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Cloud psychopaths

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Beware whom you ask cloud advice: you never know what axe they are grinding... literally!

Beware whom you ask cloud advice: you never know what axe they are grinding... literally!


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  • chargeback, showback, brokeback? – @reillyusa
  • business leaders like Pointy Haired Boss tend to fit the profile, referring to customers as inanimate and dumb objects to be manipulated whilst maintaining their own self delusion of grandiosity
  • dogs have poor attention spans when it comes to squirrels, doesn’t make them psychopaths
  • This book was recommended to me (not sure why), and you can also find Jon presenting at Ted online.
  • This got me thinking: could the Hare methodology be applied and shine some light on cloud experts?Let’s go through the test and score yourself. At the end, we’ll see how you got on…
  • Story about Emmi the psychologist who asked someone what emotion they saw in this picture, expecting an answer such as (ask audience) FEAR, but instead the candidate said “I don’t see any emotion, but that’s the face people make just before I kill them”
  • my 2yr old correctly identified this as a cat drinking juice which to her is perfectly normalshe couldn’t identify the second picture which is (ask audience) a CYCLE PATH
  • this is part fun part serious, and despite looking incredibly rigorous it really isn’t
  • First set of ten questions, remember to score yourself and for bonus points think of questions and examples to share later…
  • developeradmincioCSP
  • @swardley’s electricity utility presentation is an example of a cloud topic one might want to explore, these are a list of common topicsit is highly likely that the kind of person you would seek counsel from literally has an axe to grind!
  • Transcript

    • 1. Cloud PsychopathsLondon CloudPsychocamp Oct 2012 @stevie_chambers CTO canopy-cloud.com
    • 2. cloud crazy? Does the guy at the other end of twitter look like this? Looks != Pyschopath @reillyusa
    • 3. cloud chop suey? Why is Chris beating up Vince Cerf? Or is Chris being attacked? Why is the man with the camera finding this funny? @beaker
    • 4. Cloudwashing?
    • 5. cloud squirrel? Are dogs psychopaths? Are squirrels psychopaths?
    • 6. jon ronson
    • 7. what is a psychopath?• Robert Hare PCL-R• 2 factors, 20 items• Each item is scored – 0 does not apply – 1 applies somewhat – 2 definitely applies• SCORE YOURSELF! – prize is a holiday for 1 near Crowthorne, UK http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hare_Psychopathy_Checklist
    • 8. Psychopath fast test
    • 9. these are not pyschopaths
    • 10. health warning• DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME THE PUB! – should only be deployed by professionals  – community forums and innocent advice – thesis • anyone who thinks cloud is optional, a game, or is curious about its destructive effects – is likely a pyschopath. ways to tell…
    • 11. factor 1selfish, callous and remorseless use of others narcissistic personality disorder
    • 12. 1/1 Grandiose sense of self- worthCloud is the answer to My cloud is the answer everything to everything I am cloud 0 1 2
    • 13. 1/2 Glibness/Superficial CharmCloud is easy Cloud is obviousCome on in the Is the person alwayswater’s lovely doing lightening talks… 0 1 2
    • 14. 1/3 Pathological LyingCloud never goes down Patriot Act doesn’t matterCloud is for everything(but only have web app Data sovereigntyexamples) doesn’t matter 0 1 2
    • 15. 1/4 Cunning and manipulativeI like you, you’re smart, Come and present at…you “get” cloud, likemeYou’re one of us 0 1 2
    • 16. 1/5 Lack of remorse or guiltOh, the cloud I Your business was down?advised you to usewent down? How interesting… 0 1 2
    • 17. 1/6 Shallow effectDoes the dog reallylove you? 0 1 2
    • 18. 1/7 Lack of empathyLet your crapplications die Rewrite all your apps Get rid of your CIO 0 1 2
    • 19. 1/8 Failure to accept responsibilityIt’s your decision You didn’t explain your needs correctly 0 1 2
    • 20. 1/9 Prone to boredom 0 1 2
    • 21. 1/10 Parasitic lifestyleCloud consultant? Do as I say, not as I doI’m an advisor 0 1 2
    • 22. factor 2chronically unstable, antisocial and socially deviant lifestyle histrionic personality disorder
    • 23. 2/1 Poor behavioural controlCan’t resist free pizza and beer? 0 1 2
    • 24. 2/2 Unrealistic long term goalsOne day there will only be cloudCloud is the final destination 0 1 2
    • 25. 2/3 ImpulsivityStick it in the cloud, what could possibly gowrong? 0 1 2
    • 26. 2/4 IrresponsibilitySecurity and performance is someone elsesproblem 0 1 2
    • 27. 2/5 Juvenile delinquencyWhat is the person’s IT track record?Job history? 0 1 2
    • 28. 2/6 Early behavioural problemsEarly adopter of ASP, SOA  0 1 2
    • 29. 2/7 Revocation of conditional releasePersistent offenderCan’t help themselves 0 1 2
    • 30. 2/8 Promiscuous sexual behaviourany API hybrid cloud 0 1 2
    • 31. 2/9 Many short term marriages• Weak/fake alliance marketing 0 1 2
    • 32. 2/10 Criminal versatilitydrop cloud, adopt the next big thing 0 1 2
    • 33. Your score?
    • 34. Innocent victims?developer administrator CIO
    • 35. unbend my iron• cloud < utility, but what is cloud? – clouds move across boundaries – clouds are driven by natural forces – Cloud is not NIST, not Dope’n’stack, not VMware – southern electric does not create custom electric for my home grown iron – APIs are the plug sockets of this generation – technology naval gazing is not cloud – commercial innovation is cloud
    • 36. Final THoughts• a psychopath is for life, not just for christmas• 20% population cause 70% of the pain• when asking for cloud advice, beware!