Communication Stress Designed and Presented by http://leaders-workshop.blogspot.com/

But First, What is Communication?

What is Communication?

What is Communication Stress?

How is your Communication in the following situations? Do you buy things you don’t really want because it is hard for you to say “NO” ? Do you use sarcasm if it helps me make a point? If others interrupt me when I am talking, I suffer in silence. Do you have difficulty starting a conversation with a stranger? Do you find it difficult to criticize a friend? Do you find it difficult to compliment a friend? Do you feel self-conscious when somebody compliments you? Do you find it difficult to ask the Q breaker to join the Q? Do you get “I should have said that…” kind of thoughts after meetings? Do you have trouble asking favours of a friend? Do you have difficulty saying “NO” to a friend even when he is making an unreasonable request? Do you have trouble expressing your tender feelings? Do you feel uncomfortable when you are being given a negative feedback at work? Do you rationalize or defend yourself when somebody criticizes you? Do you put on a show to get attention? Do you usually begin your conversation apologetically by saying things like, “I don’t want to bother you..” or “Am I taking up your time..”? Do you mind giving opinions when asked?

Do you buy things you don’t really want because it is hard for you to say “NO” ?

Do you use sarcasm if it helps me make a point?

If others interrupt me when I am talking, I suffer in silence.

Do you have difficulty starting a conversation with a stranger?

Do you find it difficult to criticize a friend?

Do you find it difficult to compliment a friend?

Do you feel self-conscious when somebody compliments you?

Do you find it difficult to ask the Q breaker to join the Q?

Do you get “I should have said that…” kind of thoughts after meetings?

Do you have trouble asking favours of a friend?

Do you have difficulty saying “NO” to a friend even when he is making an unreasonable request?

Do you have trouble expressing your tender feelings?

Do you feel uncomfortable when you are being given a negative feedback at work?

Do you rationalize or defend yourself when somebody criticizes you?

Do you put on a show to get attention?

Do you usually begin your conversation apologetically by saying things like, “I don’t want to bother you..” or “Am I taking up your time..”?

Do you mind giving opinions when asked?

Check your Style? You hope that you will get what you want. You sit on your feelings and rely on others to guess what you want. You give up your rights. You feel helpless, anxious, disappointed with yourself, trying to please others. You feel manipulated and pushed around. You do not express your needs. e.g. ‘Ok, “You” have the chocolate cake’.

You hope that you will get what you want.

You sit on your feelings and rely on others to guess what you want.

You give up your rights.

You feel helpless, anxious, disappointed with yourself, trying to please others.

You feel manipulated and pushed around.

You do not express your needs.

e.g. ‘Ok, “You” have the chocolate cake’.

Check your Style? You try to get what you want. You often give rise to bad feelings in others and get it in any way that works. You think that only you have rights. You feel angry, frustrated, self-righteous, dominating, forcing others to loose. Imposing your will or needs on others. e.g. ‘Give “me” that chocolate cake’.

You try to get what you want.

You often give rise to bad feelings in others and get it in any way that works.

You think that only you have rights.

You feel angry, frustrated, self-righteous, dominating, forcing others to loose.

Imposing your will or needs on others.

e.g. ‘Give “me” that chocolate cake’.

Check your Style? You ASK for what you want You COMMUNICATE openly, directly, honestly, appropriately without feeling guilty or emotional. You stand for your rights without violating the rights of others. You give space to the other person. Expressing your needs openly without imposing on the other e.g. ‘I like chocolate cake, do you? Should we divide it up?’

You ASK for what you want

You COMMUNICATE openly, directly, honestly, appropriately without feeling guilty or emotional.

You stand for your rights without violating the rights of others.

You give space to the other person.

Expressing your needs openly without imposing on the other

e.g. ‘I like chocolate cake, do you? Should we divide it up?’

The Communication Styles are Passive or Submissive Communication Aggressive Communication Assertive Communication

Passive or Submissive Communication

Aggressive Communication

Assertive Communication

Assertiveness is “ NOT” … A guaranteed way to WIN every argument A guaranteed way to get what you want A way to get others to feel like you feel or think what you think

A guaranteed way to WIN every argument

A guaranteed way to get what you want

A way to get others to feel like you feel or think what you think

What is Assertiveness? “Your ability to act in harmony with your Self-Esteem without hurting others.” It is a behaviour which helps us to communicate clearly and confidently our NEEDS, WANTS and FEELINGS to other people without abusing in any way their human rights.

“Your ability to act in harmony with your Self-Esteem without hurting others.”

It is a behaviour which helps us to communicate clearly and confidently

our NEEDS, WANTS and FEELINGS

to other people without abusing in any way their human rights.

Why Assertiveness is not easy? No assertiveness training No opportunity to voice my opinion Gender difference Irrational Belief Timid Souls

No assertiveness training

No opportunity to voice my opinion

Gender difference

Irrational Belief

Timid Souls

Why do we experience Communication Stress? Many of us come from homes that taught us (among other things): “Don’t speak unless you’re spoken to.” “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” “He who has the power wins – and you don’t have the power.” Values Culture

Many of us come from homes that taught us (among other things):

“Don’t speak unless you’re spoken to.”

“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

“He who has the power wins – and you don’t have the power.”

Values

Culture

The other common reasons are.. Fear of upsetting others Fear of rejection / ridicule Feeling responsible for the other person Circle of musts (ought to, must, have to) Low Self Image

Fear of upsetting others

Fear of rejection / ridicule

Feeling responsible for the other person

Circle of musts (ought to, must, have to)

Low Self Image

Good News! You learned to be Passive or Aggressive and Now you can Learn to be Assertive. You can choose how you’d like to respond in every situation. Getting Ready To be Assertive

You learned to be Passive or Aggressive and Now you can Learn to be Assertive.

You can choose how you’d like to respond in every situation.

Right or wrong? Many people confuse being assertive with winning more arguments but assertiveness is only a process to let others respectfully know how you think and feel Getting Ready To be Assertive

Many people confuse being assertive with winning more arguments but assertiveness is only a process to let others respectfully know how you think and feel

The Truth about Feelings..! Feelings are neither Right nor Wrong “Don’t feel bad” “He is Angry” “She is feeling Sad” “He is feeling compassionate” Getting Ready To be Assertive

Feelings are neither Right nor Wrong

“Don’t feel bad”

“He is Angry”

“She is feeling Sad”

“He is feeling compassionate”

What does it take to be assertive? There are several things you can learn to do to make your communication more assertive, open, and direct.

There are several things you can learn to do to make your communication more assertive, open, and direct.

Using “I” Statements #1 Use “I” statements : Being assertive means taking responsibility for your own feelings “I feel sad”, “I feel angry”, “I feel happy” Do not say, “You make me feel…” This gives others control over your feelings and blames others for what’s going on inside you

Use “I” statements :

Being assertive means taking responsibility for your own feelings

“I feel sad”, “I feel angry”, “I feel happy”

Do not say, “You make me feel…”

This gives others control over your feelings and blames others for what’s going on inside you

Using “I” Statements #2 You are responsible for your own feelings No one can “make” you feel You have learned to feel certain ways about certain situations You can choose how you would like to feel Practicing Proactiveness

You are responsible for your own feelings

No one can “make” you feel

You have learned to feel certain ways about certain situations

You can choose how you would like to feel

Practicing Proactiveness

Using “I” Statements #3 Beyond using “I” statements for feelings, also use them for thoughts and opinions “ I think…” “ In my opinion...” “ I would like…” “ I want…” “ I need…”

Beyond using “I” statements for feelings, also use them for thoughts and opinions

“ I think…”

“ In my opinion...”

“ I would like…”

“ I want…”

“ I need…”

Using “I” Statements #4 Starting a statement with “You” often means you are blaming someone else Blame often leads to arguing about who’s feeling or thought are right Your feelings are neither right nor wrong Other’s feeling are neither right nor wrong Using “I” statements removes right and wrong from the conversation.

Starting a statement with “You” often means you are blaming someone else

Blame often leads to arguing about who’s feeling or thought are right

Your feelings are neither right nor wrong

Other’s feeling are neither right nor wrong

Using “I” statements removes right and wrong from the conversation.

Using Specific Behaviors #1 Focus on specific behavior, not generalities Specific = “I felt angry because when you called me a twit because I do not like being insulted.” General = “You make me mad because you are a rotten person.” Specific = “I am very angry because I missed my deadline, because you did not submit the report on time.” General = “You are never organised” or “You are never punctual”

Focus on specific behavior, not generalities

Specific = “I felt angry because when you called me a twit because I do not like being insulted.”

General = “You make me mad because you are a rotten person.”

Specific = “I am very angry because I missed my deadline, because you did not submit the report on time.”

General = “You are never organised” or “You are never punctual”

Using Specific Behaviors #2 Describe what you would like to be different “I felt angry when you called me a twit because I felt insulted. I would like for you not to call me names.” “I feel unimportant to you when you start every conversation we have with, ‘How are your grades?’ I would like to talk about other things about my life with you.”

Describe what you would like to be different

“I felt angry when you called me a twit because I felt insulted. I would like for you not to call me names.”

“I feel unimportant to you when you start every conversation we have with, ‘How are your grades?’ I would like to talk about other things about my life with you.”

Using Specific Behaviors #3 Focusing on specifics helps everyone understand what needs to be worked on. If you label someone, the label doesn’t tell the other person what exactly needs to change If you describe specific behavior, the other person can know what you are reacting to and what could be changed.

Focusing on specifics helps everyone understand what needs to be worked on.

If you label someone, the label doesn’t tell the other person what exactly needs to change

If you describe specific behavior, the other person can know what you are reacting to and what could be changed.

Using Specific Behaviors #4 So, to recap: 1. Start with an I statement – “I feel…”, “I think…”, “I want/need…” 2. Talk about specific behavior 3. Ask politely for specific behavior changes you might want 4. Allow the other person to respond based on their own needs, feelings, and thought.

So, to recap:

1. Start with an I statement –

“I feel…”, “I think…”, “I want/need…”

2. Talk about specific behavior

3. Ask politely for specific behavior changes you might want

4. Allow the other person to respond based on their own needs, feelings, and thought.

COMMUNICATION PYRAMID Active Listening Assertiveness Skills Collaborative Conflict Management Aggressive don’t Listen Passive they Listen & don’t do anything about it. “ LISTENING ” is the 1 st step in Assertiveness

TO BE ASSERTIVE ….. Know What You Want to Say Say it Be Specific Say it as Soon as Possible Avoid giggling or Whining Be Relaxed & Confident Getting Ready To be Assertive

Know What You Want to Say

Say it

Be Specific

Say it as Soon as Possible

Avoid giggling or Whining

Be Relaxed & Confident

Assertiveness: A Skill to Master Problems are dealt with before feelings ride too high mutual esteem and respect go up misunderstandings decrease the air is cleared and its good for the blood pressure too.

Problems are dealt with before feelings ride too high

mutual esteem and respect go up

misunderstandings decrease

the air is cleared and its good for the blood pressure too.

For Training Workshop on “ Effective Communication Skills” Contact: Shabbar Suterwala Email: [email_address] Or Call: +91-989 222 5864 Designed & Created by