Gifted leadership occurs where heart & head - feelings and thought - meet
These are the two wings that allow a leader to soar
Emotional Intelligence Concepts in a Leadership Context???
Emotional Intelligence is our ability to acquire and apply knowledge from our emotions and the emotions of others in order to solve problems, and live a more successful, fulfilling life.
Persistent disturbances in mood - depression, anxiety etc.
Alteration in vegetative functions - sleep patterns, appetite.
Changes in behaviour - irritability, restlessness, decreased initiative, reduced desire.
Increasing dependence on alcohol, tobacco, stimulants or any others drugs of abuse.
Disturbance in cognition - concentration, memory, attention-span.
Persistent physical complaints despite investigations revealing no abnormality or even after suggested medical treatment has been completed.
If u have any one of the above you need to develop your emotional skills
I am the managing director of a pharmaceutical company. My life is fairly comfortable -- I earn good money and am settled in my personal life too with my wife, and two children," says 32-year-old Kolkata based Ravi Khanna. "But things are not as peaceful as they may seem. My family constantly complains about my irritability and lack of patience at home. I seem to react strongly to the children making a noise. Also, my wife thinks I often lose patience when I take her out to shopping. What is surprising is that I was not like this a few years ago." he adds. Does Ravi's story sound familiar? Is this the scene in your home as well?
Ravi is troubled by the demands on his time -- either by bosses and customers or wife and children. Maintaining the balance is becoming increasingly difficult for him. Ravi feels he was fairly stable a few years ago and these bouts of annoyance are new. He feels, that for all his accomplishments, he is at the moment missing peace in his life.
Inability to find 'me' time
Issues in your relationships with your spouse, friends and relatives, over a period of time, create stress within you and bring about emotional volatility. Any kind of dissatisfaction from your current relationship takes a toll on your well-being and the anxiety leads to a constantly volatile temper.
Personal life issues
Some of us undergo long periods of emotional volatility when an unexpected tragedy occurs in our lives. Like the death of a loved one, betrayal in relationships, etc often throw us into a depression. And that brings about extreme patterns of behavior. One minute you feel you will be able to pick up the pieces and walk again. But the very next moment you find yourself snapping at even your near and dear ones.
Importance of Emotional Intelligence
The beginning of ‘everything’ happening in business and core of all actions is human activity
Nothing of any consequence happens until human beings want to act
Individuals are hired/selected based on their technical skills but their success on the job is based on Human Relation Skills
People need people. Human experience involves interaction or relationship with other people.
Importance of Emotional Intelligence
The higher you go, the more Emotional Intelligence matters--
50% of work satisfaction is determined by the relationship a worker has with… his/her boss.
EI is a prerequisite for effective leadership across borders.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions.
Emotional Intelligence reveals that fascinating facets of Emotions - How to use Passions to Understand our Circumstances and engage in ‘Quality Life’.
Emotional mind harness the Rational mind to its purpose.
It is the ability to understand other people: what motivates them, how they work, how to work cooperatively with them.
The core of emotional relations includes the capacities to discern and respond appropriately to the moods, temperaments, motivations and desires of others people.
Emotional Intelligence motivates you to pursue your unique potential and purpose.
Emotions are inherently neither positive nor negative rather emotions are a source of human energy, authenticity and drive.
Emotions keep you honest, with yourself, shapes trusting relationships, provide an inner compass for your life.
Goals of Emotional Intelligence
To gain better understanding of one’s self
To broaden and sharpen sensitivity to the feelings of others
To develop respect for others and create a conducive environment
The problem is not with emotionality but with the appropriateness of emotions and its expression. The challenge is to manage our emotional life with intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence is…
Appropriate emotions, feelings proportionate to circumstances.
When emotions are too muted they create dullness and distance.
When out of control, too extreme and persistent, they become pathological, resulting in rage, depression and extreme anxiety.
Emotional Intelligence evolves over a series of transactions and instances between two or more individuals.
Emotions Various Categories
Anger - fury, outrage, resentment, wrath, animosity, annoyance, irritability, hostility and perhaps at the extreme - pathological hatred and violence.
Sadness - grief, sorrow, cheerlessness, gloom, melancholy, self-pity, loneliness, dejection, despair and at the extreme - pathological severe depression.
Fear - anxiety, apprehension, nervousness, concern, misgiving, dread, fright, terror and at extreme - psychopathology, phobia and panic
Enjoyment : happiness, joy, relief, contentment, bliss, delight, amusement, pride, sensual pleasure, thrill, gratification, satisfaction, and at the extreme - mania.
Love - acceptance, friendliness, trust, kindness, affinity, devotion, adoration, infatuation
There is also non-emotional, intellectual surprise .
Thalamus THE EMOTIONAL BRAIN (Signals translated to brain signals) Visual Cortex (Signals analysed and assessed) Amygdala (Triggers emotional response via emergency)
Handling Your Children's Emotions CHILDREN DISPLAY THEIR EMOTIONS IN THEIR OWN WAYS. AS PARENTS, IT IS IMPORTANT THAT WE BE MINDFUL OF THIS AND WATCH OVER THEM WITH PATIENCE AND SYMPATHY.
Four basic parenting styles when it comes to handling kids' emotions
Dismissing parents disregard, ignore or trivialize their children's emotions.
Disapproving parents are critical of their children's displays of feelings and may even reprimand or punish them for emotional outbursts.
The laissez-faire parents accept their children's emotions, but fail to offer guidance or set limits on their children's behavior.
The emotional coach parent is aware of his children's emotions and uses them as an opportunity for teaching and encouraging.
Identifying and labelling feelings
Assessing the intensity of feelings
Knowing the difference between feelings and actions
To achieve one’s dream of success both at personal and organisational levels, the assets of emotional skills is worth a billion.
The following traits of success are nothing but emotional skills.
- Confidence - Enthusiasm
- Commitment - Passion
- Hope - High Energy
- Will Power - Value System
Most important – “Positive Attitude”
Developing Your E.Q.
Develop the courage to follow your own feelings
Express your feelings – find out who cares – spend time with them
Start labeling feelings; stop labeling people & situations
Analyze your own feelings rather than the action or motives of other people
Take responsibility for your emotions & happiness
Stop believing others cause your feelings; Don't expect others to "make" you happy
Developing Your E.Q.
Ask others how they feel
Make time to reflect on your feelings
Use three word sentences beginning with “I feel”
Identify your fears and desires
Identify your unmet emotional needs
How to prevent emotional volatility
Try not to carry work home
Join a social cause
Be aware of your behavior
Be aware of others
Use transactional analysis
Research has indicated that the following EI competencies predict success at work: self-awareness, emotional resilience, decisiveness, interpersonal sensitivity, influencing skills, conscientiousness, integrity, and personal motivation.
For all levels of jobs, EI competencies are twice as effective as IQ in determining an individual’s success rate.
The higher the level of a position in an organization, the more EI seems to matter.
Executive Leaders show an 85% correlation between EI competency and success.
Emotional And Intelligent Quotient
IQ offers little to explain the different destines of people with roughly equal promises, schooling, and opportunity.
95 Harvard students from classes of 1940s were followed into middle age. It was found that the men with the highest test scores in college were not particularly successful compared to their lower-scoring peers in terms of salary, productivity, or status in their own field. They also did not have the greatest life satisfaction nor high levels of happiness with friendships, family and romantic relationship.
Your Emotions can block your Professional Growth and Success
When you are hurt, you cry. When you achieve something, you exult. When someone rejects you or breach your trust or hurt you feel the pain, right there in your heart.
When you give more than your 100% to your work or to your relation and you fail; or when you achieve something big but do not get proper appreciation or recognition then you feel unwanted and frustrated.
What is anger?
Anger is an emotion.
It is ok to be angry.
“ A strong feeling of displeasure and, usually, antagonism”
It is an emotional reaction to frustration or injury. In some cases, anger is beneficial, as it can spur us on to take action to correct a situation, or protect us from harm.
It can be an instrument of motivation to work for positive change
Anger may be defined as the thoughts, feelings, physical reactions and actions that result from a blameworthy or attack provoking physical, emotional or mental provocation.
In many cases anger is a straight road to hostility, the expression of anger or even attack.
ANGER MANAGEMENT Know the difference between anger and aggression. Aggression is acting out inappropriately and is not ok. Learn to check your aggression and express your anger appropriately.
ANGER MANAGEMENT Ways to Keep Cool: Get exercise every day. Eat right. Get enough sleep. Learn to relax. Know your feelings. Write about those feelings.
ANGER MANAGEMENT Ways to Keep Cool: Find a quiet place. Take a time out. Find fun distractions. Make good decisions about what you see and hear. Choose friends who make you feel good. Learn to forgive and forget.
Recognize your anger
Use a sounding board.
Identify your fears.
Use humor, physical exercise or other enjoyable activities to release pent-up anger.
Examine your options.
Techniques For Managing Anger
First: recognize that all feelings are ok; including anger. It’s the way we deal with feelings that can cause problems.
Don’t attack others. It will come back to haunt you.
Don’t attack yourself. If you aren’t on your side, who will be?
Don’t deny your feelings. It may lead to depression or hostility later.
Second: Remember, you can CHOOSE your response to anger
analyze the emotion that is bubbling under the surface
make a commitment to recognizing your anger and expressing it in a way that is not harmful to others or yourself
learn to recognize your personal warning signals
express your anger clearly and directly
Third: Avoid being a “swallower” or a “spewer”.
Talk with others before your rage builds up
Realize that intense anger can be dangerous
Set a boundary for yourself - what is allowable
T: think about what you are feeling
H: hear what the other person is saying
I: integrate respect for others and yourself
N: notice your responses
K: keep on the current topic; don’t bring up old grudges.
Social Consequences Loss of friendships Isolation Suspensions Legal consequences Inability to maintain employment
Social Conseqence and Anger
Are there social consequences, both positive and negative, that are derived from anger?
Yes! Anger can be both healthy and unhealthy. It is important to try and distinguish between the two.
Ask your self when angry: Will my reaction be beneficial, or will it cause harm?
Society and Anger (continued)
Anger in society often manifests itself in violent behavior:
The key to anger reduction is knowing yourself. When you make mistakes, learn from them rather than getting angry. Don't criticize, condemn & complain because it makes you angry. Accept what you cannot change & change what you cannot accept. Ask even stupid questions to avoid mistakes, to avoid others getting angry with you.
Indecision makes you angry. Therefore, decide this way or that way. If all else fails, lower your standards to make you less angry. Expectation breeds frustration. Frustration breeds anger. Men who do not know how to fight anger, die young. Nobody can make you angry without your consent. Never get angry with a man who has nothing to lose.
Final Thought “ Those who cannot forgive others, break the bridge over which they themselves must pass.”
Self-Awareness Knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources and intuitions
Knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources and intuitions
Emotional Self-Awareness – Recognize your own inner signals, note how decisions and values match
Accurate Self-Assessment – Know your real limits and strengths, be graceful in learning, know when to ask for help
Realistic Self-Confidence – Be willing and able to play to your strengths, admit you have them!
Social Awareness Awareness of other’s feelings, needs, concerns and the currents, networks and politics of the organization
Teamwork & Collaboration
Awareness of one’s effect on others, ability to work effectively and efficiently with others