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  • 1. THE REC There's a light shining today On two or three trees They highlight certain choices made And all around Reluctantly I admit the beauty I let go of the fog Before my eyes And concentrate on chewing grass. Every evening The softest murmur I no longer know Whether it's you or me But such sweet tones Do tell a story Of days spent Under those trees. (20/7/99) APPEAL
  • 2. I dream one day We'll have that conversation That's been rehearsed A thousand times I dream one day You'll wake up and realise What was going on Such a long long time ago. Propelled forwards By unknown forces As weeks blur Stomachs churn Sneezes Coughs Asthmatic wheezes Old friends New shoes No, nothing is new Nothing is real Sleep The only appeal. (20/7/99) WITH SOME REGARD A notion of continued existence
  • 3. Operating to some extent In their true colours Impressions or perceptions Present to the senses We suppose too much Distinct from the mind Does not consist in any matter of fact Vice and virtue Compared Sound, colours Running hot and cold Truth and falsehood As I reason with you But you're not capable Of such abstract morality Influences Considerations Actions and affections Carved into this identity Which remains As alien as ever And memory serves me When I reward it With experience Indulging in pain Guilt Negatives Seeping from every pore As words form a useful ally I turn my back On what you claim to be real But I feel no foundation I taste no direction Too dangerously Self aware I fear I'll catch myself When I turn too quickly The necessary connection Is made Signed and sealed By these simple ideas Of walking and talking And taking in air Dragging my feet As us cynics do Apparently I seek to reverse But there's no going back The scepticism Becoming Total And this time I've gone too far. (27/7/99) WIN
  • 4. I move efficiently It moves erratically We don't stand a chance any more. I see the neon lights He drinks so he can see no more And we all fall down again. This was hell And you were proud of your creation Because nobody Told you what to do. This was hell So glad you made it Because nobody Even knew that it was you. I'm happy for the fun of it They're happy, too happy to go on We don't need to listen now. This was mine And you stood on it Because nobody Gave you one of your own. This was mine As many would tell me Because nobody Thought I deserved it. NO CHANCE
  • 5. You think you've reached me Don't you? You think you've found the way So just because I let you lie here You think that's how it stays. Are you aware Of how much I keep Of how much Is left unsaid? I may be heartless I may be cruel But you're not the one To penetrate this shield. I open up a fragment You don't even catch a glimpse Constructing what you think I am But never standing a chance. (20/7/99) FUCHSIAS
  • 6. I killed the fuchsias Because my memory fails A simple request denied By my lust for retreat Into my smoke filled mind And now I can't find The watering can. (26/8/99) OWEN
  • 7. Today we learnt your name When you granted permission To let us reach out Charcoal against pinkish skin A furry delight far from home That brought a momentary Release from monotony. Wary of playful hands A warning stretch And careful movements Until time and boredom Took its toll and you Continued in your adventure. (26/8/99) SKELETON KEY
  • 8. There must be some way out of this A secret password Skeleton key Let me in that world Where everyone else lives. Am I supposed to remember I'm me? Said to you I won't accept This as a permanent fixture But I suffer with it pulling at me Down, every day, whilst I somehow Propel myself on in this cloudy existence Holding things back through an Ever increasing fear And all the while I recognise From bad to worse it intensifies But secretly hope that in a Waking hour I'll be able to Carry on again. Too many plans and no focus Too much time alone trapped Inside with conversations in my head Whilst reality violently shoved to The side as I retreat and hide Hoping someone else will find me and I can refuse any responsibility. (27/9/99) FLOODS
  • 9. Don't have a hope But you learn to cope Can't remember how to Stop playing the game Can't find pause Can't stand all the noise Keeps me awake When I'm being ignored. Remind me Remind me how I fell in the ditch Remind me Was it me or her, the bitch Come find me Try and guess how many days left Red in the face Bubble will burst As it all floods back to you. Don't have a smile Can't see the signs Can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Stop trying to choke me With your advice and ideas Directions and careers When I can't even stay awake Remind me Remind me how I fit in this again Remind me Was it I who failed a friend Come find me Try to guess my way out of this mess Red in the face Bubble will burst As it all floods back to you. (27/9/99) TOO FAR
  • 10. When you bring me home All I can do is lie And I wonder why I let it get that far. The angel left Me today She packed her things Flew away She was camouflaged Luminous blue on blue And I wonder why I took the time I let it go too far. When you bring me home All I can do is lie The blue angel Begged me to let her fly So I turned my back As she began to pack And I knew It'd gone too far. When you bring me home All I can do is lie Is that what you expect these days? I can see through sympathy I can feel those eyes on me All I can do is lie And you never even ask me why 'Cos you know it's gone too far. The angel left Me today Upped and flew right away Without a word Into the blue Even she knew We all do That this has gone too far. (14/1/00)
  • 11. RUNNER UP Running away Carried away Trippin' over my own feet Carried away Thoughts of you Imaginary future What will become Of this And my false starts? Disqualified Well Who could love you Anyway? Optimism is deadly Destructive Unhealthy Squint at blatant Mistakes Did I plunge head first? Did you push? Can't pin the blame yet But the day will come I can see into the future See And follow through I do I keep on With what I know And what I hope A turn of events Or a nail in the coffin The final straw Wiping the slate clean 'Til good faith Seeps away And all that remains Is the shell of weeks ago Before I tried to let you in Before I realised You weren't in But too late now "You got me" The baton Hand over time You're in the clear I lag Breathless. (15/12/99)
  • 12. THE MOMENT Intensity measured By the longing Fractured recollections Of one night Which clarified My perception As I fought off doubts Concentrating on what I've heard called The moment. And now it dawns A role reversal Maturity in another Mismatch Same situation Different sense of self And I'm the one more eager I'm the one Under the thumb Desperate for The moment To be squeezed and stretched Beyond recognition Take away The moment And reproduce it A thousand times Not fractions and fragments But epic journeys With hands in pockets Stomachs Dry kisses And eye contact Which is as Fresh as ever And mystifying This alien predicament Uncompromising Dissatisfying still revitalising And false As we both know That you need this More than me But I want this More than you And fucking on a Cold Saturday morning Quick and desperate Because I have to leave Is not enough And not as it used to be. (20/12/99)
  • 13. HOW STEVE FELT Now I know how Steve must have felt But does she know How to feel any guilt? No I don't think so. While I'm at the End of the string I'll make sure I take My bow Yes I really think so Now that I know How Steve felt. The sermon last night A confused rant Alcohol The battering ram To her ruddy face And his fixed grin Paws, guffaws I know what it meant Where explanations Of circular, cyclical My education kept Within Your arms around me See, I still speak to You But I smiled with Relief and realisation That my heart didn't Miss a beat When you touched me No I don't think so That reward has Been passed on To darker climes Further pains? Yes I really think so Now that I know How Steve must have felt. (30/12/99)
  • 14. CONCRETE You Are the one I assumed would never hurt me I'm the fool I'll never assume again. Say you're sorry And I strive for objectivity What do you know? That doesn't work. Muddled along I've struggled along It was other people Offering hurdles. I Always thought We were united Through need and want Cracks have emerged. (21/6/99)
  • 15. MAKE MY DAY For the moment I'm not afraid But you can't say Anything That'll make my day Say anything To me though Anyway Let my mind wander. Here and now I'm no one new But I could be Any one To you, To you I'm just another In an endless line. So, let me Wander By myself Let me roam Without you in toe Without your voice Its restless echo Keeping track of me. So let me Wander Further than I can see A speck in the distance No other No company If you expect Me to find A way. (3/8/99)