The Hidden Power of Language

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Presentation made by Sarah Merron at the HR Exchange in Jakarta on 17th October 2012. Being mindful of your language.

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  • The Hidden Power of Language

    1. 1. The HiddenPower of Language Sarah Merron Director, Fire Dragon Coaching Limited 17th October 2012
    2. 2. What’s the purpose ofincreasing language skill?
    3. 3. What’s the purpose of increasing language skill?• Getting a prospect to imagine how good they will feel after working with you.
    4. 4. What’s the purpose of increasing language skill?• Getting a prospect to imagine how good they will feel after working with you.• Reframing a team member from unmotivated to excited at the prospect of overcoming challenge.
    5. 5. What’s the purpose of increasing language skill?• Getting a prospect to imagine how good they will feel after working with you.• Reframing a team member from unmotivated to excited at the prospect of overcoming challenge.• Moving someone from confrontation into flexible thinking and potential agreement.
    6. 6. What’s the purpose of increasing language skill?• Getting a prospect to imagine how good they will feel after working with you.• Reframing a team member from unmotivated to excited at the prospect of overcoming challenge.• Moving someone from confrontation into flexible thinking and potential agreement.• Allowing your team to see benefits in your proposals and changes.
    7. 7. Being Mindful of Language Pays Dividends
    8. 8. Being Mindful of Language Pays Dividends• 8 reasons to change “why?” habits
    9. 9. Being Mindful of Language Pays Dividends• 8 reasons to change “why?” habits• The Hidden Meaning behind words
    10. 10. Being Mindful of Language Pays Dividends• 8 reasons to change “why?” habits• The Hidden Meaning behind words• 3 “word bombs” to avoid in business
    11. 11. Being Mindful of Language Pays Dividends• 8 reasons to change “why?” habits• The Hidden Meaning behind words• 3 “word bombs” to avoid in business• How to challenge the two most common limiting language patterns.
    12. 12. What’s so important about the words we choose?
    13. 13. What’s so important about the words we choose?• Changes the direction of focus
    14. 14. What’s so important about the words we choose?• Changes the direction of focus• Gives a snapshot of perspective
    15. 15. What’s so important about the words we choose?• Changes the direction of focus• Gives a snapshot of perspective• The difference between motivation and de- motivation
    16. 16. What’s so important about the words we choose?• Changes the direction of focus• Gives a snapshot of perspective• The difference between motivation and de- motivation• Enhances the art of persuasion
    17. 17. What’s so important about the words we choose?• Changes the direction of focus• Gives a snapshot of perspective• The difference between motivation and de- motivation• Enhances the art of persuasion• Increases efficiency
    18. 18. What’s so important about the words we choose?• Changes the direction of focus• Gives a snapshot of perspective• The difference between motivation and de- motivation• Enhances the art of persuasion• Increases efficiency• Maximises Opportunity
    19. 19. How? vs. Why?
    20. 20. How? vs. Why? Why? How? How did we come to lose thisWhy did we lose this contract? contract? Why did the client choose the How did the client come to other supplier? choose the other supplier? How did you come to make thatWhy did you make that decision? decision? Why are we in this position? How did we arrive here?
    21. 21. How? vs. Why? Why? How? How did we come to lose thisWhy did we lose this contract? contract? Why did the client choose the How did the client come to other supplier? choose the other supplier? How did you come to make thatWhy did you make that decision? decision? Why are we in this position? How did we arrive here?
    22. 22. How? vs. Why? Why? How? How did we come to lose thisWhy did we lose this contract? contract? Why did the client choose the How did the client come to other supplier? choose the other supplier? How did you come to make thatWhy did you make that decision? decision? Why are we in this position? How did we arrive here?
    23. 23. How? vs. Why? Why? How? How did we come to lose thisWhy did we lose this contract? contract? Why did the client choose the How did the client come to other supplier? choose the other supplier? How did you come to make thatWhy did you make that decision? decision? Why are we in this position? How did we arrive here?
    24. 24. How? vs. Why? Why? How? How did we come to lose thisWhy did we lose this contract? contract? Why did the client choose the How did the client come to other supplier? choose the other supplier? How did you come to make thatWhy did you make that decision? decision? Why are we in this position? How did we arrive here?
    25. 25. Why?
    26. 26. Why?• Why? Generates answers that “justify”
    27. 27. Why?• Why? Generates answers that “justify”• Why? Can create a feeling of defensiveness
    28. 28. Why?• Why? Generates answers that “justify”• Why? Can create a feeling of defensiveness• Why? Generates a long story and can waste time
    29. 29. Why?• Why? Generates answers that “justify”• Why? Can create a feeling of defensiveness• Why? Generates a long story and can waste time• Why? Can miss key opportunities
    30. 30. How?
    31. 31. How?• How? Recovers process
    32. 32. How?• How? Recovers process• How? Leads to potential solutions
    33. 33. How?• How? Recovers process• How? Leads to potential solutions• How? Is emotionally dissociated
    34. 34. How?• How? Recovers process• How? Leads to potential solutions• How? Is emotionally dissociated• How? Conveys optimism
    35. 35. Our Map of The Speaker’s World 8 Transform the Planet
    36. 36. Our Map of The Speaker’s World John: “As we’ll be working together, George, you’ll need to understand more about how our group operates.” 8 Transform the Planet
    37. 37. Our Map of The Speaker’s World John: “As we’ll be working together, George, you’ll need to understand more about how our group operates.” 8 Transform the Planet
    38. 38. Our Map of The Speaker’s World John: “As we’ll be working together, George, you’ll need to understand more about how our group operates.”Get curious … 8 Transform the Planet
    39. 39. Our Map of The Speaker’s World John: “As we’ll be working together, George, you’ll need to understand more about how our group operates.”Get curious …• What is John pre-supposing about George? 8 Transform the Planet
    40. 40. Our Map of The Speaker’s World John: “As we’ll be working together, George, you’ll need to understand more about how our group operates.”Get curious …• What is John pre-supposing about George?• How does George feel? 8 Transform the Planet
    41. 41. Our Map of The Speaker’s World John: “As we’ll be working together, George, you’ll need to understand more about how our group operates.”Get curious …• What is John pre-supposing about George?• How does George feel? 8 Transform the Planet
    42. 42. Our Map of The Speaker’s World John: “As we’ll be working together, George, you’ll need to understand more about how our group operates.”Get curious …• What is John pre-supposing about George?• How does George feel? John: “As we’ll be working together, George, do you think we might start by understanding each other’s operations.” 8 Transform the Planet
    43. 43. What is the assumption here? 9 Transform the Planet
    44. 44. What is the assumption here?Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a project together you must keep me informed of all problems.” 9 Transform the Planet
    45. 45. What is the assumption here?Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a project together you must keep me informed of all problems.” 9 Transform the Planet
    46. 46. What is the assumption here?Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a project together you must keep me informed of all problems.”Get curious … 9 Transform the Planet
    47. 47. What is the assumption here?Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a project together you must keep me informed of all problems.”Get curious …• What is Ann’s representation of working with Mike 9 Transform the Planet
    48. 48. What is the assumption here?Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a project together you must keep me informed of all problems.”Get curious …• What is Ann’s representation of working with Mike• What’s she focussing on? 9 Transform the Planet
    49. 49. What is the assumption here?Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a project together you must keep me informed of all problems.”Get curious …• What is Ann’s representation of working with Mike• What’s she focussing on?• Is there a better way? 9 Transform the Planet
    50. 50. What is the assumption here?Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a project together you must keep me informed of all problems.”Get curious …• What is Ann’s representation of working with Mike• What’s she focussing on?• Is there a better way? 9 Transform the Planet
    51. 51. What is the assumption here?Ann: “Mike, the next time we are on a project together you must keep me informed of all problems.”Get curious …• What is Ann’s representation of working with Mike• What’s she focussing on?• Is there a better way?Ann: “I would like to debrief this project. Mike, I feel that we could both improve our communication, what do you think?” 9 Transform the Planet
    52. 52. 3 Word Bombs To Avoid
    53. 53. 3 Word Bombs To Avoid• Can’t
    54. 54. 3 Word Bombs To Avoid• Can’t• But
    55. 55. 3 Word Bombs To Avoid• Can’t• But• Try
    56. 56. Language in As & Bs
    57. 57. Language in As & Bs 1) A = B
    58. 58. Language in As & Bs 1) A = BIf I can’t see the curve, that means the world is flat.
    59. 59. Language in As & Bs 1) A = BIf I can’t see the curve, that means the world is flat.
    60. 60. Language in As & Bs 1) A = BIf I can’t see the curve, that means the world is flat. 2) A .................B
    61. 61. Language in As & Bs 1) A = B If I can’t see the curve, that means the world is flat. 2) A .................BIf you visit Australia, then you will see a Koala Bear.
    62. 62. Language in As & Bs 1) A = B If I can’t see the curve, that means the world is flat. 2) A .................BIf you visit Australia, then you will see a Koala Bear.
    63. 63. Approach In Steps
    64. 64. Approach In Steps1) Find out what each wordmeans in their mind.
    65. 65. Approach In Steps1) Find out what each wordmeans in their mind.2) Use “how” questioning.
    66. 66. Approach In Steps1) Find out what each wordmeans in their mind.2) Use “how” questioning.3) Learn Quadrant Questions
    67. 67. Let’s Challenge Them! Transform the Planet
    68. 68. Let’s Challenge Them!Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.” Transform the Planet
    69. 69. Let’s Challenge Them!Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.” Transform the Planet
    70. 70. Let’s Challenge Them!Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.”Ann: “It seems that accountants never understand the vision” Transform the Planet
    71. 71. Let’s Challenge Them!Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.”Ann: “It seems that accountants never understand the vision” Transform the Planet
    72. 72. Let’s Challenge Them!Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.”Ann: “It seems that accountants never understand the vision” Paul: “These people are short-sighted and we should do something about that.” Transform the Planet
    73. 73. Let’s Challenge Them!Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.”Ann: “It seems that accountants never understand the vision” Paul: “These people are short-sighted and we should do something about that.” Transform the Planet
    74. 74. Let’s Challenge Them!Sue: “If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.”Ann: “It seems that accountants never understand the vision” Paul: “These people are short-sighted and we should do something about that.” James: “We need to achieve our targets by the end of the quarter or we’re in real trouble.” Transform the Planet
    75. 75. 4 Questions To Get To The Bottom of Everything
    76. 76. 4 Questions To Get To The Bottom of Everything AB -AB What would happen What wouldn’t if you did? happen if you did? A-B -A-B What would happen What wouldn’t if you didn’t? happen if you didn’t?
    77. 77. 4 Questions To Get To The Bottom of Everything AB -AB What would happen What wouldn’t if you did? happen if you did? A-B -A-B What would happen What wouldn’t if you didn’t? happen if you didn’t?
    78. 78. 4 Questions To Get To The Bottom of Everything AB -AB What would happen What wouldn’t if you did? happen if you did? A-B -A-B What would happen What wouldn’t if you didn’t? happen if you didn’t?
    79. 79. 4 Questions To Get To The Bottom of Everything AB -AB What would happen What wouldn’t if you did? happen if you did? A-B -A-B What would happen What wouldn’t if you didn’t? happen if you didn’t?
    80. 80. Let’s Challenge Them! Transform the Planet
    81. 81. Let’s Challenge Them!“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.” Transform the Planet
    82. 82. Let’s Challenge Them!“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.” Transform the Planet
    83. 83. Let’s Challenge Them!“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.” “It seems that accountants never understand the vision” Transform the Planet
    84. 84. Let’s Challenge Them!“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.” “It seems that accountants never understand the vision” Transform the Planet
    85. 85. Let’s Challenge Them!“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.” “It seems that accountants never understand the vision”“These people are short-sighted and we should do something about that.” Transform the Planet
    86. 86. Let’s Challenge Them!“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.” “It seems that accountants never understand the vision”“These people are short-sighted and we should do something about that.” Transform the Planet
    87. 87. Let’s Challenge Them!“If the fulfilment department does not get it together we can’t improve the service we provide.” “It seems that accountants never understand the vision”“These people are short-sighted and we should do something about that.”“We need to achieve our targets by the end of the quarter or we’re in real trouble.” Transform the Planet
    88. 88. Persuasion
    89. 89. Persuasion• To the optimist, the glass is half full.
    90. 90. Persuasion• To the optimist, the glass is half full.• To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
    91. 91. Persuasion• To the optimist, the glass is half full.• To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.• To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
    92. 92. Persuasion• To the optimist, the glass is half full.• To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.• To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.• To the marketer, the glass is a new special beverage container solution to your drink related problems
    93. 93. Persuasion• To the optimist, the glass is half full.• To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.• To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.• To the marketer, the glass is a new special beverage container solution to your drink related problems• The Persuasion Artist would drink and then talk you in to buying them another
    94. 94. The HiddenPower of Language Sarah Merron Director, Fire Dragon Coaching Limited 17th October 2012

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