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10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence
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10ways you-limit-your-self-confidence

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10 ways you limit your self confidence. This free ebook has been complied of 10 blog posts I wrote covering different ways in which women limit their own confidence

10 ways you limit your self confidence. This free ebook has been complied of 10 blog posts I wrote covering different ways in which women limit their own confidence

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  • 1. 10 Ways You Limit Your Self-confidence Negative Thoughts & Actions That Limit Self-confidence Diane Corriette
  • 2. Free eBook For Women This is a free confidence building ebook for anyone looking to build their self-confidence and make things happen, provided by me, Diane Corriette. You may not sell or make claim as the author of this eBook, however you are free to share it on your blog/website or add it to your membership site as a download. I appreciate you linking back to http://inspirationalguidance.com if you do use this eBook. Inspirational Guidance is the place I use online to inspire and guide women towards personal empowerment. As a life coach I focus on helping women who are going through a change – whether it is to start again, find a new job, pick up on an old dream – I provide support to build the self-confidence needed to take the first step. Using audio and video, free eBooks and blog posts my aim is to build a huge resource that will support women around the world. Please visit my blog and tell others about it too. I appreciate that. I also love to receive comments and questions. They will be answered for you. I grew up with the label of being “shy” and I carried that label until age 25 – that was back in 1991. Since then I have worked on my own personal empowerment to a point now where I can talk to anyone, embrace change, speak in front of groups, and I am working on a goal of living anywhere in the world while building my income online and through property investment. For help building your self-confidence visit http://inspirationalguidance.com
  • 3. Content Page You limit your self-confidence when you.... 01. Indulge in negative thinking 02. Accept mediocrity 03. Don't set goals 04. Believe in failure 05. Sabotage your success 06. Lack of support 07. Waste precious life on regrets 08. Lack self worth and believe you are not good enough 9. Are impatient with the process 10. Lack vision and focus
  • 4. Introduction It is important you are clear about the actions and thoughts that may hamper your self-confidence if you are successfully going to build it to a point where you enjoy success. If you are working hard towards building your self-confidence and yet engaging in any of the following habits you will end up limiting how much you achieve. During each one I tell a personal story and sometimes a story of how I helped a client with their issue (shared with permission) and I hope that inspires you to see that no matter what we go through it is possible to pick your life back up and keep moving forward. I have included a question within each blog post. Ask yourself that question if you think it is relevant to your life and see what answers it provides for you. I hope you find this free eBook helpful. Please feel free to share it with people you know and visit my blog to register for more information and ongoing personal development support. If you need social support on your journey click the link below my name to find out how you can get it. Diane Corriette http://inspirationalguidance.com Check out our eBook Store http://inspirationalguidance.com/store/
  • 5. 1. Indulge In Negative Thinking You limit your self-confidence when you indulge in negative thinking It may be no surprise to hear that one! Your life is built on the thoughts you think, the words you speak, when you engage in negative thinking it impacts your words and the actions you take (or refuse to take). It also has a damaging effect on the people around you too. Also, there are plenty of people in your life who are ready, willing and eager to spread the doom and gloom over why things just won’t work. Or why you are just not capable of achieving what you hope to. Unfortunately family and friends can be the worst culprits! They will always willingly let you know why you will fail. Why it won’t work out. But negative messages from other people can only affect you if you allow them to. Learn to brush them off. It’s time to become stronger about who you are and what you stand for. The question here is “Are you going to allow what people say to stop you from taking action?” Is the opinion of others more important than the opinion you hold of yourself? Are you ready to tackle the negative thinking that goes on in your head (here’s a tip! If you hear yourself thinking negative talks just shout – either out loud or in your head – “cancel” and then turn it round to something more affirming) Thinking bigger, wanting more, working towards achievements can make you a target for negative messages from your co-workers, family, friends and even total strangers because most people are too afraid to try. When you have a strong conviction within yourself, when you work towards ensuring all your thoughts empower you rather than dis-empower you, then you will be going some way towards transforming how you think and feel. What you think about yourself will have a profound effect on your self- confidence and will determine whether you are a success or whether you give up. Begin the journey of thinking great things about who you are and what you can achieve.
  • 6. I was raised in a family that would always talk about why something won't work or why something will go wrong. Of course my parents were raised in a family of people who did the same thing and I discovered something quite freeing about this attitude. They think this way because they believe they are protecting me. It is not about hurting me but they want to keep me safe - being negative and putting things down is their way of dealing with that. As an adult I decided that in my family that attitude and way of operating would stop with me. I will never tell my children they are not capable of doing something and I will always encourage their dreams because as far as I am concerned if they believe they can do it who am I to tell them otherwise. How do you help yourself give up negative thinking? Well its a process really and one that you make progress in every day. You need to read, listen to and spend time with people who believe in their ability. You need to take a long hard look at why you think the way you do paying particularly attention to your major negative thoughts. You will find behind that negative thought is a positive intention and when you can discover what that intention is you can stop trying to protect yourself. I find the easiest way to start is to use affirmations. You may need to learn how to write them and use them correctly so you include your feelings and to ensure they work for you but it is so worth it. If you have any questions, comments or suggestions please leave them in the comment box below and if you enjoyed reading this I appreciate you using the buttons at the top to share it via Twitter, Facebook et el. :) http://inspirationalguidance.com/selfconfidence/negative-thinking-kills- self-confidence/
  • 7. 2. Live Life With Mediocrity You limit your self-confidence when you accept and live with mediocrity The definition of mediocrity is when something is either good nor bad but barely adequate. That was my life several years ago. I went through the normal duty of details day in day out never stopping to think that I could expect more for myself. I was in my early 30s when I realised that I could have spent my life travelling the world and for the first time I realised I wasn't living the life I wanted. I felt I had cheated myself out of a great life because of my fears and doubts and wanted to focus on the regret of not doing enough with my life. I had stayed the same to avoid the fear of taking a risk and changing the way things were right now. I believed that living with the status quo was better than going after my dreams and living a life of uncertainty and “not knowing” even though I was bored with the life I was living. The illusion and lie that I told myself was that my life may be boring but at least it was secure and it was this apparent “security” that kept me stuck in a job I hated, in a relationship I wasn't happy with and afraid to move on and achieve more. Wanting to achieve something with your life involves risk. Whilst you can set goals and plan you never know the outcome until you get there. Things can go horribly wrong and not turn out like you expect - that is a risk that comes with changing your life. The thing to remember is it can also go wonderfully right and turn out better than you ever expected. How did I finally get myself ready to embrace change? Well I had to stop focusing on what might go wrong or even what might go right. I had a plan of what I wanted to achieve and I worked towards it, I focused on the small steps I was taking along the way and adjusted what I was doing according to the results I was getting. If things really didn't work out I either changed my goal
  • 8. or kept working at it (one of my weaknesses is working at something long after I should have changed course!) until I achieved it. It was focusing on the progress and not on the end result that got me though. I made the decision to enjoy the challenges (or at least expect them) and the successes, to delight in my own personal development as I began to realise just how different I had become. If you are heading towards a goal right now and frustrated with the process or the fact that you haven't achieved it try taking your eye off the end target and enjoy where you are right now, today – even if the situation is a challenging one. The question here is “What are you going to do to ensure that the next 12 months becomes your best year ever?” For those of you who were like me and are too afraid to change your life because you are living a life of “security” allow me to bust your bubble. Firstly, you want more I can guarantee you that otherwise you would not be reading this now. Secondly, nothing is secure. Marriages fail, jobs are lost, people leave. The only secure thing we can definitely say is coming our way is death! Isn’t it time for something more than just the same ole, same ole, status quo? Finding The Motivation To Move Through Mediocrity Once I decided it was time to do something different in my life actually deciding what to do first kept me stumped and confused for a while. In the end there were three few things I remembering doing that helped.  I pushed myself to do more at work and home. I had gotten myself into this routine of just doing enough to get by and no more. I decided to take on more responsibility at work and show them that they could count on me for more than I had been doing. I also decided to make more of an effort to create a life for myself outside of the stuff I always did with my then husband. 
  • 9.  Expected more. I never really expected much of myself or for myself. As I began to experience success with number one I then began to expect more of myself and push myself to do even more. I also made the decision that I should expect more for myself too. They were not big things – or at least for me they were big but they may not seem that way to you. I did things like going out alone and driving different cars (I took over running the car fleet at work – before that I was convinced I could only ever drive one type of car) which really helped. Every few days I was driving a different car and I had to get used to driving it. I got to choose to drive a car home if there were any spare after all the sales workforce had left for the day. No sooner did I get used to one car and one of the workforce needed it so I had to swap it for something else that was spare. This really got me to see how quickly I could change. It was a huge thing for me.    Changed the way I looked at people. I was judgmental. I would look at the way a person dressed the things they said (especially if they were really loud) and did and I judged them. Mainly I judged because I was jealous. I wanted to be able to wear that short skirt and low top, or be able to hold a bunch of people captive in a conversation. Being judgmental kept me stuck because I was too afraid to step out in case someone said anything about me. It took a lot to stop myself from looking at a women and being critical about what she was wearing - I literally had to start humming in my head when I heard my inner voice start up. The thing is eventually it stopped and if I find myself looking at something even before judgmental words can begin forming in my mind I start humming :)  Living with mediocrity limits self-confidence and you need to expect more of yourself and for yourself. You can leave a question or comment on the blog post. Click the link below http://inspirationalguidance.com/mediocrity-kills-self-confidence/
  • 10. 3. Don’t Set Goals You Limit Your Self-confidence When You Don’t Set Goals People often get in touch because they are working towards something and feel confused about what to do next and which direction to take. When I ask them about the bigger goal they have set, or any smaller goals they have set to reach their big goal they are vague and often unsure. I know throughout my life that I achieve what I focus on and I can only focus when I have set down what it is I want to do. Once I had spent time developing my self-confidence I found that I wasn’t that bothered about setting goals. I focused mainly on setting my intention and visualising what I wanted to achieve, however, I didn’t always get what I wanted and many times I didn’t succeed in completing the goal because something else came along to take my attention off it. Setting goals is about more than having a purpose to work towards. It is also about helping you keep your eye on the prize and avoid being distracted by other things. Make Sure Your Goal Is Challenging When you look at the goal you want to set for yourself you find that the end result is far more satisfying when you set yourself a huge target. Something that is challenging and that you can work towards. Its easy to set a goal that you know is a sure thing. It’s much more challenging to set a goal that you have no idea of how you are going to achieve it. I used to set low goals, goals that didn’t take much to achieve, or I would set the wrong goal, goals that I did for ego reasons to prove how great I was, goals that I really didn’t enjoy working towards and even goal that I wasn’t really bothered about whether I achieved or not. It took me a while to work out what kind of goal I wanted to set that would challenge me but also provide me with the passion to keep working towards it. I found it only after I had spent time building my self- confidence and looking at what I really wanted for my life.
  • 11. The worst time of my life was when I had set no goals at all, I was drifting though life always “gonna” do something but never getting round to it and yet I was totally unhappy about the way my life was going. The question to ask yourself here is “What Goals did I set out to achieve and how much did I grow and develop as a result?” You know when you have truly achieved something great because at the end of it you can see just how much you have grown as a person. Whether it worked out exactly as you planned doesn’t matter, as long as you know you gave it your best shot. Of course we all want everything to work out all the time but that isn’t realistic. In fact when reading the autobiographies of successful people the one thing I noticed is that many of them failed as much, if not more, than as they succeeded. I gave myself the time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, and I made it big and bold. I want to encourage you to do the same even if you have no idea how you will achieve it. When I first thought about living in the Caribbean for 3-5 months each year and enjoying a strong supportive network I had no idea how that was going to happen. I knew no one in the Caribbean except a sister I never grew up with and so didn’t know. All I knew is that when my youngest reaches 18 (2017) I will be living outside of the UK during the winter, living in different parts of the world starting with the Caribbean and I will use the internet to build my income as well as continuing my work as a life coach. That was back in 2007 and from that moment everything in my world changed to begin moving me towards that (a story I will tell another time) and over the next 4 years I will be developing this blog and a few others to help me earn an income as well as continuing to build my career as a coach, speaker and workshop leader. It all happened because I wrote down and set myself a big goal I had no idea how I was going to achieve it. Travelling and moving abroad was one of my biggest fears, and I had to work through that. Knowing I was going to live in places where I might know absolutely no one was another. Knowing I will be
  • 12. travelling without my children also took some working through. All of these things and more I worked through as I worked on my goal to get myself there. Now it is time for you to set your goal. When you write it out it should leave you excited and scared all at the same time. That’s when you know you have hit the right target! Having a life coach can help you work through this process making it easier for you to figure out while helping you to stay focused on your end goal. You can leave a question or comment on the blog post. Click the link below http://inspirationalguidance.com/goal-setting-builds-self-confidence/
  • 13. 4. Believe In Failure You limit your self-confidence when you believe in failure It really is so easy to be stopped by the very thought of failure, but not just any kind of failure, public failure! Let's face it, we could all go for our dream if we knew that we are the only person to know if we failed! But when we step out and announce that we are going to achieve something big while many people will be happy for you and want you to succeed there will be others watching in the hopeful anticipation of seeing us mess up! Because I lacked self-confidence my tendency leaned towards being concerned about a few people who wanted me to fail rather than the many people supporting me to succeed and because my thoughts were on failing it scared me to do anything that might mean messing up. Then one year things changed. From reading personal development books I began to understand that my mistakes and failures are nothing more than another step towards success. I began to look at things that didn't work out differently and with a better understanding that they were simply indications that something needed to change or that doing it that work doesn't work and I needed to find another way. This was a big step for me because usually if things went wrong I wanted to give up or not bother. Now, I see my mistakes as nothing more than an opportunity to grow, because at least I put yourself out there. Okay things didn’t go to plan, I can learn from what didn’t work. I don't really focus on the word failure any more I just keep focused on the fact that what I tried isn't the way for me to achieve my goal. Back in 2006 I began to learn about property as a way to build passive income and increase my asset worth. I wanted to own 10-12 properties and rent them out. I went along to a wealth creation weekend and met a company who focus on new builds. You buy a house before it is built at a cheap price and once built you rent it out. In the past I had bought old properties out of London and
  • 14. rented them out to the council so this was something new. I made the decision to go for it and it was due to be built in 2009. Unfortunately, the recession hit and the property never made it. The company building it went bust and eventually the company that spoke at the event, owing millions, filled for bankruptcy. That one mistake cost me a lot of money and had a ripple effect on everything I had planned to do. Now, I could look at that decision as a mistake but because I have a strong sense of self-confidence instead I decided that: New builds are not for me. I believe in the power of buying and renting property and will stick to buying old council houses and renting them out to the council. I will also get myself a mentor or coach to guide me. I still want to buy more properties (I had to sell two to get myself out of the mess but still kept one) and I will continue to use property and the internet as my two wealth creation methods but I will be more careful about who I trust and what I get myself into. I am also going to take on the guidance of a life coach or mentor because I knew nothing about property investment and never even read a book - I just attended one weekend and jumped right in.... not the best way to approach things that this! The question to ask yourself here is “What learning opportunity(ies) have my mistakes and/or failures given me?” If you are telling yourself that you failed then that's great news (it really is) because most of the high achievers you will read about have. Go and pick up a few auto biographies of people you admire, people who are where you want to be. Read their story, and if you don’t find a section where they made a mistake, lost money or failed then let me know because I will want to read it myself! There is a saying that goes "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" - well I believe "it is better to have tried and messed up than to have never tried at all"
  • 15. Believing in failure limits self-confidence DEAD. It stopped me from trying anything, from aiming higher and from believing I could take the first step. When you choose to see your mistakes as indications of what not to do or that you need to change tactics then you give yourself permission to mess up but to keep going. In my book the person who fails is the person who never tries, or the person who tries and gives up because things didn't work out for them. A person who keeps going despite messing up is a total success because they are not going to stop until they have achieved their goal. You can leave a question or comment on the blog post. Click the link below http://inspirationalguidance.com/failure-limits-self-confidence
  • 16. 5. Sabotaging Your Success You limit your self-confidence when you don't try to succeed because you believe people won't like you "There is only one success - to spend your life in your own way." - Christopher Morley One of my biggest fears of being successful was that people won't like me. As I had no self confidence getting people to like me and making sure I always did things to ensure people liked me was what I believed was me. When I saw just how limiting living that way made me I wanted to change it and I had spent so long being other people's doormat and doing what I was told that I wasn't even sure if I could be any different. When you succeed people hate you. That is a fact. They will talk about you and dislike you - the thing to remember is their dislike of you is all about their own lack of self confidence. Rather than look at their own weaknesses and spend time strengthening them they prefer to put down other people who are working towards their goals. They talk about them, ridicule them and make themselves feel better by belittling them. Why on earth did I sabotage my success for people like that? That is the question I had to ask myself. If you believe that people won't like you if you become a success then you are absolutely right. People won’t like you. Especially the people you leave behind; still stuck, still too afraid to change their circumstances. Still believing that their ultimate success is at the mercy of other people, that the only way they can be successful is if someone else makes it happen. Celebrate! You neither want nor need these people to like you! A long the road to whatever success is for you, you will meet people just like you. Its all about attraction – like attracts like! Stop concerning yourself with people
  • 17. who have no ambition. Okay, you have known them for the last 20 years, I understanding that, but if they have no inclination to support you why would you want that in your life? Change in itself can be scary even when we initiate it, and sometimes the familiar can help us to feel safe. An old friend that you can still engage in your old ways with, but eventually you will realise that all you are doing is limiting, stunting and sabotaging your growth. I did! The question here is “Are you ready to release yourself from people who do not support you?" On your journey to build a better life for yourself there will always be “haters” as the rappers like to call them. There will always be those people who get upset because you have “left them behind” or because “you think you are better than they are.” It is a big part of the life of a successful person, having people that dislike them for it. But, here’s the thing, what other people think of you is NONE of your business! (Go ahead and read that again). Let them talk, let them criticise, they hurt no one but themselves when they engage in these activities. Just keep your focus on where you are and where you want to be because along the way you will meet positive people who will support you and you them. If you have any questions or comments after reading this click the link below to leave them on my blog post: http://inspirationalguidance.com/limiting-self-confidence/
  • 18. 6. Lack Of Support You limit your self-confidence if you don't have support One of the reasons I decided to train as a Life Coach was because of the way it moved me towards my goals so quickly. The other was the support it provided. At first I didn't even think about taking on clients, I just wanted to use the tools and support myself to change my life. When I did start taking on clients I found being in a group full of other life coaches helped me to stay focused. When you set yourself a goal to build your self-confidence there are a number of different ways to can gain support for yourself. Here are a few ways that I used: 1. Invest in training Whether it is a free weekend (you don't have to buy anything), a $5 eBook or a $10,000 weekend retreat if you are serious about building your self confidence you can support yourself by investing in books, audios, DVDs, workshops and seminars that will help you - especially at the beginning. I would not be where I am now if it wasn't for all the training I decided to undertake - some of it was as simple as following the exercises in a book I bought and others were far more intensive. Whatever you use you need training. 2. Meet up with other people Nothing is better than having your own social support networking whether it includes a few friends, work colleagues or people you meet online in a social network group. You want to hang out with other people who are interested in developing themselves because it will give you a place to ask questions and seek advice. Just being around other positive people can be enough to lift your spirits.
  • 19. When I wanted to become a speaker I joined a Toastmasters group, when I wanted to build my online business I joined a mastermind group - actually I have been part of a few over the years - there are all kinds of groups you can join and the support is usually brilliant. You will make some really strong connections with the people you meet. 3. Have professional one-to-one support When you are working on a specific goal that you want to achieve the one-to- one support of a professional can really help you. To get rid of deeper inner issues you may seek out a hypnotherapist or counsellor. If you want support with staying focused on achieving a goal you may take on your own life coach to help you. Yes, you can use a friend or work colleague in a buddy system if you want to do that but having professional one-to-one support will help you work through any limits you may have quicker. I spent a year working with a spiritual life coach who taught me things about myself that helped me to change the way I thought about life. One of the biggest lessons I needed to learn focused on the illusions of fear and doubt - too heavy to get into now but for me it was a real eye opener for me and something I may have never discovered if it wasn't for my coach. When you set big goals for yourself you need support to help you achieve them, what you need is positive, affirming support from either a group or professional support. Mastermind Groups or Mastermind Alliances as they are sometimes known are one of the best ways. This group will be a network of people who see more in you than you see in yourself. They will be big thinkers, supporters, like minded people that you can rely on to hold up the highest vision of who you are. The question here is “Where can I find an alliance that will support me in achieving my dreams?” Knowing that you have your own alliance that is available to you whenever you find yourself in need of motivation, or experiencing a challenge, or when you
  • 20. just want to share a success is an important and worthwhile investment of your time and money. We have a range of personal development eBooks that will help you learn how to build self confidence. Take a look and see if any of them can support you: http://inspirationalguidance.com/store/products/ If you have any questions or comments after reading this click the link below to leave them on my blog post: http://inspirationalguidance.com/support-building-self-confidence/
  • 21. 7. Wasting Life On Regrets You limit your self-confidence when you waste precious life on regrets In life things don't always go the way we had hoped and sometimes we may even wish that we had done things differently. It is always good to take a long hard look at the impact our actions have in our life and on other people because you gain a number of insights doing this kind of self reflection. Once you learn from your mistake the next step is to look at what you will do differently next time and how you can learn from your mistakes. Then finally, the thing to do so you don't waste your life on regrets is to LET IT GO and forgive yourself! Let go of the past, focus on what’s great in your life right now, and create a compelling future for what will be. Every minute, hour, week, month and year you waste on blaming, shaming, criticising and regret does nothing but reduce the happiness you can experience in your own life. It robs you of your passion to move forward and look at “what’s next?” The question here is “What stories can I give up about events in the past, the giving up of which will help me to move forward?” I regret that allowed myself to get in a financial mess and I had to sell my house but it was the only way to get myself out. I didn't end up with any cash. I literally started again at zero but at least I had the opportunity to do that. For months afterwards as life continued to move forward and I looked at how I was going to come back from this I wanted to focus on what I had lost but I knew doing that meant I would miss the opportunities in front of me. I remember a quote from someone that went something along the lines of "when you keep looking to the past and longing for everything you have lost you miss out on what's ahead, in the future." I knew that I wanted to rebuild and I knew I had the strength and ability to do that. I focused on everything great that will come from not having a mortgage like paying off most of what I owe and being free from all debts/financial ties. At one point I literally had no financial responsibilities - I am not talking about
  • 22. the little things like gas, electricity and water - I had to pay those but the big things like a car payment, or a cell phone payment and a mortgage. All of it was paid off and gone. That was a huge blessing to me and I felt completely free. It is a feeling I have wanted to keep with me over the years because I know it will leave me free to travel without having to use things like my house, car or other commitment to weigh me down and keep me stuck. My children are my only tie to being in the UK right now and I love that freedom too - the thought of belonging no place but everywhere. Take a long hard look at the business deals that didn’t work out, the partner that you didn’t support, the people that “did stuff to you.” Are you ready to let it all go? This is not about blame. Maybe what they did was wrong, but when you continually focus on it that will not make it right, or change what happened. Is it time to find another way? Forgiveness Forgiveness is a big key here. Forgiving yourself and forgiving other people. In the past I refused to look at this area because as far as I was concerned things happened that were not my fault and I refused to say I forgive the person. The more I thought about these events the more they ate away at me slowly. Refusing to forgive really can limit your own personal growth and here is an important lesson that I discovered. When you forgive someone you are not saying "what you did was okay" you are saying "I am going to release my need to keep focusing on this" Forgiveness is more for you than it is for the other person. You can choose to say you forgive them or not - that is your choice but what you do when you forgive is release all the internal anger and mental anguish you are experiencing when you continue to think and talk about different events that have happened to you.
  • 23. This is a huge area so you may want to think about reading a book on forgiveness as a way to help you because it really is a big part of being confident. You really can't expect others to forgive you if you can not forgive yourself and you can never truly be at peace if you hold on to all those negative thoughts and the anger they bring up inside you. At some point you have to let go. Learning about the power of forgiveness was a major milestone for me and sometimes an event will still repeat itself in my head and I have to forgive them, forgive myself and then forgive myself again for continuing to think about it. I release it and I let it go because I know that holding on to it is a little like drinking poison that fills my body and expecting the other person to die. Forgiveness is for you. You forgive so you can let go. When you let you your life is filled with a sense of peace and tranquillity that you will never believe and that I can never describe. It is something worth working towards so you can experience it too. If you have any questions or comments after reading this click the link below to leave them on my blog post: http://inspirationalguidance.com/wasting-precious-life-on-regrets/
  • 24. 8. Thinking You Are Not Good Enough You limit your self-confidence when you lack self worth and believe you are not good enough This has was a huge, gigantic barrier for me right from the start because I grew up believing that I was not good enough and even now, 20 years later, I can find myself having to work through and overcome this feeling of not being “good enough!” if I find it is behind me not achieving a goal I set myself. The difference is now I work through it fairly quickly, it took time to learn how to do that and writing out and using affirmations was definitely a key in helping me. Thinking, feeling and believing that you are not good enough is confidence enemy number 1! You need to make a commitment to actively seek personal and professional help to overcome it. The personal help can come from listening to audios and reading books that support you in working through this. The professional help can come from attending workshops (e.g. Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life or Landmark Education’s course ‘The Forum’) and even taking on your own life coach to support you. The great thing is you will meet people all working towards the same goal. Some of these people will become part of your network of people who are all looking for bigger and better things. Overcoming this belief is a work in progress, but the reward far outweighs the “work” The question here is “How long have I believed I am not good enough and what am I going to do to change this story?" I want to end this with a plea. If you are a woman with children please watch what you say to them, children are literal creatures and will believe every thought you put in their head.
  • 25. Please nourish them with positive affirmations about being capable, lovable and able to succeed at whatever they put their minds too. And please no longer allow other people to indulge in calling your child(ren) names. Not even the little pet “you clumsy thing, you” that Grandparents may lovingly say when they drop the plate of cookies. Growing up believing you are not good enough is one of the most damaging things to go through. Having said that, when you are willing to work through it, it can provide you with the energy to be the best that you can be; that’s what it did for me. If you have any questions or comments after reading this click the link below to leave them on my blog post: http://inspirationalguidance.com/feeling-not-good-enough-limits-confidence/
  • 26. 9. Being Impatient You limit your self-confidence when you are impatient with the process When I was desperate for my life to change I wanted everything that was wrong with me to magically disappear overnight. Eventually for my own piece of mind I had to accept that some things were going to take longer to work through and learn how to manage than others. Little things like being able to speak up in a meeting I managed to work through in weeks. Other things like sabotaging my success took a lot longer and I discovered different ways I sabotaged my life. Every time I thought I had dealt with it I would find another way. It was like I peeled back a new layer of myself with each find but there was so much to do. When I talk to people at events I usually get someone who will say to me "I tried for a while but it didn’t work" and that is their reason or justification for giving up or they may say "shouldn’t it be gone by now?" as if somehow we magically get rid of what is wrong with us when the truth is for the most part we learn to manage it or work through it - but waiting to remove it will require a long wait. Let’s have a reality check here shall we! When you spend 10, 15, 30 years thinking and behaving a certain way, your way of being does not magically shift overnight! Now whilst I am an optimist and I believe that anything is possible, even I have a limit on this one!!!! Changing your mindset takes time it takes dedication, discipline and patience. Taking yourself from negative thinking to self confidence is a journey. All learning goes through stages called the “Conscious Competence Learning Model!” Here are the stages: 1. Unconscious Incompetence – you are a 2 year old child and you cannot tie your shoe laces, but you don’t know that you cannot tie your shoe laces and it is not important to you.
  • 27. 2. Unconscious Competence – Now you are 5 years old, and you watch your dad and older brother tie their shoe laces and you realise that there is something to this shoe lace thing. Now you want to learn how to tie yours! 3. Conscious Incompetence – Now you are 6 and you have been practising how to tie your shoe laces and you can do it but you still need to think real hard about it. It doesn’t come naturally all the time. 4. Conscious Competence – You are now 10 years old and you tie your shoe laces without thinking about it and get on with your day. The question here is “What action(s) am I ready to take to ensure I effortlessly move through these stages with every new learning experience?” When you decide to build your self confidence you will go through the same stages. How quickly you move through them will depend on your willingness to learn. If you read a book a year chances are it will take you a long while, if you read a book a month, listen to audios, attend seminars and take action to implement what you learn chances are you will move through them very quickly. You may spend years between conscious incompetence and conscious competence - between having to think about what you need to do and being able to do it easily without any conscious thought. Again, the key here is to be patient with yourself. The switch from one to the other will happen you may not even be aware of when it does but with patience it will take place. You Manage You Don't Always Remove When I first started building my self confidence I wanted to fix myself. I was hoping that being shy would disappear and I would never suffer from it again. The truth is with many of our internal limits we learn to work through them and/or manage them but we don't always remove them - although overtime we can. I can truly say that being shy isn't something that bothers me anymore but it took 20 years for that to happen.
  • 28. When it comes to limiting myself through negative thinking if I allowed it to it can still happen. The difference is I refuse to allow it or even entertaining it. Should a negative thought enter my head I know what to do to immediately remove it. I remove the thought but I may not remove my mind's need to go to the negative at times. When you build your self confidence you do learn the tools to help you "feel the fear and do it anyway" to quote the title of a great book (that everyone should read!) and it is important that you accept that the same issue may always raise its ugly head from time to time. Every time it does there is something new you will learn about yourself if you are open to doing that. So if you set yourself a goal and hear yourself say “it is not going to work” take a look at whether you have planned enough. Are you in touch with the right people? Have you done everything you could possibly do to ensure this “will work!” - your negative thoughts may be trying to protect you from things going wrong so take a look at what else you need to do to make yourself believe that it will work. Decide that your feelings of something not working are in fact signals that there may be more that you can do. See your old ways of being as a signal to tell you that something may need to change, or you may have missed something out. Usually, when people are upset, it is because there is a way they want things to be. If you are upset, use that as a signal that’s telling you there is a way you want something done, or there is something you need to say. Begin to use these emotional signals to your advantage, create a different perspective for yourself. If you find that actually it is just you being stuck in your old ways, be gentle with yourself, affirm your commitment to think and behave differently, and then work towards that. Be patient with yourself and you will be rewarded. If you have any questions or comments after reading this click the link below to leave them on my blog post: http://inspirationalguidance.com/impatience-limits-self-confidence/
  • 29. 10. Lack Of Vision & Focus You Limit Your Self Confidence When You Lack vision and focus! I won’t hit you with all the clichés here! You know the ones I mean. A ship without a sail, a house without foundations, an aeroplane without a pilot type clichés that are all used to tell you the same thing. Lacking vision limits self confidence so you must know where you are going if you want ensure you get there! Having a clear direction to go in, feeling the emotional high when life has purpose, being focused on your desires, these are all things that provide excitement, fulfilment, peace and happiness to life. It doesn’t mean you then stay moving in this direction forever. Your direction will change as you grow and you will gain the strength to flow with it if you are willing to. What is your vision? It could be a personal one for yourself and your life, or it could be a professional one for your business. What do you want to accomplish by the end of 2012? 2015? 2020? Do you know yet? Are you working towards a vision for your life? If not, why not. If you are hoping that you will get a magical answer that will instantly provide you with the answers you seek then I have some good news and some bad news! The bad news is there is no magical answer! The good news is, the best person to tell you what the vision is for your life purpose is you! Yes, that’s right, not the book on how to do it (although it provides great guidance), but you. Inside you is the answer you seek, all you need to do is begin to listen to it. And here’s some more good news. Your purpose isn’t something you work towards achieving; it is something that lives in your life every single day.
  • 30. So where ever you are in life right now, that is your purpose, yes you heard me, no matter what emotional turmoil you are in right now you are living your life's vision. You may not have connected with it fully or it may not be going along the path that you want it to and that is why there is turmoil, but it is alive and well within you. All you need to do is focus on bringing it out so you are living it every day. It really is time for you to take back your power. Stop thinking the book will give it to you, stop thinking your Life Coach will give it to you, stop thinking the seminar leader will give it to you. They are just tools, facilitators, catalysts that are there to help you bring it out of yourself. If you believe “You don’t know” your vision can I invite you to stop lying to yourself. Yes you do. You always have. You may not know how to bring it out of yourself, or articulate it, now that’s something different. But you know what it is. Are you using “I don’t know” as a way to stay stuck? To ensure you never have to work towards achieving anything, but that you have a great excuse and reason why not? The question here is “Am I ready to connect to my vision?” Staying Focused Focus is the other area that I struggled with moving from one vision to another, thinking that the thing I was working on at that time “is it” only to discover years later that I was unfulfilled and searching again. Once I accepted my role as 'teacher' and someone who loves to help people through confusion a vision for my life became easier. I was always doing that in life anyway, it was something that came naturally to me. The way I choose to do that is to write blog posts and create eBooks and audios that help me get my message out online to a wider audience. When you have found what you love to do, when you have connected with what you are passionate about, every action you need to take is easy. It’s easy, its fun and you love it. You wouldn’t want to do anything else.
  • 31. But hey, relax, remember this is a journey, and the journey would be far too easy if we all just hit upon what we love instantly. The important thing is you are doing something about being unhappy. You are, aren’t you? Having your own confidence building life coach can make a difference to your life, get in touch to discover how. It took me a long time to relax about what my purpose was and whether I was working towards it. I began to feel as if I would never find it until I realised that it is whatever I define it to be. I find when I treat my whole life that way I can relax a lot more because it is all up to me. The trouble is when you lack self confidence it can be difficult to see it that way and I really did believe someone else held the key to helping me define who I was and what my purpose in life was. I was lost, confused and adrift. You will be amazed at how much peace and clarity comes from deciding that you really can choose to define this for yourself and relax about it all. If you have any questions or comments after reading this click the link below to leave them on my blog post: http://inspirationalguidance.com/lacking-vision-limitss-self-confidence/
  • 32. eBooks Available On Our Blog You will find a number of different eBooks available in our personal development store. Click the link to read more and get yourself a copy. http://inspirationalguidance.com/store/ Using The Power Of Affirmations Building Self Confidence Using Affirmations Are you searching for a way to build your self confidence using tools that you can master yourself without difficulty? Affirmations are one of those tools which is why I put together this step by step guide that will guide you towards learning about “Using The Power Of Affirmations To Build Self Confidence” 51 Tips On How To Ask For What You Want This eBook provides 51 tips that I share on how to ask for what you want. Asking for what you want is a great way to build self confidence and when you can’t ask life is very frustrating.

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