DR. ANNA MICHELLE & SHERRY GABA[Music]Dr. Anna Michelle: Welcome everyone. This is Dr. Anna Michelle and you are listening...
focused therapist. Her treatment approach is to provide support and practical feedback to helpclients resolve current prob...
blame and shame and this sort of thing and I think it’s important that we look at ourselves, andwhat is it about us that k...
attachment emptiness and it’s a black whole that is so destructive to your resonance andemotional being. And when you say ...
you needed. You know, without love as a child, human beings become incomplete. They can’treally develop self-esteem, love ...
really important, you feel energized and alive with your partner’s presence. When that energyand that aliveness is gone an...
And then fourth, and again I just touched on it is taking that action. If you want to have a fullrelationship once you get...
Dr. Anna: Thank you for that. So, speaking of spirituality, how can people use like a spiritual by-pass to avoid dealing w...
divorce or separation they are making that contact in a negative way because they want thatconnection.They want that - oh ...
Dr. Anna: Oh ye, many, many times.Sherry: And you analyze that email and you analyze that text. Im guilty of that, I’ve do...
this is just not okay, and I know it in my inner gut then I have to walk away or I will becomeobsessed. And its kind of sh...
lonely. Find healthier outlets. Take an acting class, take a speaking class. Go to the gym, takeyoga. Buy a meditation tap...
matter. I will not enter into another emotionally unavailable relationship. I think often the personthat becomes the love ...
Sherry: Oh great idea or the refrigeratorDr. Anna: RightSherry: And again, I want the listeners to know. I mean, this is a...
willing to do that. So, those are the bonus gifts and then, go ahead and read the offers and then ifyou want I can sort of...
Dr. Anna: Well, its on your live coaching workshop?Sherry: Yeah, so if they get, if they do the package, what theyll do is...
things like, oh I’ll never find somebody, nobody ever will want me when actually thats not justtrue. The truth is that you...
moved on to other partners. Every time I feel myself completely letting go of him, he becomesmore loving? Then I fall back...
and it comes from some unmet need. And so what she calls or he calls this great chemistry, isreally just something that th...
Dr. Anna: Alright, well we are nearing the end of our call.Sherry: That was so fast.Dr. Anna: I know.Sherry: I cannot beli...
the call with a meditation and if I end with an affirmation it really energizes people. So, Imgoing to say the affirmation...
I’m really angry. I would have loved to be married forever and blah, blah, blah but I am sograteful that we created a beau...
please share your thoughts below in the Facebook comments at the bottom of the page and Ipromise I will respond.And my fin...
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  1. 1. DR. ANNA MICHELLE & SHERRY GABA[Music]Dr. Anna Michelle: Welcome everyone. This is Dr. Anna Michelle and you are listening to TheBreak Up Solution Summit, where are all gathered here together to heal your heart and free yoursoul. I want to thank each and every one of you for being here, because you are worth thisinformation and investment of time in yourself. Relationship breakups can be devastating. Whatdo you do when someone you love makes a conscious decision to leave you? And what if you arestill in love with someone and you don’t know how to move on? It can be deeply painful. I knowhow you feel because I’ve been there. When my almost 8-year relationship suddenly ended, I feltabandoned, with no one to turn to. I felt like there was something wrong with me, like I hadfailed my relationship. And as much as I relied on family and friends, I really needed specificsupport. I needed people in my life that could understand the grief, the guilt and the pain I wasgoing through. This is why I created The Break Up Solution Summit, a safe and caringcommunity that you can come to again and again to feel better and ease your grief, but also toreally understand why these breakups happen and where do we go from here?Getting over a breakup is not easy and I want to acknowledge just how brave you are forshowing up, because you matter and you deserve the best. I believe in you and I know you canovercome anything. Even if you feel like the world is crumbling around you, we are all here foryou. I have 38 amazing and exceptional experts who are honored to give you practical adviceand loving support. I have aligned with the best of the best to empower you with choice andawareness, because I want you to come out on the other side of this experience with the power tochange your life. Before we begin with tonight’s extraordinary speaker, I am committed that youfind the answers and solutions you seek. So, if you haven’t already submitted a question pleasego ahead and ask your questions right now, or as they come up for you on this website page,breakupsolutionsummit.com/event. And, you can ask your question inside the webcast questionand answer box. You can include your name, city, state, country. Or, if you want to remainunanimous you have that option, as well. And, I will definitely ask your questions a little later inthe seminar.So, tonight’s extraordinary speaker is Celebrity Life Coach and Psychotherapist, Sherry Gaba.Sherry specializes in individual, couples, family and group psychotherapy and maintains aprivate practice in California. Sherry has over 15 years of experience as a clinician and she is agraduate of USC, specializing in addiction, eating disorders, parenting, single parenting, divorceand life coaching. And, she is currently serving as a private practitioner working with a broadspectrum of clients. And in addition, she is a consultant for several high profile MelbourneRehab Centers and has worked with numerous celebrities in her career. Sherry appeared onCelebrity Rehab 3, 4 and 5. And she also facilitated life coaching on their subsequent spin offSober House and Celebrity Rehab’s Sex Addiction. Sherry is a practical, interactive, solution
  2. 2. focused therapist. Her treatment approach is to provide support and practical feedback to helpclients resolve current problems and long standing patterns.In tonight’s transformative interview with Sherry, she is going to teach you what exactly isrecovery from obsessive love, so that you can understand how to heal obsessive love, developself-confidence, experience true intimacy, create boundaries and free yourself so that you canfind real love. Sherry’s breakthrough approach combines the power of positive thinking with realaction steps. And through her method, anyone struggling with obsessive love can transform theirlife by shifting the focus from obsessing to aligning with more authentic love. So tonight, Sherrywill teach you how to let go of hurtful and destructive relationships, people who cannot or willnot love you in return, so that you can free yourself once and for all from unhealthy relationshipsand align with relationships that support the authentic you. Welcome, Sherry to the call.Sherry Gaba: Oh, thank you Anna. I am so thrilled to be here and so, I am in such gratitude thatyou came up with such a wonderful gift, because I know that when a new year starts although weare all very excited of the new year, and we have New Year’s resolutions. How wonderful thatyou’re mindful enough to know that there are some people that are grieving, that are, you know,truly in pain over a break up or a break up that may be happened last year, and what a gift tohave that support. I’m just so happy that you put this out there for people to understand and to beable to work through, sometimes a very difficult time in people’s lives.Dr. Anna: Thank you. I really appreciate that. There are some listeners that aren’t familiar withyour work. Can you tell us more about your break up journey and how that led to the work youdo today?Sherry: What a great question! Yes, I became a single mom very young. I was a single mom of a1-year old, and that was probably one of my biggest break ups. And I journeyed into differentrelationships, another marriage and now I am presently married. I realized, you know, whetheryou are a single mom or not a single mom, you know, there are things that happen to us in thesebreak ups that if we don’t learn from them and we don’t realize why we are picking who we arepicking we will repeat those patterns. And so, it is my experience that until we do that work, untilwe realize that, are we picking people because of this chronic, sort of empty whole and it’s notreally because it’s the person, but it’s more away to fill something up. That just became reallyhuge. You know, some of my work is with helping people get over negative habits in their livesbut actually, sometimes picking the wrong relationship can be a negative habit and I do feel that Iwas one of those people. I am absolutely somebody that used love to fill a very empty face. Ithink a lot of people use different things to fill empty faces. You know, whether it’s drugs oralcohol or gambling or shopping or plastic surgery or eating, or you know, whatever it is but I dothink that love can be an obsession and I think until that whole is filled up in some way, peopleare going to keep repeating those patterns. And, I think it’s just important for people to knowthat, because I think people think it’s all about the other person and you know, it’s all about
  3. 3. blame and shame and this sort of thing and I think it’s important that we look at ourselves, andwhat is it about us that keep attracting the same people?Dr. Anna: So, what is obsessive love? You could tell us more about, what are the signs andsymptoms of it?Sherry: It’s sort of a longing, it’s a desperation. It doesn’t feel whole. It doesn’t feel nurturing. Itdoesn’t feel safe. You know, often people get into these - you know, there’s really the universallaws of love and so obsessing – you know a love addiction you can’t really get into a healthyrelationship until you understand these universal laws of love. So, for example, whenrelationship ends if you don’t grief, excuse me that obsessive love, you know you are kind ofputting out to the universe a very depressing frequency. And so, it’s really important that yougrief before you move on. So, you have to purge all the thoughts and behaviors and all the darkresonance related to that negative relationship, so that you don’t keep attracting back. I am surethat many listeners will be able to relate to the fact that they keep attracting the same type. Andso, why is that? It’s probably because they might not have grieved. You have to kind of get rid ofthat old toxic energy in order to bring into your life positive energies that will bring, you know,positive joy, positive relationships. And, one of the issues that sometimes you think you wantrevenge but all that does again is bring more negativity out there. So instead, we need tomagnetize what it is we believe we deserve in a relationship so the universe hears us and bringthat back into our lives.I might try and answer that question clearly, what the signs and symptoms are but let me – youknow there is so many – hold on one second. Let me just kind of clear myself on how I want togo with it. I think I would rather start, Anna with something you lost and what it doesenergetically to you. Would that be okay?Dr. Anna: Oh, please. Yeah, go ahead.Sherry: Before I go into all the symptoms.Dr. Anna: That would be fine.Sherry: Obsessing about what could have been forces you to think about lack which brings morelack. You know, I am really a believer in the laws of attraction and what we put out in terms ofour thoughts or what we are going to get back. So, I also believe that all the grieving isimportant. You have to also acknowledge what you are grateful for, right now in your life, or thatwill keep you from gravitating those great things that you already have. I know that if you put apartner on a Pedi stone, ex-partner on a pedistone and you make yourself long, again you aregoing to keep attracting the same type of person as if you are wrong they are right. And so, youare going to keep putting that person on a pedistone you are going to keep attracting that kind ofperson. So, continuing to obsess keeps you, you know, energetically attached to that person. So,by not letting go you’ve locked that resonance. By holding onto what’s negative you put out this
  4. 4. attachment emptiness and it’s a black whole that is so destructive to your resonance andemotional being. And when you say obsessed with someone your vibration says, you areunavailable which puts up a wall energetically preventing new love to come your way. And I dobelieve, and it’s happened for me, that the universe wants us to have love. But, when you finallylet go of this obsessive love that is when I really, truly believe you create the space for positivelove to come your way. It has for me and I know it has for many of my clients, because you’re nolonger clouding your space with that crazy obsession. You know, when you hold onto someonethat is unavailable you are pouring your energy into this bliss of nothingness that just keeps youisolated and withdrawn. So, of course if you are isolated and withdrawn how are you going tobring in that new person? So, learning to be alone really does, and it’s so painful to hear this but,because we all want to be loved and we all want to be in relationships, that learning to be alonerenews your energy of old attachment, and it makes room for the universe to bring yousomething really new and fabulous. So, again, it goes back to what we are most conscious ofthis, what is found. And when you are consistently conscious of your life, you only expand yourexperience of lack, loss and just to keep attracting more of that loss.I do want to get to your question about what the signs and symptoms are, so just give me a littlesecond here. I have a wonderful little outline. Okay. So, some of the signs and symptoms arethese:Over-adapting to what others want. You sort of become a very core dependent individual. It’s allabout people pleasing and doing anything and everything, you’re almost giving up your valuesfor that person. You have no boundaries. You have a fear of letting go. You have a fear of theunknown. You constantly are trying to fix and change and manipulate others. And these also aresigns of an unhealthy relationship, obviously because an obsessive relationship is an unhealthyrelationship. If they mattered meeting others to feel whole or looking for others for affirmationand remorse during abandonment, saying ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no’, even being abusedphysically or emotionally and having really intense withdrawal symptoms of saying withdrawalsymptoms that a person on heroin would have. You’ll do anything for that fix. And you startdoing really unhealthy behaviors for that fix. You do drive-bys, you know where you drive bytheir house or you call and you hang up. These are some of the things that are really hallmarks ofwhat obsessive love is. And let’s, you know, go through some of the steps that I am going to talkabout. Those things linger on and they just linger negativity. And so, there is very little space tobring someone really fabulous into your life if you are still living in those fears.Dr. Anna: What does childhood trauma have to do with obsessive love?Sherry: Childhood trauma is about often the fact that people were neglected or abandoned, whohad parents that were abusive and they weren’t conscious, they weren’t present and so, it createdan empty whole inside of you. And so, what happens is, and the same with other sorts of habits,is you want to feel that hole up. And so, what obsessive love is they weigh to fill that hole up,something that you didn’t get when you were young. You know, someone did not give you what
  5. 5. you needed. You know, without love as a child, human beings become incomplete. They can’treally develop self-esteem, love for others or love for life. They are deprived of that really corebonding and nurturing and when it comes from just not being enough, not having enough. So,really obsessive love is an unconscious attempt to satisfy that deep longing, that developmentalhunger, sort of that hungry ghost for something to belong. We are looking outside ourselves tofix an inside job, our fear, our pain and our discomfort. We even allow others to abuse us andwhen they threaten to leave us we act out, you know, we act out.When a child has to take care of a parent, for instance sets up this role reverse that later translatesinto this really unhealthy reunified relationship sort of a dependent love relationship. And so,there is a real confusion for this child like, what is real love and what is real intimacy? So, if theyget any inkling of being rejected. When the partner leaves or rejects us you go into this panic,your nervous system goes on overdrive. It does not want to feel that pain at any cost and so it isgoing to search out something else to replace that pain, and especially if it was young andrejected. So, it’s sort of clinging at all costs to make yourself feel whole to get what it is that youprobably didnt get. And so, the important thing is to know that you can get that emptiness filledup, it just doesnt have to be filled up with unhealthy behaviors or unhealthy obsessiverelationships.Dr. Anna: So, what does healthy love look like?Sherry: Its nurturing, its caring, its honesty, its mutual respect, its knowing that you can counton a person, its appreciation, its caring affection, its sharing values and trust and acceptance. Ikeep saying trust because it is just such an important part of a healthy relationship. Its giving, itsjoy, vulnerability, its mystery, its sacredness, its gratitude, compassion. There is a great quotethat I love to quote about the subject and it’s, “We dont find love by chasing after it; we simplyopen our hearts and find it within us.” So, its sort of like - unhealthy love is that wanting andthat pushing and its sort of that fish going upstream metaphor, you are just, want it so badly.Healthy love is sort of called to you. Its almost like a calling, comes to you. Its longer-lasting,and its calmer, we feel secure and safe and we even develop these bonding chemicals which arecalled Oxytosins. Its sort of like even sometimes women will experience with other women andI dont mean this necessarily in a sexual way although it could be, but when you get peopletogether in a community and there is this connection going on, this intimate connection, youproduce these really great chemicals.So, healthy love says I love because I am loved, immature love says I love you because I needyou. And really that is the hallmark is that when you are in an unhealthy situation you areneeding something and you would do anything at all costs for that something even when it hurtsyou and it has grave consequences. Love, real love is safe and you can express thoughts withoutfearing being ridiculed. You can admit when you are wrong, acceptance can be yourself withoutfear of being rejected. There is a lot of respect. You are allowed to have separate opinions andideas. You dont become insecure because someone doesnt agree with you. You feel - this is
  6. 6. really important, you feel energized and alive with your partner’s presence. When that energyand that aliveness is gone and probably that spontaneity is gone, theres probably some issues athand and it could be that you are in an obsessive love relationship.I hope that answers your question. I have just so many things to say about healthy love too andthats a big part of it.Dr. Anna: That was wonderful; I really appreciate that in exactly the way that you said it. So,what are four steps that one could take right now to ask the universe what they desire in apartner?Sherry: Well, if you are a believer that’s what you put out and what you say and that yourconsciousness expands, you know, the more that you put out that positive energy or that positivevibration, if you truly believe that, these four steps are immediately what a person can do. Theycan ask the universe for exactly what they want, they can write it down they can send it out, theycan actually visualize, you know, what does that person look like? How does that person feel?The way theyd feel in their arms, sharing a meal together, that person’s essence, what are theirvalues? How do you picture yourself with them? There is so much power in affirming anddeclaring or acknowledging to the universe what it is that you want. So, that would be the firststep.The second, and again these are just four things that I want your listeners to walk away with. Isto believe in your inner most being that this person is on their way, there is no question they areon their way. Not to get attached to a day or a time, just know that that person here she is on theirway and that the universe has heard your request. Putting yourself in situations, I mean this goesinto step four, but I just we all know about the movie The Secret and what the secret meant wasthe action steps. So, before I even continue, I want your listeners to know its just not aboutvisualizing it and snapping your finger and its going to appear, its also about where are yougoing to put yourself. What decisions are you going to put yourself in your world that will bringlove to your life? And having this gratitude, this appreciation for the person as if it has alreadyarrived, as if its - and what else in your life is a blessing? What else is, I know that a lot of singlemoms, I did this when I went through a divorce. It took me a while to figure out well, what wasits purpose?I always knew it was because I had my daughter and if there was a purpose, every relationshipI’ve ever been with had a purpose. One person, he was a psychologist. If it wasnt for him Iprobably wouldnt have realized I too could go back to school and be a therapist and help others.And it was probably the worst relationship of all my relationships but there was a purpose forthat person. So, have gratitude for the reason these people have been in your life even if theydidn’t work out and have gratitude for what you have right now. And when you embody gratitudeyour dreams are most likely going to occur a lot sooner.
  7. 7. And then fourth, and again I just touched on it is taking that action. If you want to have a fullrelationship once you get over the obsessive love. You dont of course want to now start going inplaces that are just going to cause you more pain. You dont want to be with married people, forinstance. You dont want to come up with defense mechanisms that, oh well you know, this is justtemporary and this is just kind of fill my time and its okay because if you are an obsessiveperson and you enter into another relationship where that person is emotionally unavailable, justlike probably the first person was that got you into that obsessive relationship in the first place,you are going to go through all of the relapse. You are going to go through all of the pain all over.So, if you find yourself attracting what you always have attracted, that emotionally unavailableperson, stay clear away. So, anyway, the fourth one is take action. This doesnt mean you startobsessing for the person to appear, it just means live your life as if they are already there,spending time doing things you want to do and that is why I brought up a married person,because that isn’t going to bring you what you want. Doing things you want to do with a partner,be with the person, your soul mate. What would that person want to do? What are their hobbies?What are their interests? Thats how its going to show up.Put pictures up of loving couples or buy greeting cards that are from someone that loves you,send yourself flowers, make a bed for two with lots of pillows, set a table for two. Tell theuniverse I’m here, I’m ready. Maybe picture yourself as a magnet imbued with magnetic energythat is going to bring you exactly what you want. It just depends on what kind of learner or whatkind of person that you are. Are you a visual person? Are you an auditory person? Maybe youwant to listen into meditations that put you into this space, maybe you want to use breathingtechniques, visualizing these things, maybe you just want to draw a picture of it, maybe you wantto use words, journal, whatever it is that works for you. When you take any action, and it’s reallyimportant, any action you are sending out a powerful vibration to the universe that you are ready.And when you live as if you wish, it has been manifested already it radiates a feeling of having itnow and the universe is going to feel that. You know, otherwise you create a separation betweenyour desire and you which makes it really hard for the universe to access that fantasy person.And I really do have to tell your listeners that I believe this because it happens for time and notjust this area of my life but all areas of my life. I was on Celebrity Rehab thats been ontelevision, I wrote a book last year called The Law of Sobriety and all of this was because I putout into the universe all of the things that I wanted and visualized, and took action and was verypersistent and passionate and purposeful around it.So, if its love that you want you want to be purposeful, passionate and you want to perseveretowards that goal, whatever that goal is. I wanted to be on Celebrity Rehab 2 after seeingCelebrity Rehab 1, and I put it out there I found a way to - and I know this is off topic but I wantto bring this out because it works, it really works. Everything works if you work it, right? Thatsa very famous saying in certain communities and it really is true.
  8. 8. Dr. Anna: Thank you for that. So, speaking of spirituality, how can people use like a spiritual by-pass to avoid dealing with obsessive love?Sherry: Well actually, what spiritual by-pass is, is when you are using spirituality to actually fillthat void. In other words, there are people that are actually obsessed with spirituality. They willsign up for anything and do things. I want people when they are in a vulnerable state to be reallyclear and come from a groundedness so that when they do enter into that spiritual world that theyare - whether it is, Buddhism or Judaism or Christianity or they believe in Allah or they believein a higher power or they believe in a higher self or a higher good or the science of mind orwhatever it is, come from a grounded space, ground yourself first, otherwise you can get intowhat I call a spiritual by-pass. Using spirituality as a form of escape and using something orsomeone to meet your spiritual needs.A person cannot meet, you can have a beautifully spiritual relationship but they cant fill thatempty hole. That has to be filled up with something either outside of you, some sort of higherpower or some sort of higher self within you. True spirituality does not come from anotherperson, it is something that transports us to – really spirituality is something that transports us toa higher purpose for living. You can experience bliss and compassion and gratitude and joy,mystical visions and again I go back to that word, aliveness, peace experiences but you cant getthat from the outside, it has to come from within or it has to come from something greater thanyourself. And so, to avoid using spirituality to fill that emptiness is what I talk about.And if they are seeking their spirituality to come from a very grounded space, and if anything isonce you get into that grounded space and you feel that emptiness, walah! Something greatunfolds and that perfect person appears every time, absolutely every time because you are readyfor it, because you have done the work. Because you’ve been able to be within yourself, knowyourself, learn who your authentic self is so that you attract what you are and what you’vebecome, not what you were.Dr. Anna: Thank you that was beautifully said.Sherry: You are welcome.Dr. Anna: Ive heard of something called the no contact rule. Can you tell us more about that?Also how can two people avoid contact when they have to be in contact? Maybe they sharechildren together or they have to work together.Sherry: Yeah, that is a great question and I’m actually glad you threw that in there because Ididnt really think of that as when I was going to talk about that tonight but, no contact if it doeshave to do with single parenting is really about emailing. Now, the courts have systems wherethere is computer programs that can allow you to talk to that person and everything is recordedon this program so that no one can be abusive and it is all about business and the business ofyour children. I think most people that make contact in a negative way that are going through a
  9. 9. divorce or separation they are making that contact in a negative way because they want thatconnection.They want that - oh my dog is making noises here. What Max? What? My dog got excited overthis topic. Oh, come here, come here, hold on, hold on. Hes having a little asthma attack. Sorryabout that. Okay, alright. Hes good. Anyway, the bottom-line is I think people make connectionslike that because they want to connect. They make up all of these excuses; oh I’ll call himbecause I left something there. Ill call him because we really do have to maybe make thisarrangement, although the arrangements already in the custody order but it is because they wantto connect. They want to connect at all cost. And so, I think avoiding connection altogether ifyou can by, a) using email, texting. And of course, if it is abusive emailing and texting goingthough that system through the courts because you cant get away with that with the courts. Youcan’t say things or do things that are inappropriate. And if you have to, meet the purpose in apublic place. Sometimes you have to just pick the children up at a public place because it is thatpainful. Because if you keep seeing that person in an intimate way, in other words they come tothe door, you left them in house. That can be, that is having contact that is really sort of aslippery slope. In my mind that is almost like a trigger.In order to avoid - I hope that answered the question about parenting because that is a greatquestion. Ive seen families that act like families when they are not families and I’m not trying tojudge that, but if you are in a lot of pain and you are trying to pretend like you are a family andyou are having contact with this ex, the child will pick it up and it won’t be a good energybecause it is not real. So, if you are really good friends with your ex and there is no more pain,sure by all means do stuff together but if you are still obsessing and you are still angry and youstill have – you feel like a victim and you are still blaming and youre in just that sort of negativespace, stay away.And its really all that initiating no contact rule because when you are detoxing from arelationship you just have this powerful urge to make contact no matter what with that ex-partnerand why is that? It is a lot about what I talked about earlier. It is wanting to fill that empty void,to relieve those intense withdrawal symptoms of pain and loss. Everybody can relate to someonejouncing from wanting a heroin fix, they will do anything. They will beg, borrow, borrow andsteal to get their fix. And you know what, the same can be true with love obsession; youll doanything to hear that voice. I talked about earlier driving by their self.Oh, and then there is the social media today, Facebook and Twittering. When you act out onthese behaviors you will have to start the process all over again. So whatever benefits orwhatever growth that you had when you were apart, as soon as you make that contact again, itsalmost like having that first drink, you will suffer the consequences all over again. It is almostlike you avoid your ex- its almost like you are looking for the ex to just throw, actually the exmay throw a crumb at you and youll take that like that means, oh my God they want to be withme. You will take – I mean, have you ever done that Anna where its like …
  10. 10. Dr. Anna: Oh ye, many, many times.Sherry: And you analyze that email and you analyze that text. Im guilty of that, I’ve done thatand it just really unhealthy. Its really just taking a back seat, taking a pause, listening to whatshappening to your body and moving away from that energy, because if its really meant to be andI hate to sound so corny but if its meant to be they are going to call you, its going to be healthyand its going to be loving and its going to be all of those healthy traits that I mentioned early.When it doesnt have that its probably not healthy and you probably want to stay away.So, no contact means no texting, emailing, calling, twittering, faxing. It means no contact. Itmeans getting out of denial that its okay to see that person just one more time. Just one moretime wont hurt. Ill have girlfriends call me and they will say, you know, I just want to see him,whatever; we are just going to get some coffee. I call them on it and I’m like, this is not aboutgetting coffee, this is about you want to make a connection man, you want to see this person. So,staying away from your ex will be the most difficult challenge and surviving that withdrawal andit is. Its like the withdrawal of any other substance.Dr. Anna: Like a sugar highSherry: Exactly, exactly, sugar, gambling, shopping. Dont go to the mall if you are in credit carddebt, okay. Dont see the ex if you are struggling with a love obsession. Dont go to Vegas if youare a gambler. And whats really important is when you buy into this fantasy that they are theanswer to your happiness you will have such a difficult time moving forward on a healthy pack.You will be taking two steps forward and going three steps back. But, I dont say this to makeanybody feel bad, because we are human and we are all going to want to do these things and itsokay. And so, when you want to make this contact, notice it. Be this curious witness and go, hereI go again I want to make that face; I want to send that email. There I go again, I want to pretendthat we are just going to get together to have a cup of coffee but I know what is really going onhere, I want to make that connection.Be honest. I think getting over a love obsession has to be in honesty, an honest program, anhonest recovery and to stop fooling yourself because love obsession is always based in denial inthe first place, or you wouldn’t have stayed with a relationship that was so unhealthy and we areall guilty of it. We want it to work so badly because we feel so empty we will do anything andwe will believe whatever we want and well continue thinking its going to get better and betterand it never does, and I’ve done this countless times in my own life. Ive broken up engagementsand still married the person. I was a serial love obsessor. Im just clear out with one of them and Iwill always probably be one until I have to always be mindful of that and always look for all thehealthy signs in the relationship and if I see any red flag that it is unhealthy I have to go the otherway.And this has to do with all my relationships. This has to do even with relationships with peoplethat I work with, friendships, people that I do business with. If I know and I have an instinct that
  11. 11. this is just not okay, and I know it in my inner gut then I have to walk away or I will becomeobsessed. And its kind of shameful to put that out there in the universe but I think if we don’t putit out there, it just affects us inside of us and it becomes bigger and bigger and we start acting outon really, really bad behavior. I think weve all done it; well enter and act out in ways becausewe are not dealing with the truth. So, that’s really important.Some of the ways to avoid contact would be to have a really great support system. You couldeven consider going to these, there is meetings out there called love and sex anonymousmeetings. Have good friends, family, pamper yourself, do all those great girly things or if you area guy, go get that manicure, massage, facial. Clear the affirmation that eliminates that negativeself talk. Remind yourself wanting to see that person doesnt mean its love because again,obsession, they are built in denial systems. It is the only thing; obsession is the only thing thattells you there isnt really a problem here. Youve got to really get into that denial system and say,this does not mean its love because I’m thinking of this person or he called me. Who cares? Hewasn’t good when I was with him. Just because hes calling doesnt mean anything.And remind yourself that you are not crazy; you are just going through withdrawal. Andremember, buying into the fantasy is just believing this person is someone that they are not, youknow. And then, f course all of the traditional things that we all know are good for us and that iswhy I get back, Anna into that word, action. Meditate, breathe, journal. Nurture that inner childwith self love. Make a commitment not to jump into another relationship. I think that is thehardest one. I think that one just, I think people …Dr. Anna: A rebound relationship?Sherry: Pardon me?Dr. Anna: A rebound relationship?Sherry: Yes. A rebound relationship more so, its really just, its inability to be with oneselfalone. And you can be sure and everyone knows this if they have done it. Its much more lonelyor you will feel much more alone and lonely with the wrong person. So, you may as well just doit alone and to know that you are not alone, that there are people out there that love you and lovecomes in so many different ways. It can be your dog, it can be nature, it can be, I mean, I dontwant to bring up all these silly things that we already know are out there, but we have to reallyget it because that other person will not be the answer. You will just go backwards. You will endup in the same spot and you will find yourself older and older making the same mistakes.You know that old saying, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expectingdifferent results.” You have to change your ways. You dont want to cross addict. Often peoplewill start obsessing on other things like they have to have that outfit, and they have to have thatcar and they have to have that house, and they have to have that job and theyve got to go, I dontknow, wherever it is. You got to be careful; dont get into drugs and alcohol because you are so
  12. 12. lonely. Find healthier outlets. Take an acting class, take a speaking class. Go to the gym, takeyoga. Buy a meditation tape; be really careful if you are cross obsessing because often that iswhat people will do. They will look for something else to fill that void.Do not become promiscuous. You may, and weve all done it and I’m just as guilty as the nextperson. Ill say well, you know, I’m lonely and its normal and its healthy. Sure, if you want toenter into sexual relationships and you feel okay and you know you, you will feel okay,afterwards fuck by all means but I think for most people in a really vulnerable state when theyare getting over an obsessive love I think entering into a sexual relationship will only cause morepain. Im thoroughly convinced of that.Dont isolate. Make a really conscious effort to change your thoughts when you begin to obsess.Just make that list of healthy options or actions and again, actions to replace your negativebehavior when you are feeling vulnerable or powerless. You know self nurturing, enriching,supportive and creative endeavors. We are all resourceful, creative whole beings. We have somuch to offer and so much to give. I mean, I can be in just a really bad space but as soon as I’mdoing something I love, if I’m involved in a great conversation or I’m doing like this teleseminar,you would never know whatever mood I was in before, because right now I am so present andconscious with you and the listeners and I’m in such joy. Finding your joy can bring yousomething much greater than being in relationship that is unhealthy and hurtful and maybe evenabusive.Dr. Anna: Well, can you give us some examples of affirmations?Sherry: Oh sure, absolutely. First of all, affirmations that if people dont know and I know youhave very well astute spiritually minded individuals listening, but I just will again say thataffirmations are phrases that you repeat to yourself which help change the way you communicatewith yourself. You know, kind of rewires your brain. I didnt get into it earlier but love obsessionis actually a change in your brain chemistry. There are things going in your brain that aremisfiring. It is a real chemical withdrawal when you are going through something like that. So,by doing affirmations, you are actually instead of taking medication, and again by all means ifyou are depressed, truly depressed see a therapist, see a doctor. If you need to be on medicationthat is completely up to you but there are holistic ways such as rewiring your brain, writing orrepeating affirmations when you start to obsess or experience that negative self talk. That chronicor that chronic emptiness or that place, for me when I feel very empty its in my chest.So, you all know what it feels like in your body. So, as soon as that comes up, let’s not get into anegative spin. Lets read and write things that are really positive and I’m going to sound like aSaturday night live guest but you know what? It really works. If you do these affirmations, if youwrite them, if you journal them, if you put them on post sticks. Im a lovable and valuableperson, I’m deserving of a healthy partner who is capable of loving and respecting and honoringme. This withdrawal, this excruciating pain will not last forever and my needs and wants do
  13. 13. matter. I will not enter into another emotionally unavailable relationship. I think often the personthat becomes the love obsessor has fallen for the love avoidance. I think often the one who wasobsessing was attracted to someone that wasnt available, very similar to their childhood trauma,and so, making that commitment that you are not going to run after a married person or someother person that is emotionally unavailable, cant communicate because you are just going tocause yourself pain. And you know you may relapse and you may do that, just catch yourself andstart all over again.We are getting back to affirmations. My needs and wants are important, all my experiencescontribute to my growth, I’m learning to let go of dependencies on others and relying on myselffor happiness. Ive got to tell you Anna, when that happened for me it was just so powerful I waslike, oh my God! And then you hear all you life, oh you have to love yourself before you canlove somebody else. Thats a common phrase but when you stand in your authentic self, whenyou stand in your own happiness and know that you have the power to give yourself all that lovethat you thought you could only find outside, there is nothing more powerful than that.So, I love that one. I’m learning to let go of dependency on others and relying on myself forhappiness. I walk away from toxic people; I create my own truth and love. I let go of obsessivebehaviors, thoughts, feelings, belief systems and I will not say yes when I mean no. So, those aresome affirmations that can be powerful and again, write them, journal them, say them, recordthem, put them on post tips, Maybe even do a grounding technique where you sit on a chair andyou ground your feet to the ground and you feel rooted in the chair and you orient yourself andyou look in the room and you look at everything around you and you go, I’m okay right now inthis moment. This moment is perfect; there is nothing wrong in this very moment. Because youknow, obsessing is where you are reaching, again like I talked about earlier, that you are like fishgoing upstream. You are pushing and you’re wanting something so badly and you are just cryingout for it, so take a pause and just be still.Notice if you have that empty pang in your chest. Notice it, be curious about it. Let it be there,think into it, lean into it, make friends with it. You wont die. Because that is really what theexistential fear is, that you are going to die. The pain is so unbearable that you are going to die.And so, that is why I think getting in touch with yourself, your body, affirmations, some of thetools that I’ve mentioned. They all tell the universe that, hey I am ready and I’m going to dothings different this time. I am not going to keep attracting the same sort of person because I amdeserving of something really great and I will wait until something great comes along. I will notsettle for something that does not serve my highest good.Dr. Anna: I think its really powerful to do affirmations in the mirror, standing in the mirror.Sherry: Oh, in the mirror, yeah.Dr. Anna: And it is easy to put the, I actually do this myself. It’s easy to put the post tips on themirror
  14. 14. Sherry: Oh great idea or the refrigeratorDr. Anna: RightSherry: And again, I want the listeners to know. I mean, this is a love obsession sort of call thatall of these tools work for any kind of habit that you are trying to rid yourself of. It really works.Dr. Anna: Sherry, can you give us a little more time to answer some live questions from ourlisteners?Sherry: Absolutely.Dr. Anna: Great. Alright, well before we enter questions, Sherry has a special offer just for theBreak Up Solution Summit. And if you click on the special offer button below Sherrys beautifulpicture, you will be taken to her special offer page. And Sherry, can you tell us some more aboutthis special offer, The Purposeful and Authentic Life Package? And how can it help someonetrying to get over a breakup?Sherry: Well, yeah Im actually - I almost want you to read it because I didnt put it up on myscreen, I can try. Im really guilty, I have to be honest.Dr. Anna: Theres so much that you are offering here I can just walk you throughSherry: Yeah, walk them through. And next what I’d like to, I mean, I want them all to knowthat there is these bonus gifts. That even if they dont decide to go with the seven steps and themeditations and all that there are bonus gifts and I think they already know that, right Ann?Dr. Anna: Sure, and if you want to talk about those firstSherry: Well, one of them is how to eliminate negative belief systems and everybody can usethat. Its an e-book and its got some meditations. Its like a workbook format and its just sort of aquick start on how to start changing those messages, those stories and turning them into storiesthat work for you. The second one is from my co-host on my CBS radio show. Im on a showevery Tuesday at 3:00 PM, Pacific, 6:00 o’clock, Eastern. Its called a Moment of Change. And ifanybody is interested its a Moment of Change on CBS Radio on. And she has offered an e-bookherself. And Im not exactly sure what she calls it but I wanted to actually read a quote from it,its just, I love it. Lets see, let me find the quote, I just, this quote just hit me tonight and I justhad to read it. Here it is and this is part of her e-book that she is giving away.She says, “And finally remember you are lovable, you are deserving of all good. You are capableof sharing your life and your heart with another. You are an unrepeatable life in the world, findthat again. Step out from the shadows of rejection and loss and back into the light of who youtruly are and realize that the promise of love shared remains. So, know in your heart that nomatter what love endures and still awaits”. So, she is offering an e-book as well and we talkedabout it because it is so appropriate to this teleseminar and I just was really honored that she was
  15. 15. willing to do that. So, those are the bonus gifts and then, go ahead and read the offers and then ifyou want I can sort of embellish and talk a little bit about them …Dr. Anna: Sure. Well, so item one here, if this is the purposeful and authentic life package. Itemone includes your seven lesson audio course for How to Attract Positive Energy.Sherry: Right. You want me to talk about it?Dr. Anna: Well, I can just quickly go through it. So, item two is your Love Sobriety e-book. Itemthree is the Laws of Sobriety and Meditation. Item four is the Law of Sobriety Life CoachingWorkshop.Sherry: And even before you go on, I’m going to let everyone know the sobriety word just takeit out of the vocabulary because even though its the word sobriety, for me, sobriety is of allobsessions. So, I want people to know that this is not about alcohol and drugs, it is for allobsessions. In these products, there will be mention of drugs and alcohol. There will be mentionof love addiction, there will be mention of co-dependency, there will be mention of other of othersorts of habits but it is not strictly about sobriety, because people today when they hear that wordtoday they think its just about drugs and alcohol. Yes, there is a component to that and these areproducts but these products can be used for any habit you are struggling with.In fact, I was going to do actually a meditation just to show that. This meditation comes from thisbook and comes and is also – well no, I dont think its in the meditations; its a differentmeditation in the ones they will get. But it just goes to show that it can be used for any sort ofobsession, whatever it is. Anyway, sorry to interrupt.Dr. Anna: Thats okay. For the last item, item five is avoiding relapse and its a pdf.Sherry: And that was sort of like that no contact rule. Finding the triggers that are going to keepyou, dont buy into those triggers, stay away from those triggers that are going to allow you to,you know, dont meet that person for coffee if you know it is going to make you want to be withthat person again. That is what thats one about, thats what thats about. And then I think there istwo meditations. One is on finding your purpose. I do believe that when you find your purpose,and calling and passion. I think a lot of these things dont weigh too heavy on your heart becauseyou have other things in your life that bring you joy. The other meditation is on living anauthentic life. Again, I believe until you figure out who the core of you is, you wont find thesame mutual partner. You will keep attracting whatever it is that you are. And until you find theauthenticity and you rip away that false self and find your true self that is when you will find atrue partner. So, that’s the second meditation.And then I think there might be a relapse prevention e-book. Oh, and then a group coaching,right? So, they would get some information from you I suppose about or they would email me,how does that work?
  16. 16. Dr. Anna: Well, its on your live coaching workshop?Sherry: Yeah, so if they get, if they do the package, what theyll do is theyll hear from me. I willemail them and well set up a time. I dont have it yet, but well put a time together and well do agroup coaching call. I mean that alone for a group coaching is usually around $50. Anna, youhave the prices there, I just know I added a lot of things because it is the way the world is today. Iwant people to get more for their money.Dr. Anna: I mean, yeah, you have an incredible package here with all kind of healing tools …[Crosstalk]Sherry: And I think they get a pdf of my book too?Dr. Anna: Exactly and its only. There is a payment option but the price for everything is only$87Sherry: Oh and also, a lot of it can be downloaded but they can also get a CD which is great.Dr. Anna: Okay.Sherry: Im really excited that I can offer that at this time. This will be the second time I’ve beenable to do that where people can actually get a CD rather than just the download because somepeople like to listen to things in their car.Dr. Anna: And I just want to say that I really have learned in the course of the Break Up SolutionSummit. Weve talked a lot about how important it is to eliminate limiting beliefs and thesedestructive patterns in your life and what Sherry is offering here is a way to do just that, a way toembrace the power of being in this breakup recovery journey and the opportunity to see theopportunities that its providing you to define a new vision for your life.Sherry: Well, yeah.Dr. Anna: I mean you have specific action steps …Sherry: Yeah.Dr. Anna: … to create and maintain this new path in life.Sherry: Right. I believe in action and that was why I wrote the book and that is why I producedthe audios, because I really felt that people had these obsessions, they had these habits that wererunning their lives. They werent getting what they wanted out of life and they couldnt connectthe dots. Its like, well maybe I’m not meeting someone because, and I don’t, I mean this in thekindest way but if you are let’s say, really unhappy with your weight. So, your obsession is youare a binge eater. Okay, so you are isolating. So, how do you expect to find love if you areisolating? But the person may not have connected the two together, they might have just said
  17. 17. things like, oh I’ll never find somebody, nobody ever will want me when actually thats not justtrue. The truth is that you are just staying home in your binge eating habits and you are notallowing the universe to bring you someone because you are not out there in the universemeeting people.So, its really all about getting out of your own way and taking responsibility for what it is youwant, because you do have the power. When you start blaming other things and other people,places and things, the universe hears that as negativity and it isnt interested in bringing youanything positive when all you are putting out there is that focus that it is someone else’s faultbecause you have the power, we have the power to get what we want out of life. And so, thebook and the program is very important for me to help people understand that if you live inpurpose, if you live in passion, if you find your authenticity, if you really unearth who you are interms of your value system, youll have the opportunity to meet somebody else with the samevalue system.I mean, nobody told me when I was young and got married for the first time at 22. Well, makesure that you share the same values. I mean, all it was, was hes cute, I’m cute, let’s get married. Imean, it was not about, is this someone that you can like spend – I mean you could say, this issomeone that you can spend the rest of your life but what does that mean? Does that mean, doesthis person have the same nature? Does this person have the same ideas about spending money?Does this person have the same idea about what values are, what family means, whatcommitment means?That I just think that its so important that the dots get connected, that our obsessions can beeliminated when we really figure out who we are and thats pretty much what the program isabout. Its finding your purpose, finding your authenticity, letting go of attachments. You know, Italked about not pushing and pulling and trying so hard to make something happen. Doing actionstep and then letting the universe do its job because the universe has your back. What else? Ithink the steps are, oh living in the present, learning how to live mindfully, really important,forgiveness, compassion and appreciation. I was actually going to do a meditation on that if wehad time. If people want to do that after they ask questions, because without profoundcompassion and forgiveness for all of the things that have happened. If you just, you dont reallymake the space to move forward, because you are still vibrating a lot of negativity and shameabout yourself and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have an obsession. You have aneuro-chemical something going on that causes you to have these cravings, this hunger and itmight have started a long time ago when you were brought up in a family where your needswerent met and so its not your fault. Those needs werent met and so you found other unhealthyways to get those needs met but now you dont have to blame anything or anyone anymore, youhave the power to make changes.Dr. Anna: Okay, so we will move onto some questions. Doris from Canada says, my husband andI have been separated for 6 years because of his alcohol and drug addiction. Neither of us has
  18. 18. moved on to other partners. Every time I feel myself completely letting go of him, he becomesmore loving? Then I fall back in love with him, how do I sever for good if it’s not in my heart to?Sherry: Her name is Doris?Dr. Anna: Doris.Sherry: Doris, you have no idea how I feel your pain on so many levels you will never know.And I just want you to know thats completely normal to fall back on that because what happens,its almost like, and I’m not suggesting that anybody is abusive here but its almost like the cycleof abuse where they do their drinking, they do their addiction or they do their abusing then theyfeel remorseful and then they tell you they are going to change and it will never happen againand it happens again. You get sucked in between the, “it’s never going to happen again.” And so,I want you to know that even if this person completely gets clean and sober you will always, ifyou are with someone who is an alcoholic or an addict, you will always, always be with a personwho is an alcoholic and addict and there is no guarantee that that person will stay forever cleanand sober.Im not suggesting that you don’t give that person a chance. I’m not suggesting that you divorce aperson because they are an addict or an alcoholic but you must know that no matter what theysay or do, the only thing an alcoholic or an addict can promise you is that they wont use that day.So, if you can live in the day and know the truth because I think what happens is, as much as thealcohol addict has denial about their own disease, I believe the person thats with that person hastheir own denial and that denial is, “oh maybe this time it will be different, this time it will bedifferent.” And the truth is there is no guarantee it will be different. It might but it might not, andso, if you know that entering it, nothing to be disappointed about because that person will dowhat you expected all along. I hope that answers your question. It is such a hard thing to getaway from because the alcoholic or addict really does believe that they are going to never do itagain. And many dont, many dont use a drink again. Many are sober again for years but manyare not. And it sounds like if this has been going on for 6 years, it sounds like its an up anddown sort of cycle that hasnt really changed that far.And even if the person isnt drinking or using maybe his behaviors are as if he is drinking orusing and that is what keeps her going back and forth. Hes really pleasant and then hesunpleasant. He’s really pleasant and then hes unpleasant. And so, it wont change until thatperson truly wants to change and will only change one day at a time. I hope that helps to work.Dr. Anna: Yeah, that was very helpful. Okay, this is a question from someone whos anonymous.How can you stop obsessing over someone who the chemistry is so great, but you know is anextremely flawed individual whom you should not or could not be in a healthy relationship with?Sherry: Well, I would imagine that this person has some sort of, without knowing this person ortalking to this person I think a lot of times obsessive love like I talked about comes from trauma
  19. 19. and it comes from some unmet need. And so what she calls or he calls this great chemistry, isreally just something that they are used to, its a habit, it is something that is so - it gives them thesame emotional high that it would give someone that is using drugs. They feel so good and theyare looking for something that feels so good but that doesnt mean that it is love, it just meansthat it feels good. That is what makes us different than animals. You know, animals get attracted,people get attracted but we as humans get to make choices and if someone isnt good for us, likewhat did you say, this person is not someone she - what did you say?Dr. Anna: Its someone that they cant be, that they cant be in a healthy relationship with.Sherry: Yeah, if they know they cant be in a healthy relationship then its not a healthyrelationship. So, all this is based on is love and attraction, excuse me, attraction and attractiondoes not mean love. A lot of people believe that attraction means love and its not the same thing.We can be attracted to people that are not love because love is an act. Love is acting lovingly, soif this person is nurturing and you feel cared for and they’re safe and they are available and theyhave your best interest at hand, then thats love. If they are just really, theres this great hot thinggoing on, thats just what that is, a hot thing.So, if thats okay and you don’t walk away feeling empty although if it is obsessive I have thefeeling this person walks away feeling empty most of the time, then it is time to move onbecause the emptiness will never go away if they keep going back through the same. You know,it doesnt mean that the next person they wont be attracted to but the next person will have allthose other wonderful traits that make up for a healthy love. But if they dont want a healthy loveand they just want this chemistry, then by all means stay in that place and then have to deal withthe emptiness that goes with that.Dr. Anna: Alright. Audrey from Agoura Hills says, “Hi Sherry. Can you say more aboutdetaching with love? Keep up with the good work, proud of you.”Sherry: Detaching with love. Oh, I love that. That is so great, in certain communities andaddiction they talk a lot about that. Its really just having your boundaries, being a compassionateobserver of that person but having your boundaries. Saying, you know its really okay that youare not for me, its really okay and I let you go and I let you be and I wish you the very best in allthat you do, but you are not going to cross my boundary because you no longer make me feelgood. You make me feel very sad and empty when you leave or when you are not available, orwhen you abuse me or when you cheat on me or whatever else they do. Its okay to still knowthat they were there in your life for a reason and you wish them well and you can let them go.You can forgive them if that feels comfortable. You cant always forgive and I certainly dontinsist people forgive people that have been abusive to them but you can if you want. You canhave great compassion for them and you can know where that ends and that is your boundary,that you will not allow this person to cross your boundary again because that person no longerserves your higher good, that’ detaching with love.
  20. 20. Dr. Anna: Alright, well we are nearing the end of our call.Sherry: That was so fast.Dr. Anna: I know.Sherry: I cannot believe it.Dr. Anna: Im going to ask you two final questions. First of all, where can our listeners go toconnect more deeply with your work?Sherry: Oh, okay. I have a website which is sgabatherapy.com, that’s S-G-A-B-A-T-H-E-R-A-P-Y.C-O-M or they can go to thelawofsobriety.com that is thelawofsobriety.com. If they feel likeemailing me and they have a burning desire, is that okay to give my email, Anna? Its up to you.Dr. Anna: Sure, thats fine.Sherry: Okay. Its Sherry, S-H-E-R-R-Y, sherry@sgabatherapy.com. Again,sherry@sgabatherapy.com. I blog on Deepak Chopras blog, called Intent Blog, I blog onBeliefnet, I blog on the Law of Sobriety Blog. Lets see, I have my radio show on Tuesdays, likeI said at 3:00 oclock and 6:00 oclock, Eastern. If they just type in CBS Sherry Gaba it will comeup, theyll find me. I think its New Sky Radio is what its called. Newskyradio.com but if theyjust type my name I’m all over the internet and type in CBS it will come up. Id love for them tocall in and we are going to have all kinds of guests that may be similar to this subject matter orsubject matters that will interest them, so I’d love to hear from them.Lets see, what else is coming up? Im speaking in Palm Springs. But a lot of this will, if they goin and either purchase the product or they do the bonus gift then they will be on a mailing andthey can choose to stay on the mailing list and I’ll always have updates. Im all over Facebookand Twitter. They can find me under Law of Sobriety or Sherry Gaba on Facebook and Twitter.And Im really accessible. I want to make the time for people that are in pain, that havesomething that they want to ask me. So, please feel free and I’m there for them.Dr. Anna: |Okay, great. Do you have any final words of advice for that listener of ours who isnot very hopeful about the New Year or maybe even just being alive for that matter? I knowyoud mentioned meditation in light of time I’m not sure if we have time for that, but.Sherry: Okay, I’ll do the meditation if you wantDr. Anna: Okay, greatSherry: If people are open to that, okay. You know, I think what I’m going to do, instead of themeditation I think what might be more powerful is I’m going to do some affirmations. And so,what your listeners can do is repeat it after me. So, I’m going to say an affirmation and they canrepeat it. Actually I find that this is a really much greater way to end the call. Usually, I’d start
  21. 21. the call with a meditation and if I end with an affirmation it really energizes people. So, Imgoing to say the affirmation and please feel free to repeat it to yourself, out louder to yourself.So, the first one will be, who and what do I appreciate at this very moment? Who and what do Iappreciate at this very moment?And what has my healing given me? What has my healing given me?Who can I thank for supporting me during my recovery of obsessive love? Who can I thank forsupporting me during my recovery of obsessive love?Who can I show gratitude to? Who can I show gratitude to?Why I’m I thankful for the many blessings in my life? Why I’m I thankful for all the manyblessings in my life?And how can I remove the blocks that keep me from being grateful? How can I remove theblocks that keep me from being grateful?And then, [indiscernible] those were questions to sorted affirmations and these are moreaffirmations.I am so grateful for being in recovery from obsessive love. I am so grateful for being in recoveryfrom obsessive love.I am grateful for the new found energy eliminating obsessive love has given me. I am so gratefulfor the new found energy eliminating obsessive love has given me.I value my recovery and myself as I continue on this journey. I value my recovery and myself asI continue on my journey.I project an attitude of gratitude.I choose to focus on appreciation. I feel appreciated today.I appreciate the lessons I am learning during my journey to recovery. I appreciate the lessons Iam learning during my journey to recovery.That was just a general affirmation for gratitude and just a little sampling of sometimes if we justget out of the obsession and get into gratitude and appreciation. And sometimes, and this iswhere I will leave your listeners, this is something that was given to me by Melody Beattie, shewrote the book Codependent No More. She endorsed my book and she said sometimes you justhave to write a list of what you are grateful for that you are not grateful for. So, you might makea list of why you are not grateful that that breakup happened or why you never met that person inthe first place and then, turn it around and say why you are grateful for that. Like for instance forme I’ll give you an example. Im not grateful that I got divorced at age 25, that was very sad and
  22. 22. I’m really angry. I would have loved to be married forever and blah, blah, blah but I am sograteful that we created a beautiful daughter together.So, with everything that you are not grateful for, right underneath the surface are the blessings. Iwouldnt be on the phone right now if I hadnt become a single mother. I wouldnt be on thephone right now if I hadnt gone back to school. I wouldnt be on the phone right now if wouldnthave met Dr. Drew and became a celebrity TV expert and then gave me the opportunity to writea book. They are all blessings. Even when things were so hard, they all underneath becameblessings.I’m so thankful Anna for you having me, this subject is so important to me. Its so dear and itsjust I know the pain and I’m just, I hope that I gave a little room for healing tonight.Dr. Anna: Thank you. What you said was beautifully said and I love it, I love the affirmations.And, thank you for this time together.Sherry: You are welcome.Dr. Anna: Its really has been an enlightening experience. I feel like weve been through ajourney togetherSherry: Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is. Its a very personal journey when people talk about love. Imean, its a really personal thing and I’m always open to share my personal journey because Ithink it makes me human. I’m not above anybody, I’m just right there with all of you. All of youlistening, I’m right with you, I’m no different. Ive been through it, been there, gone there, donethat and I may do it again but I’m here today at this very moment and hopefully made a littledifference in your life.Dr. Anna: Well, thank you Sherry.Sherry: You are welcome.Dr. Anna: I appreciate you in opening up and sharing your story and its been an inspiration andits very, very helpfulSherry: Oh good, good. Did you want me to stay on the line, or?Dr. Anna: Sure, sure if you could for just a minute.Sherry: Okay.Dr. Anna: If you know someone who could benefit from this information, please feel free to sendthem an email at www.breakupsolutionsummit.com so that they can register for this event andreceive all the updates. And then, they can also have the opportunity to listen to the 48 hourreplay of this really valuable interview with Sherry Gaba and I’d like to hear from all of you. So,
  23. 23. please share your thoughts below in the Facebook comments at the bottom of the page and Ipromise I will respond.And my final words are that if you feel trapped right now by your circumstances. Everything thatyou do in life is a choice and you are always free to choose again. And even prisoners are free tochoose their thoughts and feel peace and happiness under any condition. And Sherry has helpedus this evening to see that you do have the power to be free, and shes shown us ways to not feelso trapped. And I think sometimes we cling to old experiences and people because they arefamiliar but this breakup is offering you a clean slate, a new beginning and fresh circumstancesto embrace change and be open to something even better. I want to thank you Sherry and thankyou everyone listening, I am so grateful for you and I care about all of you and I look forward toconnecting with you again tomorrow evening, same time, same place. Goodnight everyone.Sherry: Goodnight. Thank you, again.