Must read if you are going through a divorce. From http://www.smartdivorcenetwork.com.

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Introduction
Have you ever noticed how some people
seem to thrive after a divorce and others
seem to wither away? Divorce is one of
those life changing events that can go
either way depending on how you handle it.
If you want to be happy and live a full rich
life after your divorce, you'll need to take
proactive steps to ensure you heal properly.
No matter how distraught you are right now, please know that things will get better
-- MUCH better in fact -- if you take steps below.
Step 1: Forgiveness Is the Road to Happiness and Peace of Mind
Divorce almost always causes intensely negative emotions: animosity, bitterness,
wounded pride, rejection, resentment, and jealousy just to name a few. Like battery
acid, these negative emotions are corrosive to your inner being. Unless you purge
them, or at least dilute them a great deal,
they will continue to eat away at you until
they completely destroy your life.
Furthermore, this corrosive emotional
destruction can easily spread to other
people in your life, including your children.
The best way to purge these corrosive
emotions is by forgiving your ex-spouse.
Before you balk at this idea, please continue
reading!
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. It is the key to
restoring your peace of mind after the trauma of a divorce. You may think that you

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could never forgive your ex-spouse. He or she may have said and/or done things that
hurt you so deeply that you just don't think it is possible to forgive them. However,
you need to understand that when you forgive someone, truly forgive them, you
actually receive more benefit from this beneficent act than they do! Forgiveness is
basically a detox program for your soul. When you truly forgive someone who has
hurt you deeply, it resets your emotional system so you can begin to feel happy
again. It removes the sting out of what they did to hurt you. Thus, forgiveness is the
key to your healing process after a divorce. Forgiving your ex-spouse doesn't mean
you condone what they said or did. It just means that you are making a conscious
and deliberate decision to release your intensely negative emotions toward your ex-
spouse so that you can begin to heal. At the same time, if you have children, you'll
create a better situation for them.
Step 2: Pleasant Diversions and Trying New Experiences
After a divorce, people tend to shut
themselves off from the world. It's a natural
inclination to just want to hibernate at
home. Often times too, when new
divorcees do interact socially, they do so
with an emotionally numb shield. This is not
healthy for you! After a short period of
mourning, it is important that you break out
of this funk. One of the easiest ways to do
this is to intentionally try new experiences.
Make sure they are pleasant diversions that
will totally get your mind off of the divorce and what led up to that painful event.
Look for activities that are interesting and fun. Interacting with other people can be
helpful too but make sure you keep this light and don't put any unneeded social
pressure on yourself.
Many community colleges offer fun low cost adult classes. These include
entertaining classes like landscape photography, how to make sushi, fictional

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writing, auto mechanics, ceramics, water painting, and beer making. If you like to
play sports, you could join a racquetball league at a local health club, or for
something a little different, take up Frisbee golf at one of the local parks. You could
also take sailing lessons or join a baseball/softball team. If you like nature, you could
join a nature oriented club for hiking, bird watching, astronomy, mushroom forays,
or rock hounding. Many communities offer group drum circles or ukulele groups
which include other beginners as well as good-hearted advanced musicians willing
to pass on the joy of making music to you. The point is to dive into something new
and different and fun that will help get your mind off the pain of the divorce!
Step 3: Consider Getting a Pet
There is perhaps nothing more soothing and
comforting than a pet. This is why many
hospitals, nursing homes, and shelters bring in
animals for therapy. In fact, they call them
"therapy dogs" or "therapy cats". In fact, pets
are often recommended for children who
have been severely bullied or been through
another type of tragedy. Pets show
unconditional love, lower your blood
pressure, and stimulate you to release more
oxytocin which automatically makes you feel
good! Their playful antics will make you laugh
and they'll snuggle up with you in bed if you let them.
If you adopt a dog or cat from a shelter, you will also have a rewarding feeling
knowing that you are rescuing an animal in need. Sometimes helping another living
being in crisis is the best cure to getting over your own trouble. If you and/or your
children have allergies, there are many hypoallergenic breeds of cats and dogs you
can choose from.

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Step 4: Eat Healthier Than Ever
After the divorce, you may be
tempted to use food as a crutch.
After all, you probably feel
emotionally handicapped.
Unfortunately, however, in this state
of mind, people often make poor
dietary choices. Instead of eating
healthy, they tend to eat lots of junk
food and overly processed take-out food. This is why so many people gain a lot of
weight and their overall health deteriorates after a divorce.
When you are depressed and stressed, your body is far more susceptible to disease,
endocrine disruptions, cardiovascular disease, blood sugar fluctuations, and
gastrointestinal issues. If you are not careful, your cortisol levels can go through the
roof reaping havoc on your whole body. Therefore, the period after a divorce is a
time to eat HEALTHIER, not worse! While it can be healing to have some comfort
food around, make sure this food is healthy comfort food. Fix a big pot of delicious
homemade soup. Instead of chips with artificial flavorings, prepare some
homemade healthy dip with avocado, fresh tomatoes, cilantro, fresh lemon, and a
little red onion. Alternately, how about homemade bean dip with fresh roasted
garlic? When you have a serious craving, don't run through the fast food window,
hit a salad bar and load up on all your nutrient dense favorites! You'll heal much
faster if you take care of health!
Step 5: Find Ways to Reduce Stress
A divorce creates stress no matter how amiable it is. To combat the negative impacts
of this, you need to make sure you are setting aside special time to de-stress. In fact,
you should make this one of your top priorities. Try to figure out what melts away
your stress the best and make sure you do this multiple times a week. For example,

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some people find it very relaxing to lay in the
bed and listen to their favorite music. Others
find that a walk in a park calms them down the
most. Still others may find needlecraft or
woodworking the most helpful in reducing
stress.
You should also be open to trying new things
to reduce your stress too. For example, you
may want to try yoga or tai chi if you have
never tried it before. Almost all communities
offer classes in these techniques. You can also
find lots of instruction on YouTube and other
online venues. Exercise of any kind is a good
way to relieve your stress. Even if you are a
rank beginner, you could try kick boxing,
jazzercise, pool aerobics, or riding recumbent bicycles. Some people, women in
particular, find riding horses particularly stress reducing.
Step 6: Take a Much Needed Vacation
Sometimes after a divorce, it helps a lot to have a complete change of scenery. Even
if you can't afford to go on an extravagant vacation, you could potentially take a road
trip for a few days just to get away and
collect your thoughts. You'll come back
refreshed and in a better frame of mind to
do the things you need to do to heal after
your divorce.
If you have kids, you may want to consider
taking two vacations, one with the kids and
one without them. The vacation you take
with your children can be devoted mostly to helping them heal. However, no matter

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how much you love your children and how well behaved they are, it would do you
good to get away by yourself for a few days. If you can't leave them with you ex-
spouse, leave them with a trusted family member or friend so you will know they
are safe and well taken care of. This way, you can relax and really take the time to
concentrate on healing yourself on your trip.
Step 7: Help Your Children with Their Emotions Too
Children of a divorced couple very often
feel the divorce was somehow their fault.
This is a very heavy burden for a child to
carry and you should make sure to do
everything you can to allay this trepidation.
Be sure to tell your children that the divorce
was not their fault. You may have to repeat
this message many times for it to truly sink
in because children can be really stubborn about taking blame. Children also often
feel they may lose their connection with one of their parents after a divorce. Be sure
to comfort them in this department too and make sure they know they will be
spending time with both parents. Related to this, try your best to refrain from
speaking negatively about your ex-spouse around the children.
Keep in mind too that divorce affects older children too. Even if your children are
already grown and living on their own, you may need to help them through their
emotions after the divorce. No matter how old a child gets, the loving support of a
parent is more comforting than anything else in the world.
Step 8: Keep Friendly With the In-laws and Extended Family
It is often said that when you get married, you not only marry your spouse, you also
marry his or her family. You welcome into the fold a whole new batch of parents,
siblings, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and cousins. Over time, these new family
members become as interwoven into the fabric of your life as your biological family.

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You have mutual experiences that bond you together over holidays and special
events. If have children, these new family members become forever part of that very
special life changing experience.
After a divorce, some people attempt to sever all ties with their ex-spouse's family.
In other words, they attempt to divorce his
family too. Some divorcees may also spread
the negative emotions they may feel
toward their ex-spouse onto his family.
However, to do so only exacerbates an
already negative situation. Further, it
makes healing all the more tougher. You
cannot erase the shared experiences that
you have had with your ex-spouse's family and they will forever be connected to you
before of this. If you have children, they are your children's family too which makes
them even more integral post-divorce life. It will be much healthier for all concerned,
including yourself, if you keep your relationship with this part of your family as
amiable as possible. Yes, you will need an adjustment period because of the divorce
but it is in your best interest, and that of your children if you have them, to maintain
ties and keep it as loving and nurturing as you possibly can.
Concluding Thoughts
If you allow yourself to wallow in misery after a divorce, that is what your whole life
will become. You may also see your health deteriorate and your relationships with
others go south as well. On the other hand, if you focus on the proactive steps
described above, your post-divorce life can be rich and rewarding. No matter what
state of mind you are in currently, please know that you can and will heal if you take
the necessary steps to do -- and it doesn't have to be painful to do so! Divorce does
not have to affect the rest of your life and you CAN be happy and fulfilled again!
Take care and good luck!