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Staff Bear Spoof
I made this for a staff day comedy bit several years ago.
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Slideshow Transcript
- Slide 1: Special Presentation
for an
Outstanding Employee
“The Bear Slide Show”
Presented by Steve Campion
at Staff Day, 1998
- Slide 2: I have been asked to say a few words about an
outstanding employee that I’ve come to
know this past year.
At first I didn’t quite know what to say. But
when I got home and started paging through
my photo album, the pictures did the
talking.
So with the help of those pictures, I’d like you
to meet someone very special to me. I think
he’ll be special to you when you hear his
story.
- Slide 3: By the way, I’d like to apologize to those of
you in the back of the room who probably
won’t see these pictures.
I’d also like to apologize to those of you in
the front who probably will.
- Slide 4: He was found last spring after a freak National
Geographic accident at Lakewood.
- Slide 5: Staff nursed him
back to health.
- Slide 6: And they argued whether his name should be Dwight
of Yentl Ben.
- Slide 7: I met him when he took up residence in
the Training Room.
- Slide 8: He attended 25 classes and taught 25 more.
- Slide 9: He helped me keep up with my workload so Bryan and
I could catch a matinee.
- Slide 10: And he attracted the eyes of a coworker when I wasn’t
looking.
- Slide 11: Several coworkers.
- Slide 12: I should have been looking.
- Slide 13: He did such good work that people starting borrowing
him for their departments.
- Slide 14: Sue had him work the Express Line.
- Slide 15: He subbed on the
delivery van…
- Slide 16: …and the bookmobile.
- Slide 17: He repaired the delivery van and the bookmobile.
- Slide 18: The branch librarians sought his counsel. They
always saved him a seat at their meetings.
- Slide 19: The groundskeepers saved him a seat, too.
- Slide 20: And it wasn’t long before staff in the branches
heard about how hard he worked.
- Slide 21: He emptied
book drops.
- Slide 22: He worked circ desks.
- Slide 23: He helped at story
times.
- Slide 24: And always had time for extra story times of his own.
- Slide 25: They had him
doing
everything.
And he did
everything well.
- Slide 26: Without
complaint.
- Slide 27: Someone high up in the organization even
sent him on top secret missions to spy on
Tacoma Public.
Hmm. This photo seems to have been fiddled
with.
- Slide 28: But for all the work he did and all the folks he
let sneak off to matinees, he wasn’t sure if
he fit in here.
He, for instance, was the only one who kept
working when the director was on vacation.
- Slide 29: And his thanks
was endless
hazing.
- Slide 30: He was crushed in the compact shelving.
- Slide 31: And flown from
flagpoles.
- Slide 32: He got the crazy idea that everyone was ignoring him.
- Slide 33: He began taking out his frustrations by flaunting the
rules: Eating in the stacks…
- Slide 34: Skateboarding…
- Slide 35: And using the
photocopier for
unconventional
purposes.
- Slide 36: He finally snapped and set out to find himself.
- Slide 39: He sought out the rich and famous.
- Slide 40: Found love.
- Slide 41: And the simple life.
- Slide 42: He studied
the
heavens.
- Slide 43: He climbed trees.
- Slide 44: And climbed
mountain peaks.
- Slide 45: He studied things.
- Slide 46: And he built things.
- Slide 47: But he was
still
restless
and got
into
trouble.
Neel, he told
me he was
sorry about
your car.
- Slide 48: He started hanging around Emerald Downs and tried
to lure other people into his crazy schemes.
- Slide 49: But he paid the price alone.
- Slide 51: When he hit
rock bottom,
he considered ending
it all.
Fortunately he went
home to watch
“Gilligan” instead.
- Slide 52: We found him
last week in a
gutter in
Tukwila.
Why did he have
to go to
Tukwila?!
- Slide 53: He’s home from the hospital now. I spoke to him this
morning and told him that we miss him. That we’re
sorry we mistreated him. That we want him to
come back to work. Do you know what he did?
- Slide 54: He reached under his pillow and took out a sheet of
paper. He looked up at me with those big innocent
eyes of his, and said -- (weep) after all we did to
him -- he said “I want you to have this.”
- Slide 55: It’s a self-portrait,
he said.
It seems to have
been done on a
photocopier.
- Slide 56: He hasn’t
decided to
come back to
work yet.
He’s discovered
that there’s so
much more a
story time bear
can do these
days.