The Role of Parents in the Value Formation and Development of the ChildA Term Paper RequirementForEnglish 10ByTristan Ray C. MateoProfessor Juliet Mallari, Ph.D.April 5, 2013
SENTENCE OUTLINEThesis Statement:Parent’s role consists of interrelated duties and obligations which includes civilizing,educating, and nurturing the child in order to develop the child’s value, character and personalitywhich may prevent juvenile delinquency.I. Value formation in children is, very relevant for it guides the children’s behaviorand enables them to live meaningfully.A. The stages of value formation in children are identical with those of moraldevelopment.1. During the preconditional stage, children comply with the values of theirparents, teachers and priests who assert power.2. During the conventional stage, adolescents identify themselves with theirpeers, teachers, and their values because of interpersonal concordance.3. During the post-conventional stage, people internalize the values by whichthey live.B. Parents lay the strong foundation of moral and personality development of thechildren when they provide emotional security which is the very source ofchild’s trust.1. The child’s early experiences influence the molding of personality; thus,proper parenting cannot be underestimated.2. The parent’s ready-made and built-in fears are used as weapons tomanipulate the children to do what they want; as a result, their childrenlacks self-reliance,
3. Because some Filipino parents destroy the intellectual and creativecapacity of their children by making them feel other people’s opinions,children are afraid of making mistakes.II. Parents need a clear view of their roles which is to educate and civilize theirchildren; which is a life-long process which goes forward step-by-step.A. The mother’s role serves as an early foundation in the development of thechild.1. The baby forms his first conscious human relationship at a time becausehis mother is the instrument for both allying all his pains and purveyinghis pleasures.2. The first in a series of the long process of character formation is themodification of instinctual drives.3. The child builds a norm of behavior which guides him as he grows olderand the child judges right or wrong in relation to the pleasure or pain ofthe act rather than in terms of how it affects others.B. The father, as a representative of the world outside the home, acts as theinterpreter, guardian, and enforcer of the social mores in the home.1. The father brings realistic toughness in his approach to children which themother has seldom has.2. The father is the strong masculine figure to which the boys inevitablyidentify themselves with.3. When mother’s reasonable approach fails, the father takes place as anoccasional substitute for disciplining the children.
Value is intimately related to the search for meaning in human life. Life is meaningfulwhen a man has found something capable of arousing his commitment to it, something deservingof his best efforts, worth living for, and if need be, worth dying for.Values are the goals of man’s striving. They render meaning to one’s existence andcomplete to a man’s fulfillment to a man’s personality as an individual and as a member of thecommunity. The very word ―value‖ comes from the Latin root valere which means to be ―strongand vigorous.‖ It refers to a quality which proceeds from a high degree of physical energy. To bevalere is to have vigor, power to a specific thing which gives rise to an urgent demand to have it.Values are things, persons, ideas, or goals which are important to life—anything whichenables life to be understood, evaluated, and directed. Values are ideals and principles by whichman lives. According to Edgar Shelfield Brightman’s Personalistic Value Theory, value means―whatever is actually liked, prized, esteemed, desired, approved, or enjoyed by anyone atanytime. It is the actual experience of enjoying a desired object or activity. Hence, value is anexisting realization of desire.‖1Simply put, values are our ideas of right and wrong, good and bad, to which we arecommitted and which influence our everyday behavior and decisions. Many of these areinternalized through time, and they surface everytime we have a decision to make. Values are1Edgar Sheffield Brightman, Person and Reality—An Introduction to Metaphysics, ed.Peter Bertocci (U.S.A.: The Ronald Press Co., 1958), p. 12.
things that are chosen from a number of options and alternatives, and treasured because they aregood, virtuous and worthy.Carl Rogers, an eminent psychologist, says that every person has within him a ―naturalwisdom‖ from the moment of his conception to the day of his birth and thereafter.2However, hisfamily, neighbors, teachers, schoolmates, the government, and the church, soon ―robe‖ him withtheir kind of wisdom. He thus begins to look to himself and his needs through the eyes of theothers. But this is not to say that he is completely directed for basicallyhe is still inner-directed inthat he thinks and develops his own set of values.As the influence of outside factors is strong, there is an equally strong need to strengthenthe individual, so that he can withstand the imposition of values by others. For sometime,Western values which have been imposed up the Filipinos by colonizing powers held swayresulting in the Filipinos’ lack of self-identity.3But since all communities of people—no matter how primitive—have a ―naturalwisdom‖ imbedded in their indigenous culture, Filipinos must have their own. Culture after all,is but the result of a process by which a group of people develops ideas and values on how tobest cope with a given socio-physical environment in order to survive. There are definitely manysound ideas and values that are truly Filipino. These are what parents and teachers shouldcultivate and inculcate in the minds of the children, if Filipinos must transcend Western values.They should be able to make children interiorize these ideas and values so that they begin toinstitutionalize their interrelated values.4Filipino values formation in children is, therefore, very relevant for it guides thechildren’s behavior, and enables them to live meaningfully in their own country as they copewith behavior dictated by values of pakikisama, hiya, utangnaloob, amorpropio, and the like.2Gerald L. Hershey and James O. Lugo, Living Psychology (London: The MacmillanCompany, 1970), pp. 24-253Tomas Quintin Andres, Positive Filipino Values (Manila: Divine World Publications), p.164Ibid.
Stages of Filipino Value-FormationThe stages of values-formation are identical with those of moral development. This is so,because man’s sense of morality is colored by his cultural sense of what is right, moral orvirtuous. Basically man’s conscience and morality are dependent on the accepted standards andvalues of society.Stage 1- Childhood: the preconditional stage. During this stage, children comply with thevalues of their parents, teachers, and priests who assert power –―makuha ka sa tingin.”Stage II-Youth: the conventional stage. During this stage, the adolescents identify themselveswith their peers, idols, teachers and values because of interpersonal concordance.Stage III- Adulthood: the post-conventional or principled stage. During this stage peopleinternalize the values by which they live. This is the 747 stage whereon they fly by themselveswithout fear.5Parents lay the strong foundations for moral and personality development of the childwhen they provide the emotional security which is the very source of the child’s trust. Such trustdepends on a child’s knowing that he belongs; that his parents will always love and protect himeven when he gets spanked or punished for some wrong that he does for a particular moment.When his mother scolds or gets angry with him, he may sulk and pout or may even considerrunning away for a time. When his father angrily shoos him off from play to study he may think:―That was real nasty of my father‖ yet, if he has experienced a deep conviction that he is lovedby mother and father, his resentments and frustrations will pass quickly. Contrast this in homeswhere there is no genuine love, and where affection is held by a thin thread of awareness aboutbeing provided of physical needs. One harsh word is sufficient to engender rebellion and5Ibid.
aggressive acting out of insecure feelings which in due time becomes an irreparable facet of thechild’s personality.6Such child’s early experiences influence the molding of his personality. Thus, properparenting cannot be underestimated. But in many instances, parents take the normal and healthygrowth of their children for granted and do not realize that some of the things they do may haveadverse effects on their children.Some Filipino parents destroy the intellectual and creative capacity of their children bymaking them fear other people’s opinions. Thus, their children are afraid of making mistakes,being unable to please, and being wrong. They become afraid of taking a gamble, experimenting,and trying the difficult and the unknown. The parents’ ready-made and built-in fears are used asweapons to manipulate their children to do what they want.7Because of this, there is an apparent inability among Filipinos to develop self-reliance.The lack of heroes for the Filipino child to worship, and, at the same time, the exposure toforeign heroes like Superman, Batman, Captain Marvel, and Captain America, undermine theFilipino child’s faith in himself. His desire to be what his hero is like and his awareness of thefact that he cannot be like his foreign hero make him a defeatist, especially so if he daydreams alot instead of taking steps to attaining his goal. Oftentimes, we see an evidence of maladjustmentresulting from such a situation.Filipino parents have the tendency to teach values by using authority; limiting choices;setting unquestionable dogmas, rules, and regulations; and appealing to conscience and toemotions.8Such a child refuses to abide by rules. He interprets restrictions as an attack. Theseregulations frustrate him, inevitably making him feel angry and resentful. At first he tries to fightthese restrictions. He is warned not to do so. As a result, the child develops a tendency to be6Estefania Aldaba Lim, The Role of Parents in the Character Formation of the Child, inThe Filipino Family: Selected Readings (Quezon City: Alemar-Phoenix Publishing House,1996), p. 387Andres, op. cit., p.188Ibid.
hedonistic, selfish, and self-centered. There is a possibility for him to be demanding and hewants people to cater his whims. He may even steal. He is inclined to be envious and becomeirritated if others seem to receive more than he does. If he persists, he may get spanked, put in acorner or his mother may say that if he continues to be a bad boy she won’t love him anymore,maybe she will even go away and leave him.9As a result, there is a tendency for their child tobecome rebellious and aggressive; and worse, to become juvenile delinquent.They should realize, however, that values cannot just be imposed upon children. Valuesare learned by ―value-ing.‖ Parents should dedicate time to enlighten their children on thepositive and negative polarities of Filipino values. They should stimulate their children’s mindsto creatively look for the positive Filipino realities and strengthen their will to choose these.10True values are dictated upon the child or person. It is only after child has seen andunderstood the implications of his choice can true value-formation take place.By establishing realistic and attainable values for their children, by encouraging them, byclarifying the fact that working efficiently and effectively is worthwhile, parents can contributeto their children’s sound transition from play to planning. By giving their children theopportunity to make choices, the parents help them put their values into a system. It is veryimportant that a child is able to do that, because the value-system is the ego identity. It is thepsychological development of the individual’s ―thinking‖ of himself. Sometimes, the child holdsvalues that are not always clear to him, and he may challenge these values. He wants tounderstand who he is; he is concerned about being accepted by others, especially by his peers,etc. By going through various modes of experience, the child develops a self-image anddiscovers himself.11Understanding of self is a vital as aspect of life since the more one knows about himself,the more likely he will able to make right choices and decisions. Through self-understanding,9Felicisima Serafica, The Aggressive Child, in The Filipino Family: Selected Readings(Quezon City: Alemar-Phoenix Publishing House, 1996), p. 1110Andres, op. cit., p.1811Ibid.
power and insights that come from within oneself are released to mobilize his talents. He candevelop his potentialities andhis perception of his own feelings, attitudes, and ideas. As long asperson understands and accept himself, much of his energies will be used to defend rather thanexplore and actualize himself.12It is therefore very important that parents give their children tomake choices, experience new things, and systematize what they hold to be good and true.13Parents need a clear view of our roles. They must be able to assist the character formationand development of the child. Their job is to educate and to civilize, a life-long process whichgoes forward step by step. It takes great understanding and sympathy to see children as creatureswho grow and change, who will need much tender loving care, who will need to be disciplinedor repressed at times and a great deal of judicious leaving alone. Parents must also be on thewatch for the child’s emerging ego; ever resourceful in guiding him to do what is ―right‖ andacceptable and to avoid ―evil or wrong.‖ This means laying down the law within a strongfoundation of love. Children need parents with whom they identify themselves; they needparental attitudes they can appreciate and take pride in possessing. It is interesting to note howlittle boys early assume the posturing, speech, manners and attitudes of the father while the littlegirl behaves and speaks just like mother. If you want to see yourself as you are, watch your littledaughter’s manners and speech while playing house with her friends.14Most importantly, therole of the parents in helping their children develop into adulthood cannot be relegated to yayas.There is an undesirable trend in Filipino homes today: the upswing of parental hostility towardchildren. The reason is that, unlike in agricultural societies, children are not considered economicassets in industrial communities. Working mothers dislike taking care of their own and so theyleave them to their helpers. And what’s more, they show to the children how much they disliketaking care of them. Therefore, there is a great tendency among their children to feel rejected.This results in the children’s unhealthy development.1512Tomas Quintin Andres, Making Filipino Values Work For You (Manila: St. PaulPublications, 1996), p.813Andres, op. cit., p.1814Lim, loc. cit.,15Andres, loc. cit.,
The mother’s role serves as an early foundation in the development of the child. Theearliest years of a child are of great importance. The baby forms his first conscious humanrelationship at atime when his mother, by feeding him eight times daily, is the instrument forboth allying all his pains and purveying his pleasures. These experiences will occupy practicallyall his walking life and under loving mothers there will be little frustration. Therefore we maydeduce the mental hygiene principle: that for development of a normal attitude to theenvironment: the baby must have his primitive instinctual needs satisfied without fail andwithout undue delay. There is no need to worry about ―spoiling‖ the newborn child in the earlyweeks. The newborn child needs close, warm, contact with his mother. The feel and smell of herbody during sucking provides the baby with opportunity to perceive the mother as a person andleads him to an elementary concept of what love, security, and belonging means. The quality ofrelationship between baby and mother during the first months will largely determine the ―good‖,well-behaved child or the rejected unwanted ―cry‖ baby. Related to this is the basic principlewhich has been developed in modern psychiatry and psychology and that is: ―psychologicalevents, emotional attitudes (such as rejection) emotional conflicts (in the husband-wife relations)are as traumatic and destructive as physical agents cause are not less severe than those caused byphysical agents; both can lead to death with equal frequency.‖16The prompt satisfaction of needs that is characteristic of the life of the sucking infantcannot last long and soon he is subjected to a series of experiences designed to test his adjustivecapacities; for example, experiencing frustrations such as waiting for his bottle. This is the firstin a series of these learning experiences in a long process of character formation, of which thecommon factor is the modification of instinctual drives. An infant around three or four monthsbegin to learn to wait a few minutes for his next feeding or settle down by himself if allowed tocry for a short time when put to bed in his crib. The infant wakes up early in the morning and―yells‖. He may learn to go to sleep again if his calls remain unanswered. By six or seven monthshe can wait still a little longer for his small needs. On these foundations the child builds a norm16R.E. Spitz, Children Study Stress, Family Mental Health and the State ( U.S.A.: WorldFederation on Mental Health, n.d.), p. 90
of behavior which is to guide him as he grows older. He judges right or wrong in relation to thepleasure or pain of the act rather than in terms of how it affects others.17In her intimate contacts with her child the mother is accustomed to frustrate many of hisimpulses for which reasons, though doubtless good are unlikely to be evident to the child.However, if the child has experienced that to comply with mother’s wishes invariably results ingrowth, in skill, a sense of growing up, and enhancement of the quality of his love for themother, he will allow her to frustrate him. Then the all important process of repression ofinstinctual drives and sublimation will follow gradually. Filipino mothers put great value n strictobedience and little matters of ―proper‖ behavior in the home.18In fact she is possibly rather than demanding in impressing upon her children strictobedience to her wishes but at the same time providing him with all the parental gentility andaffection through the meeting of all his needs which are immensely important for his mental andemotional growth. This characteristic of Filipino mother-child relationship with actualsuppression and diversion of instinctual drives according to a set of values traditionally held inFilipino homes may make for minimization of neurotic conflicts and breakdown in later lifesince decision making and conflict-solving become parental prerogatives that shield the childfrom mistakes and all forms of anxieties. However, the situation is not conducive to thedevelopment of character formation attuned to the demands of today’s living as it provides forfar less opportunity of developing in the child a sense of personal responsibility andindividualism. With no opportunity to learn to exercise responsible choices, the child will remainentirely dependent on authority. This is all clearly evidentin our young students in school—gentle, warm, and unquestioningly obedient to every word of the teacher but lacking in initiative,creativity, and individualism.19The child must be encouraged to develop his curiosity so he may explore the worldaround him and find out about how’s and why’s of life. As his curiosity grows, his mind expands17Lim, op.cit., pp. 40-4118Ibid.19Estefania Aldaba Lim, Toward Understanding the Juvenile Delinquent (Philippines:San Miguel Corporation, 1969), p.84
and he becomes increasingly capable of independent thought.20Full development of moralresponsibility cannot be attained without opportunity to learn how to exercise responsiblechoices and to formulate independent judgment from the early development years. More andmore the growing child should take on responsibility for governing his own moral behavior andthis he is being helped by more general social influences from his church group, the school, andcommunity.21The father’s role, on the other hand, is also important. In many Filipino homes today thefathers have completely given up their task of bringing up children and have restricted their roleto earning the daily bread and leaving mother to see to the moral and character education of thechildren. Both boys and girls need two parents as active forces in their lives from the beginning.Fathers are more than occasional substitute for mothers; more than a playmate. By his verymasculinity a father supplies an entirely different ingredient in the child’s emotional diet. As therepresentative of the world outside the home, he is especially aware of the standards and values itimposes and therefore acts as the interpreter, guardian and enforcer of the social more in thehome. He brings the realistic toughness in his approach to children which the mother seldom has.If the relationship with the mother is one of the great understanding and tenderness all thechildren will readily honor his standards and look at him for leadership. When the mother is theheart of the family the common saying goes that the father is the head. He is strong masculinefigure to which the boys inevitably identify themselves with.22When mother’s reasonable approach fails, when the children are behaving rudely orunusually quarrelsome, then it is just possible that a word from the father may take a world ofdifference.Moral character and education is a long, slow process. With infinite patience, obedienceto idea, to principles, and standards, judicious common sense approach, a depth of20Ermelinda G. Quiambao: Bringing Up Children For Democracy, in The FilipinoFamily: Selected Readings (Quezon City: Alemar-Phoenix Publishing House, 1996), p. 3321Lim, loc. cit.,22Lim, op. cit., p.42
understanding, and above all, love which encompasses all frustrations and pressures, the growthtoward maturity is inevitable.23While the parent’s role, both the mother and the father’s role, is significant for thecharacter, personality, and value formation of the child, it is equally important to show theimportance of the family in preventing juvenile delinquency of the child. During the fastchanging period when nations are racing to reach the moon, and when the strains, stresses, andways of modern living are shaking the very foundation of the family unit, it is a very good signthat people, not only in our country, but the world over are now focusing some of their attentionto the children are now getting into difficulties, why our young people seem to be breaking morelaws, getting into trouble, and causing more damage to themselves and other people than used tobe true. We seem to feel that something basic is wrong; that parents are not doing as good a jobas they used to, that boys and girls are no longer made of as good stuff now as the oldergenerations were. We want to blame something; we want to blame somebody; and in our desireto pinpoint responsibility for this problem, we point ninety-nine out of 100 times an accusingfinger to the parents, who, unfortunately, are themselves confused of their children.24There is no sense blaming or sniping at the parents all time for the troubles caused bytheir children. The constructive attitude should be ―Let us find out what is wrong and dosomething useful to help these confused parents and their delinquent children.‖But in a way, there is justification when parents are blamed, because it is in home wherethe personality of the children is shaped. Hence, the home really plays an important role in theprevention of juvenile delinquency/ rebelliousness of the child.A child’s family particularly during his first few years, is the most important influence inhis life. It is in the home where his attitudes toward other people and authority are formed, andhis ethical values and standards of conducts are molded. Any solution, therefore, to the problem23Quiambao, loc. cit.,24Gertrudes Cabangon, The Role of the Family in Preventing Juvenile Delinquency, inThe Filipino Family: Selected Readings (Quezon City: Alemar Phoenix Publishing House,1996), p. 83
of delinquency must concern itself, first of all, in obtaining for the child a stable and securefamily life in which his fundamental, physical, social, and emotional needs can be met.25It is important to remember that getting into trouble, becoming delinquent, becomingrebellious—happens in all social and economic groups and, of course, children, make mistakesand may get into trouble accidentally. Such children are not really delinquent and are easilyhelped. The delinquents who challenge our thinking most are those children who refuse orunable to conform society’s demands. This raises the question: How do children learn toconform to ―the rule‖? What is the process by which they become responsible individuals? Howdoes it happen that some children fail in this, and therefore never really grow up?26It is in the home where children learn the rules of the game of rightful living. Children arenot born with a sense of right or wrong. They must develop it. They must learn to repressimpulses that are socially disapproved, as, for example, the desire to take something that belongsto someone else, or the urge to strike people, or to destroy things when they are angry. Theymust be taught to behave according to prescribed conventions. And it is the family that does thisimportant work for society—the work for ―civilizing‖ the child. Now we ask, How does thefamily make over the growing child from a self-seeking creature demanding immediatesatisfaction for his wants to a law abiding citizen who subordinates his personal desires to theinterests of the social group?27We know that children try to be like the persons they love and admire. We are all familiarwith the little boy who takes of his father’s gesture, or the little girl who assumes the tone of hermother when she is scolding her doll or her baby brother. Children do not only imitate theirparents’ external behavior and accept their loved parents as an ideal, but they also absorb theirtraits and standards of behavior.2825Holly E. Brisbane, The Developing Child (U.S.A: Bennet, 1965), p.3526Cabangon, loc. cit.,27Cabangon, op. cit., p.8728Pura M. Flores, The Socio-Psychological Development of Filipino Children, in TheFilipino Family: Selected Readings (Quezon City: Alemar Phoenix Publishing House, 1996),p.64
Now, the parents in teaching the child to behave properly must impose certain restrictionsupon him. In turn, the child wanting to keep his parent’s love, and fearful losing it and beingpunished, unconsciously takes over as part of himself the teaching and prohibitions set by hisparents. These guide his behavior, and forbid him to do those things that his parents and,indirectly the society disapprove of, even after he has grown up and is no longer supervised fromthe outside. In other words, he develops a conscience. The king of conscience a child developsdepends upon the kind of adults he has patterned himself after, and more important, upon theemotional feeling between him and the adults closest to him, his parents. Thus we see that thereis plenty of truth in the saying ―like father, like son‖ and the child’s conduct reflects the traininghe has received from his early childhood.29Everyone, the delinquent and the law-abiding has certain fundamental emotional needsthat he seeks to satisfy. Simply expressed, they are the need for love and affection, for securitywith other human beings; the need for growth and achievements and for recognition, the need forfreedom from family and the need to discover his identity and place in society.In order that a child may grow up into a matured well-adjusted adult able to participate inour society without too much emotional strain, he must have particularly in his childhood, thekind of family that will help him answer those needs. First, and above all, he must be secure inhis relationship with his parents. He must feel that he is loved and wanted and that he ―belongs.‖Such security gives him a sense of worth and of confidence in himself, which help him towardbecoming an integrated personality.For his healthy development into maturity a child must have the kind of relationship withhis parents that will fulfill his second need—the need for growth, for achievement, for status asan individual apart his family. As a child develops, his interests gradually broaden and hisexperiences expand outside the family circle. As he approaches puberty, he wants to asserthimself from his family.3029Ibid.30Quiambao, op. cit., p. 15
The process of achieving these ends is not always a smoothly flowing affair. There aretimes when the normal adolescent wants to be a ―baby,‖ at other times he wants to be ―his ownboss.‖ It is the conflict among other factors that makes adolescence a time of stress for allchildren. The child who is secure in his relationship with his parents, however, is free to loosenthe family ties gradually and to become an emotionally mature adult that is the insecure child.The latter who has been over-indulged or over-protected by his parents that he never learns hisown abilities and responsibilities may find it difficult to find his place in home and society.31All children—and for that matter, all adults – need recognition, approval from others.Failing to find satisfaction for this basic desire in their actual experiences, they get what comfortthey can by withdrawing into the realm of fantasy where all their wishes come true. Or unable togain recognition through socially acceptable behavior they may turn to delinquency to get theacclaim and admiration they seek from their companions. This does not mean that all childrenwho are rejected or spoiled by their parents, or who feel frustrated, inadequate or revengefulbecome delinquent. Some of these children find expression for their conflict or get compensatorysubstitutive satisfaction in ways that are not legally forbidden. But the child who is unhappy inhis family relationship is likely to seek satisfaction away from home.32Inspite of difficulties, an individual can survive adolescence and occupies his place insociety as an adult member. His needs remain, but their focus is different. Thus, the need for peeracceptance persists; the need for parental emancipation from parental control is now a struggle toescape from the demands of the adult society. If parents give their children a good home,establish a mutually loving relationship, set an example worth emulating and help them acquiremoral and ethical values, adolescence could be a rewarding challenge rather than a vexingperiod. And if he lives in a community in which anti-social attitudes prevail, in which other boysin the neighborhood seem to be getting lot of fun out of forbidden activities, in which a pattern ofdelinquent behavior is traditional, he is more susceptible to the attractions of delinquency than31Lim, op. cit., p.9032Ibid.
another child under the same community influences who has found more strength andsatisfaction in his home.The art of parenthood is not a simple one. What civilizing the growing child andinculcating in him a conscience that will make him conform to the rules of society, parentsshould endeavor to strengthen their family life and maintain the social values of the home.33Ifwe understand by social values of the home, the preparation of individual for community life, itis obvious that one of the first considerations is the personal appraisal and discipline of theindividual concerned. A successful social life, in the broad sense of the term, depends upon theability of the individual to adopt himself harmoniously and peacefully to the people with whomhe comes in contact. Such adaptation requires a certain calm appreciation of one’s ownimportance without exaggeration and the practiced power of order and self-restraint. The home isthe logical place for children to develop his attitude if the full meaning of human personality istherein understood.To achieve this objective, two extremes are to be avoided by the parents. One extreme isa dominant and tyrannical attitude on the part of either or both of the parents, whether manifestedin a bull dozing manner or in the more quiet but equally repressive method of sentimentalcondescension and vested rights by which some parents endeavor to keep their children in asstate of perpetual infancy. The other extreme is a total unconcern for the hours, habits,companions, and general development of children, so that the latter manage to bring themselvesup to maturity by the method of trial and error.34One of the most difficult tasks for many parents to recognize is that children are endowedwith growing minds that these minds are capable of all the essential powers of recognition andjudgment.33Roberto R. Sugcang, Planning To Meet the Welfare Needs of the Children and Youthin the Philippines- A Cursory Review (Philippines: National Science Development Board, 1971),p.12434Sucgang, op. cit., pp.125-126
The situation becomes more acute when the parents regard each other with distrust orcondescension, or when one parent becomes a bugger for the children, or where physicalviolence is called n to distribute justice. ―Just wait till your father comes home.‖ This becomesan expression calculated to strike terror in the hearts of children, who would rather be trained inthe principles of reason and love. Equally distressing is the attitude of the mother who nagshusband and children alike. Neither of these methods can be truly calculated to produce anymentality other than of resentment on the part of the growing children or adolescent in the familywho are supposed to receive training at home for self-respect and independence.Fortunate indeed are children in those homes where the parents have learned as a team, toguide their children by a rational discipline, which is the product of a sympathetic andunderstanding concern for their welfare, and at the same time to grow up their children in agenuine companionship, with mutual companionship, with mutual encouragement andcommunity interests. For example, when the parents understands that the child’s early mistakesand ―badness‖ is a normal part of growing up and the child is corrected without being hurt,shamed, or confused; when the child can say what he feels and talk things out without beingashamed or afraid, and he knows his parents appreciate his success, rather than dwell upon hisfailures; when he is allowed to plan with his family and is given real ways to help and feel he isneeded, and that his parents care as much about him as they do about his brothers and sisters.35Parents exercising this guidance, while firm in the essentials, will make due allowancefor differences in temperaments and ambition, and will not attempt to straight-jacket the childrenaccording to the parents’ preconceived plans. We hear parents say, ―I don’t know what to thinkof that son of mine, I wanted him to take commerce and continue my business when I am gone;but there he is insisting on becoming a mechanic, architect or anything except what the fatherwants him to be.‖ Parents must remember that one can go only so far in guiding and planning foryouth. If children have been provided with sound Christian principles of living and have beengiven good safeguards at the danger points, they must be allowed commensurate freedom that35Cabangon, op. cit., pg. 88
comes with maturity and be permitted to face their social responsibilities on the basis of a freechoice.36Side by side with the development of a disciplined self-confidence, the home is thelogical training ground in the social virtues. The insistence of the parents upon certain rules inthe domestic game and helpful indications makes it easier for all to get along together under thesame roof.This cannot be achieved when homes are in constant turmoil, when the various membersof the household are accustomed to snap at each other and to lapse into sullen silence, when theidea of being voluntary service to one another is too ridiculous to consider, when such a thing asprivacy is unknown and good manners are regarded as a sign of affectation or weakness. Underthese conditions, social activity and entertainment within the home, which are of utmostimportance, are ruled out.37As a result of this behavior, mental patterns are developed of social hostility, quicktempers and battling tactics.The home is likewise the ideal place to cultivate the power of appreciation, which has somany facets from a personal as well as social standpoint. Parents who complain that theirchildren do not seem to appreciate what has been done for them may well pause to askthemselves whether they have been sufficiently explicit in teaching this lesson. The spoiled childwho takes everything for granted and demands more and more without giving anything in returnis usually the product of overindulgence or overprotectiveness of parents.All these negative patterns of home life should be avoided if we like our children to goout the world as law-abiding citizens.36Ibid.37Lim, op. cit., p.94
In order that home may adequately fulfill its role in the prevention of juveniledelinquency, parents must understand certain things about their children, adolescentsparticularly, and must be able to act and live accordingly. The family should share responsibilitywherein the father, the mother, and the children work together to make the home a happy placeto live in.38To have a happy home life, it does not necessarily mean that the family should haveplenty of money to spend for everything for each member, or to have a mansion wherein all thecomforts and ease of living are provided. Except in cases where the family is harassed byextreme poverty and insecurity, any family can experience real happiness, no matter what theireconomic condition is, when the children feel that they are wanted and understood. This meansparent’s capacity to think with one’s feelings about their children, feeling what they feel, sharingtheir joys as they do, act they do, and yet with us parents never getting lost in sentiment aboutthem, all the time keeping our feet in the ground, remaining their parents. When the dominantmood of parents become that of trying to understand what their children are going through, andwhen children become aware that their parents are really understanding and feeling with theminstead of just correcting or condemning them, then parenthood becomes richly satisfying andfamily life becomes happier. With this home atmosphere, parents try to take time to be with theirchildren, listen to the things their children care about, share responsibilities with them nd helpthe children think in terms of the well-being of all.39The parents should encourage new experiences of the right kind at the appropriate time ina child’s life, and should not forget to praise a child’s achievement and progress. The mother andthe father should not establish a restrictive atmosphere in the home, but should allow andencourage their children to invite their friends to their homes. They should find time for theirchildren’s friends, fun, and ‖foolishness‖ which are part of teen-age life.4038Andres, op. cit., p.11239Brisbane, op. cit., p. 7640Quiambao, op. cit., p. 57
Parents, also, should be examples of honesty, courtesy, and mutual respect. A home witha sense of values and a steady guiding hand can reach the lessons of courtesy and considerationeven under difficult circumstances. Ne need not sit at the banquet tables of the rich to learn theart of saying ―please‖ and ―thank you‖ and ― I am sorry.‖ Every home can teach children respectfor old age, for grief and for dignity, and can impart the golden rules in learning how to share.41―The family that plans together, stays together.‖ Hence, in matters that affect family life,parents should take in their children and make the latter feel a real part of the family. Thechildren should be encouraged to listen to many sides and opinions, to express their ideas so theycan grow in responsibility and thus develop family strength through optimum development ofeach member. Every child should be given a chance to do and be taught to think of others. Thelittle birthday parties, the saving of centavos to buy gifts for others, the occasional privilege ofstaying up late or gong to some special entertainment, as a privilege, not always a right—theseare precious opportunities for developing a sense of social values within the easy reach of everyhome.Parents should also develop teamwork not only in work. But in play. A family that playstogether stays together. To keep the family together, parents should provide group experiencessuch as after supper ―program‖ where everybody, including father and mother takes part;providing sala games such as checkers or sungka for a happy time together before bedtime, orlisten together to a favorite radio program or tell riddles for everyone to guess. On specialoccasions, family picnics can be organized, giving each member his share and responsibility inthe preparation.Another thing parents should remember, is that they should shield their children fromtension of family friction should such a thing arise. This example of quarreling and naggingparents is not the best object lesson in human relations.4241Ibid.42Cabangon, loc. cit.,
Parents must respect their child as a person. They must respect his feelings, his thoughts,his desires. Both the father and the mother should encourage their child to express himself freely,spontaneously, and creatively.Also, parents must reason with their child. Parents must not require their children to obeyand conform at all times. Unless it is imperative that he obeys automatically without question,such as in an emergency, allow him to deviate from your commands sometimes. After all, whoknows that you are wrong and he is right?43Parents must avoid comparing their child with other children. The good parent acceptsand loves the child as he is. If the child is not good enough, he can better not by becoming likesome other child but by strengthening his better self.And lastly, but not the least, parents must live and practice their religion in their dailyliving, to set an example to their children. A family that prays together stays together. A child’sreligion starts with his parents. His basic outlook on life, his sense of values, his moral and hisethical standards he absorbs from the example of living set by his parents. By living theirreligion, parents can guide youth in arriving at scale of values in keeping with democratic living,values that emphasize the dignity and worth of the individual and the equality and brotherhoodof all people.44Things mentioned above are some of the fundamental functions of family life by whichthe home contributes in the prevention of juvenile delinquency. But juvenile delinquency is amany-sided complex phenomenon, causes of which cannot justifiably be laid at the door step ofthe home alone. The prevention of juvenile delinquency is the responsibility of everyone in thecommunity and delinquency will always flourish in our midst unless all of us, individuals andagencies alike, exert a concerned and coordinated effort to give our children all the opportunitiesand facilities for wholesome growth and development.4543Ibid.44Lim, op. cit., p. 7245Ibid.