
    • Examples There are major similarities between Marlow and the captain and Kurtz and Leggatt. Not only do Marlow from Heart of Darkness and the captain from “The Secret Sharer” share certain traits, but Kurtz and Leggatt from those respective works also mirror one another; Conrad explores relationships between characters, usually with intriguing outcomes.
    • Examples In Heart of Darkness, while on the boat and drifting along, the sea was very rough and difficult to go through with many of the concerns of first the ship breaking down even before the way into Africa… In Heart of Darkness, the boat, while drifting on a difficult, rough sea, could have broken down on its way to Africa…
    • Examples Character duality is used to show how the characters interaction with one another affects them whether physically or mentally. Conrad’s duality of character— with Marlow and Kurtz, for example— demonstrates the interactions each has with the other, physically or mentally.
    • Your task When writing your journals, work to eliminate problematic constructions. If you’re not sure how to fix a problem, ask.