When conflict happens, what is your first reaction?
Feel anxious, nervous, hurt, or other feelings
Start blaming or protecting
Get vocal, take verbal shots
Did you know?
Physiological facts about conflict
Genetic shaping drives humans to flying fists and flight – early man had to use this for survival
Organs start the blood flow to kidneys
Kidneys start the adrenaline to the muscles
Muscles get the blood to flow
The brain reasons less
Human behavior in conflict results in unreasonable emotions
Caught with surprise this leads to fight or flight
Take Charge of Your Brain
When you stop and ask questions like:
What do I want?
What is my goal?
What do I feel?
Physiology is affected and the brain starts thinking again
Problem solving recognizes the issue is social, not physical safety
Conflict Map Concept Define Conflict Physiological Behavior Communication Tools
Key to conflict is to know your own behavior first
What are my real goals?
What am I really feeling?
How does this affect my interest?
What does it take to meet my “want”?
Awareness Wheel Issue Feel Think Goals Wants
Barriers to Listening:
Words are only 7% of the communication you have with others
Tone of voice sends 38% of the message in the communications you have
Body language sends 55% of the communication and is the highest clue on your message – physiological senses
Awareness Wheel Who did/will do what? Where? How? Who/What Did you hear See? Where? When? Who/What did you see? Hear? Where? When Issues Opportunities Unlimited @1999 Sensory Data: Feelings: How do You feel? Actions: future, past, current Wants for: Self, Us, Others Thoughts: What do you think?
Color Your World
Key to conflict management
What behaviors do I reflect?
What messages am I sending?
Do I really hear what my opponent says?
Motivational behavior takes over
What are my “color codes” during conflict
What are my normal color codes?
Identify Your Style
Avoidance style – deny there is a conflict
Compete style – I win you lose
Compromise style – give something up to win something they want – I lose you lose
Accommodate – give up your concern for someone else; I lose you win
Collaborative – mutual problem solving - the win-win
The Collaborative Style
Choose the right time and place to discuss the conflict
Fully and objectively express ideas
Urge the other person to do the same
Identify areas where you both agree
Create a plan of action to follow up on
Key skills to resolving conflict
Stepping stones to listening
Invite the speaker
Confirm what you heard
Break the message into small thoughts
Watch non-verbal behavior
Stepping Stones – ask! Attend Invite Summarize then now and Acknowledge
Words we use that may send wrong messages
The importance of describing the issue.
What are feeling words?
What are thinking words?
How do we describe a goal?
How do we describe an interest or want?
Sender – Receiver Model
From the TIC
“ Communicating Effectively”
Sender -- Message Receiver Feedback --
Conflict Map Concept Define Conflict Share Your Stories Physiological Behavior Communication Tools
Think before you speak (organize your thoughts)
To whom will you be speaking?
What is your message?
How do you want to send the message?
When is the best time to send it?
Why is it important to send?
Effective communication tactics
Use neutral comments
Practice leading statements: If, Then
Mirror the words by active listening
Pause to hear
Ask open ended questions: Who, What, When, How, Why
Conflict Map Concept Define Conflict Share Your Stories Physiological Behavior Collaborate On a Win-Win Communication Tools
Incentive to Resolve
There is an incentive to cooperate when parties perceive that gains by one will promote gains by the other or losses for one part will result in corresponding losses for the other
There is an incentive to compete when parties believe that one’s gain will promote another’s losses
Interdependence of Parties
The greater the interdependence among parties, the more significant the consequence of their behavior
When parties are interdependent they can potentially aide or interfere with each other
What are some of the important actions a conflict manager must take?
Set aside your own agenda to allow someone to start telling their story
Perform good listening, active listening
Validate what was heard
Be aware at all times of your own reaction, behavior
Self awareness is key to starting
Known your own conflict motivational behavior
Know your own normal motivational behavior
Conflict Actions That Work
Be aware of the difference, and how to read the behavior
Know how to read your opponents behavior; in conflict and normal conversation
Know how to confirm behavior is not assumption
Know how to perform active listening
Know necessary steps to take to provide discussion on solutions
By performing these few functions, you can control the flow of the conflict and manage it much quicker
What if this is a stranger you know nothing about?
Learn and be aware of behavior cues
Be aware of voice tone and word use
Notice, and be aware of cultural differences
Confirm you are reading this behavior correctly by using a validating sentences
Always be ready and more willing to listen than to talk
People are defused when you let them talk
Some common errors people make are:
Stereotyping; preconceived belief about individuals that can create attitudes, prejudices, discrimination, generalizations