What's Love Got To Do With It | Richard Tan Success Resources


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How you manage your money could save your relationship

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What's Love Got To Do With It | Richard Tan Success Resources

  1. 1. One of the most important, yet often overlooked factors for building a strong relationship is… money. Money is such an emotionally loaded topic that few couples ever discuss it directly and almost never bring it up before committing to a relationship. For most people, money is never just money. It represents love, power, happiness, security, control, dependency, independence, freedom and more. It’s no wonder with so much emotional baggage attached to money, it’s one of the major reasons for relationships breaking down. It starts with two people each having a troubled relationship with money. They may not have seen the underlying issues when they were going solo, but once the relationship deepens, the issues surface, get magnified, then explode. Success Resources: http://www.srpl.net/
  2. 2. Unfortunately, money is still a taboo topic. After all, who would want to tell someone you’re dating that you’re an over spender? We grow up in families where nobody talks about money. Most people will immediately protest: “Not true. My family talked about money all the time.” When asked, “How did you talk?” they reply, “My father worried about not having enough, and he yelled at my mother for spending too much.” The path towards growth is that couples need to “unload” their emotions and feelings about money and start to see money for what it really is – a tool to accomplish some of life’s goals. The process won’t happen overnight, but when we begin having open, honest conversations with each other about money, the healing can begin and the relationship will flourish. If you plan to talk about money, always air your feelings first. Otherwise, negotiations will always break down. If you can’t deal with the pressure of speaking face to face, start small. Write down your feelings so you can more clearly articulate them with your partner. Success Resources: http://www.srpl.net/
  3. 3. Here are some ideas you can try with your spouse or significant other: 1. Find a non-stressful time when money is not a loaded issue (definitely NOT tax season) and when you can be alone. Agree on some ground rules: no interrupting each other; no long tirades; after one person shares a difficult piece of information, the partner acknowledge it and repeat what was said before responding. 2. Take turns sharing your childhood memories about money. How did your parents save it, spend it, talk about it? How did they deal with allowances? How did that make you feel and how does it affect you today? 3. Share your old hurts, resentments and fears about money. Success Resources: http://www.srpl.net/
  4. 4. 4. Mention your concerns and fears about your partner’s money style. Then acknowledge what you admire about their methods and what you secretly envy. Couples avoid talking about each other’s’ strengths in dealing with money with the fear that if they do, it means approval of their behavior. In reality, positive statements help to make partners feel safe enough to give up the negative aspects of their behavior. 5. Share your hopes and dreams. Talk about your goals for the future, short and long- term. 6. Consider making a shared budget or a spending plan together that meets the hopes and the goals that have come up on your list more than once. Start with areas of common ground. 7. Set a time to have the next money talk. Aim for weekly conversations in the beginning, then monthly ones. Success Resources: http://www.srpl.net/