Staff Bear Spoof

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I made this for a staff day comedy bit several years ago.

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Staff Bear Spoof

  1. 1. Special Presentation for an Outstanding Employee “ The Bear Slide Show” Presented by Steve Campion at Staff Day, 1998
  2. 2. <ul><li>I have been asked to say a few words about an outstanding employee that I’ve come to know this past year. </li></ul><ul><li>At first I didn’t quite know what to say. But when I got home and started paging through my photo album, the pictures did the talking. </li></ul><ul><li>So with the help of those pictures, I’d like you to meet someone very special to me. I think he’ll be special to you when you hear his story. </li></ul>
  3. 3. <ul><li>By the way, I’d like to apologize to those of you in the back of the room who probably won’t see these pictures. </li></ul><ul><li>I’d also like to apologize to those of you in the front who probably will. </li></ul>
  4. 4. <ul><li>He was found last spring after a freak National Geographic accident at Lakewood. </li></ul>
  5. 5. <ul><li>Staff nursed him back to health. </li></ul>
  6. 6. <ul><li>And they argued whether his name should be Dwight of Yentl Ben. </li></ul>
  7. 7. <ul><li>I met him when he took up residence in the Training Room. </li></ul>
  8. 8. <ul><li>He attended 25 classes and taught 25 more. </li></ul>
  9. 9. <ul><li>He helped me keep up with my workload so Bryan and I could catch a matinee. </li></ul>
  10. 10. <ul><li>And he attracted the eyes of a coworker when I wasn’t looking. </li></ul>
  11. 11. <ul><li>Several coworkers. </li></ul>
  12. 12. <ul><li>I should have been looking. </li></ul>
  13. 13. <ul><li>He did such good work that people starting borrowing him for their departments. </li></ul>
  14. 14. <ul><li>Sue had him work the Express Line. </li></ul>
  15. 15. <ul><li>He subbed on the delivery van… </li></ul>
  16. 16. <ul><li>…and the bookmobile. </li></ul>
  17. 17. <ul><li>He repaired the delivery van and the bookmobile. </li></ul>
  18. 18. <ul><li>The branch librarians sought his counsel. They always saved him a seat at their meetings. </li></ul>
  19. 19. <ul><li>The groundskeepers saved him a seat, too. </li></ul>
  20. 20. <ul><li>And it wasn’t long before staff in the branches heard about how hard he worked. </li></ul>
  21. 21. <ul><li>He emptied book drops. </li></ul>
  22. 22. <ul><li>He worked circ desks. </li></ul>
  23. 23. <ul><li>He helped at story times. </li></ul>
  24. 24. <ul><li>And always had time for extra story times of his own. </li></ul>
  25. 25. <ul><li>They had him doing everything. </li></ul><ul><li>And he did everything well. </li></ul>
  26. 26. <ul><li>Without complaint. </li></ul>
  27. 27. <ul><li>Someone high up in the organization even sent him on top secret missions to spy on Tacoma Public. </li></ul><ul><li>Hmm. This photo seems to have been fiddled with. </li></ul>
  28. 28. <ul><li>But for all the work he did and all the folks he let sneak off to matinees, he wasn’t sure if he fit in here. </li></ul><ul><li>He, for instance, was the only one who kept working when the director was on vacation. </li></ul>
  29. 29. <ul><li>And his thanks was endless hazing. </li></ul>
  30. 30. <ul><li>He was crushed in the compact shelving. </li></ul>
  31. 31. <ul><li>And flown from flagpoles. </li></ul>
  32. 32. <ul><li>He got the crazy idea that everyone was ignoring him. </li></ul>
  33. 33. <ul><li>He began taking out his frustrations by flaunting the rules: Eating in the stacks… </li></ul>
  34. 34. <ul><li>Skateboarding… </li></ul>
  35. 35. <ul><li>And using the photocopier for unconventional purposes. </li></ul>
  36. 36. <ul><li>He finally snapped and set out to find himself. </li></ul>
  37. 39. <ul><li>He sought out the rich and famous. </li></ul>
  38. 40. <ul><li>Found love. </li></ul>
  39. 41. <ul><li>And the simple life. </li></ul>
  40. 42. <ul><li>He studied the heavens. </li></ul>
  41. 43. <ul><li>He climbed trees. </li></ul>
  42. 44. <ul><li>And climbed mountain peaks. </li></ul>
  43. 45. <ul><li>He studied things. </li></ul>
  44. 46. <ul><li>And he built things. </li></ul>
  45. 47. <ul><li>But he was still restless and got into trouble. </li></ul>Neel, he told me he was sorry about your car.
  46. 48. <ul><li>He started hanging around Emerald Downs and tried to lure other people into his crazy schemes. </li></ul>
  47. 49. <ul><li>But he paid the price alone. </li></ul>
  48. 51. <ul><li>When he hit rock bottom, he considered ending it all. </li></ul><ul><li>Fortunately he went home to watch “Gilligan” instead. </li></ul>
  49. 52. <ul><li>We found him last week in a gutter in Tukwila. </li></ul><ul><li>Why did he have to go to Tukwila?! </li></ul>
  50. 53. <ul><li>He’s home from the hospital now. I spoke to him this morning and told him that we miss him. That we’re sorry we mistreated him. That we want him to come back to work. Do you know what he did? </li></ul>
  51. 54. <ul><li>He reached under his pillow and took out a sheet of paper. He looked up at me with those big innocent eyes of his, and said -- (weep) after all we did to him -- he said “I want you to have this.” </li></ul>
  52. 55. <ul><li>It’s a self-portrait, </li></ul><ul><li>he said. </li></ul><ul><li>It seems to have been done on a photocopier. </li></ul>
  53. 56. <ul><li>He hasn’t decided to come back to work yet. </li></ul><ul><li>He’s discovered that there’s so much more a story time bear can do these days. </li></ul>

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