How to Win Friends covers four
Fundamental techniques in handling people
How to make people like you
How to win people to your way of thinking
How to change people without giving offense
or arousing resentment
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
This introductory section gives a broad overview
of Carnegie’s topic, and establishes the three
core tenets of his philosophy.
If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the
beehive. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
The big secret of dealing with people: Give
people a feeling of importance — be hearty in
your approbation and lavish with your praise
He who can do this has the whole world with
him; he who cannot walks a lonely way: First
arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six Ways to Make People Like You
In this section, Carnegie covers the basic skills
for getting along well with others. These
techniques are useful under any circumstance.
Do this and you’ll be welcome anywhere:
Become genuinely interested in other people.
You Can Make More Friends
In two months by becoming genuinely
interested in other people than you can in two
years by trying to get other people interested in
If We Want To Make Friends
Let’s greet people with animation and
People Will Be Interested In You
If you are interested in them.
A simple way to make a good first impression:
You wear on your face is more important than
the clothes you wear on your back.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
And a smile says, “I like you. You make me
happy. I’m glad to see you.”
To someone who has seen a dozen people
frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile
is like the sun breaking through the clouds. A
smile can help him realize that all is not
hopeless- that there is joy in the world.
If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble:
Remember that a man’s name is to him the
sweetest and most important sound in any
The Average Person
Is more interested in his or her own name than
in all the other names on earth put together.
Remember that name and call it easily, and you
will have paid a subtle and very effective
compliment. But forget it or misspell it and you
have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage.
An easy way to become a good
conversationalist: Be a good listener. Encourage
others to talk about themselves.
Is one of the highest compliments we can pay
It’s An Important Virtue in Real
And just as important in one’s home life.
How to interest people: Talk in terms of the
other man’s interests.
Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat
up late the night before, reading up on the
subject in which he knew his guest was
How to make people like you instantly: Make
the other person feel important — and do it
Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of
You can’t win an argument: The only way to get
the best of an argument is to avoid it.
9 Times Out of 10
An argument ends with each of the contestants
more firmly convinced than ever that he is
A sure way of making enemies — and how to
avoid it: Show respect for the other man’s
opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong.
You Can Tell People
They are wrong by a look or intonation or a
gesture just as eloquently as you can in words.
If you tell them they are wrong, do you make
them want to agree with you? NEVER!
It Is Difficult
Under even the most benign conditions to
change people’s minds. So why handicap
yourself by telling someone that’s what you
intend to do? Instead, do it subtly so that no
one will feel that you are doing it.
Use Phrases Like
“I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine
Is accomplished and a lot of damage can be
done if you tell a person straight out that he or
she is wrong.
If you’re wrong, admit it: If you are wrong,
admit it quickly and emphatically.
Say About Yourself
All the derogatory things you know the other
person is thinking or wants to say or intends to
say – and say them before that person has a
chance to say them.
Can try to defend his or her mistakes – and most
fools do – but it raises one above the herd and
gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to
admit ones mistakes.
When We Are Right
Let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to
our way of thinking and when we are wrong,
let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with
The high road to a man’s reason: Begin in a
“A drop of honey catches more flies than a
gallon of gall.” So with men, if you would win
him to your cause, first convince him that you
are his friend. Therein is a drop of honey that
catches his heart; which is the great high road to
The Sun and The Wind
They quarreled about which was stronger, and
the wind said, “I’ll prove I am. See the old man
down there with the coat? I bet I can get his
coat off him quicker than you can.” So the sun
went behind the cloud, and the wind blew until
it was almost a tornado, but the harder it blew,
the tighter the old man clutched his coat to him.
The Wind Calmed Down
And gave up, and then the sun came out from
behind the clouds and smiled kindly on the old
man. Presently, he mopped his brow and pulled
off his coat. The sun then told the wind that
gentleness and friendliness were always
stronger than fury and force.
Can make you take off your coat more quickly
than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly
approach and appreciation can make people
change their minds more readily than all the
bluster and storming in the world.
The secret of Socrates: Get the other person
saying “yes, yes” immediately.
In Talking With People
Don’t begin by discussing the things on which
you differ. Begin by emphasizing and keep
emphasizing the things on which you agree.
Keep emphasizing that you are both striving for
the same end.
The safety valve in handling complaints: Let the
other man do a great deal of the talking.
How to get co-operation: Let the other fellow
feel the idea is his.
A formula that will work wonders for you: Try
honestly to see things from the other person’s
point of view.
What everybody wants: Be sympathetic with the
other person’s ideas and desires.
Learn The Magic Phrase
That would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling,
create good will, and make the other person
Here It Is…
“I don’t blame you for feeling as you do. If I
were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you
An appeal that everybody likes: Appeal to the
Words That Work
I could not help being impressed by your
fairness and patience.
I can tell that you are a person of honesty and
integrity…your word is good with me.
The movies do it. Radio does it. Why don’t you
do it? Dramatize your ideas.
When nothing else works, try this: Throw down
How To Change People Without Giving Offense
or Arousing Resentment.
Begin with Praise and Honest Appreciation.
It Is Always
Easier to listen to unpleasant things after we
have heard some praise on our good points.
Call Attention To People’s Mistakes Indirectly.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing
the other person.
Own mistakes – even when one hasn’t corrected
them – can help convince somebody to change
Ask Questions instead of giving direct orders.