Conflict for Transformation

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This presentation dispels 5 common myths of conflict and helps us recognize and broaden our conflict styles. Intention: To shift the paradigm of conflict, relating to and applying its constructive and transformational capacities.

Where there is change, there is conflict. Where there is conflict, there is often change (or a change that is needed). And, sometimes there is conflict just because there are people. In both our personal and professional lives, we are often in the midst of generating or participating in change. Our ability to navigate change and conflict and lead through this elusive process is paramount to success. In today's environment, conflict can be constructive and essential to innovation. Intrigued?

Darshana Patel is a Transformation Facilitator and Coach specializing in Change Leadership and Conflict with 20 years experience. Darshana is Founder of Unscripted Way, an approach to help people and organizations distinguish and rewire their limiting patterns so they can liberate their true potential and redefine what’s possible for themselves and the communities they impact.

Darshana’s career has an uncommon balance of progressive theory and practical, in-the-trenches experience. She possesses a Master’s degree in Conflict and is certified in Change Leadership through Cornell and GE.

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Conflict for Transformation

  1. 1. Darshana  Patel  darshana@unscriptedway.com     1  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    Conflict  for  TransformaAon  A  Workshop  to  ShiF  the  Paradigm  of  Conflict    
  2. 2. Workshop  Overview  •  Inten%on:  To  shiF  the  paradigm  of  conflict,  relaAng  to  and  applying  its  construcAve  and  transformaAonal  capaciAes    •  Workshop  Objec%ves  – Appreciate  conflict’s  hidden  capaciAes  – Recognize  and  respect  conflict  styles  2  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  3. 3. ReflecAve  QuesAons  •  What  does  conflict  mean  to  me?  •  In  what  ways  do  I  feel  effecAve  and  ineffecAve  in  engaging  conflict?  •  What  am  I  learning  and  realizing  in  this  session  I  hadn’t  considered  before?  3  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  4. 4. “IntenAonally  possess  your  beliefs.    Or  your  beliefs  will  possess  you.”  4  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    -­‐  Darshana  Patel  
  5. 5. 5  Myths  of  Conflict    MYTH  1:  Conflict  is  destruc%ve  and  means  something  is  wrong      5  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    RealiAes:  •  Is  disrupAve,  does  not  have  to  be  destrucAve  •  Can  be  a  construcAve  catalyst  for  growth,  innovaAon,  and  transformaAon  •  Is  a  essenAal  for  effecAve  problem-­‐solving  and  decision-­‐making  
  6. 6. 5  Myths  of  Conflict    MYTH  2:  Conflict  should  be  managed  and  resolved      6  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    RealiAes:  •  Can  be  complex  and  difficult  to  manage  and  resolve  •  ResoluAon  focus  oFen  hastens  an  agreement,  which  may  not  be  the  best  agreement  •  Some  conflicts  must  be  engaged  and  nurtured  to  address  underlying    dynamics  
  7. 7. 5  Myths  of  Conflict    MYTH  3:  The  best  conflict  outcome  is  a  compromise  solu%on      7  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    RealiAes:  •  Can  accelerate  soluAoning  before  relevant  informaAon  is  shared  •  Takes  a  distribuAve  approach  to  soluAoning  and  assumes  all  parAes  should  give  something  up  •  Excludes  other  suitable  approaches  such  as  collaboraAon    
  8. 8. 5  Myths  of  Conflict    MYTH  4:  Separate  people  from  the  problem  because  emo%ons  get  in  the  way    8  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    RealiAes:  •  You  can’t  put  a  process  around  personality  •  Some  conflicts  are  idenAty-­‐entrenched  and  require  revealing  moAvaAons/needs/fears    •  EmoAons  are  energy  and  express  commitment  (versus  apathy  or  complacency)    
  9. 9. 5  Myths  of  Conflict    MYTH  5:  Focus  on  the  conflict’s  tangible  aspects      9  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    RealiAes:  •  Conflict  can  be  comprised  of  intangibles  including  differences  in  strategies,  objecAves,  and  needs  •  Conflict  occurs  within  intangible  dimensions  of  culture  that  may  need  to  be  incorporated  into  the  engagement  approach  •  Tangibles  oFen  lead  to  a  compromise-­‐focused  outcome  and  may  not  be  the  best  approach  
  10. 10. The  Layers  of  Conflict  Resource-­‐  Based  ObjecAve-­‐Based  IdenAty-­‐Based  10  Observable / TangibleBelow the SurfaceWhat we want & How we get thereGoals, Interests, Methods, PurposesWhy we want / needValues, Motivations, Fears, HopesPresent-orientedTomorrow-focusedPast-basedAdapted from Dr. Jay Rothman’s ARIA modelConflict’s ExteriorConflict’s InteriorCultural & PsychologicalPsychological & StructuralStructural©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  11. 11. Conflict’s  ConstrucAve  Capacity  •  DisAnguish  inherited  and  constructed  beliefs  about  conflict  •  Embrace  an  empowered  context  for  conflict    •  Change,  innovaAon,  and  transformaAon  arise  in  the  context  of  conflict  •  Understand  your  relaAonship  to  conflict  and  predisposed  ways  of  being,  thinking,  and  “re-­‐acAng”  11  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  12. 12. Thomas-­‐Kilmann  Conflict  Modes  •  Provides  insight  into  different  conflict  styles  •  Suggests  conflict  style  tendencies  (not  hard  truths)  •  No  right/wrong  style  -­‐  each  appropriate  in  different  situaAons  •  Understand  how  and  when  to  use  the  various  modes  •  Based  on  2  basic  dimensions  –  Asser%veness:  Extent  to  which  individual  akempts  to  saAsfy  his/her  own  concerns  –  Coopera%veness:  Extent  to  which  individual  akempts  to  saAsfy  the  other  person’s  concerns    12  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  13. 13. Thomas-­‐Kilmann  Conflict  Modes  13  AssertivenessConcernforSelfCooperativenessConcern for OthersUncooperative CooperativeUnassertiveAssertiveSource: Thomas-Kilmann©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  14. 14. Thomas-­‐Kilmann  Conflict  Modes  AVOIDING  Suitable Situations•  Insignificant issue•  Allow space for emotions to stabilize•  More information to be gatheredConsiderations for using alternate style•  Do you feel like the expression of needs or opinions are stifled?Cautions•  Cultivating a conflict-adverse culture•  Effective problem-solving not possible without exchange of ideas,interests, and diverse perspectivesPerson  delays  engaging  the  conflict  by  being  either  unasser%ve  or  uncoopera%ve  for  some  period  of  %me  (or  forever)    14  Lose/Lose  Adapted fromThomas-Kilmann©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  15. 15. CreaAve  Conflict  Avoidance  •  MinimizaAon  •  MisdirecAon  •  EscalaAon  •  Premature  Problem  Solving  –  3  QuesAons  to  Slow  Down  –  What  problem  is  your  proposal  trying  to  address?  –  Is  that  the  most  significant  issue  that  needs  to  be  addressed  (and  if  not,  what  is)?  –  How  well  does  your  proposal  address  that  issue?  15  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    Adapted from Bernie Mayer
  16. 16. Thomas-­‐Kilmann  Conflict  Modes  ACCOMMODATING  Suitable Situations•  Issue is low importance•  Giving in fosters good will (and you’re authentically conceding)•  When the other solution is betterConsiderations for using alternate style•  Do you feel like your contributions and concerns aren’t recognized?Cautions•  Cohesiveness at the expense of generating a healthy level of tension•  Important or underlying issues remain unresolvedPerson  seeks  to  emphasize  or  preserve  the  rela%onship  by  conceding  to  the  other    16  Lose/Win  Adapted fromThomas-Kilmann©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  17. 17. Thomas-­‐Kilmann  Conflict  Modes  COMPROMISING  Suitable Situations•  Time-sensitivity and issues of moderate importance•  Power is balanced•  Issues are clear and distributive in natureConsiderations for using alternate style•  Does the situation require a deeper dive into underlying dynamics?Cautions•  Solutioning too quickly and solving the wrong problem•  Pacifying both sides through a veneer of “giving something up”Person  seeks  for  all  par%es  to  make  concessions    17  Win-­‐Lose/Win-­‐Lose  Adapted fromThomas-Kilmann©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  18. 18. Thomas-­‐Kilmann  Conflict  Modes  COMPETING  Suitable Situations•  Time is critical for action•  Your needs or rights are at stake•  Vital and unpopular issuesConsiderations for using alternate style•  Will this jeopardized the relationship and is it important in the future?Cautions•  Myopic thinking limiting the flow of ideas and information•  Creating a “yes” culture to acquiesce to your viewPerson  seeks  to  pursue  own  interest  with  liQle  or  no  rela%onship  focus  18  Win/Lose  Adapted fromThomas-Kilmann©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  19. 19. Thomas-­‐Kilmann  Conflict  Modes  COLLABORATING  Suitable Situations•  Collective ownership of solution is important•  Complex situations benefiting from expanded perspectives andcreative solutioning•  Relationship transformation is desiredConsiderations for using alternate style•  Do you feel like a unilateral decision is appropriate?Cautions•  Analysis paralysis or time and resource use on insignificant issues•  Trust is possible and willingness to be open-minded existsPerson  seeks  to  enrich  the  rela%onship,  explore  mul%ple  perspec%ves,  and  strive  for  consensus  and  crea%ve  solu%ons  19  Win/Win  Adapted fromThomas-Kilmann©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  20. 20. Choosing  a  Conflict  Style  Some  quesAons  to  keep  in  mind  •  Who  has  the  power?  •  How  important  is  nurturing  the  relaAonship?  •  How  important  is  the  task  or  issue?  •  Are  there  deeper  aspects  that  need  to  be  surfaced?    Remember  the  layers  of  conflict!  20  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  21. 21. ReflecAve  QuesAons  •  What  does  conflict  mean  to  me?  •  In  what  ways  do  I  feel  effecAve/ineffecAve  in  engaging  conflict?  •  What  have  I  learned  or  realized  in  this  session  I  hadn’t  considered  or  admiked  to  myself  before?  •  What  is  the  construc%ve  /  transforma%ve  poten%al  of  conflict?  •  How  can  I  apply  the  learning?  21  ©  Copyright  2013  Darshana  Patel    
  22. 22. 22  ABOUT  UNSCRIPTED  WAY™  Unscripted  Way™    •  Helps  people  and  organizaAons  disAnguish  and  rewire  their  limiAng  pakerns  so  they  can  liberate  their  true  potenAal  and  redefine  what’s  possible  for  themselves  and  the  communiAes  they  impact    •  DemysAfies  consciousness  and  transformaAon,  making  it  accessible  and  applicable  to  individuals  and  organizaAons  at  any  stage  of  growth  •  Delivers  services  via  facilitated  group  training  and  experienAal  workshops,  guided  group  conversaAons  to  explore  condiAoned  pakerns,  embedded  team  intervenAons,  and  coaching  •  Uses  the  revoluAonary  framework  “The  Unscripted  Way:  The  3  Habits  to  Liberate  Your  True  Poten<al”        4  DAY  WORKSHOP:  THE  UNSCRIPTED  WAY™  FOR  LIFE  |  TEAMS  COACHING  AND  CUSTOMIZED  SOLUTIONS  •   Unscripted  TransformaAon  6  Month  Program  •   Unscripted  TransformaAon  Customized  Program  •   Unscripted  Hourly  Coaching  and  FacilitaAon  Habit  1:    Be  Conscious  of  Condi%oned  PaQerns   Habit  2:    “Un-­‐Cult”  the  Culture   Habit  3:    Use  Conflict  for  Con%nuous  Growth  ©  2013  Darshana  Patel    UNSCRIPTED  WAY™:  THE  3  HABITS  TO  LIBERATE  YOUR  TRUE  POTENTIAL  1)  Be  Conscious  of  Condi%oned  Pakerns  2)  “Un-­‐Cult”  the  Culture  3)  Use  Conflict  for  Con%nuous  Growth  Conflict  enables  growth  and  innova%on.  Explore  and  apply  its  construc%ve  and  transforma%onal  capaci%es.  Objec%ves  •  Appreciate  conflict’s  hidden  capaciAes    •  Recognize  and  respect  conflict  styles  •  Foster  creaAve  problem  solving  via  collaboraAon  Key  Topics  •  Unscripted  Conflict:  The  3  Secrets  of  Conflict  for  Breakthrough  RelaAonships  1)  Become  Conscious  of  CondiAoned  Pakerns  2)  Listen  through  Complaint  for  underlying  Commitment  3)  ShiF  from  CompeAAon  to  CollaboraAon  Culture  serves  a  vital  role  in  crea%ng  iden%ty  and  belonging.  “Un-­‐Cult”  the  darker  side  of  inherited  and  imposed  belief  systems.    Objec%ves  •  Understand  the  role  and  dynamics  of  culture    •  Examine  the  cultural  belief  curriculum  •  Transcend  limiAng  beliefs  and  assumpAons  Key  Topics  •  Inherited  beliefs  and  assumpAons  and  the  role  in  narraAve  development  •  MimeAc,  group  think,  and  scapegoat  phenomenon  •  Consciously  architecAng  beliefs  and  values  People  and  teams  unconsciously  execute  condi%oned  paQerns  of  existence.    Liberate  from  the  narra%ves  and  redefine  possibility.  Objec%ves  •  Become  conscious  of  limiAng  pakerns  •  Develop  a  new  a  perspecAve  on  any  situaAon  •  Liberate  potenAal,  passion,  and  creaAvity  Key  Topics  •  Looking  at  versus  through  perspecAves  •  ExperienAal  reflecAon  to  powerfully  disAnguish  limiAng  narraAves  •  Unscripted  Way™  framework  for  liberaAng  potenAal,  enabling  transformaAon  and  growth  Unscripted  Way™   LEARNING  IS  POWERFUL.  UNLEARNING  IS  TRANSFORMATIONAL.  LIVE  UNSCRIPTED.™    www.unscriptedway.com    
  23. 23. About  Darshana  Patel  darshana@unscriptedway.com        Darshana  Patel,  Founder  of  Unscripted  Way,  is  a  TransformaAon  Facilitator  and  Coach  specializing  in  Change  Leadership  and  Conflict  with  20  years  experience.    Darshana  helps  people  and  organizaAons  disAnguish  and  rewire  their  limiAng  pakerns  so  they  can  liberate  their  true  potenAal  and  redefine  what’s  possible  for  themselves  and  the  communiAes  they  impact.        Darshana’s  career  has  an  uncommon  balance  of  progressive  theory  and  pracAcal,  in-­‐the-­‐trenches  experience.    Her  knowledge  of  and  contribuAon  to  current  research  in  developmental  psychology,  organizaAonal  change,  and  conflict  engagement  transcend  convenAonal  approaches  to  personal  and  group  improvement.    Her  innovaAve  thinking  and  approach,  coupled  with  her  proven  experience  in  Change  and  Program  Leadership  at  many  of  the  largest  global  organizaAons  including  McKesson,  GE  Energy,  Lockheed  MarAn,  Wells  Fargo,  and  Bank  of  America,  equip  her  with  new  thinking  to  help  individuals  and  teams  address  today’s  challenges  created  by  yesterday’s  soluAons.      Darshana  possesses  a  Master’s  degree  in  Conflict  Analysis  &  Engagement  from  AnAoch  University  and  a  Bachelors  of  Business  AdministraAon  in  InformaAon  Systems  from  the  University  of  CincinnaA.    Her  credenAals  include:  CerAficate  in  Change  Leadership  from  Cornell  University,  GE  Change  AcceleraAon  Process  Coach,  Project  Management  Professional  (PMP),  Lean  Six  Sigma  Green  Belt,  and  registered  mediator  Georgia’s  Office  of  Dispute  ResoluAon.  Darshana  is  a  sought-­‐aFer  facilitator  and  mediator,  keynote  speaker,  and  internaAonally  published  author  on  Change  and  TransformaAon  challenges  and  soluAons.      23  

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