The Emotional Activation System presented by David Tian, Ph.D.
OVERVIEW Whats the Big Problem? − She doesnt feel about you the way you feel about her Answer: The Emotional Activation System Why & How the Emotional Activation System Works − The Neuroscience of mirror neurons Result: Make Her Feel How You Feel
BACKGROUND I was once like you... Robert Greenes Art of Seduction and the character of the Rake − “When he desires a woman, brief though that moment may be, he will go to the ends of the earth for her.” − His greatest weakness is his overwhelming love of women. Paradoxically, that is also his greatest strength.
THE POWER OF THE RAKE − “When he pursues a woman, he really is aglow with desire; the victim senses this and is inﬂamed, even despite herself.” − “The Ardent Rake teaches us a simple lesson: intense desire has a distracting power on a woman, just as the Sirens physical presence does on a man.” − Advanced Rake: “The key is to show no hesitation, to abandon all restraint, to let yourself go, to show that you cannot control yourself and are fundamentally weak... This is the perfect cover for a seducer.”
REAL RAKES IN HISTORY Examples of great seducers employing the Emotional Activation System − Don Juan. Valmont in Dangerous Liaisons. Prince Niou in The Tale of Genji. Jia Baoyu in Dream of the Red Chamber. Lord Byron. The Duke de Richelieu. Pablo Picasso. Elvis. Bill Clinton. Robbie Williams. Russell Brand (“The best natural Ive ever seen”--Neil Strauss).
DISCOVERING THE SECRET Field testing the Method of the Rake Discovery of Why & How the Emotional Activation System Works Mirror Neurons − Daniel Golemans Emotional Inte"igence and Social Inte"igence Field testing it with clients
DOWN & DIRTY ON HOW IT WORKS The Emotional Activation System builds on: − Emotional intelligence (knowing what youre honestly feeling and being able to articulate it, and then being able to infer what others are feeling) − Knowing what the Ideal Man ought to feel − Being HONEST with yourself about your imperfect feelings or any shortcomings − Being content with who you are
WHAT ELSE CAN THE EMOTIONAL ACTIVATION SYSTEM DO? Great for turning her into your new girlfriend Great for getting sexual very fast Great for developing assertiveness
RECAP I Discovery of the Power of the Rake Real Rakes in History Quick overview of how and why the Emotional Activation System works What the Emotional Activation System can do
THE SCIENCE OFSUB-COMMUNICATIONS Attraction is intuitive and driven by feelings − Attraction is not governed by rationality or logic − Myth of verbal “game” (UCLA study) Over 90% of attraction comes from rapid, unconscious cognitions, e.g., split-second judgments We only have conscious access to less than 10% of our mental processes
BLINK AND THIN-SLICING Malcolm Gladwells Blink − Tennis coach Vic Braden can predict double faults to within 95% accuracy but doesnt know why − Andre Agassi saying he uses his wrist to roll the racket over the ball on a forehand − Ted Williams saying he looks the ball onto the bat Academic research shows we really dont know why we make most of our judgments
IF NO CONSCIOUS CONTROL, THEN WHAT CAN WE DO? Micro-managing sub-communications is nearly impossible, especially in the short- term What drives the sub-communications? − Mental and emotional states
THE SCIENCE OF MICRO EXPRESSIONS Micro expressions (Ekman & Friesen) − Whatever emotion we are experiencing, it is automatically expressed by the muscles in the face and body Emotional feedback loop − Inside out (Control your emotions) Emotional Activation (much more eﬀective) − Outside in (Control your physical body) Body language, tonality, words, etc.
THE SCIENCE OFMIRROR NEURONS Daniel Golemans Social Inte"igence − Amygdala (most primitive part of brain) unconsciously extracts emotional meaning from nonverbal images Nervous mannerisms and twitches, the resigned slouch of defeat, the sensuality of a sexy smile, etc. Bypasses brains verbal processing areas Primes reciprocal feelings
GAZE FOR A MOMENT AT THIS FACE:
SCIENCE OF EMOTIONAL CONTAGION The amygdala instantly reacts to such a photo; the stronger the emotion displayed, the more intense the amygdalas reaction − “When people looked at such photos while undergoing an fMRI, their own brains looked like they were the frightened ones.” “Mirror neurons ensure that the moment someone sees an emotion expressed on your face, they will at once sense that same feeling within themselves.”
APPLYING THE SCIENCE By generating the desired state in yourself, you induce the desired state in others Bi%est Problem of the Lovelorn: He feels the wrong mix of emotions and thus transfers the wrong emotions to her Solution: The Emotional Activation System The Good News: Micromanaging your sub- communications is impossible, but you CAN manage your emotional states and transfer them to others using the Emotional Activation System
LEARNING THEEMOTIONAL ACTIVATION SYSTEM Required Components − 1. Vocabulary of emotion terms − 2. Identify and Distinguish your emotions − 3. Express your emotions − 4. Correct inappropriate emotions by: a) Questioning interpretations b) Reframing interpretations c) Conditioning the unconscious mind − 5. Amplify the feeling of your emotions
1. WHAT ARE EMOTIONS? Emotion = Feeling tone + Interpretation − e.g., Emotion of fear on seeing a snake requires the judgment that the snake is dangerous and has potential to harm Control your emotions through manipulating your interpretations − The importance of “frame” (the lens by which you see and interpret events) e.g., Screening frame. “She wants me” frame. “Im the prize” frame.
2. IDENTIFY AND DISTINGUISH YOUR EMOTIONS Ekman on at least seven universal human emotions: fear, sadness, anger, joy, surprise, contempt, and disgust. Confronting your emotions requires HONESTY (a great aphrodisiac) Practice asking yourself WHY you feel the emotion − Look for the interpretations leading to the feelings
EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS Increasing the terms and categories you use for expressing emotions => increases your knowledge of and facility over them Always ask yourself WHY you have that feeling to unearth the unconscious interpretations leading to it − Once you understand your judgments and interpretations, then you can change your emotional responses
HOW DO MOST PEOPLE HANDLE EMOTIONS? Avoidance − Mainly unconscious Denial − Especially prevalent among those from traditional, conservative moral or religious backgrounds Wallowing Instead, learn the Emotional Activation System to take charge of your emotions
3. IDENTIFY AND EXPRESS Be completely honest with yourself What emotion(s) are you really feeling? What beliefs, judgments, or interpretations led to the feeling?
4A. QUESTION YOUR INTERPRETATIONS What are the judgments? Are they valid? − Emotion = Insecurity − Interpretation = Im too skinny for her to be attracted to me − Questioning the judgment = Is it possible for her to be attracted to a skinny guy? If “Yes,” then believe your research ﬁndings If “No,” then is the problem ﬁxable? − If “Yes,” then start ﬁxing it − If “No,” then proceed to next step
4B. REFRAME YOURINTERPRETATIONS If you cant change the situation, then you must reframe it Emotion = Insecurity Judgment = Im too short for her to be attracted to me Questioning the judgment = Is it possible for her to be attracted to guys shorter than her? − “Yes, but the research ﬁndings show that it is improbable.” − Then Reframe
REFRAMINGINTERPRETATIONS II The shorter the man, the stronger he must be on other variables in order to hold a taller woman I will have to compensate by being stronger in other areas Women are much more attracted to personality than to physical appearance (questioning)
4C. CONDITIONING THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND Help feeling catch up to rational thought Cut out sensory stimuli reinforcing the false belief (pop media, negative people, etc.) Fill up your senses with stimuli reinforcing the desired belief − E.g., Insecurity over height Cut out pop media, negative people, etc. Replace with correct movies, books, posters, internet images & video, people
RECAP III Emotions two components Naming emotions Identifying and express emotions Questioning the interpretations Reframing the interpretations Conditioning the unconscious mind
PROGRESS & CONTENTMENT Progress toward the Ideal over time The Paradoxical Secret Power: Keep improving yourself, but be content with yourself and your progress Need knowledge of how you SHOULD be feeling to calibrate how you are CURRENTLY feeling
THE IDEAL MAN Based on Evolutionary Science & Psychology − Summarized in David Buss, The Evolution of Desire Wealth, Status, Ambition & Industriousness, Physical Prowess (size, strength, and health), and Intelligence (as reliable predictor of economic prowess) Women unconsciously choose men with these traits But most of all: GOOD FEELINGS
ULTIMATE VALUE: GOOD FEELINGS Attraction, Love, Desire, Arousal, Aﬀection are all FEELINGS − 99% of people do not know how to control their feelings Be the Man who gives her Good Feelings − Undercut the Bigger Better Deal (who competes on conventional factors of wealth, status, and looks) − Shortcut to Good Feelings through the Emotional Activation System
CHARACTER OF THE IDEAL MAN The Ideal Man gives her good feelings naturally because of his character Five Traits Conﬁdence − Shows her you can get the job done Dependability and Stability You can handle bad situations in life You can provide for her and her family She infers competence and experience
I. EASYGOING CONFIDENCE Easygoing − They are not uptight or anxious − They don’t take themselves too seriously. They readily laugh at themselves and are the ﬁrst to chuckle at their own foibles. − While they are able to discern when and how to be serious about grave topics and to appreciate the consequences of their actions and decisions, they still see the humor in everyday situations, especially when these situations involve themselves.
II. ASSERTIVE CONFIDENCE Assertiveness − They are not push-overs − They speak up for themselves and those under their leadership. In social settings, they are friendly and cordial but also dominant and commanding. − They do not hide behind a false modesty. Rather, they believe that others, including their seniors, want to hear their ideas. − They do not tolerate disrespect from others. − They are persistent in pursuit of their goals. − They freely approach women they want to meet.
III. LEADERSHIP Leadership − They are not passive followers. − They have trained themselves to weigh the relevant factors, make snap decisions, and deal with the consequences. − While they may have formal recognition through rank, status, or position, they do not rely on external recognition to inspire and lead others. − They take into account the opinions and desires of others, but ultimately, they draw their own conclusions and waste no time in doing so.
IV. SEXUAL Sexual − They are not immature schoolboys. − They are not judgmental or closed-minded. − These men have no sexual hang-ups and are comfortable with their views on sex and sexuality. − They are secure in their own self-image and with their bodies. − They are at ease in talking with women about sexual subjects.
V. ADVENTUROUS Adventurous − They are not boring or predictable. − They are not afraid of danger. − They welcome calculated risk. − They are unpredictable and have a love of spontaneous fun. − They live life to the hilt and push experiences to the edge. − Their lives are full of PASSION.
FROM CURRENT TO IDEAL Continually improve But the secret is: Be content with the progress youre making in life If you arent, then set goals, make plans, and take action to become your Ideal Self
RECAP IV Progress and contentment The Ideal Man Good feelings as the ultimate value The character of the Ideal Man − Easygoing. Assertive. Leadership. Sexual. Adventurous.
HOW TO MAKE HER FEEL HOW YOU FEEL Identifying current emotions Calibrate with what Ideal Man would feel (if necessary) Intensify good feelings while maintaining proximity and looking into her eyes
5. FEEL INTENSELY Feel intensely. A common characteristic of charismatic individuals is that they feel emotions strongly. Encourage and develop those tendencies within yourself. Be passionate. You will draw others to you in an almost eﬀortless way because you will be transferring your good feelings to them. Practice amplifying your feelings
HOW TO AMPLIFY FEELINGS Recall a time when you felt that emotion, or the next time you feel that emotion, − Identify how it feels in your body and the physical manifestations of it − Trace backwards to the mental and physical steps that led to it The next time you feel that feeling intensely, anchor it to some sensory perception, e.g., touch, sound, smell, etc.
PRACTICE AMPLIFYING THE EMOTION Recreate the experience to recreate the feeling Use visualizations Use anchors like music, smells, etc. Practice inducing desirable emotions on a daily basis, especially happiness! Once you get used to creating the feeling, you wont need to recreate the experience
LEARN TO IDENTIFY ANDMANAGE THESE EMOTIONS Discomfort Fear Hurt Anger Frustration Disappointment Inadequacy Loneliness
LEARN TO AMPLIFY THESE POSITIVE EMOTIONS Love Arousal Curiosity Passion Excitement Conﬁdence Energetic Happiness, cheerfulness, joyfulness
THE FINISHED PRODUCT You use the Emotional Activation System when you: truly feel the emotion you want her to feel, you look deeply and unblinkingly into her eyes while you amplify the feeling.
3 STEPS TO MAKING HER DEEPLY ATTRACTED TO YOU Step 1: Excitement. Fun. Silly. Positive nervousness. A little bit sexual. Step 2: Appreciation. Wonder. A bit more sexual. Step 3: Savoring the sexual tension. Aroused. Trying to hold yourself back (struggling to restrain yourself). Your whole relationship is a combination of all three.
TROUBLESHOOTING Cant skip any of the steps. If you skip step 1, youre the creepy guy If you skip step 2, youre the player who can never get a girlfriend If you skip step 3, youre the platonic friend
TROUBLESHOOTING II If you think youre in step 2, and she accuses you of something like, “Why are you so serious all the time?” Then, go back to step 1. If you think youre in step 3, and she accuses you of being a creep, then go back to step 1... fast.
3 STAGES TO MASTERY Beginners Level: Name the improper emotion (its best to be honest) but calibrate against the Ideal Self Intermediate Level: Moderate levels of emotion in each stage, mainly vibing with her. Advanced Level: Bigger range of emotional variety and depth. She tests more but you see these as fun and cute.
CONCLUSION The 3 steps of the relationship The 3 stages to mastery of the Emotional Activation System Use it or lose it − Practice all the time, every day Feel intensely Live life to the fullest