I am 19,000 centrifuges spinning and spinning merrily. I do not need to stop for relief. Who will marry me?
I am 10 tons of low-enriched uranium along with more than 400 pounds of highly enriched uranium at the 20 percent level. With a little nudge and a little tap dance I can convert that uranium into a nuclear bomb. Won't that be neat? You want to know what is really neat? I can do that within a few weeks.
I am a 1,000 ballistic missiles in heavily fortified facilities and lots also on on mobile vehicles. It is no small miracle what we have achieved.
Please try to understand my point of view. I do only what I need to do.
Just twenty-five years ago I, me, moi sent Pasdaran forces and Basij volunteers as young as 9 years old unarmed in human wave tactics in frontal assaults on machine guns and battled hardened infantry. The enemy actually ran out of bullets such was their surprise. Tens of thousands of children, roped together in groups of about 20 to prevent the fainthearted from slowing the pace.
I lead that attack. I preferred girls for front line mine clearance and boys for unarmed "assaults". It is okay. I issued a special "Paradise Key" to keep any bad karma away. I.25 million died in that war.
Now you see with perfect clarity why I want a little hydrogen fluoride gas to spin and dance. I am not completely stupid. A second Cold War is what the world needs to insure the fainthearted keep pace with my need for peace. Your Secretary of State, John Kerry, agrees with me. If you please. Shouldn't you also want to seize this current negotiation opportunity?
So lets all hold hands, sing Cum Bye Yah, and have war no more. Yes, let us put an end to war. Peace is at hand. Take my hand. In mutual understanding and trust let us stand.