The development of behaviour Bonny Holland Behaviour Consultant VT FourS
4 words <ul><li>Can you describe using only 4 words what attributes or skills your child will need to enable them to make ...
Think about this <ul><li>How do you go about getting another person to change their behaviour if they are…… </li></ul><ul>...
Learning and Behaviour <ul><li>Stage 1 The Power Stage </li></ul><ul><li>Stage 2 The Reward and Punishment Stage </li></ul...
STAGE 1 <ul><li>Recalcitrant Behaviour </li></ul><ul><li>Reluctant or refuse to follow verbal directions </li></ul><ul><ul...
STAGE 2 <ul><li>Self-serving behaviours </li></ul><ul><li>What’s in it for me?  </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Establish understand...
STAGE 3 <ul><li>Interpersonal/ discipline </li></ul><ul><li>How can I please you? </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Cultivate relation...
STAGE 4 <ul><li>Self-disciplined behaviour </li></ul><ul><li>I behave because it is the right thing to </li></ul><ul><ul><...
The story of John in Dilemma Land  <ul><li>John’s wife unfortunately has a terrible life threatening illness. In the next ...
The stickle-bricks problem <ul><li>I would like you to build a castle together using these stickle-bricks. You have 20 min...
4 Stages <ul><li>Apply the 4 stages to the ’problem’ </li></ul><ul><li>Stage 1: It’s simple he should go to prison, end of...
Stage 2: <ul><li>It’s all about the money £££££ and the range of punishments available and what should be done to whom and...
Stage 3: <ul><li>The wife, the husband, the pharmacist, their motives, their relationships, other’s opinions of them, your...
Stage 4: <ul><li>What was the right thing to do? Comparable dilemmas, beyond the  details, the good of society, the good o...
Stage 5: <ul><li>Ethics, spiritual, God? Perhaps it was time for the wife…. </li></ul><ul><li>Why a castle why not a churc...
Moving on a stage <ul><li>Experiences-accelerate development </li></ul><ul><li>Solving a dilemma/problem-accelerates devel...
Relationships <ul><li>Manage the relationship not the behaviour </li></ul><ul><li>Build the relationship not resentment </...
Stage 1 Approach language <ul><li>OK so you’ve noticed something…….but is it worth noticing? </li></ul><ul><li>Is it a low...
Task  <ul><li>In pairs discuss typical low level incidents that you might get that would require the  you to respond; sele...
Stage 1 What to say, what to do? <ul><li>Make a descriptive statement indicating what exactly it is you’ve noticed </li></...
Stage 1: Stem sentences <ul><li>You are… </li></ul><ul><li>I see …. </li></ul><ul><li>We are…. </li></ul><ul><li>I am…. </...
Typical responses <ul><li>Ignoring </li></ul><ul><li>Confirmation and self correction </li></ul><ul><li>Secondary defensiv...
Stage 2: Standards and Rules <ul><li>The rule is…. </li></ul><ul><li>That is…. </li></ul><ul><li>In this session you need ...
Stage 2: responses <ul><li>Explanations, persuasive statements </li></ul><ul><li>Dismissive language </li></ul><ul><li>Dis...
Stage 3 Correction <ul><li>Advice giving statements </li></ul><ul><li>Allow  take up time </li></ul><ul><li>You need to….....
Stage 3 Consequences <ul><li>Repeat the advice statements </li></ul><ul><li>Describe the response as you see it </li></ul>...
Stage 4 <ul><li>Describe preferred future </li></ul><ul><li>Describe future scenarios </li></ul><ul><li>Re state advice an...
Why choose to do it this way? <ul><li>“ Young people with poor sequential auditory memory skills.” </li></ul><ul><li>They ...
Why choose to do it this way? <ul><li>“ Young people who have an unbalanced emotional and cognitive profile.” </li></ul><u...
Why choose to do it this way? <ul><li>“ Young people who have a recognised speech and language impairment.” </li></ul><ul>...
In your world <ul><li>What situations or events during  a day can cause distress, upset, frustration, misunderstanding, co...
Restorative Conference F harmed F M M H B X W wrongdoer
<ul><li>What do I need when I’ve been harmed? </li></ul><ul><li>An apology  </li></ul><ul><li>An empathetic listener </li>...
<ul><ul><li>What do I need when I have harmed  </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>someone else?   </li></ul></ul><ul><li>To apolog...
<ul><li>What do I need when I’ve  been harmed? </li></ul><ul><li>An apology  </li></ul><ul><li>An empathetic listener </li...
How restorative is your manner? <ul><li>Whether you have caused harm or been affected by it your needs are essentially the...
Able to create and model  ‘Peace-able solutions to conflict <ul><li>The challenge – to address conflicts and harmful situa...
<ul><li>Traditional Questions </li></ul><ul><li>What  happened? (fact finding) </li></ul><ul><li>Who  is to blame? </li></...
The Five Magic Questions <ul><li>What  happened? </li></ul><ul><li>What were you  thinking ? </li></ul><ul><li>How were yo...
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4 Stages For Parents

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  • 4 Stages For Parents

    1. 1. The development of behaviour Bonny Holland Behaviour Consultant VT FourS
    2. 2. 4 words <ul><li>Can you describe using only 4 words what attributes or skills your child will need to enable them to make a successful move to secondary school? </li></ul>
    3. 3. Think about this <ul><li>How do you go about getting another person to change their behaviour if they are…… </li></ul><ul><li>Your partner </li></ul><ul><li>Your sibling </li></ul><ul><li>Your friend </li></ul><ul><li>Your colleague </li></ul><ul><li>A stranger </li></ul><ul><li>A parent </li></ul>
    4. 4. Learning and Behaviour <ul><li>Stage 1 The Power Stage </li></ul><ul><li>Stage 2 The Reward and Punishment Stage </li></ul><ul><li>Stage 3 The Approval Stage </li></ul><ul><li>Stage 4 The Self-discipline Stage </li></ul>
    5. 5. STAGE 1 <ul><li>Recalcitrant Behaviour </li></ul><ul><li>Reluctant or refuse to follow verbal directions </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Establish routines </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Visual instructions </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Few of their own rules and inconsistent </li></ul><ul><li>Fear of others’ rules and poor comprehension </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Simple rules </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Reinforce rules </li></ul></ul>
    6. 6. STAGE 2 <ul><li>Self-serving behaviours </li></ul><ul><li>What’s in it for me? </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Establish understanding of rewards/punishment </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Responsive to environment </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Reinforce ‘What’s in it for me?’ </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Create lists of statements </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Control the environment </li></ul></ul>
    7. 7. STAGE 3 <ul><li>Interpersonal/ discipline </li></ul><ul><li>How can I please you? </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Cultivate relationships </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Develop an explicit and individual teacher personality for that class </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Approval seeking behaviours </li></ul><ul><ul><li>High approval ratio </li></ul></ul>
    8. 8. STAGE 4 <ul><li>Self-disciplined behaviour </li></ul><ul><li>I behave because it is the right thing to </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Discuss values </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>What are the right things to do? </li></ul></ul><ul><li>I judge other people by their behaviour </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Consequences of actions </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Teach decision making </li></ul></ul>
    9. 9. The story of John in Dilemma Land <ul><li>John’s wife unfortunately has a terrible life threatening illness. In the next village the pharmacist attends a Medical Conference and learns of a new cure and is able to source a batch of the drugs at a very reasonable price. He offers John the drugs for £2000, which would be a profit for the pharmacist of £1800. </li></ul><ul><li>John does not have any savings and as he is unable to raise the money, he pleads with the pharmacist in vain, and finally in desperation breaks into the pharmacy and steals the drugs. Should the husband have done that? </li></ul>
    10. 10. The stickle-bricks problem <ul><li>I would like you to build a castle together using these stickle-bricks. You have 20 minutes. </li></ul>
    11. 11. 4 Stages <ul><li>Apply the 4 stages to the ’problem’ </li></ul><ul><li>Stage 1: It’s simple he should go to prison, end of discussion. </li></ul><ul><li>Stage 1: The stickle brick castle????? After 5 minutes………….. </li></ul>
    12. 12. Stage 2: <ul><li>It’s all about the money £££££ and the range of punishments available and what should be done to whom and for how long. </li></ul><ul><li>And meanwhile the stickle brick castle, what would the winner get, is it the tallest or the best that matters? </li></ul>
    13. 13. Stage 3: <ul><li>The wife, the husband, the pharmacist, their motives, their relationships, other’s opinions of them, your opinion of them as individuals…….. </li></ul><ul><li>Some of them grouped together and …..excluded others…some worked alone. </li></ul>
    14. 14. Stage 4: <ul><li>What was the right thing to do? Comparable dilemmas, beyond the details, the good of society, the good of the world, how can we solve this dilemma, is it ever solvable, who makes the decision? </li></ul><ul><li>And the castle problem……..a negotiation! </li></ul>
    15. 15. Stage 5: <ul><li>Ethics, spiritual, God? Perhaps it was time for the wife…. </li></ul><ul><li>Why a castle why not a church or a supermarket, what’s the purpose of the building and is it right to build it? Stickle bricks are made of plastic and should we be using oil based materials? </li></ul>
    16. 16. Moving on a stage <ul><li>Experiences-accelerate development </li></ul><ul><li>Solving a dilemma/problem-accelerates development </li></ul><ul><li>Thinking and discussing the dilemma/problem-more acceleration </li></ul><ul><li>Reaching a definite conclusion as a group- long term and deep learning </li></ul>
    17. 17. Relationships <ul><li>Manage the relationship not the behaviour </li></ul><ul><li>Build the relationship not resentment </li></ul><ul><li>Create positive attitudes not defensiveness </li></ul><ul><li>Model assertiveness not hostility </li></ul>
    18. 18. Stage 1 Approach language <ul><li>OK so you’ve noticed something…….but is it worth noticing? </li></ul><ul><li>Is it a low level infringement? </li></ul><ul><li>Is it medium level? </li></ul><ul><li>Is it high level misbehaviour? </li></ul><ul><li>Is it impacting on relationships or learning? </li></ul>
    19. 19. Task <ul><li>In pairs discuss typical low level incidents that you might get that would require the you to respond; select one and describe it. </li></ul>
    20. 20. Stage 1 What to say, what to do? <ul><li>Make a descriptive statement indicating what exactly it is you’ve noticed </li></ul><ul><li>Pause for the…..explanation that this approach will lead to </li></ul><ul><li>Questions that begin with ‘Why….’ </li></ul><ul><li>Statements that illicit a defensive reaction </li></ul><ul><li>Change to your relationship </li></ul>
    21. 21. Stage 1: Stem sentences <ul><li>You are… </li></ul><ul><li>I see …. </li></ul><ul><li>We are…. </li></ul><ul><li>I am…. </li></ul><ul><li>You have… </li></ul><ul><li>The ….. </li></ul><ul><li>It is…. </li></ul>Think of a stem sentence starter to match your incident
    22. 22. Typical responses <ul><li>Ignoring </li></ul><ul><li>Confirmation and self correction </li></ul><ul><li>Secondary defensive behaviours </li></ul><ul><li>Avoidance behaviours </li></ul><ul><li>Distraction behaviours </li></ul><ul><li>Low level verbal abuse </li></ul>
    23. 23. Stage 2: Standards and Rules <ul><li>The rule is…. </li></ul><ul><li>That is…. </li></ul><ul><li>In this session you need to….. </li></ul><ul><li>In this group….. </li></ul><ul><li>In this situation I expect…. </li></ul><ul><li>In this house …. </li></ul><ul><li>When.. children must…. </li></ul><ul><li>At home children can ….but … </li></ul>
    24. 24. Stage 2: responses <ul><li>Explanations, persuasive statements </li></ul><ul><li>Dismissive language </li></ul><ul><li>Dismissive body language </li></ul><ul><li>Attempts to involve others, inclusion </li></ul><ul><li>Attempts to blame others, deflection </li></ul>
    25. 25. Stage 3 Correction <ul><li>Advice giving statements </li></ul><ul><li>Allow take up time </li></ul><ul><li>You need to….. </li></ul><ul><li>You can either…or… </li></ul><ul><li>I can ….for you…if you….. </li></ul><ul><li>Now you should….. </li></ul>
    26. 26. Stage 3 Consequences <ul><li>Repeat the advice statements </li></ul><ul><li>Describe the response as you see it </li></ul><ul><li>Simple consequences possibly a diagram </li></ul><ul><li>Child responses </li></ul><ul><li>Ignoring </li></ul><ul><li>Verbal abuse </li></ul><ul><li>Physical abuse of surroundings </li></ul>
    27. 27. Stage 4 <ul><li>Describe preferred future </li></ul><ul><li>Describe future scenarios </li></ul><ul><li>Re state advice and choices </li></ul><ul><li>Significant disruption to others </li></ul><ul><li>Refusal or inaction and defiance </li></ul><ul><li>Serious verbal or physical abuse </li></ul>
    28. 28. Why choose to do it this way? <ul><li>“ Young people with poor sequential auditory memory skills.” </li></ul><ul><li>They don’t know what to do 10 seconds after you’ve explained it! </li></ul><ul><li>“ Young people who have dyspraxic features.” </li></ul><ul><li>They know what to do but they fail in the carrying out part which causes them frustration. </li></ul>
    29. 29. Why choose to do it this way? <ul><li>“ Young people who have an unbalanced emotional and cognitive profile.” </li></ul><ul><li>They are ‘clever’ but are easily irritated and are impatient with a short attention span. </li></ul><ul><li>“ There is a significant special need.” </li></ul><ul><li>They have have trouble writing anything down and are poor readers. </li></ul>
    30. 30. Why choose to do it this way? <ul><li>“ Young people who have a recognised speech and language impairment.” </li></ul><ul><li>They misunderstand and get muddled by further explanations. </li></ul><ul><li>“ They have with poor language and social skills.” </li></ul><ul><li>They can have a bad attitude responding to adults correcting them. </li></ul>
    31. 31. In your world <ul><li>What situations or events during a day can cause distress, upset, frustration, misunderstanding, conflict, worry or offence to members of the team or community and thereby threaten relationships? </li></ul>
    32. 32. Restorative Conference F harmed F M M H B X W wrongdoer
    33. 33. <ul><li>What do I need when I’ve been harmed? </li></ul><ul><li>An apology </li></ul><ul><li>An empathetic listener </li></ul><ul><li>Amends made </li></ul><ul><li>The other person to understand what has upset me </li></ul><ul><li>To be respected </li></ul><ul><li>To be allowed to have emotion </li></ul><ul><li>Support and positive reinforcement </li></ul><ul><li>Reassurance it won’t happen again </li></ul><ul><li>To draw a line underneath it </li></ul>
    34. 34. <ul><ul><li>What do I need when I have harmed </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>someone else? </li></ul></ul><ul><li>To apologise </li></ul><ul><li>Someone to talk to </li></ul><ul><li>Time to put things right </li></ul><ul><li>To make it up to them </li></ul><ul><li>A chance to explain to other person and myself </li></ul><ul><li>To feel better about it </li></ul><ul><li>and about myself </li></ul><ul><li>To be forgiven </li></ul><ul><li>To reassure them/myself it won’t happen again </li></ul><ul><li>To get back on friendly terms </li></ul>
    35. 35. <ul><li>What do I need when I’ve been harmed? </li></ul><ul><li>An apology </li></ul><ul><li>An empathetic listener </li></ul><ul><li>Amends made </li></ul><ul><li>The other person to understand what has upset me </li></ul><ul><li>To be respected </li></ul><ul><li>To be allowed to have emotion </li></ul><ul><li>Support and positive reinforcement </li></ul><ul><li>Reassurance it won’t happen again </li></ul><ul><li>To draw a line underneath it </li></ul><ul><li>What do I need when I’ve harmed someone else? </li></ul><ul><li>To apologise </li></ul><ul><li>Someone to talk to </li></ul><ul><li>Time to put things right </li></ul><ul><li>To make it up to them </li></ul><ul><li>A chance to explain to other person and myself </li></ul><ul><li>To feel better about it </li></ul><ul><li>and about myself </li></ul><ul><li>To be forgiven </li></ul><ul><li>To reassure them/myself it won’t happen again </li></ul><ul><li>To get back on friendly terms </li></ul>
    36. 36. How restorative is your manner? <ul><li>Whether you have caused harm or been affected by it your needs are essentially the same – and it’s the same for everyone else – adult or young person! </li></ul><ul><li>Are there opportunities in your work or family for these needs to be addressed and met? </li></ul><ul><li>How can they be addressed and met? </li></ul>
    37. 37. Able to create and model ‘Peace-able solutions to conflict <ul><li>The challenge – to address conflicts and harmful situations in a way that, at the very least, does not harm relationships, and at best builds and repairs them </li></ul>
    38. 38. <ul><li>Traditional Questions </li></ul><ul><li>What happened? (fact finding) </li></ul><ul><li>Who is to blame? </li></ul><ul><li>What is the appropriate response to deter and possibly punish those at fault, so they will not do the same thing again? </li></ul>
    39. 39. The Five Magic Questions <ul><li>What happened? </li></ul><ul><li>What were you thinking ? </li></ul><ul><li>How were you feeling ? </li></ul><ul><li>Who else has been affected by this? </li></ul><ul><li>What do you need now so that the harm can be repaired ? </li></ul>
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