Beginning when I was a young child, I was never able to see my worth. My ideal of myself was “someone not very important”, and never noticed because I did not see myself as smart or pretty enough to be part of anything. I stayed in the background of all things, including family gathering, very shy and quiet. With therapy in my past and now attending this university, I have seen my self-esteem rise to new levels, and will be taking this into my future with me, ever growing. I also recognize now that I have very good qualities, and that most things that I under-take, I succeed in, such as my love for creating things of beauty in the form of decorating and video creating. I have a very positive attitude, and now know that I am a child of my creator and all he creates is good, that we are each human, and do make mistakes, and that does not make me an unworthy person. Each day of my life I tell myself that I am a caring and worthy person, and take myself out of me, and to the things around me, where I try to be of help to others, having far less time to think of self, which gives me a worthy feeling, raising my self-respect more each day.(Blogs, n.d.).
My sense of self-respect is very high, where a few years ago, it was very low and I suffered from many disorders due to low self-esteem, such as an eating disorder and substance abuse. My future holds good things for my self-respect, being a member of a few groups to share with others my experience and how I recovered, gives me a feeling hope, raising my self-esteem that once my life felt very hope-less and now, through helping others my self-esteem grows. Everything about me now centers on my creator, and I now know that the most important love I can have is my love for and from my creator, that all things in my life are gifts. Each day, from when I first wake to when I sleep at night, I thank my creator for the gift of life, feeling very grateful to have life. I practice humility in all areas of my life, where some years ago, I did not and this, along with being totally grateful, and being there for others, is what will insure my continued growth in these areas for my future.(Show Image, n.d.).
I have found that what works for me in making commitments is making a list of my goals and keeping a journal. Before I began to do this, I committed to things and then never followed through with them. That I would over-load myself with so many commitments, that I would feel power-less and just stop. Now that I make a list of my goals, and I list each by priority I no longer feel over powered by my commitments, I list the most important ones first , least important, last. I also go over my list often as some may change the order I have them in as I complete my commitments. I now feel very good about myself that I am a person to be trusted to fulfill my commitments, and when I began something, I do finish it to the best of my ability. My main commitment for my future is my classes at my university and one of my worries when I began here was not following through with this commitment. This is now the last of my concerns and doing the best I can do, achieving good grades is a top commitment for me now.(Picture Store, n.d.).
I have found great meaning and value in making a commitment now, where before things did not matter so much to me, I had never given thought to what others may think when I did not follow through on commitments I made, such as work or things of importance, such as a child program at school, I was very undependable. The last few years, being dependable is very important to me, and if there may be a chance that I cannot make something I am committed to , I make sure that knowledge is known ahead of time, so there will be no misunderstanding. It is very important to me now that my word is my honor, which I do not take obligation lightly anymore. Obligations are a top priority to me, as this means someone else may be depended on me to keep my word, and I now feel that my word is a very important thing, and especially if I give my word to a child. I review my commitments often, as doing this relieves me from feeling over-burdened, or tired which I now recognize can cause me to fall backward in my obligations, so I never allow myself to feel this by over-committing myself. I remind myself often that I am not a super-human, and it is not quantity of things I do in life that counts, but the quality of keeping the obligation of what I have committed to that counts.(Show Image, n.d.).
One of the greatest things I have ever learned, is that I am not a unique person, that the very things I always felt shame about, and kept silent over, is in fact my window to freedom. I look at nothing about my life now, as shameful or something to keep hidden, but experience. In sharing my experiences with others, I have found freedom and a rise in self-esteem to know that my experiences can help others overcome things in their lives. I now believe that my creator gives us tests in life, some hard ones, some easy and we are to learn from these as in experience to grow and the next time we are faced with something similar we will have the experience to get pass that, to move onto more important things. Dealing with all kinds of people such as in recovery programs as I have done, I have found that it is important to be a good listener, possibly giving advice if that is what is needed by them, sharing who I really am inside me, the good and bad parts of me, will balance our interests, “Carefully considering the common good, the wise person uses tacit (Bolt, M. (2004),” using tacit with others will be of great help for me in balancing our interests.(Photobucket., n.d.).(Photobucket., n.d.).
Acquiring wisdom does not come to us overnight; this takes a lot of work on our part. It can take years. Each time we fall or feel we have failed, we actually are growing mentally, learning from our mistakes, developing new ways to deal with things is gaining wisdom. Being the kind of person that worried about failing or doing something wrong, I was not open to experiences of any kind, this kept me pretty alone most of the time. I allowed fears to control my life. I am now very open to experiences in life, and see my future as a much brighter one with this change in me. If I fail, it is not a big deal anymore to me, now I pick myself up and try again, a new way and in this I am learning how to be a success in things I attempt to do. I now can look at a problem and find a way to solve it, as my mind is more logical, with all the fear I once had, removed. This has opened a whole new world for me, one I feel very excited about.(Images, n.d.).
In conclusion, I feel very excited where my future is concerned. So many new and wonderful doors have opened for me in my life. Most of my life I have felt I was a prisoner of my past, with no way out, held tight by “fear, low self-esteem, and the lack of something greater than myself, to believe in.” I never felt good enough to be loved or accepted by a God, until I went into recovery. Recovery is where I learned to take life a few minutes at a time, to not think of yesterday and not even be concerned with tomorrow, that actually “today” , “this moment” is all I had. Looking at life in this new way opened a new door for me. My mind began to feel freedom, and I began to develop self-esteem, making friends, becoming a part of my world. Now I saw hope for my future, which grows daily. Meditation is a very important part of my day and life, being grateful and having humility keeps me centered. Using all positive words to myself and others keeps me in the reality that we are each just humans and I have learned to use laughing and smiles in my daily life which also keeps me centered and a deep feeling of acceptance and happiness in my life. My one wish is, that my presentations can be of a help to others that may have lost hope and feel no way out. As long as we have breath we can learn and change, to a far healthier and happier life with a good outlook for our futures.(File Storage, n.d.).
Personal Topics Presentation By Sandra Cruz 11/21/2010 PSY 220 Colleen Donovan
Self-Respect I am a person of worth. Good qualities. Have a positive attitude.
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