HOW TO BE A STARVING ARTIST EBook By Elgin Subwaysurfer Bolling
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HOW TO BE A STARVING ARTIST EBook By Elgin Subwaysurfer Bolling



Why shoot for the stars when you can stoop to the basement? with so many artists today referring to themselves as "Starving Artists" I reasoned that if you are determined to be a failure, you may as ...

Why shoot for the stars when you can stoop to the basement? with so many artists today referring to themselves as "Starving Artists" I reasoned that if you are determined to be a failure, you may as be a SUCCESSFUL ONE! this definitive guide lays out a 30 day plan to achieve your lowest potential and become a master of mediocrity. Brought to you by NYC Creative Caricature Marketing Consultant, Elgin Subwaysurfer Bolling



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HOW TO BE A STARVING ARTIST EBook By Elgin Subwaysurfer Bolling HOW TO BE A STARVING ARTIST EBook By Elgin Subwaysurfer Bolling Document Transcript

  • 30 Proven Ways To Become a Master Of Mediocrity
  • 30 Proven Ways To Become a Master Of Mediocrity
  • Foreword by Elgin Subwaysurfer BollingIve made this book absolutelyFREE so it can be within reachof anyones budget. After all, if you’re a starving Artist, how would you have money to pay for it right? Why This Book Was Written Recently, while speaking with some artist friends, the subject came up , as it always does, about "how business was ". as usual my ears were bombarded with the usual answers, " people just arent buying," "this isnt the season" "its not what you know, its who you know" etc. etc. I mentioned a few things that had been working for me lately, and was met by polite smiles and nods of the head, only to have people return to the same chorus of "Why Business Is Bad"....It occurred to me that perhaps I am doing things all wrong. In fact, maybe theres something wrong with ME! Conventional wisdom seems to suggest that some Artists actually LIKE the title of "starving artist" why else would they fight so hard to live up to it? Armed with that new revelation, I set out to write the definitive guide on the subject. I mean, If you’re going to be a failure anyway, why not be a successful one? Following are 30 proven methods for becoming the best Starving Artist that you can possibly be. It takes 30 days to form a habit, so its best to incorporate a principle a day into your life so that a new habit will be formed.
  • 1.YOUR FRIENDS OPINIONS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT Your friends who never lie to you. Thats why theyre called friends. Youre friends after all because your opinions are the same. Refuse to listen to another point of view on matters regarding your work and your career. Listen to your friends ALWAYS. they are ALWAYS right. Thats why theyre your friends. 2. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BED.The Early Bird catches the worm is a dumb saying. Who wants to eat worms for breakfast anyway? Life is really stressful. Especially whenyou are an artist. You need all the sleep you can. Your bed is the onlyplace where you can find rest and peace. Dont just settle for sleeping at night, take a couple of naps during the day! Your work can wait.
  • 3. WAIT FOR THE MOOD TO HIT YOU TO WORK It’s all about mood. You work best when you are happy. Whats the point of working when you feel sad, frustrated, or when your favorite sitcom is on? Work is one of lifes constants. Its always going to be here, and there is always going to be more, not less of it. Since Work is already waiting to be done anyway, why not wait until the right MOOD hits you to do it then you can just breeze through it. Anyone who says otherwise is just a workaholic.4. ALWAYS WORK AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MINUTEThink about it, if someone put a gun to your head and said run the 100 yard dash in 2 seconds, youd probably do it in one second. Pressure is GOOD for you. It energizes you. it makes you decide quickly what to do. thats how ALL the professionals work, regardless of what they TELL you. 5. WHY READ IF YOU ARENT IN SCHOOL? If youve gone from kindergarten to college, youve already done a lifetime of reading. Trust me, there aint nothing new in those books anyway, so why waste time reading? All the author wants to do is get rich off of you, and give you useless advice. Leave the research to the professors. Its their JOB to read, after all....
  • 6.FORGET "PRACTICE“ Practice is something beginners need to do. You are aprofessional, therefore, you dont NEED it. Youre not in art school , no one is grading you, so you dont need practice EVER. .Practice is for people who dont know what they are doing.7. LEAVE THAT "TECHIE" STUFF TO THE GEEKSComputer technology is for geeks. Leave that stuff to the techies.Youre an artist. No need to learn this stuff anyway. If something breaks down you can just call someone to fix it. 8. THE SUPERMARKET is The ONLY MARKETING YOU NEED TO KNOW. Marketing involves unpleasant things like Math, Research,testing.... all of those annoying left brain activities that will just jam up your creativity. Marketers are all soul less business drones in suits. Never sell out and be one of them! always know WHO you are! An ARTIST! 9. STAY IN YOUR COMFORT ZONE ITS COZY THERE. Why do you THINK its called a "comfort zone?" Its COMFORTABLE! Duh!!! Lets be logical here, if someone asked you to trade in your nice comfy bed and mattress, for a bed of nails, what would you say? Yeah. I THOUGHT SO!
  • 10. STOP LIVING IN A DREAM WORLDWe dont live in our imagination, we live in reality. The reality is that things are tough. You were dealt a certain "deck "in life, and NO amount ofdreaming, affirming, or wishing will ever change that. Anyone who believes otherwise is fooling themselves. 11. PROCRASTINATION IS THE NATION YOU LIVE IN Your national anthem is the song, "Tomorrow" (its always a day away )live by that! Since Tomorrow isalways coming, there’s just no logical sense in working hard today, is there? You know the answer to that question!
  • 12. THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS WRONG.make him know that at every opportunity, in subtle and direct ways.Clients need to know who the professional is, and understand who is in charge, at all times. 13. "DONE" IS BETTER THAN "PERFECT”Since NO ONE is perfect, or can ever BE perfect, why even strive for such an unrealistic, unattainable goal? Stop setting yourself up forinevitable failure. The fact is, your job doesnt have to be your best. It just has to be SOMETHING TANGIBLE. Your client will never know the difference, anyway.
  • 14. DEADLINES ARE RELATIVE Never let anyone bully you into finishing an assignment until you are good and ready. Clients who push for deadlines are trying to take away your power. Never give away your power, they never give it back.
  • • 15.FORGET ABOUT CALENDARSCalendars and-appointment books are for morons with bad memories. Whatever you cantremember in your head, you can always scribble onto random slips of paper envelopes napkins whenever you can make a mark . 16. FORGET ABOUT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIPS You dont need to form good business relationships youre not going to marry thesepeople so what is the point? Just get their money, and go on to the next person. This isnt aboutromance! This s business! If youre swimming with the sharks you gotta keep it moving. 17. GIGS ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN The word "GIG", means Get Income (thats)Greater! Always take a better gig over your current gig, especially if its more money! After-all thats all about the Benjamins and your client understands this. Even if they dont admit it.
  • 18. CONTRACTS ARE FOR MOBSTERS AND HIT MEN People are basically honest. A simple head nod, andhandshake is enough to seal any deal. Your clients always have your best interests at heart.
  • 19. YOURE NOT A FASHION MODEL. STOP DRESSING LIKE ONE. Dress up is a pretend girlie game, and you need to act like anadult. “Dress for Success” is nonsense. It’s just a clever tagline made by a guy who wanted to sell a book. Dress for comfort. Youre only doing art, you’re not on the runway.
  • 20. REPEAT THIS AFFIRMATION AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!Say it long enough and youll definitely believe it, and most of all, live it! Say it to your friends, your family, even your other artist friends. With any luck, theyll join in the chorus, and you all can happily warm yourselves By the garbage can fire, as you collectively wonder where your next meal is coming from. Congratulations on achieving your goal! You worked hard to achieve it! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST! IM JUST A STARVING ARTIST!
  • 21. ALWAYS KEEP IT "REAL“ Complain loud long and often! its good to vent your feelings,especially when you’re depressed, frustrated, worried, angry, confused, or annoyed with your client. It’s so freeing letting people know exactly how you feel so theres no guesswork involved. Behaving otherwise, is not "self control" or"discipline" or even "maturity". Those are just fancy words forBEING FAKE. Just keep it REAL. You and your client will be happier. If they get angry, hurt, or scared, it’s because they have grown accustomed to hearing lies. Break them out of that habit, and they will thank you for it.
  • 22. NEVER NEGOTIATE EVER There’s only ONE way for a project to be done, YOUR way. Period, end, dot. If your client was so smart and knew what e was doing, then why would he come to you anyway? Again, this is just another lame tactic they use to take away your power. Secretly they want you to take control. It shows them you are confident. Even if they wont admit it. 23. DO WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DOESAlways look at what everyone else is doing and do that too. This is a sure path to success, and you will also be perceived as "cool", Remember that image is everything! ask any high school cheerleader! Besides, if everyone else werent doing it then it wouldnt be popular, and you would just look like a fooldoing something different by yourself! Remember High School? Its a metaphorfor life. All the so called "innovators "and "visionaries" of the world were all just uncool losers who got lucky. Yeah, I said it! 24. OVERTIME IS FOR IDIOTSWork your standard 8 hours and take your butt home. Work is always goingto be there, so why keep at something youll never finish anyway? Ask any fool who works overtime if they enjoy it. If they tell you they do, go on and ask the NEXT person for a TRUTHFUL answer.
  • 25. DONT DO BUSINESS WITH EVERYONE . Dont do business with Arabs, Asians, Blacks Whites, Christians,Jews, Democrats, Republicans, Gays, Lesbians, or people you dont know. They just cant be trusted. Everyone knows that.26. NITCH rhymes with ITCH FOR A REASONDoesn’t scratch an itch, or youll eventually bleed. You dontneed to find a nitch group. To do so would limit your options and alienate you from people who could possibly buy fromyou. Better to be a jack of all trades, a chameleon who can service everyone, rather than a select few.
  • 27. BECOME GOOD AT GUESSING If you dont know the answer to a clients question aboutsomething, then guess! You MIGHT be right! Your client will never know, if he KNEW he wouldnt be askingYOU. Searching for the right answer s too time consuming and stressful. Hes not paying you THAT much to know everything, anyway.28. NEVER EVER DO MORE THAN REQUIRED Going the proverbial “extra mile” for a customer will only leave you with tired feet, and empty pockets. They don’t deserve more. EVER. Time is money. YOUR time, THEIR money. If anyone wants more than they paid for, they are stealing from you. Who wants to do business with a thief? 29. BECOME A MAN/WOMAN OF MYSTERY Limit the amount of time you communicate with clients viaphone, in person, or email. The artist is supposed to have an aura of mystery. If the client is allowed to peek behind the curtain, the illusion is over. Besides, once they feel comfortable with you, they will tell you more to do, and thenyou will have to work harder when all you wanted to do was a little picture thing and go home.
  • 30. ALWAYS CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE THE BEST ARTIST IN THE WORLD! PERIOD. END. DOT! And DONT be afraid to let EVERYONE know it at everyopportunity. Some people need a lot of reminding. Somemay call this arrogance, or bragging. I call it confidence. If others want to put themselves down and lower their selfesteem in the process, let them live in the basement with the rest of the losers. People ALWAYS want to hire thebest. Thats why they LOVE the YANKEES. You dont see them calling THEMSELVES losers, do you?
  • About The Author/Artist Elgin Subwaysurfer Bolling is a total HypocriteHe practices none of the principles, so passionately penned in thisperiodical. He is a NYC Creative Caricature Marketing Consultant,Ebook author, and sought after Live Caricature Entertainer. (that’shim drawing at Sardi’s Restaurant Incidentally.Don’t Let Elgin’s lack of commitment to these Starving Artists Principleskeep you from reaching YOUR lowest potential! Feel free to shoot forthe basement of mediocrity! Elgin wont mind one bit! If you’d like tocorrespond with Elgin he can be reached at cartoons4u2@aol.com