By Dr. Ida GreeneLet Dr. Ida Greene inspire your group to perform at peak performance. She will teach youhow to Light Your Fire Within and keep it ablaze as you Say Goodbye to Your Smallnessand Hello to Your Greatness.
The emotion of anger has many purposes, some of which can serveus well.Anger can be used by others to confuse or control you. Inconflict resolution anger is a useful emotion when used to supportyourself against attack by others. Anger takes away your energy,because it charges you emotionally, even when used constructively.Because of its potential to hurt or destroy ones self-confidence,anger must be under your control. It can be likened to an atomicbomb when uncontrolled.
Anger is a major block to your self-esteem and self-image. Anger isalso a choice we make. We decide how we will react to a perceivedthreat to our ego, or emotional well being. It is a signal to help yousee what is going on in your emotions, to find the cause of the anger.Everybody has his or her own definition of anger. Websters NewWorld Dictionary defines anger as: a feeling of displeasure resultingfrom mistreatment, injury, and opposition, usually showing itself ina desire to fight back at the supposed cause of the feeling.
Anger is a valuable signal, because it lets us know when something is wrong or a problem. It does not solve the problem. Often when we are angry, one of these things is happening:1. We want something and are not getting it.2. From past experience, we expect trouble.3. We have feelings of powerlessness.4. Sad feelings5. Feelings of grief that connect us with strength and joy.6. Depression7. Feelings of negativity about life, self, and people
In confronting anger, remember you have three options:1. You can choose to react angrily or not.2. You can become aware of what you are feeling.3. You can be aware of the intensity of your anger, if you are incontrol of your anger, or if it controls you.
Anger moves through the following stages if it is not resolved immediately1. Frustration – Based on unfulfilled expectations2. Disappointment – Based on unfulfilled expectations. To preventanger, look into the situation and get the facts.3. Embarrassment – Based on unfulfilled self-image, and a desire tocreate a new self-image.4. Guilt – Based on social expectations you have accepted, and or adecision to hide or avoid something.5. Fear of rejection – Based on unknown expectations withprobability of consequence. Confront the situation/person/behavior,
Alternatives To An Anger ReactionTo change your expression of anger, you must change your thinking. Change what you say to yourself in your head, in response to theexternal event.These four steps can help:1. Take time to rethink on what has provoked you.2. Use a planned relaxation technique .3. Stay calm and keep your cool.4. Ask yourself if you are overreacting, justifying your right to beangry, or taking things too seriously.
What Causes AngerAnger is triggered by external events called provocations, whichcreate anger thoughts, anger arousal, and angry actions. All of thesestimulate each other until they are fused together, in an angerfeedback loop that leads to destructive consequences. An angryoutburst can be likened to a hurricane or tornado, as the center ofthe energy gets smaller, the tension becomes greater, making itharder to generate productive actions to change. And productiveactions cannot be made when the anger feedback loop is completelyfused. Your anger work out will prevents fusion or confusion.
The Major Causes of Anger Are:2. Dependency Relationships2. Resentment3. Grief4. Victim Mentality5. Abusive Relationships
When you develop inner control of a powerful emotion likeanger, you become powerful. When your outerenvironment controls you, you lose the opportunity to haveinner control. To become good at any skill, whether it iscontrolling your physical expression of anger or yourtongue, requires continuous practice.
Ten Steps to Control Your Anger:1. Make a list of things that make you mad, and memorize it.2. Talk about you feelings, let people know when things bother you.3. When you feel angry, do something with the energy. Slowlybreathe in and out ten times. On the exhale, spread you fingers apartwidely and imagine the negative energy leaving your body as you doso.
4. When you feel the urge to strike out at someone, raise yourshoulders, as you breathe in deeply; rapidly lower your shoulders asyou exhale. Notice your jaw muscles, shoulders, hands, chest, andtorso muscles. Get in touch with what you are angry about, andwith whom you are angry. And think of what situation from yourpast childhood made you angry.5. Make peace with yourself and the person who is the object of youranger. Forgive yourself first. Then apologize to the other person foryour lack of control.
6. Mentally visualize two paths. Have one of these paths be positive,pleasant, and full of light. Have the other path be dark, gloomy, anddepressive. Then send your angry feelings down the dark path andover the cliff.7. Notice if you feel like yelling, screaming, or hitting. Before you acton your anger, think of why you are angry. Is your angry feelinglegitimate, or did you create a situation to justify your need to beangry?
8. Talk your way through your anger. Tell yourself you can changefrom being a reactor of your emotions to being a processor. Noticeyour thoughts, change negative thoughts to positive.9. Change the image you have of yourself from "blowing your stack,to being a cool headed person." Whenever you are able to controlyour anger, reinforce it by saying something kind to yourself.10. Daily seek ways to change your image, inner thoughts, and outerbehavior, so the two match.
Always assume responsibility for what you are feeling, and own allyour feelings including anger. Anger that is unresolved turns intoresentment, envy, jealousy, revenge, and hatred. Unresolved anger,manifests as depression. There is always an underlying feeling ofinadequacy when you are angry. Taking responsibility for thesefeelings and how you cope with them can enhance your self-esteemand will bring harmony to your life and your relationships.
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