Steve Vitto Positive Parenting Part Two

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Steve Vitto's presentation for Parent Nights at Reeths Puffer Elementary School, Shelby Association for Retarded Children-Shelby Town Hall, & Muskegon, Michigan ARC
2010
Available in English and Spanish
svitto@muskegonisd.org

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Steve Vitto Positive Parenting Part Two

  1. 1. Positive Parenting Reeths Puffer Elementary PRESENTED BY STEVE VITTO
  2. 2. Lets begin at the end of the journey:Adulthood YOUR CHILDREN <ul><li>What are your dreams for them? </li></ul><ul><li>What do you want them to be like? </li></ul><ul><li>What qualities to you hope they will possess? </li></ul><ul><li>What lifes skills do you believe they will need? </li></ul><ul><li>What is the most important gift you can give them? </li></ul><ul><li>What kind of relationship do you want them to have with you? </li></ul>
  3. 3. Hopeful Responses <ul><li>Character </li></ul><ul><li>Caring </li></ul><ul><li>Confident </li></ul><ul><li>Decent </li></ul><ul><li>Law Abiding </li></ul><ul><li>Assertive </li></ul><ul><li>Trustworthy </li></ul><ul><li>Honest </li></ul><ul><li>Healthy </li></ul><ul><li>Drug Free </li></ul><ul><li>Happy and Well Adjusted </li></ul><ul><li>Successful </li></ul>
  4. 4. What influences the way you parent? <ul><li>The way you were parented. </li></ul><ul><li>What you feel is right. </li></ul><ul><li>How someone has told you to parent. </li></ul><ul><li>What the research says </li></ul><ul><li>What healthy adults say </li></ul><ul><li>What unhealthy adults say </li></ul>
  5. 5. The research is clear. In over 10,000 studies conducted all over the world the most common variable associated with a child having a healty social emotional adjustment is: a. strict disciplne and limits b. consistent punitive consequences for bad behaviors c. being your child’s friend d. rewarding good behavior e. believing that they are loved <ul><li>: </li></ul>
  6. 6. The research is clear. In over 10,000 studies conducted all over the world the most common variable associated with a child having a healty social emotional adjustment is: <ul><li>: </li></ul> e. believing that they are loved by you!!
  7. 7. So how do we get there???? <ul><li>We walk the talk. </li></ul><ul><li>We model the behavior we want to see in them. </li></ul><ul><li>We learn how to listen. </li></ul><ul><li>We learn how to forgive. </li></ul><ul><li>We teach and guide rather than punish and control. </li></ul><ul><li>We are consistent and fair </li></ul><ul><li>We are firm </li></ul><ul><li>We are fun </li></ul>
  8. 8. Always show your child that they come first, that they are the most import thing in your life <ul><li>&quot;To the world you might be one person, but to one person, you might be the world.&quot; -Anonymous </li></ul>
  9. 9. CHILDREN GO WHERE THERE IS EXCITEMENT AND STAY WHERE THERE IS LOVE!
  10. 10. But surely their needs to be consequences, but…. <ul><li>Consequences should be viewed as an opportunity to teach </li></ul><ul><li>Punitive Consequences are the least effective way to change “bad” behavior </li></ul><ul><li>So what changes bad behavior? </li></ul><ul><li>Teaching, loving, guiding, listening, relating, investing time, loving, and enforcing limits that are fair and built on trust!!!! </li></ul>
  11. 11. Social Emotional Development as a Foundation for School & Life Success <ul><li>Some key indicators of school readiness that are linked to social emotional development: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Persistence at difficult tasks </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Ability to express emotions appropriately </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Ability to make and sustain relationships with peers and adults </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Confidence </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Ability negotiate and cooperate in a group setting </li></ul></ul><ul><li>When children don’t have these skills, they are less likely to benefit from even the best instruction and they are more likely to engage in challenging behavior </li></ul><ul><li>What we know about social development in preschool and children’s later life success </li></ul>
  12. 12. What about spare the rod??? “The Rod” was intended to be a symbol of guideness. There is no record of Jesus EVER encouraging parents to hit their children!!! <ul><li>What message do we send kids when we hit them? </li></ul><ul><li>Do we want our children to fear us or turn to us for guidance? </li></ul><ul><li>Will hitting them when they make a mistake increase the liklihood of coming to us with a problem??? </li></ul><ul><li>Absolutely NOT!!! </li></ul>
  13. 13. Do parents who hit their kids love them??? Absolutely!!! <ul><li>But we have learned betters ways, and we can change any time we want!!! </li></ul><ul><li>There is more than one way to get to the end of the journey and hitting by parents sends a message that “violence” is necessary to resolve conflicts. </li></ul><ul><li>You have to ask yourself, do I want my child to fear me or care enough about me to want to please me? </li></ul><ul><li>Do I want my child to approach me when he has a problem? Will this happen if fear ia a major disciplne tool? </li></ul><ul><li>Would you were a child did you lways tell the truth even though you would be spanked or punished? </li></ul><ul><li>Kids who tell their parents the truth do so out of love, respect, trust and a notion that they will be treated fairly! </li></ul>
  14. 14. Universality of Effective Parenting Approaches <ul><li>‘ Understanding disciplining’- NFPI Review of research on what works in managing children’s behaviour. </li></ul><ul><li>Concluded that children fared best with an authoritative approach to parenting, which combined affection and firm boundaries with an encouragement of children’s independence. </li></ul>
  15. 15. Authoritarian Parenting Style <ul><li>Rigid, controlling </li></ul><ul><li>Demanding </li></ul><ul><li>Punitive </li></ul><ul><li>Unreasonable expectations </li></ul><ul><li>Adult-like job, chores </li></ul><ul><li>Parent always right </li></ul><ul><li>Parent makes decisions </li></ul><ul><li>Little affection, warmth </li></ul><ul><li>Unexpressed ideas, feelings </li></ul><ul><li>Parent in control </li></ul><ul><li>Little encouragement, praise </li></ul>Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #1 Less Effective
  16. 16. Permissive Parenting Style <ul><li>Parent avoids control </li></ul><ul><li>High level of nurturing, communication </li></ul><ul><li>Few rules, guidelines </li></ul><ul><li>Inconsistent </li></ul><ul><li>Parent easily frustrated </li></ul><ul><li>Few expectations </li></ul><ul><li>Few demands </li></ul><ul><li>Few social rules </li></ul><ul><li>Parent behaves as friend </li></ul><ul><li>Obedience not encouraged </li></ul>Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #2 Less Effective
  17. 17. Authoritative Parenting Style <ul><li>Parent clearly in charge </li></ul><ul><li>Firm guidelines </li></ul><ul><li>Flexible boundaries </li></ul><ul><li>High level of communication </li></ul><ul><li>Respects ideas, feelings, emotions </li></ul><ul><li>Mutual respect </li></ul><ul><li>Teamwork, give and take </li></ul><ul><li>Parent accepts uniqueness </li></ul><ul><li>Allows for mistakes </li></ul><ul><li>Reasonable expectations </li></ul><ul><li>Appropriate responsibilities </li></ul><ul><li>Healthy role modeling </li></ul><ul><li>Encourages independence </li></ul><ul><li>Affectionate </li></ul>Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #3 This is the most effective style supported by extensive research!!!
  18. 18. Alternatives to Punishment <ul><li>Show the child ways to more effectively solve the problem </li></ul><ul><li>Strongly disapprove (though not forbid) harmful or dangerous behaviors </li></ul><ul><li>State expectations-teach 3-5 expectations that are consistent with school-wide expecations </li></ul><ul><li>Show how to make amends or restore the harm they have done to others </li></ul><ul><li>Give a choice- start with the good thing that can happen for compliance before bring up negative consequences or threats </li></ul><ul><li>Logical Consequences- be fair with consequences. They should be fair ,reasonable, and relate to the problem behavior </li></ul><ul><li>Take action when you feel you child has been mistreat by the school , a coach, a relative- but NEVER INFRONT OF THE CHILD. </li></ul><ul><li>The child and school should always see the school on the same page!!! NEVER DISAGREE WITH THE PRINCPIAL OR CHILD’S TEACHER IN FROMT OF THE CHILD!!!! </li></ul><ul><li>Let the child experience resoanble consequences </li></ul><ul><li>Restoration and Forgiveness </li></ul><ul><li>Use Data to evaluate interventions!!! </li></ul>Building Strong Families – Positive Discipline Overhead #7
  19. 19. The Parenting Tips Booklet Positive Approaches for Challenging Behaviors   Developed by Susan Mack, MA Steven Vitto, MA MAISD Behavioral Consultants A POSITIVE BEHAVIORAL SUPPORTS PROJECT
  20. 20. Basic Principles of Positive Behavior Support <ul><li>“ If you know why, you can figure out how….” </li></ul><ul><li>All behaviors meet needs </li></ul><ul><li>Positive approaches teach children a better way to meet needs </li></ul><ul><li>One of the best ways of teaching desired behaviors is by modeling them </li></ul><ul><li>When it comes to children, we need to “walk the talk.” </li></ul>
  21. 21. POSITIVE PARENTING BOOKLET TABLE OF CONTENTS <ul><li>Positive Behavioral Support 4 </li></ul><ul><li>Qualities of Strong Families 5 </li></ul><ul><li>Keeping it Simple 6 </li></ul><ul><li>10 Keys to Successful Parenting 7 </li></ul><ul><li>9 Ways to Make Waiting Fun 9 </li></ul><ul><li>9 Things to do Instead of Spanking 10 </li></ul><ul><li>8 Ways to Positively Cope 13 </li></ul><ul><li>5 Ways to Parent with Finesse 15 </li></ul><ul><li>4 Ways to Teach your Child Trust 16 </li></ul><ul><li>General Parenting Tips 17 </li></ul><ul><li>Teaching Self Control 19 </li></ul><ul><li>Teaching Kids to Care for Others 20 </li></ul><ul><li>Doing Chores 21 </li></ul><ul><li>Doing Homework 23 </li></ul><ul><li>Getting Along with Brothers and Sister s 24 </li></ul><ul><li>especting Adults 25 </li></ul><ul><li>Controlling Temper and Anger 26 </li></ul>
  22. 22. TABLE OF CONTENTS <ul><li>Stealing 27 </li></ul><ul><li>Watching TV 28 </li></ul><ul><li>Teaching Responsibility 30 </li></ul><ul><li>Dealing with Tantrums 31 </li></ul><ul><li>Winning the Bedtime Battles 32 </li></ul><ul><li>Developmental Stages 36 </li></ul><ul><li>Reinforcing Good Behavior 37 </li></ul><ul><li>The Language of Encouragement 41 </li></ul><ul><li>When to Say “No” 42 </li></ul><ul><li>Problems with Punishment 43 </li></ul><ul><li>Consequences that Teach 44 </li></ul><ul><li>The Dad Influence 46 </li></ul><ul><li>When Behavior Becomes a Problem 47 </li></ul><ul><li>When Does a Child Need Mental Health Treatment 48 </li></ul><ul><li>More Positive Parenting Helpful Tips 50 </li></ul><ul><li>Where to Turn for Help 52 </li></ul>
  23. 23. POSITIVE BEHAVIOR SUPPORTS <ul><li>Positive Behavioral Supports (PBS) recognizes that all behaviors meet needs </li></ul><ul><li>PBS teaches kids there is another way to approach needs </li></ul><ul><li>PBS views misbehaviors as an opportunity to teach instead of punish </li></ul><ul><li>PBS recognizes that behavior doesn’t occur in a vacuum </li></ul><ul><li>PBS believes that there are no “bad” kids, only kids searching for a way to fit in </li></ul><ul><li>PBS values teaching self-control instead of external control </li></ul><ul><li>PBS requires us to provide positive, loving environments that are conducive to learning </li></ul><ul><li>PBS requires us to develop clear expectations and routines </li></ul><ul><li>The expecation should be taught at home!! </li></ul><ul><li>PBS requires us to provide effective consequences that teach as opposed to punishing consequences that hurt </li></ul>
  24. 24. Recognize that all behaviors meet needs. The needs are: <ul><li>To obtain or avoid: </li></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Attention </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Task or Activity </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Item </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Person </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Power and Control </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Sensory </li></ul></ul></ul></ul></ul>
  25. 25. The Conflict Cycle
  26. 26. Steps for Corrective Teaching <ul><li>Stop the behavior </li></ul><ul><li>Explain why the behavior is problematic </li></ul><ul><li>Provide a reasonable consequence </li></ul><ul><li>(which optimally will involve learning and/or restoration) </li></ul><ul><li>Model the desired response </li></ul><ul><li>Have the child practice the desired response </li></ul><ul><li>Reinforce the child for using the desired response </li></ul>
  27. 27. FOR MORE INFORMATION <ul><li>http ://www.slideshare.net/svittoatmuskegonisd.org/steve-vitto-positive-approaches-for-all-children </li></ul><ul><li>Bridge4kids.com </li></ul><ul><li>PBIS.org </li></ul><ul><li>Casel.org </li></ul><ul><li>eboard.com.michiganpbs </li></ul><ul><li>PositiveParenting.com </li></ul><ul><li>Parentsuccess.com </li></ul><ul><li>Parenting.org </li></ul><ul><li>Kidinfo.com/parent_resources/Parenting_tips.html </li></ul><ul><li>Parentsmart.com </li></ul><ul><li>Kidsourcectdta.org/parenting </li></ul><ul><li>http://muskegonisd.org </li></ul><ul><li>Reach Steve as 231-767-7279 </li></ul><ul><li>Or [email_address] </li></ul>

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